Fear of Intimacy/Sex?

this_portrait

this_portrait

Well-known member
I don't know about the rest of you who have never been intimate or had a sexual relationship with anyone, but I'm terrified of it.

This sounds rather contradictory, because I always fantasize about it. I daydream about it during the day and think about it all the time at night before I go to sleep. Whenever I'm all by myself, and no one else is around, my mind wanders to thoughts of being intimate with some imaginary guy who probably doesn't even exist.

In reality, though, I know I wouldn't be able to live up to my fantasies. In reality, physical intimacy scares the living hell out of me. It's one of the reasons why I back out of potential relationships, why I have difficulty finding a date. . . I want it, but then I don't want it.

Does anyone else feel the same way?
 
dream

dream

Well-known member
Wow, i can relate to everything you said.I have a fear of being to vunerable to give my body to one another, although i'm only human and i have my urges aswell it's human nature but im to scared to just let it happen.
 
Rxqueen

Rxqueen

Well-known member
I definitely have the exact same fear......I can fantasize about it all day but when given the opportunity to actually make contact with a guy I'm terrified. It's quite pathetic actually. I definitely have body image issues and my confidence isn't that great either.
 
F

FOR REAL

Banned
i can relate completely. if you go to a zoo, or watch a nature program on tv, they seem to be at it like animals.
but for us humans it VERY VERY COMPLICATED.
is fantasy reality, or is reality fantasy!
 
LadyWench

LadyWench

Well-known member
Yes, definitely. I'm 20 years old, been with my boyfriend for about a year and a half now, and still a virgin. I don't think it's that I actually fear intimacy and stuff, but more the possible consequences of sex. We do other things to make up for the lack of intercourse, but one of my biggest fears is becoming pregnant. I'm sure it has a lot to do with my OCD. Mainly because I'm constantly worrying about my body and health and stuff. I know this really doesn't make sense. I wish I could get over my fears, though.
 
FountainandFairfax

FountainandFairfax

in a VAN down by the RIVER
I have no fear of sex whatsoever.

Sex is the promised land. It's beyond enjoyable and well worth all the loathing and trepidation once you get there.

It's just the business of getting past all the razorwire, hidden mines, searchlights, and gun turrets of socializing that give me pause.

*checks watch to count the seconds between guard patrols* :cool:
 
PennyLane

PennyLane

Well-known member
Before I had sex I felt exactly the same way. I was absolutely terrified and thought it would be awkward and weird, but really its not.

If your generally comfortable with a guy and you know you both care about each other, just take it slow and it will happen naturally because, well, it is natural.

When you meet someone you care enough about it will seem so much less scary than than some fantasy man in your head...you will just want to be that close to him.

Im afraid I don't agree with Jake though (but thats fair enough for him :) ) I think sex is great, its fun, it feels good and when your in love with them too...I think its the ultimate high!
 
PennyLane

PennyLane

Well-known member
Noca said:
maybe youve never watched porn as a gurl so.... Im comparing real life sex to that we see on tv, movies and in porn.
Click to expand...

oh yeah your right..I havent really watched much. Only a bit when I was young and your right sex isn't like in porn
 
K

Kinetik

Well-known member
I've never had an innate fear of intimacy, but real-life sex can definitely be anti-climatic compared to the thoughts and fantasies you may have initially had. All through my teens I imagined how it would be, building it up in my mind and envisioning it as something fluid, natural and comfortable, but once it happened, I was really disappointed with it. It was clumsy, sweaty, animalistic in a negative sense, and it simply didn't feel nearly as good as I imagined it would. To top it off, I ended up in a five-year relationship with this first girl. We had very little chemistry and nothing seemed to work out right. I wound up repeatedly avoiding intimacy with her, and I began to wonder if I was asexual, gay, or some combination of the two. The relationship lasted so long that I thought I'd be stuck with it forever. Eventually we did split up; I met someone new and the sex with her was amazing. It completely restored my drive and killed any reluctance I initially had about getting close to someone. So I suppose it's worth stumbling through the hurdles to get to the better experiences and find someone you're more compatible with.
 
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iamthenra

iamthenra

Well-known member
Totally can relate to what you said... I fear being close to someone, mainly because of the SA... The part of being judged, not doing things the way it should be done. I mean it isn't like there is a manual on "doing it" or the exact way that it should be performed... I mean, I fear allot of things because of SA. I fear signing my name in front of others, mainly because my hands shake really bad... The same is true about a romantic relationship. As much as I have obsessed about it since I was a little boy, I don't know that I could actually go through with it either... Even kissing just the idea of it, terrifies me. I think I might have bad breath or something of the sort, and I just couldn't do it.... Even if I had the opportunity, but I have never had the opportunity. Probably never will, my fear is easily identified by the opposite sex I am sure, and that is probably one reason why I am still single...
 
izzymarie

izzymarie

Active member
I have this problem too to some degree. I was so scared to have sex until one day I just forced myself to get it over with and do it. BIG mistake. Because everyone puts such an emphasis on dating and sex, you feel like there's something wrong with you if your not doing it. The truth is though there is nothing wrong with us because we're not ready, just like there's nothing wrong with people who always seem to be in relationships. Everyone is different, thats all.

I think alot of us in this thread fear intimacy because we haven't found the right person yet, and our anxiety makes it really difficult for us to do that. I think once you meet the right person though you'll just naturally feel comfortable around them so being afraid to be intimate won't even be an issue. It's just a matter of finding that right person..
 
FountainandFairfax

FountainandFairfax

in a VAN down by the RIVER
izzymarie said:
I think alot of us in this thread fear intimacy because we haven't found the right person yet, and our anxiety makes it really difficult for us to do that. I think once you meet the right person though you'll just naturally feel comfortable around them so being afraid to be intimate won't even be an issue. It's just a matter of finding that right person..
Click to expand...

I agree with this completely.

When all the sex that you've had has been under anxious duress and rushed, of course it's "not that great." Is a great movie a fun experience when someone's sitting three rows behind you talking through the entire thing? Is anything that's meant to be enjoyable ever enjoyable when there are distractions or worrisome thoughts creeping in to ruin it?

I don't think it's a good idea to dismiss sex as just okay only because you haven't had any good sex yet. Intimacy with someone you're comfortable with and care about is fun, fun, fun. I think it's really something to look forward to and hope for for SP's.
 
Jake123

Jake123

Banned
FountainandFairfax said:
I don't think it's a good idea to dismiss sex as just okay only because you haven't had any good sex yet. Intimacy with someone you're comfortable with and care about is fun, fun, fun. I think it's really something to look forward to and hope for for SP's.
Click to expand...

That's just your opinion, though. I've had really good sex, but it doesn't mean it's the best thing in the world. It's okay, but it's not important to me and it's definitely not all it's cracked up to be. Sex is just a moment. One that, most of the time, quite frankly isn't worth it regardless of how amazing it is. There's so many more things in the world.
But that's just my opinion I guess. I used to think that way too but sex just got old, and I had an epiphany and saw it for the sham that it was.
 
Flowers-Of-Bloom

Flowers-Of-Bloom

Well-known member
I'm fine with intimacy, to some degree.
Sex, on the other hand...

Not only does it require me to be naked, but it's also vile.

I don't get into relationships. I don't feel I need them, either.
 
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Imhotep

Imhotep

Well-known member
This thread's quite timely for me. I've been seeing a lady for a few weeks (hence my absence from here) and I think tomorrow night may be "the night". We've slept together, kissing and cuddling, but not actually had sex yet.

I'm a little bit terrified. In fairness, I've told her the truth about it all and she's fine with it, but still the pressure to "perform" will be there. I think I'm going to be a huge disappointment when we get right down to it, but I'm hoping she'll give me chance to learn.
 
Jake123

Jake123

Banned
You don't HAVE to have sex with her if you don't want to. Most girls don't even like sex and just do it to satisfy their partner because of all the pressures of society and so on. If you want to eventually that's fine but there's no need to rush it, let it come naturally and you won't feel any pressure to perform. Just think of tomorrow "night" as any other night and it'll be fine.
 
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