worrywort
Well-known member
If you're like me and don't have many friends, and tend to avoid starting new relationships or getting too close to people, why do you think that is?
I think I had a little revelation recently. I've been finding that when I look around at other people for potential friends and relationships, there doesn't seem to be anybody out there that I particularly like. I've been worried that I've been becoming too picky and too hateful of others. But then I realised it's just another defence mechanism I've adopted. Relationships are hard for me. All forms of social contact are generally pretty stressful and nerve-racking for me, and feel like chores and ordeals to get through, rather than pleasurable experiences. This is because I'm generally always on high alert for my root fear of negative judgement. Always, at the back of my mind, I'm worried that I'll do something embarrassing or a tough question will be asked and all my shameful secrets will be exposed.
And so when it comes to getting close to people, I avoid it because it's at that point when I have to reveal my social peculiarities to them, and it can all get a bit sensitive and painful. When I reveal how I don't really have any friends and spend 95% of my time alone, and how I have some pretty shameful attitudes I'm not proud of that my social anxiety has morphed out of shape over the years, most people don't respond well to these revelations.
I also hate being the one that always pulls away from a relationship first. I don't want to hurt people'e feelings, I wish I could love everyone, but most people I find too much hard work to be around, so I have to say goodbye, or phase them out, because of my own shit, not theirs.
And so because of all of this, I've basically become ultra cautious and picky about who I begin relationships with. Particularly with people who don't have any experience with SA. I almost right them off immediately, because I just can't imagine how a relationship with that person would be anything but excruciating, when my weird social peculiarities are exposed to them, there's just no way they'd understand.
But perhaps this is harsh and a little pessimistic. Everybody's got baggage to some degree. Maybe other's would be more sympathetic than I think. And also, maybe getting to know someone, only to realise it's not quite working and to drift away from each other again, maybe that's not such a terrible thing? Maybe that's how it works? We still connected in a small way for a short while and that's something at least.
But I'd love to hear people thoughts on all this stuff. Can anyone relate?
I think I had a little revelation recently. I've been finding that when I look around at other people for potential friends and relationships, there doesn't seem to be anybody out there that I particularly like. I've been worried that I've been becoming too picky and too hateful of others. But then I realised it's just another defence mechanism I've adopted. Relationships are hard for me. All forms of social contact are generally pretty stressful and nerve-racking for me, and feel like chores and ordeals to get through, rather than pleasurable experiences. This is because I'm generally always on high alert for my root fear of negative judgement. Always, at the back of my mind, I'm worried that I'll do something embarrassing or a tough question will be asked and all my shameful secrets will be exposed.
And so when it comes to getting close to people, I avoid it because it's at that point when I have to reveal my social peculiarities to them, and it can all get a bit sensitive and painful. When I reveal how I don't really have any friends and spend 95% of my time alone, and how I have some pretty shameful attitudes I'm not proud of that my social anxiety has morphed out of shape over the years, most people don't respond well to these revelations.
I also hate being the one that always pulls away from a relationship first. I don't want to hurt people'e feelings, I wish I could love everyone, but most people I find too much hard work to be around, so I have to say goodbye, or phase them out, because of my own shit, not theirs.
And so because of all of this, I've basically become ultra cautious and picky about who I begin relationships with. Particularly with people who don't have any experience with SA. I almost right them off immediately, because I just can't imagine how a relationship with that person would be anything but excruciating, when my weird social peculiarities are exposed to them, there's just no way they'd understand.
But perhaps this is harsh and a little pessimistic. Everybody's got baggage to some degree. Maybe other's would be more sympathetic than I think. And also, maybe getting to know someone, only to realise it's not quite working and to drift away from each other again, maybe that's not such a terrible thing? Maybe that's how it works? We still connected in a small way for a short while and that's something at least.
But I'd love to hear people thoughts on all this stuff. Can anyone relate?
