Fear of Intimacy/Sex?

[klytus]

Eh, it's not necessary to have had sex for a halfway sane person to realize that it's far from being as great or significant as it's said to be. It may, of course, be a pleasant experience, but in the end it's definitely not worth the huge effort you had to put in to get to that point. - Well, then there are those guys and girls who are open enough about sex to have it with practically anyone. Living life with such tenets, however, subjects one to a different kind of danger.

All things considered, sex is an inefficient activity. You don't get out nearly as much as you have to put in to get to the point where someone wants to have it with you. (My Goodness, imagine the time and the mental pain you would have to go through just to repetitively stick a solidified piece of meat into a lukewarm hole.) Contrary to many other things in life, which are well worth the effort. - In general, I am inclined to say that you get out of life what you put in, but that doesn't hold in certain special cases, such as an active sex life. For those who are in a relationship - even though it may be easier - they still have to sustain that relationship, which can be a full-time job itself - the loss of which may be mentally devastating, if you are too emotionally involved.

Add to this the incentive of many to have sex. They suspend every single streak of free will only to fulfill a social pressure. You must have an active sex life (especially as a guy), you must be in a relationship (especially as a girl), you must be charming, you must be happy, you must smile, ... - and if you don't, you must most certainly face the wrath of a brainwashed society. This is enough to put me off sex for good.

On the actual topic: Why would you fear intimacy/sex?

 

[Remus]

That has to be the most negative post I've read in a while. I've had a few relationships, they did not end in bliss but I'd still do it all again, life is an adventure and worth living. Sex and love can be crap but also blow your socks off, never rule anything out until you've "been there, done that and worn the hat"

If you apply that logic to anything stimulating, you would enjoy nothing in your life.

 

[FountainandFairfax]

That has to be the most negative post I've read in a while...
...If you apply that logic to anything stimulating, you would enjoy nothing in your life.

I was thinking the same thing.

I must have missed the "Frederick Nietzsche Guide To Dating" when it came out.

 

[klytus]

If you apply that logic to anything stimulating, you would enjoy nothing in your life.

Not at all - as I said, there are lots of things in life which are most enjoyable, but don't require nearly the amount of effort that sex does. I enjoy countless activities. You certainly realize that it's my personal view of things. What for me is inefficient, or hard to attain, may be the simplest thing for someone else. However, what is generally true is that intimacy and sexual relationships are transient, they are basically irrelevant. In the small, they may be great, but all things in an individual life split up into two disparate categories - those things which you can afford, and those you can't. I can't afford sex, intimacy or close social relationships, in a similar way I can't afford a high-end computer. Anyone who now is thinking "what about love / the great emotions / the wonderful pain / the magic of life / ..." is just sugarcoating reality.

 

[PennyLane]

I think sex is worth the effort that goes into it. Most pleasurable things are not efficient but life is made up of minutes, hours and days and filling those things with activities which are enjoyable, even if fruitless (sometimes) is what makes life itself enjoyable.

Sex isn't just about sex either...it's an important aspect to a relationship. I'm with Remus on this aspect...i've had boring no chemistry sex and hurtful relationships....but thats living and I wouldn't want to do without it.

For me personally when I am in love with a man and he loves me back, sex with him is the best thing ever. I'm an emotional girl though, so maybe thats why...I just really enjoy closeness that sex provides.

 

[Remus]

Anyone who now is thinking "what about love / the great emotions / the wonderful pain / the magic of life / ..." is just sugarcoating reality.

I don't agree but maybe you have formulated all this logic to hide your love away.

I actually thought the same way as you for 10 years following an abusive relationship, I steered clear. Was quite an empty time for me, I do not recommend it

 

[WelshOne]

I'm a little intimidated by sex, mainly because it's not something I have experienced and there is that element of uncertainty there. I think most of my fear is performance anxiety. I want my first time to be with someone I love, but of course it will still be my first time, and I'm not going to be great. (I fear it may be a very short experience. : In that way, I don't want to disappoint my partner.

My feelings about love and emotions are that they don't always conform to the principles of logic. If someone were to live their whole life by logic, and supress any emotions... well, I think that would be a very lonely and sad existance, personally. Sometimes you have to do irrational things to really live, and achieve happiness. We are emotional beings after all, why try to deny that reality?

 

[Flowers-Of-Bloom]

Eh, it's not necessary to have had sex for a halfway sane person to realize that it's far from being as great or significant as it's said to be. It may, of course, be a pleasant experience, but in the end it's definitely not worth the huge effort you had to put in to get to that point. - Well, then there are those guys and girls who are open enough about sex to have it with practically anyone. Living life with such tenets, however, subjects one to a different kind of danger.

All things considered, sex is an inefficient activity. You don't get out nearly as much as you have to put in to get to the point where someone wants to have it with you. (My Goodness, imagine the time and the mental pain you would have to go through just to repetitively stick a solidified piece of meat into a lukewarm hole.) Contrary to many other things in life, which are well worth the effort. - In general, I am inclined to say that you get out of life what you put in, but that doesn't hold in certain special cases, such as an active sex life. For those who are in a relationship - even though it may be easier - they still have to sustain that relationship, which can be a full-time job itself - the loss of which may be mentally devastating, if you are too emotionally involved.

Add to this the incentive of many to have sex. They suspend every single streak of free will only to fulfill a social pressure. You must have an active sex life (especially as a guy), you must be in a relationship (especially as a girl), you must be charming, you must be happy, you must smile, ... - and if you don't, you must most certainly face the wrath of a brainwashed society. This is enough to put me off sex for good.

On the actual topic: Why would you fear intimacy/sex?

I agree, actually.
The entire act is near pointless. There's other things life holds than sex and love, contrary to popular belief.

 

[Noca]

Totally can relate to what you said... I fear being close to someone, mainly because of the SA... The part of being judged, not doing things the way it should be done. I mean it isn't like there is a manual on "doing it" or the exact way that it should be performed... I mean, I fear allot of things because of SA. I fear signing my name in front of others, mainly because my hands shake really bad... The same is true about a romantic relationship. As much as I have obsessed about it since I was a little boy, I don't know that I could actually go through with it either... Even kissing just the idea of it, terrifies me. I think I might have bad breath or something of the sort, and I just couldn't do it.... Even if I had the opportunity, but I have never had the opportunity. Probably never will, my fear is easily identified by the opposite sex I am sure, and that is probably one reason why I am still single...

Your fear is probably one reason why you're single but your negative attitude towards everything is another important reason why you're single. I say this not as an insult but as an observation from what I've seen you post and from my past relationship/dating experiences.

 

[stand_up]

Didn't ever cross my mind about ever fearing intimacy or sex. True love, lust, maturity,... had some influence on my thoughts about sex and partners but was not strong enough to hold me back from actually wanting to embrace sex and intimacy in general. It's like.... "Its SEX, its great and as long as its not hurting anyone, that's all that matters."

But there is the gender element to this whole topic. Maybe I felt this way because I was a male, and possibily what males generally value may not be the same with females.

 

[zlench]

I personally don't think sex is a big deal. But getting close to someone and trusting them is something that I have a big problem with because I don't really know how to share my feelings with them.

 

[Imhotep]

You don't HAVE to have sex with her if you don't want to. Most girls don't even like sex and just do it to satisfy their partner because of all the pressures of society and so on. If you want to eventually that's fine but there's no need to rush it, let it come naturally and you won't feel any pressure to perform. Just think of tomorrow "night" as any other night and it'll be fine.

Thanks. I know it makes sense because I'm thinking it myself in my more rational moments, but the occasional scary thought creeps in. Although she certainly DOES like sex, she's said herself she doesn't mind taking things slowly. I'm rather keen on her, though, so I don't want to disappoint her, which I think I will almost certainly do first time out.

If I'd known, I would have bought this a few weeks ago!

 

[klytus]

I agree, actually. The entire act is near pointless. There's other things life holds than sex and love, contrary to popular belief.

True. Though, ardent lovemaking - if the circumstances are supportive - may be of a most pleasurable nature. I don't identify as asexual - for me, sex and love are just way too expensive.

 

[recluse]

oh yeah your right..I havent really watched much. Only a bit when I was young and your right sex isn't like in porn

Porn gives a twisted impression of how sex should be, porn is pretty pathetic when you think about it because to begin with the actors don't look natural (i mean they have no body hair to begin with!) the women look like living barbie dolls, and they are so fake! The worst thing about porn is that they portray the women, and men really as pieces of meat. I'm not denying that i do get the urge to look at porn every now and then, but i do notice that after indulging in it i tend to view women in a different light, and this is not healthy.

I think that porn can also make people feel inadequate, in my case i'm still a virgin but porn has made me more afraid of the act.

 

[Lorraine Manca]

Its nothing compared to the part that comes afterward! being split open and having a blood covered living thing force its way out like a tennis ball through a nostril. thats the part im afraid of! bring on the epidural.

 

[Kien]

Thouhgts about seeing myself intimate with a girl disgusts me. Don't give much fear though. I don't long for sex anyway since it seems like you always have to care about the girl and it's not just about the guy giving himself some pleasure. Makes sex just sound boring and not worth it.

 

[thor01]

My fear of it isn't a problem because I'm in no way scared of it happening. Yes I would be anxious if I ever got to do it, but the only problem for me is getting the opportunity to do it. I've never even been close to having the chance. It makes me think what do I have to do or go through to get to do this natural act? Why does it happen to nearly everyone else but me? Is it how I look or my personality being not confident enough to be attractive? It really makes me feel sad and inadequate. I have never even had the chance to kiss or hug a girl or anything close. And this doesn't feel good, because I feel like I have the need and potential to show lots of affection. What can I do?

 

[klytus]

i mean they have no body hair to begin with

There are men who don't have much body hair. And the removal of axillary hair is - in my opinion - central to good hygiene. Some people extend this to pubic hair, too. It's common, I'd say, and not particularly remarkable.

 

[elizz]

I do not have a fear of intimacy or sex.

 

[Jake123]

There are men who don't have much body hair. And the removal of axillary hair is - in my opinion - central to good hygiene. Some people extend this to pubic hair, too. It's common, I'd say, and not particularly remarkable.

Personally I like my guys to have some hair, and I think shaved armpits on guys is kinda gross lol... but that's just me. I'm not one to care about "gender roles" stuff (since I'm gay >_>) but it's just too feminine IMO

But yeah a lot of guys do completely shave not just pornstars