What do you think caused your Social Anxiety

I've been painfully shy since childhood.But I was horribly bullied in highschool & I think that was the main cause of my SA.What about you?What do you think caused your social phobia?

I don't want to blame any number of people, but I think that it was to do with school, and my friends. In complete defence of my friends, two of them had cases of attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, and we know that dealing with a disorder is difficult. They were good friends, but even though we all got bullied, badly, they couldn't help themselves doing the same to me, while complaining about the bullying that they received. People got the wrong idea, completely the wrong idea. They thought that we were all head-cases. No one thought, even for a second, that I was unhappy with them hitting me, and breaking my things, and pulling my hair, and going into the bathroom, coming out with soap in their hands and rubbing it in my face. The teachers were the same: if those two were misbehaving, even hitting me in plain sight, the teacher wouldn't say "leave him alone", oh no, it was always "pack it in, the three of you" (or four when my other friend was around, but he usually hit them back).

That's why I hated school. I thought that they were good friends when they weren't hitting me, but I never wanted people to think that I was like them. I'm nothing like them - all that we had in common was being not cool enough to be friends with anyone else. No one ever saw us as individuals. Only one teacher ever observed that what they were doing was bullying, and this is what she said: "why are you friends with them?". For a few moments, when she was talking to me, I thought she understood. Then she asked that.

Everything else about the school is to blame. Primary school was fine. I took part in performances, and writing and poetry competitions. High school, bad. I just wanted to do my work, more than I wanted to make friends. I had one, I thought he was the only friend I would ever need. He changed to get out of the bullying - fair play to him - but I never appreciated the way that, when he got popular, and had influence among the popular people, he never tried to encourage them to stop bullying me. He was my friend for seven years. I haven't seen him in five, and I'm glad.

I should add that the 'third friend' never used to hit me like they did. He is the best friend I've ever had, and I hope that I'm friends with him forever.

The problem is really what you said. We are different. We don't follow trends. We usually don't like what people are into (clothes, style, tv, music, facebook...). When we are different, it is difficult to connect to others. We get shy and have nothing to talk about. And eventually, the worst case scenario, you will get bullied.

I don't understand people, I really don't...

James_ said:

I don't want to blame any number of people, but I think that it was to do with school, and my friends. In complete defence of my friends, two of them had cases of attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, and we know that dealing with a disorder is difficult. They were good friends, but even though we all got bullied, badly, they couldn't help themselves doing the same to me, while complaining about the bullying that they received. People got the wrong idea, completely the wrong idea. They thought that we were all head-cases. No one thought, even for a second, that I was unhappy with them hitting me, and breaking my things, and pulling my hair, and going into the bathroom, coming out with soap in their hands and rubbing it in my face. The teachers were the same: if those two were misbehaving, even hitting me in plain sight, the teacher wouldn't say "leave him alone", oh no, it was always "pack it in, the three of you" (or four when my other friend was around, but he usually hit them back).

That's why I hated school. I thought that they were good friends when they weren't hitting me, but I never wanted people to think that I was like them. I'm nothing like them - all that we had in common was being not cool enough to be friends with anyone else. No one ever saw us as individuals. Only one teacher ever observed that what they were doing was bullying, and this is what she said: "why are you friends with them?". For a few moments, when she was talking to me, I thought she understood. Then she asked that.

Everything else about the school is to blame. Primary school was fine. I took part in performances, and writing and poetry competitions. High school, bad. I just wanted to do my work, more than I wanted to make friends. I had one, I thought he was the only friend I would ever need. He changed to get out of the bullying - fair play to him - but I never appreciated the way that, when he got popular, and had influence among the popular people, he never tried to encourage them to stop bullying me. He was my friend for seven years. I haven't seen him in five, and I'm glad.

I should add that the 'third friend' never used to hit me like they did. He is the best friend I've ever had, and I hope that I'm friends with him forever.

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I'm sorry to know about your experience,it must've been real exhausting for you.I know how it feels when ppl blame you for being something you aren't.My teachers were also pretty much like yours,even though they saw others bullying me they never took an intiative to stop them.It was more like the bullies could get away with anything just cos they were popular.....

i never had friends in my child-hood seriously there were no kids in the whole street except me... may be thts the reason..... but i seriously dont know what do i have ADHD or SAD??? i know that i have symptoms of both...!! and i defnetly dont like both for shurrrr... hahha..!!

Error said:

The problem is really what you said. We are different. We don't follow trends. We usually don't like what people are into (clothes, style, tv, music, facebook...). When we are different, it is difficult to connect to others. We get shy and have nothing to talk about. And eventually, the worst case scenario, you will get bullied.

I don't understand people, I really don't...

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That's a good point, Error. I've always been different. That could have to do with my social problems. But, I do like clothes, style, music, and Facebook. I'm not big into TV.

I think my social anxiety has to do with my family. My siblings were just joking, but they picked on me constantly. And I always felt like I was getting talked over in my family, so, eventually I stopped talking altogether. I closed up as a child and was afraid to ever open.

Mainly genetics.

It runs in my mom's side of the family. She had it as a kid and got over it as an adult.

My parents pushed/forced me to do all kinds of social things as a kid. It didn't prevent/cure my SA but it did probably lessen the severity of it a bit.

Error said:

The problem is really what you said. We are different. We don't follow trends. We usually don't like what people are into (clothes, style, tv, music, facebook...). When we are different, it is difficult to connect to others. We get shy and have nothing to talk about. And eventually, the worst case scenario, you will get bullied.

I don't understand people, I really don't...

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I've always felt "different", like I never really fit in anywhere. I'm the type that follows my own interests, which may or may not be whatever is "in". For some reason, people just don't seem to like that. As my name says, I'm a black sheep!

It's probably a combination of things but I think most of the blame goes to my parents for being too overprotective.

megalon said:

It's probably a combination of things but I think most of the blame goes to my parents for being too overprotective.

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Me too I can't relate to my parents at all. When I was younger I wish I had a normal family like everyone else but later on I realized that's it's just the society I live in that makes me feel that way. For example my Irish friend hates them but he has a normal family a big house with lots of siblings, I have none he has at least two brothers and lots of kids from his teen years not to mention his long sexy cottage cream legs. He doesn't understand how much easier he has it.

mainly, I think mine has to do with genetics my parents was shy to but they where not as shy as me though. I always had trouble with my voice going up and down when I talk everyone always complaining weather I was yelling from talking to loud or talk to queitly. I also had troublle getting into normal thing that everyone else was into. I had trouble pluging in to what people really meant when they where talking. My SA went up after my parents died.I never was the same after that the happiness and confidents just disapeared. I stop trying to tell jokes that where funny around people. So, I just give up on talking all together.

Bo592 said:

mainly, I think mine has to do with genetics my parents was shy to but they where not as shy as me though. I always had trouble with my voice going up and down when I talk everyone always complaining weather I was yelling from talking to loud or talk to queitly. I also had troublle getting into normal thing that everyone else was into. I had trouble pluging in to what people really meant when they where talking. My SA went up after my parents died.I never was the same after that the happiness and confidents just disapeared. I stop trying to tell jokes that where funny around people. So, I just give up on talking all together.

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I had the same trouble with my voice as well, Bo. I would talk in accents or I would sound like I had a sour throat. People made fun of me all the time for it, but I couldn't control it. I can relate with you about not really being on the same level as the person your talking to. I have a serious problem with that. The group will be laughing and I will be frowning, it's really hard to connect with people like that. I'm sorry for what you had to go through, Bo. You must be really strong to be where you are right now. If you want to talk about it with someone, feel free to contact me.

Being teased is most likely the main cause of my social anxiety. Towards the end of elementary school/beginning of middle school, all the way up until high school I was teased, as well as enduring my fair share of it at home and at family gatherings.

SA doesn't run in my family (that I know of), but my dad is an extremely shy person (I sometimes wonder if he has SA, but I still don't really know.) and my mom does have anxiety issues, just not SA. I'm a lot like my dad, and now I'm starting to wonder if I didn't inherit some anxiety from my mother. I'm starting to think genetics also played a role here with my SA.

I've thought about this thread topic a lot..and I can't pin point one thing, there is so much attributed to how I feel.

As early as being a baby my mom didn't want to have me and making sure I knew it, my sisters didn't include me, they told me I wasn't wanted. I was alone from a baby until now, so it's what I know. So much of my time was spent alone and neglected.

Shyangel said:

I think my social anxiety has to do with my family. My siblings were just joking, but they picked on me constantly. And I always felt like I was getting talked over in my family, so, eventually I stopped talking altogether. I closed up as a child and was afraid to ever open.

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^^^
My siblings were mean to me also, I was never included in the family. When I'd try to tell a story or talk, I'd be interrupted or made fun of. So I just stopped saying as much, and now sharing my thoughts is associate with shame. My family would go out on outings and leave me at home, then come home laughing and talking about the movie they saw or the dinner they ate. They did this to me even as an adult. I've always been the one to stay home.

I feel like people can see my disorder from a mile away and know they can treat me horribly.

I did try really hard to be different, to fly on my own and make something of myself. I worked hard on my grades and went to college and worked full time to support myself,I even did modeling which is a big thing for someone with anxiety. I got no encouragement, and any boyfriend I had made sure to make the most of my shyness and treat me like garbage no matter how nice I am, so my self esteem took a dive. I joined the military to leave, go to live somewhere new with a new life. I did very well, I was promoted 3 times and achieved a lot in a short amount of time. Finally felt pride in myself. Until I was assaulted twice in the service. I had night terrors about the assaults, such anxiety I couldn't eat or sleep, so I was discharged for anxiety.

Now my husband makes me feel awful for not having a constant job and paying for things even though we have money. My anxiety is worse and worse because of the trials and tribulations I go through, I do everything in the house and handle the finances and cars and bills and anything else that comes up, and also have to hear from my mom that she's suicidal, my dads in the hospital and my grandma is dying. When I try to tell my husband about it, he tells me he doesn't care. He doesn't care about them or my issues and I need to deal with it alone. If I at all show that I'm breaking down, I get chastised for being weak. My life has felt like an endless cycle of anxiety and there is no one that has tried to empathize, it's all "Be stronger, get out there and do something, go make friends." *Sigh*

Honestly I really don't know what triggered it, I was bullied a little in High school but that never affected me that much, I was really closed until like 8th grade then I started to have the answers in class or with the jokes,, it has always been up and down for me some days are better then others.

Shyangel said:

I had the same trouble with my voice as well, Bo. I would talk in accents or I would sound like I had a sour throat. People made fun of me all the time for it, but I couldn't control it. I can relate with you about not really being on the same level as the person your talking to. I have a serious problem with that. The group will be laughing and I will be frowning, it's really hard to connect with people like that. I'm sorry for what you had to go through, Bo. You must be really strong to be where you are right now. If you want to talk about it with someone, feel free to contact me.

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Thank you Shyangel same for you if you every need someone to talk to I will be their.

Genetics mostly. Somehow I have been tense as long as I remember. I have a picture of when I was 3 or 4 and I was tense in that picture. I got dealt a bad hand of cards in life.

Growing up and losing all of my best friends made me this way. It had to happen sooner or later and I haven't relearned how to make friends as great as them since then. I've become self aware of everything and haven't learned how to let people in again.

Well getting to the root of a problem is always difficult for me. I would say social rejection when I was a child and losing a lot of bestfriends. I would also say medication abuse right now and my impulsivity.