Would you move out for increased motivation?

[gustavofring]

I wouldn't expect it to automatically increase motivation.

A change of setting will possibly positively encourage and enthusiast you, but usually once the change has worn off, you may fall back in old patterns. And living alone can become pretty lonely and isolated if you are not outgoing. And that is a killer for motivation.

Atleast this is what I've found. I moved out at 18 because I had no choice, but if I had the choice I would have lived at home a bit longer. Would have probably saved me a LOT of trouble I've gotten myself in to have some parental guidance around me. I wasn't ready yet at all.

But hey, maybe it works for others, and gets the ball of life rolling. I recently have started listening to Zig Ziglar (a motivational speaker) for some much needed positivity and encouragement.

 

[laure15]

I moved out as soon as I finished high school and it was a bad decision. I found myself struggling to pay for housing and food. I had to borrow loans. Also, I lived in several apartments where the walls are paper-thin and the neighbors were nosy as h-ll. They try to listen to what me and my roommate are doing and talk about it. It's like having no privacy at all. Not to mention the roaches, flies, and pests! My roommate and I used to live in cheap apartments and we found ourselves catching roaches and pests from time to time. Also, we had toilet problems. Our toilet was clogged several times so we had to buy a plunger (and later, an auger) to declogg the toilet. We did call the manager's office for help but the maintenance workers usually take 2 days to 1 week to come to our apartment. Several times, our toilet overflowed and the contents flooded the entire bathroom floor, and we spent hours cleaning up the whole disgusting mess. Yuck! I never signed up for this when I moved out of my parents' home.

Anyway, long story short, it was a bad experience for me so I moved back into my parents' house and things have never been better.

Here are some of my 2 cents: Definitely stay away from cheap apartments and bad neighborhoods. If you can afford more expensive upper-scale apartments, it's probably worth it. Learn how to exterminates pests, declog toilets, clean in general. And definitely hone your social skills so that you can deal with your neighbors when they talk or complain to you.

 

[kilojoule]

your problems will not dissipate but at least you will have privacy, independence, and dignity. this alone will boost your confidence. how can you feel any semblance of self worth interacting with people when you are living at home? it is undermining your self esteem, even subconsciously.

as far as affordability, you can afford it if you work full time and look for places within your budget. be realistic. if you make $1300 a month (~ minimum wage, but hopefully you make more!) you can't afford $900 rent. if you are smart and keep your eye out, you can find inexpensive places. think along the lines of a private cottage behind someone's house with utilities included. they're out there. it really comes down to budgeting, living smart, buying smart, and not p*ssing away money on frivolities like video games and cheap, plastic crap you really don't need anyway.

Well said!!! user since 2007? why have I not seen your posts before?!

 

[WeirdyMcGee]

I've lived on my own several times and it didn't really help me not be terrified of people-- especially those city apartments with 12 locks on the door.
haha

 

[Lea]

To those who have moved out - how did you do it financially? If you rent or pay a mortgage, do you have a steady job? And if you do, what would you do in case you loose it? Or if you live in your own, how were you able to save for it?

 

[Flanscho]

I've done that. When I was in school here in Germany, it still took ages to finish it (13 years before highschool or something), and then again more than a year of social service, since I refused to go to the army (that system has been scrapped now too). When I was done with all that, I thought "It's nice here, but I have to get out, to become more independant". So I did that.

A friend of mine in a city about 250 to 300 miles away from my birthplace said, that she knows there people who share a flat in that city, and they need one more roommate. So I went over there, said hello, they liked me, I liked them, and I moved out.

Since we shared the flat, the rent was very cheap, despite beeing in Cologne, which is a very popular city in Germany. About... 170$? And my parents said, that as long as I study, they will support me. Also, I had just inherited about 5000$, which I also invested in studying and rent and stuff. So that worked.

I think without that step, I'd still be at home and things wouldn'T have improved.

 

[WeirdyMcGee]

To those who have moved out - how did you do it financially? If you rent or pay a mortgage, do you have a steady job? And if you do, what would you do in case you loose it? Or if you live in your own, how were you able to save for it?

I had 2 jobs while I was a fulltime college student and 3 jobs when I wasn't.
I didn't have a transit pass, so I walked about 17k every day to get to and from work; in snow and rain. haha

There were job losses-- at one point, my boyfriend lost his job for 4 months and we literally ate ramen noodles that entire time.
I was unemployed for 3 months the year before but managed to find a gig that paid the bills. It was purely luck and coincidence that I even found that job though.

And I never had money in savings for more than a week before something would come up that I had to use the money for.
Car/bike repairs, food, medication, surprise vet appointment, etc.
The more you live alone though-- the more you learn how to get by with as little as possible.

 

[dottie]

Well said!!! user since 2007? why have I not seen your posts before?!

thanks! i recently changed my avatar... idk

 

[dottie]

To those who have moved out - how did you do it financially? If you rent or pay a mortgage, do you have a steady job? And if you do, what would you do in case you loose it? Or if you live in your own, how were you able to save for it?

1. have a full time job. suck it up. stick with it. don't quit. go. work. at least full time, if not more. hopefully you are making above minimum wage. if not, you need to suck it up and take the experience. yeah, you have social phobia and anxiety attacks. you feel panicked, humiliated, and want to hide in the bathroom and cry. learn whatever coping mechanisms you have to to endure and don't quit. remember: instant gratification vs. long term satisfaction... the instant gratification from quitting (walking off of a job because of an anxiety attack) does not exceed the satisfaction of achieving your long-term goal (independence, living on your own, being an adult).

2. build an emergency fund of 3-6 months worth of living expenses. this emergency fund is money you do not touch. it is for dire emergencies only. not clothes. not food. not rent.

3. live below your means. this means spending less than you earn. live a debt-free life- no credit cards. live on a strict budget. budget for savings, rent, groceries, clothes, and some entertainment. don't p*ss your money away on foolish crap you don't need. want to read a book? go to the library or buy used. common sense that seems so uncommon in this world of materialistic entitlement.

4. find a reasonable place to live within your means. the cost of your rent should be no more than 1/3rd of your monthly take home. if you are smart you will find a place where the rent includes utilities, maybe even internet. there are decent inexpensive rentals if you look.

5. be smart. stop making excuses.

oh yeah, i highly suggest dave ramsey's books and radio shows.

 

[coyote]

1. have a full time job. suck it up. stick with it. don't quit. go. work. at least full time, if not more. hopefully you are making above minimum wage. if not, you need to suck it up and take the experience. yeah, you have social phobia and anxiety attacks. you feel panicked, humiliated, and want to hide in the bathroom and cry. learn whatever coping mechanisms you have to to endure and don't quit. remember: instant gratification vs. long term satisfaction... the instant gratification from quitting (walking off of a job because of an anxiety attack) does not exceed the satisfaction of achieving your long-term goal (independence, living on your own, being an adult).

2. build an emergency fund of 3-6 months worth of living expenses. this emergency fund is money you do not touch. it is for dire emergencies only. not clothes. not food. not rent.

3. live below your means. this means spending less than you earn. live a debt-free life- no credit cards. live on a strict budget. budget for savings, rent, groceries, clothes, and some entertainment. don't p*ss your money away on foolish crap you don't need. want to read a book? go to the library or buy used. common sense that seems so uncommon in this world of materialistic entitlement.

4. find a reasonable place to live within your means. the cost of your rent should be no more than 1/3rd of your monthly take home. if you are smart you will find a place where the rent includes utilities, maybe even internet. there are decent inexpensive rentals if you look.

5. be smart. stop making excuses.

oh yeah, i highly suggest dave ramsey's books and radio shows.

 

[Hellhound]

A change of environment? Hell yes.

I have plans of moving in the future. The problem is that I need help for that. I can't do it on my own :/

 

[Lea]

1. have a full time job. suck it up. stick with it. don't quit. go. work. at least full time, if not more. hopefully you are making above minimum wage. if not, you need to suck it up and take the experience. yeah, you have social phobia and anxiety attacks. you feel panicked, humiliated, and want to hide in the bathroom and cry. learn whatever coping mechanisms you have to to endure and don't quit. remember: instant gratification vs. long term satisfaction... the instant gratification from quitting (walking off of a job because of an anxiety attack) does not exceed the satisfaction of achieving your long-term goal (independence, living on your own, being an adult).

2. build an emergency fund of 3-6 months worth of living expenses. this emergency fund is money you do not touch. it is for dire emergencies only. not clothes. not food. not rent.

3. live below your means. this means spending less than you earn. live a debt-free life- no credit cards. live on a strict budget. budget for savings, rent, groceries, clothes, and some entertainment. don't p*ss your money away on foolish crap you don't need. want to read a book? go to the library or buy used. common sense that seems so uncommon in this world of materialistic entitlement.

4. find a reasonable place to live within your means. the cost of your rent should be no more than 1/3rd of your monthly take home. if you are smart you will find a place where the rent includes utilities, maybe even internet. there are decent inexpensive rentals if you look.

5. be smart. stop making excuses.

oh yeah, i highly suggest dave ramsey's books and radio shows.

Typical ISTJ ::

Thanks for your answer, I just asked out of interest how people do it. As for me, I am not intending to ever have my own "home" (unless I had someone to live with). I have lived in plethora of places until now, mostly abroad. I have it a bit complicated, because I don´t plan to settle down in my country, you can´t really "settle down" or feel at home somewhere if you´re alone. And I don´t want to buy a flat in my country. Because I plan on going work abroad and I would have to leave the flat. For some reason I don´t want to stay in my country and find a steady job here for eternity. That would make sense if I had a husband and children, but why else Apart from that, all I could earn with my "skills and experience" here is at most minimum wage, which wouldn´t be enough even to get me by if I had to pay rent and all. Not to mention that I can never count on a steady job.

So if I really knew what I want, I would go for it. But with me it is not so clear as with most others..

What I´m trying now it to get abroad again and stay there as long as possible, save up as much as I can. But that seems like heroic task indeed . If it was up to me only, I´d have that perseverance, but what can I do if employers decide to not hire or fire me because they don´t like me.

 

[Flanscho]

Well, I guess it helps that studying is in Germany mostly free.

 

[voodoochild16]

^I really envy people who's parents allow them to stay for financial reasons. My mother kicked me out before I had found a job and I was not ready.


To the OP, I don't know about being on your own giving you "motivation" to work on or overcome your SA etc, but it does give you a sense of accomplishment in the long term. And with that, comes some confidence because you see that you can do things you never thought possible.

Yes you said some bonuses. The cons is, having no friends makes living alone even more alone. But if you can take that loneliness, there is motivation to be had.

That doesn't go for just about anyone with SA, that's just me. When I lived alone for 3 months I did feel that motivation. Money is alot more precious, and I feel more capable of pushing myself to be more social in some situations, it's basically "the survival effect" in my own mind.

Anyone here can say it doesn't work in their own opinions, and that they don't think it would work for other people, but it's a decision you got to make if you want to do something bad enough and you don't currently have the motivation to do it. The polls are really showing a strong vote towards saying that moving out would work to improve motivation within, so I am even more confident with this decision so far.

 

[Invisibleman]

Yes you said some bonuses. The cons is, having no friends makes living alone even more alone. But if you can take that loneliness, there is motivation to be had.

That doesn't go for just about anyone with SA, that's just me. When I lived alone for 3 months I did feel that motivation. Money is alot more precious, and I feel more capable of pushing myself to be more social in some situations, it's basically "the survival effect" in my own mind.

Anyone here can say it doesn't work in their own opinions, and that they don't think it would work for other people, but it's a decision you got to make if you want to do something bad enough and you don't currently have the motivation to do it. The polls are really showing a strong vote towards saying that moving out would work to improve motivation within, so I am even more confident with this decision so far.

yeah I know EXACTLY what you are talking about with the whole survival thing.

A month or so ago my parents left me home alone for a week. Now i know that is ridiculously miniscule but they were halfway across the country,and living in Canada thats a FAR ASS distance. They left me 100 dollars for the entire week so I had to budget what food I bought like an episode of extreme couponing.

When i had to go to the supermarket to buy food or even go to the post office and collect packages and stuff I didnt even think about it,due to the kind of "survival" mindset I just told SA to f**k off and just did it because I HAD to.

As for the whole "Doesnt work" thing dont let this grimey SPW goon show get you down chief,just because they royally f**ked up they think everybody else on here will too. Trust me chief they give me the same song and dance when I say I think my SA will improve in university.Just because their uni years were complete **** doesnt mean mine will be too.

I think that you should go ahead and do it. listen to yourself. Good luck

 

[BlueDays]

...When i had to go to the supermarket to buy food or even go to the post office and collect packages and stuff I didnt even think about it,due to the kind of "survival" mindset I just told SA to f**k off and just did it because I HAD to.

Yep, thats what I was talking about. You do things because you HAVE TO and the burst of confidence that comes after you have done it then helps you to be able to accomplish even more.

 

[BlackPuma]

I'm not sure. I think I'd enjoy it, because I love to organize and plan things my way, but the problem is money. Living on my own and running small errands like grocery shopping would be just awesome, but I can't hold down a job without suffering an extreme nose dive in mental strength and stability.

The negative of it might just render the positive of it entirely moot. I don't know, really. And the question remains also how I'd respond to spending less on entertainment/novelty items. I enjoy my movies, games and shows a whole lot. Those currently hold my spirit up.

So that's what it all comes down to; money. Money I don't have, and currently have no way of securing for any foreseeable amount of time. So, I really don't know.

 

[kilojoule]

Yep, thats what I was talking about. You do things because you HAVE TO and the burst of confidence that comes after you have done it then helps you to be able to accomplish even more.

Here here!!!

 

[kilojoule]

I very very much agree with Dottie's post on this. Good solid advice on how to.

I also recommend sharing. I can't afford to live alone ( rent is extortionate here) but I share a house with others.Also I prefer sharing, feels more secure in the city I don't have an emergency fund and I do have debt and Im a full time student but I still manage.Its really tough sometimes but it is about sensible living within your means or better, below your means and saving. Anyway my social life is tame which helps lol

 

[voodoochild16]

What were those 3 months like?? Did you see an improvement in your motivation or your mood? What changed?

I did see some improvement, it definitely sucked being alone and I took that loneliness and turned it into something else, I guess.