Popularity, self esteem, and self perception in a place like this.

[NathanielWingatePeaslee]

Someone recently told me that they wanted to leave SPW because it felt like an even worse popularity contest than in person. I was surprised to hear this because I didn’t think they were unpopular at all. It made me wonder how many other people felt this way.

A while back someone posted that they hated the rep system because it made people feel even more unloved than they already did, and I thought that was an interesting and valid point.

I am thinking that low self-esteem is coloring the way a lot of people think others see them here.

Do you feel that your posts are ignored when the same post by a different poster gets a lot of responses?

I think that might happen in some cases, but when it does, familiarity has more to do with it than anything. People prefer to deal with the familiar. If you spam the forum with posts, people get to know you and pay more attention. I felt ignored when I first starting posting here.

There’s also the fact that people make friends on here, and naturally people are more inclined to talk to their friends. I don’t see that as a bad thing.

I’m making the poll anonymous so nobody has to worry about being judged.

 

[Falkor]

My intension of being a member here, is to read about social anxiety to develop more acknowledge about this disorder and read about how other people deal with this and their experience. Meeting people is nice too, but I don't really care if my population is low, average or high. I just like this place alot and some get a lot of attention, some less, But I think we're all worth it!

About getting ignored, I don't know. I think the one who said that, was worried about this, because he feels rejected on this forum, possibly? Sometimes I feel worried about my posts, so I can understand worrying about that.
But I think this site is a great community with amazing people on it

 

[AsTimeBurns]

I don't think it's just this place, pretty much all forums and social websites have the same problems. People who have been there a while and are well known will be responded to much more when they enter discussions and newer people will find it harder. Not all the time, but in general. There's also a case usually in most of these online communities that the older members tend to look down a bit on the newer members "newbies", just because they've been there longer.

That's what I've noticed in plenty of other places. I suppose the nature of this community will mean that those issues are less likely to pop up, but they won't ever be gone entirely. If you are one of the older members of a community (eg: one that has been going a few years) you won't notice it, but if you sign up with a new account and pretend to be a new person, you'll notice it quite quickly. That's in general, not specifically here.

 

[Chriiss]

I think this is a good social outlet for me. Its nice to talk to people who are friendly and listen to what you've got to say. In my real life no one really listens so it was nice to join here and people actually understand what your saying.
Also I've just joined the MSN chat group and there very nice there too

 

[Falkor]

I don't think it's just this place, pretty much all forums and social websites have the same problems. .

Hmm let me see, the whole forum population thing, Yeah that's true.
mostly forum users respond to the most popular users.
But yet, I see a lot of people talking to newbie's and users which haven't been active since a while... But still it happens a lot.
But SPW i got responses sometimes, but sometimes it feels like people ignore yup. but I dunno if this is true. it's just a thought that comes in when you see that other people are talking and feels like your post doesn't make any sense. but maybe that's a wrong thought, cuz we all have sa and have something to say about that. we're all in the same boat. =)

 

[arsenalwa]

I do get paranoid that everyone hates me or is ignoring me on here lately. But at the same time, it wasn't like that before. When I used to post much I'd get quite some attention, mostly from people who kinda know me. Lately though, I've been posting a lot less, and my posts got a lot more depressing, and I'm aware that nobody would really know what to reply to them, but my mind works in an odd way and sometimes I can't help it. But, yeah, I think it has to do with how much you post and if you talked to a few people on here before. Cause, as you said, people prefer to deal with the familiar.

 

[WeirdyMcGee]

hm... I'm not taking part in the poll for now because I'm new and haven't really had a chance to decide anything.
In general, I'm terrified of people and what they must think of me.

So far, I do not feel like being on a forum can be compared to a popularity contest ---- why? Not sure. It just seems silly to put it that way.

Then again, I'm scared of the people here although they're just words on a screen... so I guess there's not much of a real world/online divide to me.

 

[AsTimeBurns]

I think one problem with forums for people with anxieties is that in real life if you say something stupid it only lasts a few seconds, but on a forum it stays in the public domain for ages and lots of people can see it, judge it, comment on it. That makes it more difficult for people and they try much harder to make sure they don't say anything stupid or that could be taken the wrong way, which just leads to more anxieties.

And another thing I meant to mention before is that when you join a community you'll find that lots of members already know each other quite well and so you feel like you're butting in if you try to get involved in discussions/conversations. So it just makes you feel more on the outside of the group, rather than as a member.

 

[Pacific_Loner]

I think I feel the same on this forum than in real life.
I'm very paranoid that everyone hates me or despises me and want me to shut up and go away.
But when I show some interest to someone, it seems the person is happy about it and shows interest in return.
And it is definitely true that the more you post on other's threads, the more you will get answers on your posts and on your own threads. That's pretty logic actually isn't it, the more you get known, the more it's easy for others to answer you ?

 

[DespairSoul]

yes anytime what i was on some forum or chat, i was worrying if people does likes me because my sever low-selfeestem, and i always told my self goody if the reject me on internet no wonder they reject me in real live too. And i agree with you Nathaniel that this have to do a lot with low-selfeestem, actually coz of that we run away from community. Popularity is everywhere no matter where internet,tv,shop always some people will be liked more and some less. World is build like that and always will be. But common guys we are here coming for help not be leaders of forum or be popular. We want solve us problems! Not become forum superstar. I think some people are so natural liked that is just nature. We must take it how it is. And forum here is amazing no matter what if some is liked more. The point is solve us problems on forum not waste time if people here contest. We are only humans.

 

[planemo]

I think that might happen in some cases, but when it does, familiarity has more to do with it than anything. People prefer to deal with the familiar. If you spam the forum with posts, people get to know you and pay more attention. I felt ignored when I first starting posting here.

I agree with this completely. The more you make yourself known, the more people will take notice of you. I think it's just like real life in a way. If you don't make an effort to show yourself or involve yourself amongst others, people won't be able to share and involve you in their activities. So you will go unnoticed and probably feel out of place and ignored. This is what happens to me in real life. I am a no show in real life. Most people don't even know I exist because I don't really want to show them that I do - hence having zero friends.

On the internet however I try harder and I make an effort to get involved in some way. Sometimes people take notice, sometimes they don't. But i will feel like I'm part of a bigger whole if I try to fit in. This is something i can't do in real life, so this is my only real chance. It took me over two years to get over the fear of wanting to be involved with others on the forums. I finally had the courage to try, and my time on another forum helped me tremendously at that.

 

[DarkPhoenix]

Yes very much so.

When i first joined this site i assumed i would fit in/make more friends than i have, people actually seem to like me more in real life. I tend to think it is the quality of my posts, rather than the amount that has made me feel ignored.

 

[coyote]

When I first joined this forum, I was nervous about saying the right thing, and spent a lot of time editing and re-writing my finely crafted posts (that I was sure conveyed precisely what I wanted them to). At the same time, I felt as if no one was reading my posts, because they didn't get many responses. I was very very self conscious about the whole thing.

At some point, I decided that I needed to just stop worrying about what everyone else might be thinking and simply entertain myself or express myself when and how I felt like it (with proper regard for people's feelings and the rules of conduct here).

Learning to relax and just have fun here and not get too wrapped up in the things I have no control over has actually helped me make some progress with these same issues in real life. I can tell that I have become more confident at work and in social settings.

It's not about learning how to be popular - it's about learning how to let go of the desire to be popular in the first place.

 

[mozart87]

c'mon guys you can't be serious when you say that you worry about your posts in here...
it's Social Phobia World so be relaxed ...at least here, we can speak up the things we really feel.

I feel that I get average attention. I am very honored when someone visits my page or reply to my posts.

 

[NathanielWingatePeaslee]

c'mon guys you can't be serious when you say that you worry about your posts in here...
it's Social Phobia World so be relaxed ...at least here, we can speak up the things we really feel.

Mmm, yep. Serious. I still usually carefully preview and edit my posts. I often (though not as often as I used to) worry about what people will think. And now and then I just plain ask myself why I ever post or say anything!

 

[EscapeArtist]

I'm actually glad the rep system is now gone. It was intimidating

 

[Minty]

Average attention. People tend to reply when my posts are directed at them.

I get ignored irl because I don't make an effort.

 

[Kinetik]

Well I do feel ignored here but that's because I'm not interacting properly with others. I seem to lack the bonding gene which seemingly haunts me even on the internet. I feel like I'm being fake if I take an interest in others; either that or I have the sense that others would feel burdened by my presence. I suppose that's why I've always been a loner, even on SPW. In any case, it does seem like the leaving-threads are one big popularity contest. Especially when the person in question returns after a few days. That's making it a little too obvious if you ask me.

 

[lurknomore]

I feel about as ignored here as I do in real life, but I know that's because I don't take the initiative to interact with others. I make a moderate amount of posts, and some get responses, some don't. I don't take it personally though.

 

[Sinar_Matahari]

In the past, I have felt as though I was being ignored or as though some people here may dislike me. I don't have any proof of this and I chose not to dwell on it. I spent too much time worrying and being upset over people not liking me. I don't have the energy or desire to worry about it any longer.