Do you think having SA makes you selfish?

[alex7]

It just seems that people with SA are completely absorbed in how to achieve their happiness rather than making others happy. i think we tend to overlook the fact that making others "happy" (by talking to them, doing nice gestures, LISTENING TO THEM rather than hiding from them to stay in our comfort zone) can directly increase our own happiness.

This made a lot more sense when i was high...i need more weed

 

[Sinopia]

SA has made me kinda selfish sometimes. Actually the selfishness started since I was diagnosed with SA. I still do care about others and I do try my best to be caring to other people, but I think that everyone should also care about themselves first, especially people with SA. You may think that this sounds rahter ridiculous, but all I want to say is that we can only help other people if we're not feeling f*cked up. I try to understand everyone, wheter they have SA or not, but next to this, I think that 'normal' people should try to understand the way how we feel too. At least this is what I would like to expect from them. Sometimes when I feel f*cked up, I just hate the whole world. I hate politics and I especially hate people, cuz I think that they are the ones who make me feel sick and at that moment I just want screw all of them. Afterwards I will feel kinda ashamed by myself for thinking so unfriendly about people, but usually people don't even try to understand us, so sometimes I just think: Then why should I sometimes give a sh*t about them?

 

[DarkSeeker]

Selfish? Everyone and every thing you do is selfish. Love is selfish, hatred is selfish. Doesn't it feel good when you help someone fully out of free will? So do you do it to help others or to make yourself feel good? Or maybe they're the same?

From another point of view, I'm pretty sure you subconsciously put people's need and feelings before your own when you're with them. Well I do at any rate.

I wouldn't say SA makes us selfish. Self-centered on the other hand? maybe, it's hard to care about others when you can't really connect with anyone.

 

[recluse]

I wouldn't say selfish...There's a difference. I do care about other people but i spend so much time stuck in my own head that i sometimes appear that i don't care about others.

 

[userremoved]

Well because of the common trait of low self esteem that a lot of us have, I'm pretty sure a lot of people here wouldn't feel that the world really wants their presence to begin with. If you told me that "people aren't happy because you stayed home and robbed them of your company" I would think you were just kissing my ***. But I guess if there are those who want our company and we run from them that could be considered selfish.

 

[lyricalliaisons]

I agree that my SA has caused me to behave very selfishly, but the fear is so powerful, I would rather be selfish than put myself through it. I'm selfish because I'm too afraid to get a job, because on holidays I don't see my family, because I cancel appointments I'm supposed to go to, because I don't make calls I'm supposed to make & on & on & on.

 

[Psychedelicious]

Shell Fish

People are selfish, so I think everyone is going to be considered selfish to one degree or another. I hate to be miserable around other people, even if I am, it's not fair for me to make them unhappy just because I am. I don't know whether I'm "selfish" or not, but I try not to be.

 

[FountainandFairfax]

Self-centered? Of course, but not by choice. Selfish? Not me, and I don't think that describes SA-sufferers in general.

 

[Phil_i]

It would only be selfish if it were a choice...

 

[Nack]

Very much...

 

[I_jailed_me]

I dont agree, There is no such thing as a self less person, every act of us by default is self-centered and selfish.

When people say such stuff are they not aware of the contrdictions in their statement? Its the same wine different bottle, one of the reasons i became SA is becoz of those dumb self help books which ask you to give too much importance to what other people say or feel.. I got too absorbed about how to make other people feel happy and like me,finally the result is me now, i got to self concerned about how to impress other people.

What your doing now in your mind is trying to make yourself perfect so you can impress someone out there. F*** them when i was a teenager i never gave a F*** about who cried because of my inconsiderate jokes but i was never effected by anyone's opinion so i never had SA.

 

[BaronMunchausen]

I think I agree with this too that SA/depression can tend to make you selfish. For me they both really absorb me into my own little world...and it's certainly true that if you really concentrate on doing nice acts for other people it 1) is nice to them in it's own right 2) indirectly makes you feel better for having done so and 3) turns your focus away from yourself which I believe to be very helpful.

 

[dooby-duck]

I don't think so, if I feel up to it I will bend over backwards to help people. I think I do talk myself out of helping people or doing things for them sometimes though. If I think doing whatever it is will push my comfort zone too much I will find a way to avoid doing it. But saying that for some people I had become their door mat.

 

[Lorraine Manca]

this is a really interesting thread! i think about the concept of being selfish alot, because its the one thing id never want to be! i think all people are selfish to a degree, sa or no sa, like other folks have said. there arent too many saints out there

here is the thing, ideally i'd like to live as a hermit and never have to see another soul. i imagine that would be the ultimate freedom, for no one to even know you exist. its probably wishful thinking, to think, cure social anxiety by completely removing yourself from society. but then... truely if i did that, i would by definition only be living for myself, and no one else. which is terrible!
its hard, because we all want happiness and thats selfish. and if you dont want happiness, chances are you're either lying to yourself or its because you want to punish yourself which is also pointless and selfish.
its very hard to escape being selfish i think no matter who you are. i think we can be both selfish and loving though at the same time, so long as you make sure your self doesnt get in the way of loving the people around you. its really confusing to think about!

 

[Hellhound]

My definition of a selfish person is: Someone who only cares about their own well being, who put their needs before anyone else's, who wouldn't care about helping anyone unless it's to gain something afterwards, who would have zero empathy and no guilt. It's someone who will rarely admit their mistakes and instead will blame someone else. It's someone who will project their self hatred on other people and treat them badly (bullies are selfish, for exmaple... unless they are sorry for the things they did), or gaining confidence from putting others down. In my opinion, selfish people tend to be controlling, manipulative, self-centered and abusive, and they don't care about the consequences it has in those around them.

I might be wrong though, since I tend to think in extremes a lot. I can't help it.

My point is... You wanting happiness and thinking about yourself at times doesn't make you selfish. It's normal and human.

 

[illuminationSP]

I usually care for others before I care for myself, so I wouldn't consider myself selfish.

 

[Anomaly]

Are we somehow obligated to make others happy?

 

[Emily_G]

I'm def more concerned about making others happy, I'm learning that I have to do that less. If I did, I would be in a totally different spot in my life than I am now...and it's not a spot I'd want to be in. Hmm..sorry if that makes no sense I try to be concerned with what makes me, hubby, and God happy. If it makes others happy, like my family, as well then that's great...if not, that's something I have to just take and swallow.

 

[El_Pajaro]

I do find myself consumed with my own problems...Its hard not to be, the feelings and emotions of SA are overwhelming.

 

[Riptor]

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