Why do people believe relationships will make you happy?

[Kiwong]

I realise the most important relationships to me are with my family. They cared when I reached out. I need to make an effort to keep connecting with them

 

[FriendlyShadow]

I realise the most important relationships to me are with my family. They cared when I reached out. I need to make an effort to keep connecting with them

I think now I realize that having family and friends might be more understandable than a desire to have a relationship. Your family and friends have had a connection with you for so long and I think now I can see why some you say that. But I'm puzzled why there are those who just want a relationship or want to hurry into having a boyfriend/girlfriend. I think it's better to have your family and friends with you.

 

[FriendlyShadow]

It's kinda like not being physically active when you're out of shape and saying "When I am in shape I will take-up "X" sport", when actually participating in and doing the sport will get you in shape. I have done that with back-country skiing

Actually having a relationship and being physically active are two irrelevant subjects. Exercising is something you need in your daily life to keep and help your body be healthy and active. A relationship is a choice because it is not something you are required to have in your life. You either want it or you don't. If you aren't exercising to keep yourself physically active and healthy, than I'm sorry but if that's how you want to live the rest of your life suffering from diabetes and health problems than that's your choice I guess. Being in a relationship doesn't actually have affect or harm you whether or not you choose to be in one or not. Just like marriage, some people want to get married others don't. It's a choice. Exercising and being physically active is a necessity and is necessary for your body because you will reduce the health problems or diseases there are. I bet many people who are single aren't lonely or are unhappy with themselves. That's just the way they want to live their life and that's okay. It's just like say for example a girl who doesn't like wearing pink, but likes to wear boyish clothing. That's a choice, not a requirement that people think she needs to doll up herself in pretty clothing and play with dolls because society has taught people how to act as their gender role. You either want a relationship or you don't want one, that's only up to you to decide that.

 

[AGR]

Hum everybody relies on others to be happy,if you were alone in the world and were not crazy you wouldn't be happy,humans rely on others to be happy.
Needless to say as human interactions can make you happy they can also have the opposite effect.

 

[FriendlyShadow]

Hum everybody relies on others to be happy,if you were alone in the world and were not crazy you wouldn't be happy,humans rely on others to be happy.
Needless to say as human interactions can make you happy they can also have the opposite effect.

I think you some of you guys are misunderstanding my thread. Maybe it was my fault that I wan't very clear that having families or friends can help you in the beginning of my post, but I think that's a little too fast that most people, in especially a younger age want a relationship and think just that that their lives will be instantly cured if they didn't have a boyfriend/girlfriend. Now, I do now understand that having a family and friends(as long as they treat you good and with respect) can help you in some ways since their is a close connection because you've been living with them the throughout your life. But you can't automatically just assume "Well, if I get a boyfriend/girlfriend because I saw on TV that the couples get along so well and have perfect lives, my boyfriend/girlfriend will do the same for me." But how do they actually know that that ever will happen to them. For some it could happen, but you can't read everything you see on TV and in magazines to be accurate and telling the truth, which most people have are sadly starting to believe in. Being single for most people I mean, doesn't mean they are unhappy and lonely. You know, most people enjoy liviing that kind of lifestyle and that's their choice if they want to have that or not. I think I can blame hollywood and media for setting out false propagandas and false, unrealistic reality expectations that many people are starting to be brainwashed with. It kind of scares me.

 

[Earthcircle]

I tend to believe that it would make me feel better. I also tend to believe that it won't happen, since the last serious relationship I had ended in 1998. Actually, it ended in death, a fact which one psychotherapist of mine refused to believe. Is death really that incredible?

 

[Odo]

Considering this is a social phobia website, let's go with that.

I have social phobia.
I am in a relationship.
I am happier than I was before this relationship.

If you're relying on someone else to make you happy, it's certainly relevant. People frequently end up worse off than they were before.

As MollyBeGood said-- if you're not willing to take the risks, then you won't make any gains. There are worse things in the world than getting hurt.

A lot of people. Many feel that as long as they can get a boyfriend/girlfriend, all of their anxiety and phobias will vanish. No one ever said to avoid dating just because you have social anxiety. Which seems to be what you're getting from this discussion.

If that's what this thread is about, then I guess the word 'happy' is what threw me... and the majority of other posters on this thread. Maybe it should have read 'Why do people believe relationships will cure their SA'?

But even saying that, I think that being in a relationship can improve your confidence on some levels. Married people get better treatment from society than single people... and I would imagine couples get better treatment than loners.

A good, supportive relationship can add a lot of value to your life psychologically, physically, emotionally, and spiritually.

 

[bcsr]

If that's what this thread is about, then I guess the word 'happy' is what threw me... and the majority of other posters on this thread. Maybe it should have read 'Why do people believe relationships will cure their SA'?

Maybe, but that is what the thread topic is, and that's what I'm discussing. It was never "people with social anxiety shouldn't date."

I think you some of you guys are misunderstanding my thread. Maybe it was my fault that I wan't very clear that having families or friends can help you in the beginning of my post, but I think that's a little too fast that most people, in especially a younger age want a relationship and think just that that their lives will be instantly cured if they didn't have a boyfriend/girlfriend.

We're apparently discussing two separate topics.

 

[Odo]

I would be quite happy if i had the guts to visit a ''massage parlour a couple of times a week. Not a lot for an aged virgin to ask....is it?

You know, I think you would be able to find someone your age on online dating sites for older people.

 

[MollyBeGood]

Actually having a relationship and being physically active are two irrelevant subjects. Exercising is something you need in your daily life to keep and help your body be healthy and active. A relationship is a choice because it is not something you are required to have in your life. You either want it or you don't. If you aren't exercising to keep yourself physically active and healthy, than I'm sorry but if that's how you want to live the rest of your life suffering from diabetes and health problems than that's your choice I guess. Being in a relationship doesn't actually have affect or harm you whether or not you choose to be in one or not. Just like marriage, some people want to get married others don't. It's a choice. Exercising and being physically active is a necessity and is necessary for your body because you will reduce the health problems or diseases there are. I bet many people who are single aren't lonely or are unhappy with themselves. That's just the way they want to live their life and that's okay. It's just like say for example a girl who doesn't like wearing pink, but likes to wear boyish clothing. That's a choice, not a requirement that people think she needs to doll up herself in pretty clothing and play with dolls because society has taught people how to act as their gender role. You either want a relationship or you don't want one, that's only up to you to decide that.

Yes, obviously they are two different things hun. I was using it as an example of something people make excuses for-"No one will ever love me because I am depressed", (more depression follows) ..so I won't even try to be in a relationship.
"I am too out of shape to run" person making excuses for lack of physical ability...-Well try running to get into shape! *magic!* Person is in shape from running.

I know from experience, if you don't try at the thing you want to achieve you won't ever get anywhere with it. If you don't practice, and take risks and make mistakes you won't ever advance and learn. You have to get hurt a lot, but like scrapes and bruises of learning to ride a bike, that's the only way through it. LoL sorry if you don't like my analogies. I explain a lot of things that way. Good luck in whatever you do!

 

[Kiwong]

There are differerent kinds of relationships, with pets, families, friends, nature, lovers. I really believe building some form of relationship is as important to your physical health as eating healthy and exercising. Exercise and building relationships are life choices, that can have an impact on health.

 

[MollyBeGood]

There are differerent kinds of relationships, with pets, families, friends, nature, lovers. I really believe building some form of relationship is as important to your physical health as eating healthy and exercising. Exercise and building relationships are life choices, that can have an impact on health.

well said-agree completely.

 

[FriendlyShadow]

Yes, obviously they are two different things hun. I was using it as an example of something people make excuses for-"No one will ever love me because I am depressed", (more depression follows) ..so I won't even try to be in a relationship.
"I am too out of shape to run" person making excuses for lack of physical ability...-Well try running to get into shape! *magic!* Person is in shape from running.

I know from experience, if you don't try at the thing you want to achieve you won't ever get anywhere with it. If you don't practice, and take risks and make mistakes you won't ever advance and learn. You have to get hurt a lot, but like scrapes and bruises of learning to ride a bike, that's the only way through it. LoL sorry if you don't like my analogies. I explain a lot of things that way. Good luck in whatever you do!

Yes, obviously they are two different things hun. I was using it as an example of something people make excuses for-"No one will ever love me because I am depressed", (more depression follows) ..so I won't even try to be in a relationship.
"I am too out of shape to run" person making excuses for lack of physical ability...-Well try running to get into shape! *magic!* Person is in shape from running.

Ok, well I'm sorry I mistaken what you said earlier in your posts to me. I'm not saying it as in people saying "No one will ever love me because I am depressed." I'm saying it as in people saying things like "Well, if my friends and the people on TV have perfect relationships, then that must means it might work if my boyfriend/girlfriend would do the same for me." That's not healthy thinking. I'm saying that you don't have to need to have a boyfriend/girlfriend to cure for you problems I should say. In fact, take a look at how the world is today. I hear on the radio how there's always school shooting, men beating on their wives/girlfriends, drug dealers, ect. It's hard when you have to become comfortable around people whom you don't know if they are just hiding their true personalities or comfortable around people who will put you down all the time. People shouldn't rely on how TV promotes how couples act or rely on those woman magazines and see couples who look happy and look perfect together.

"I am too out of shape to run" person making excuses for lack of physical ability...-Well try running to get into shape! *magic!* Person is in shape from running.

Yes, true, but I'm not actually talking about making up excuses. I'm talking about people thinking that when they see their friends in a relationship or if it's just Hollywood promoting perfect couples that nothing in life ever goes wrong with them. You can't think like that. It'd be nice you can have the support, but you can't have high expectations that your boyfriend/girlfriend will make it better for you.
LoL sorry if you don't like my analogies. I explain a lot of things that way. Good luck in whatever you do!

I'm not trying to be mean to you, Mollygoodbe and I'm sorry if I'm coming off as that. I'm just saying the things you see in Tv, magazines, or anything that involves people having the fanciest houses, the biggest cash of money, the perfect clothes, you shouldn't let Hollywood or the media tell you what to do in your life or at least not let them control you of what you do. When people think like that, that's like brainwashing someone to do something for you own satisfaction. IMO, I really don't think people should just expect that something perfect will come out of having a relationship.

 

[FriendlyShadow]

I know a lot of you disagree with me and maybe I shouldn't try to shove my opinions out. I just wanted to express on how I felt about this topic. I'm sorry if I came off as being brusque or rude to some of you.

 

[FriendlyShadow]

There are differerent kinds of relationships, with pets, families, friends, nature, lovers. I really believe building some form of relationship is as important to your physical health as eating healthy and exercising. Exercise and building relationships are life choices, that can have an impact on health.

Yes, I do agree that exercising and having loved ones like families, pets I think can make very good companions, friends and so on. I know some of you don't agree with my thinking. I'm just saying that you can't think that just having a relationship with someone right away will make you better, especially if it's rushed. But that's just me.

 

[MollyBeGood]

Everything that you said I already mentioned in my very first post on your thread

No worries, you're fine, Lions. This subject is touchy literally and figuratively!

 

[FriendlyShadow]

Everything that you said I already mentioned in my very first post on your thread

No worries, you're fine, Lions. This subject is touchy literally and figuratively!

Yeah, I guess some people and I just have different views on this subject. And yes, this subject was a bit touchy than I had expected for it to go. I guess people just have different reasons on things than others.

 

[Whoopdeedoo]

I get you. I have had plenty of relationships that started on a high note and ended in tears and frustration and its hard . Ive often felt like whats the point
Of all this aggravation and pain. I now TRY to practice a little more detachment to outcomes. And balance my expectations. I havent dated in about 2 years because i basically had my heart ripped out. And im afraid to put myself out there again...i sometimes feel i get no viable options. I try to come into new relationships when im healed of the old ones wounds which is sort of stupid but its just part of what makes me me.
Alot of people dont do this. They jump from one relationship to another and often engage with multiple partners at a time. Which makes me upset because i have to deal with now with others emotional and financial entanglements with prior lovers . And it sucks when other peoples problems are now mine
Now im trying to be a little more cautious and not wear my heart on my sleeve
Im scared but im going to try and be patient. I shouldnt have to work so hard to get and keep relationships. When they get that difficult maybe theyre just not meant to be.
Relationships sure can make life harder but i have to ask
What else is there ? Ive loved ive lost and im getting older and im not as resilient. But i will recover and im glad i had them. Id really like some better options
Im Holding on & just breathing til love comes around and praying to god that it will come and stay and be healthy

 

[Kiwong]

I think I agree that anyone expecting to have all their problems magically solved by getting a boyfriend or girlfriend will be disappointed. Similar to virgins thinking having sex will make life such a better place.

 

[S_Spartan]

I find relationships to be too hard these days. Too many problems. People are too flakey.

They expect a lot but only want to give a little or nothing at all.

Just my current perspective.