Fear of Intimacy/Sex?

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klytus

Well-known member
Yeah that other person would be me, thanks for taking the time to look it up...And what opinion is that exactly?
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That "someone else" was on purpose. :p The opinion being that sex is too expensive. I have mentioned it a couple of times in this thread.
 
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photoflow09

Member
this_portrait said:
I don't know about the rest of you who have never been intimate or had a sexual relationship with anyone, but I'm terrified of it.

This sounds rather contradictory, because I always fantasize about it. I daydream about it during the day and think about it all the time at night before I go to sleep. Whenever I'm all by myself, and no one else is around, my mind wanders to thoughts of being intimate with some imaginary guy who probably doesn't even exist.
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I completely understand what you're going through. I'm the same way I think about it fantasize about it constantly. I did try and have sex before but i caved at the VERY LAST MINUTE i was just terrified. If someone has an answer to this problem it's be GREATLY APPRECIATED!!:D
 
social_phobia2008

social_phobia2008

Well-known member
PennyLane said:
Well you end with the fact that it doesn't all have to happen at once and building trust etc..... but basically after 3 months you told her you were thinking of finding another???? So she pretty much had to get drunk and sleep with you!! This is horrible...it can't have been love if a) 3 months was too long for you to wait and b) you were fine with her getting drunk and not remembering it on her first time so she wouldn't lose you!

Its like your closing statement doesn't fit with your story.
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so to take it like u did:

response to a)U know that today in modern society a virgin girl is rushed to do sex from the first dates, guys dont give a s*it and dont have patience and just move to another. Oh maybe if they know the person for a longer time and have follen in love deeply they are willing to take it slow, like a matter of months, but thats another story, so these cases are about how much %? Thats reality, cruel or not. So 3 months in my case i think proves that we had something going on, but everything has a limit, and mine was 3 months. How long would you been willing to wait for a guy ? If 3 months are way too little, than wait like what ? half an year ? an year ? An relashionship based only on friendship ?

b) ''you were fine with her getting drunk and not remembering it on her first time so she wouldn't lose you!''

what you say here is just an assuming cause i didnt said that. so no i wasnt fine with that, i felt in some way guilty, but i think the happy ending matters more then the getting drunk side aspect. so if it was so horible for her like u say i think she would tell me after or at least mention it afterwards, i think it was far from a trauma

i dunno how u understood from the whole text that i just rushed, abused, had no sympathy for her and on top of all that that i didnt loved her.

but of course, the text can be interpreted in many ways
 
jamie99

jamie99

Well-known member
klytus said:
That "someone else" was on purpose. :p
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I thought maybe is what just the SA but nope..You really are a pompous jerk :p

The opinion being that sex is too expensive. I have mentioned it a couple of times in this thread.
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I guess it's easier to say "sex is too expensive" rather than i've simply given up.
 
PennyLane

PennyLane

Well-known member
social_phobia2008 said:
so to take it like u did:

response to a)U know that today in modern society a virgin girl is rushed to do sex from the first dates, guys dont give a s*it and dont have patience and just move to another. Oh maybe if they know the person for a longer time and have follen in love deeply they are willing to take it slow, like a matter of months, but thats another story, so these cases are about how much %? Thats reality, cruel or not. So 3 months in my case i think proves that we had something going on, but everything has a limit, and mine was 3 months. How long would you been willing to wait for a guy ? If 3 months are way too little, than wait like what ? half an year ? an year ? An relashionship based only on friendship ?

b) ''you were fine with her getting drunk and not remembering it on her first time so she wouldn't lose you!''

what you say here is just an assuming cause i didnt said that. so no i wasnt fine with that, i felt in some way guilty, but i think the happy ending matters more then the getting drunk side aspect. so if it was so horible for her like u say i think she would tell me after or at least mention it afterwards, i think it was far from a trauma

i dunno how u understood from the whole text that i just rushed, abused, had no sympathy for her and on top of all that that i didnt loved her.

but of course, the text can be interpreted in many ways
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Most girls want their first time to be with someone who loves them and if they were simply influenced by pressure from boys on dates they'd have probably lost it at 14! I would say based on my own experience and my friends that when you are a virgin you are not thinking about how many dates or how long you have been together....you are thinking am I in a good relationship.

3 months is not long...pressuring someone sucks....whether that is modern life or not. Most girls want to remember their first time and want to mean at least a little something.

Your asking how long your meant to wait....the answer is painfully easy; until she is ready, not until you get fed up and say your going to find someone else.

I don't think you abused her at all, but I do think you manipulated her feelings for you.

Maybe I just found it a very sad story of supposedly 'modern love' which seems to mean if you don't give it up in certain amount of time, your history.
 
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hydrapower

Member
Before I met my wife I was absolutely terrified of sex. Actually, not so much the sex itself, but the possibly pregnancy consequences. My biggest, most paralyzing fear, is me being a parent. I don't know how I could possibly care for a child, and at 30 years old I still feel like a kid myself :) and would hate to lose that completely.

I can think of a couple of opportunities in college where I could have had sex but was too afraid to "close the sale" as it were.

Then I met my wife and as our relationship progressed and I told her of my fears we took the various precautions necessary to prevent any unwanted pregnancy. She doesn't want any kids either. Now we're free to have sex whenever we want :) (and we have been for the last 10 years)

If for some reason I became single again now I would be still aware of my pregnancy fear but I don't know how paralyzing it would be. Since I now know how much I love and want sex I'm sure I could get over it and use the many forms of protection there are. :p
 
tired_of_starting_again

tired_of_starting_again

Well-known member
Yeah I can fantasize about it, the whole nine yards. But the actual act terrifies me, it seems so "I am here, you are here, we are here" & it sounds like alot to experience all at once. And giving my body to someone else.... ughhhhhh awful.
Besidies I hate being touched.
*Sigh* :(
 
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PapaSmurf

Active member
I too have a deep fear of intimacy with people steming from childhood. I find it hard to even look people in the eyes and get freaked out when someone gets close to my face.
 
TurboCarGirl

TurboCarGirl

Member
Wow i was just curious on the topic of this forum..
hm im still a virgin..i think sex could be nice.but its
something i can do without.i need to do without actually
cause im in college and starting my life.yeah i think im
alittle scared about it when it really happens.
ive only seen two guys naked in my life..and thats
still awkward for me...but oh well. Plus having sex
with someone..i think that puts people on a differnet
level of a realtionship ..if your not married..perhaps a
phycological (sp) unhealthy one at that..but thats
completley opionated. on the thinking about sex thing
yeah i think all humans do that..i read somewhere
women think about it more then men..and yet men are
always picked on for the ..hm how to put this..more sexual i guess?
being a woman though..i belive that. i amit if im daydreaming its
about that...or what my cars going to to look like when its complete! :)
 
lurknomore

lurknomore

1
Kien said:
Giving your body? It's about using someone's body.
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Casual/meaningless sex might be about using someone's body, but when sex is between two people who love or at least care a lot about each other, it's about wanting your partner to have pleasure/satisfaction as well as yourself. If all a person wants is self-gratification, masturbation would probably suffice.
 
J

jmroszczak

Well-known member
I'm definitely scared to have sex...well...even just intimate..and I know its because of my body insecurities. In H.S when ever a girl liked me I always avoided or ran from the situation..Yes I was having a panic attack in the process..but its only now That I realize those attacks came from my insecurities about my body..and I knew that having a GF would eventually lead to sex..and I never wanted to be seen naked By a girl..6 years later im 25 and never even kissed a girl much less had sex or a gf. I would Say I am "Asexual" but I masturbate way too much too be that...sigh
 
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