Do you think having SA makes you selfish?

K

Krista

Well-known member
alex7 said:
It just seems that people with SA are completely absorbed in how to achieve their happiness rather than making others happy. i think we tend to overlook the fact that making others "happy" (by talking to them, doing nice gestures, LISTENING TO THEM rather than hiding from them to stay in our comfort zone) can directly increase our own happiness.

This made a lot more sense when i was high...i need more weed :mad:
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For one, everything makes sense when you're high.

I don't know if I'd call it selfish, that seems kind of rude. I'll agree that there are some people who, although with SA seem to have these huge egos or are all together rude to others just because of their own. That's their own problem and the majority attitude of people in general, it makes no sense to me but instead of worrying about the others just take solitude and joy in the fact that you're making a difference and helping someone. In the end, they'll remember you for how you've helped them and the others are history. They'll get know for being complete pain in the as*es.

All I did on this forum was try to be as helpful as I could for the amazing people who did the same for me when I started. In the end I got overwhelmed and wasn't making sure that I felt good about myself, immersed myself in others problems to get that. I feel bad sometimes that I don't post or help as much as I did before and it makes me feel selfish, something I'm terrified of others thinking of me as but in the end, I do as much as I can. That's all you can do.
 
Lea

Lea

Banned
Is it selfish to live alone... ? A cell for example is meant to be a part of an organism. If it should get separated, it will die. Some people might say, we separate ourselves from society, but that's ignorant because we don't do it on purpose, at least not me. I don't think I am selfish at all, just don't know how to fit in, be social, do what others do. If someone thinks I am selfish because of that, he selfish himself.

I would normally think what OP said is true, but since I have this ****ty disorder myself, I know it is far more complicated. It is probably not right, but I don't wonder so many people with SA end up bitter and feeling sorry for themselves, giving up hopes. A life like this can be very frustrating.
 
M

missladdy

New member
I would have thought the opposite...I am already caring towards other people's needs...maybe a little too much.
 
Timeboto

Timeboto

Member
Lea said:
Is it selfish to live alone... ? A cell for example is meant to be a part of an organism. If it should get separated, it will die. Some people might say, we separate ourselves from society, but that's ignorant because we don't do it on purpose, at least not me. I don't think I am selfish at all, just don't know how to fit in, be social, do what others do. If someone thinks I am selfish because of that, he selfish himself.

I would normally think what OP said is true, but since I have this ****ty disorder myself, I know it is far more complicated. It is probably not right, but I don't wonder so many people with SA end up bitter and feeling sorry for themselves, giving up hopes. A life like this can be very frustrating.
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Let me begin to start with to call those '' Others'' Osel ;-) and I from my own view see that your words are not long away from me but close to what I feel and the same, even if not the same words written!

Diffrent persons tell diffrent words to describe what they feel but one thing in common is that they feeel each other in some way or the other... and I feel you even not in the same grade as u feel but in a grade that I understand and it was a need for me to write this for my own self because it tells the words I didnt write down but adds it to me like a puzzle to fill!

We are diffrent but I bet that there is other people out there that feels as you but maybe they just not write down or u have not meet... We are not alone... So I just want you to know that!

Sipas from a rambler that understand what a Osel is :)
 
B

bony666

Well-known member
I think, that yes Sp makes me selfish. however I think like many others that this selfishness is good. I realized that I was spending my whole life trying to please other people, and I usually put their own wellbeing above mine. The reverse mechanism is to put my wellbeing above other's; and that's better than the first one. Am not saying that one should be obsessively selfish, but just give more importance to my own feelings and desires.

And yes: reading those personal development/self help books make you become stupid and ''too nice''. You become ready to do anything to please other people; and those people can see you are ignoring your own well being, like you don't really respect yourself. The result is that: If you don't respect yourself, and put your own wellbeing above other's, then no one will respect you.
That is my conclusion after years of therapy, long travel, and painful experiences.
 
coriander1992

coriander1992

Well-known member
I think it's more a case of being self-centred or self-absorbed, due to the fact that you're constantly focusing on your fears, rather than actually being selfish by not caring about other people. If anything, SA makes me empathise more with others and be more wary of possibly making them feel bad, if that makes sense.
 
I_jailed_me

I_jailed_me

Well-known member
Can anyone explain what is a selfless act? Even Mother Theresa did it to sit in the right hand of god or to get greater social acceptance!!
 
groovy

groovy

1
I've been thinking about this lately, and I reckon SA has made me more self-centered... I really feel guilty about this, especially when I look at someone like my mum.. whose every act seems to be for the benefit of those around her. Who could ask for a better idol lol. I wish I could be more like her, but sometimes I'm just so caught up in my own head.. ajsdlfkj
 
Logical Anxiety

Logical Anxiety

Active member
Honestly, I feel selfish because of SA. Because of my social handicap, I subconsciously push away people interested in talking to me. It's also due to unnessary fear...That makes me feel really guilty...
 
F

Feathers

Well-known member
I think it works the other way around too: by focusing on others, there's a way out of SA... :)

There's healthy helping others, some of it can be 'unhealthy' too, like the 'martyr' syndrome (my Mum has that)... So I think a good balance between what is good for us and for others is most helpful.. Ideally to find stuff that is good for us AND for others... (Tell me if you manage to find it lol!! :))
 
vj288

vj288

not actually Fiona Apple
alex7 said:
It just seems that people with SA are completely absorbed in how to achieve their happiness rather than making others happy. i think we tend to overlook the fact that making others "happy" (by talking to them, doing nice gestures, LISTENING TO THEM rather than hiding from them to stay in our comfort zone) can directly increase our own happiness.

This made a lot more sense when i was high...i need more weed :mad:
Click to expand...

I don't think this is the case for me. I do feel guilty when I don't do something to make others happy, but the reason I don't is not to make myself happy. And actually in a way by not being nice that one time it may help them in the long run, feel no obligation to have anything to do with me (Which often times can be very uncomfortable for them, and me)
 
Sammie_Kay

Sammie_Kay

Well-known member
I think selfish comes with haveing SA.
My mom tells me all the time that im selfish and I need to think about others before me.
Which I do and I try to, but I guess it doesnt come out that way.
I end up being selfish when it comes to hanging out with people or doing something for some one most of the time cause it freaks me out and i get scared and instead of just doing what ever it was I would back outta it and there fore making me seem selfish.
But i have realize this and have been working on it.
 
EscapeArtist

EscapeArtist

Well-known member
I agree with what you are saying, that we should focus on others to make ourselves feel better, because in this way we will feel better about ourselves, and we will also receive a genuine care from the other person, instead of impatiently demanding it (in a sense) but speaking constantly about our own problems.

I think having problems that interfere with life in general makes you more focused on yourself. For me focusing on myself is something I have never done my entire life. I feel as if this is my form of long-term healing and self completion, and that can't be found externally. I feel also as though I am making up for all of the years that I focused on other people and didn't realize I existed. I wouldn't say it is selfish, because everything one does is a selfish act, that is natural survival. But I do agree that, while in such a process, (especially if one ends up feeling desperate/dangerous/depressed) it is important to reach out to others and not treat yourself like you are the only person on the planet.

My mother is a prime example of how this can go completely wrong, though. It's not something you want to get stuck in, dwelling about your own life. It can permanently turn people away, make you go crazy...
 
Silentknight

Silentknight

Well-known member
I was under the assumption that people with SA were the complete opposite of selfish you know like how we don't want to burden others with our terrible social skills so we just keep ourselves in silence and/or seclusion.
 
punklove

punklove

Well-known member
I don't think were really selfish were just too scared to make others feel better because we don't want them making assumptions about them. I'm proud to say that I personally am able to give lots of people compliments :) It really does feel good to make someone else happy.
 
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