Do you just not "get" how others your age socialize?

[tooshytosay]

I am 21 and honestly, the social lives of others my age are an enigma, a puzzle, a mystery to me. I just feel so alienated by the way people my age socialize.

This is so much so that I have found it easier to "socialize" with 3 year olds... or 90 year olds (I'm not kidding here). I just can't socialize with young adults - I just don't "get" them and their myriad of seemingly complicated ways of living life and socializing.

It's like I feel I have a generation gap with my own generation.

 

[Social_Monstrosity]

This is an enormous problem with me too. I've pretty much grown to accept a life in solitude.

 

[Bones]

Problem here too, I find that I'd rather speak to anyone but those around my age, I think that for me it's because they are more likely to be able to see how pathetic my life is. With people from other age groups I feel they don't care so much... not really know why I think this but I do... maybe it's the same for you?

 

[shybutsexy]

Nope, it remains a clue, i dont know how they do it but they manage to make 20+ friends and i got no idea how to get just one, i dont even know what they talk about.

 

[lurknomore]

Same here. It's much easier to talk to children and old people- or just anyone that is sufficiently "different" enough from me that I feel I won't be judged.

Sometimes I'm glad to not be mixed up in the apparent chaos and drama of others in my age group- but I guess it might be worth it to have at least a few people to interact, share, and have fun with.

 

[WeirdyMcGee]

I've felt this way ever since I was 13-- it was like... everyone's likes and interests didn't make any sense to me; everyone was so immature in the way they thought about things and dealt with situations...
And since highschool, it seems that I can't blend in with people my age because I refuse to drink, smoke pot and have casual sex. That is just odd to me... but I haven't been able to find a single person who feels the same way about things as I do--- apart from my grandmother. haha

It's easier to talk with people who are my mother's age than with people my own age. I try not to stereotype or shove everyone else my age into the same box but I have yet to find anyone else- in person- who is a bit more like me than 'the rest of the group'.

but I suppose that everyone just wants to 'fit in'.

 

[pinkputter]

I'm not trying to put any pressure on you than there already is, but,
it really is important developmentally to at least try to socialize with people your own age. What are you gonna do when youre 70? people your age will be that age now. I guess you can always talk to kids... but we really are made to socialize with people our own age. at least try

 

[TheMaegus]

I have exactly 2 friends. My husband, who has no friends other than me, and a girl I've known since high school who has a neurological disorder which causes her to have the emotional maturity of a 12 year old and she's 30. I can't relate to most of the people my own age because it seems all they want to do is get drunk and sleep with anything that moves. When it comes to friendships quality is much more important than quantity.

 

[LazyHermitCrab]

Yep i'm 20. Lots of people seem to get excited over drinking, football, the same favorite shows and celebrities....and so on. Bleh

 

[GoBlue72]

I've gotten better at this over the years, but have always gravitated to kids, pets, and older people. I've wondered if it's the idea of not having to "compete/compare" myself with them, since they're in a totally different age group.

 

[JamesSmith]

It's like I feel I have a generation gap with my own generation.

Yeah! That's because it's your peers. Look, people won't tell you this cuz they have too much pride, but the hardest people to talk to are your peers, even if you are outgoing. The reason for this is because the closer someone is to your age the better odds you have at friendship, having something in common, or if they are a female, dating them. You wouldn't be human if you weren't more nervous around people that are close to your generation, nothing to be ashamed of.

 

[Kinetik]

I think people with social anxiety often develop an aversion to others who are roughly the same age because there are so many comparisons begging to be made between us and our peers - and we fear having to compete because we have the feeling that we've 'lost' from the get-go. We're afraid that they're further ahead in life than us. It's much harder to draw parallels between us and animals, children, or the elderly so it feels a lot less threatening interacting with them.

In any case, I'm guilty of feeling threatened by my peers as well, which is why I've rarely gotten along well with them, and why I don't feel comfortable being on facebook, for example. I suppose I just don't want to hear about how well my old classmates have done since leaving school. It's not that I feel inferior to them per se, but it has taken me longer to find my feet in the world and I do have a feeling of wanting to catch up.

 

[BlueKing]

I am almost exactly the same, I find people who are in their late 20's to early 40's far easier to relate to than my own college age group. In fact I feel relatively normal around such people. Then the questions get asked, “Why don't you go out with so and so's sister?”.. etc etc.. and that is enough to get me rather agitated.

It's not like I don't have things in common with other young people. I'm just not as comfortable around them as with other age groups.

 

[Illusions]

This unfortunately applies to me too, and I feel like an absolute retard for it.

 

[Feathers]

Well, I don't have a clue how people around 21 socialize either... But when I was 21, I did hang out with people at the dorm, they were about my age & it was fun...

I think a lot of pressure is put on teenage people and those in early twenties too, and it depends what kind of people you are with.. Some may really just care about fashion and 'silly things', being superficial etc - but even that can sometimes only mean they want to 'belong' or be accepted... And one on one even seemingly 'superficial' people can be much different..

It is important to find some kind of group with common interests - eg flatmates/dorm neighbours, classmates, people on the same course (eg languages, arts & crafts,...) or eco club or drama workshop... then you have initial stuff to talk about, and opportunities for 1 on 1 discussions, and you can see that some people are not so shallow...

just 'socializing' is kinda boring to me too, if there's a common and good reason for it, it's much better.. Most people my age have families and 'real careers' now, so it is a bit difficult, and I find that people with my interests are sometimes older or younger, and that's okay too..

It's easier to get friends with children or older people, they are more open.. And older people have more world wisdom and understanding.. Many very old people feel neglected and lonely, so it's a really GOOD thing if you manage to 'adopt a granny' in the street or through an 'official' program and go visit sometimes..

I think it's also important to realize it's OKAY to have all sorts of friends and acquaintances, older, younger.. People your own age will grow up too, and with some it will be easier to talk later!!

 

[Kiwong]

Most people my age have kids and complain about getting no sleep, and they want to stay at work late so they get a break from the ankle biters. They argue with their better halves about escaping to spend some time fishing or watching the footy on the TV. They talk about the latest disease spreading through the fmaily like whooping cough.

They don't make me nervous at all and I don't want to be friends with them.

I wouldn't swap my idependence with them for a million bucks. I want to be friends with runners because they speak a language I understand regardless of age. I travel the country doing what I want to do when I want to do it.

I win. People of my age are jealous of my freedom. Solitude inhumane my ass, it's paradise.

 

[Izolo]

Idk it's weird,
I've always felt as if I should have been born a generation before.
Like for instance, I'm twenty and most music I listen to is from the 70s-80s or from other countries.
I've noticed that for some odd reason I try to avoid things that are popular nowadays.
But also my way of thinking, I've matured a lot earlier than most of my peers.

 

[Graeme1988]

Idk it's weird,
I've always felt as if I should have been born a generation before.
Like for instance, I'm twenty and most music I listen to is from the 70s-80s or from other countries.
I've noticed that for some odd reason I try to avoid things that are popular nowadays.
But also my way of thinking, I've matured a lot earlier than most of my peers.

I'm only 2 years older than you, Izolo, and I've felt exactly the same way ever since I was a teenager.

 

[Minty]

I think people with social anxiety often develop an aversion to others who are roughly the same age because there are so many comparisons begging to be made between us and our peers - and we fear having to compete because we have the feeling that we've 'lost' from the get-go. We're afraid that they're further ahead in life than us. It's much harder to draw parallels between us and animals, children, or the elderly so it feels a lot less threatening interacting with them.

Agreed, 100%.

People from different generations don't expect me to meet the standard they hold for themselves. They expect me to be different and welcome it. People in my age group feel...threatened by my differences.

Having said that, I feel like I was born in the right era. It's so exciting that computers are commonplace now. I love technology and I like thinking about how our technological advances are going to affect the world.

 

[BlackPuma]

It doesn't really matter what age they are, I seem to always miss the mark by at least a few miles. ;P I understand them on a pure theoretic level (through years and years of hard analyzes), but I can't seem to port that knowledge into social skills.

Which is fine by me, I don't need to be (perfectly) social with them to be amongst them. I interact with them in my own quirky/weird way (whichever you find more appropriate).

I have accepted that I have different goals and desires in life than the majority of my age group, and there's nothing wrong with that.