Why do love-shy men NOT want to show they like/love a woman?
- Thread starter TooShyShy
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theslowesthand
Banned
Asdafasdfasdgasd
If i was 95% sure, then that would sort out the fear of rejection part ... leaving all the other hurdles to deal with (pessimism about any relationship working, believing she'll reject me later on, fear of how my life would change (& fear of anxiety/depression), etc, etc, etc).
For me, fear of rejection is just one of many fears i have concerning women.
If i was 95% sure, then that would sort out the fear of rejection part ... leaving all the other hurdles to deal with (pessimism about any relationship working, believing she'll reject me later on, fear of how my life would change (& fear of anxiety/depression), etc, etc, etc).
For me, fear of rejection is just one of many fears i have concerning women.
theslowesthand
Banned
WHHHY WAS THAT FOR THE BEST?
She could have been the love of your life?
As i said in my previous post, even if i like her (quite common) & she likes me (happens fairly regularly), thats just the rejection part. Okay, so she might not reject me, well thats just the tip of iceberg of possible problems.
Such events happen to me every year, a few times on average. Which means in theory i've possibly missed out on "the love of my life" at least 50 or so times during my life .. so whats one more eh...
Also having never had a relationship, i'm still VERY sceptical about it all. It all seems too "animalistic" or "common" for my liking (yep, yet another fear)
Skeptical, strange word. Seems to fit. Makes sense of some thoughts.
What is meant by animalistic and common?
theslowesthand
Banned
Basically, "mistrusting" of any romantic relationship (even though havent had one). Believing that they produce way more negatives than positives.
Animalistic: Too much in-common with animal "relationships" (ie involving similar parts of the brain, such as certain "physical appetites")
Common:
- Having no special designation, status, or rank: a common sailor.
- Not distinguished by superior or noteworthy characteristics; average: the common spectator.
- Of no special quality; standard: common procedure.
- Of mediocre or inferior quality; second-rate: common cloth.
- Unrefined or coarse in manner; vulgar: behavior that branded him as common.
- commons: The social class composed of commoners.
- common·ness n.
Synonyms: common, ordinary, familiar, vulgar
These adjectives describe what is generally known or frequently encountered. Common applies to what takes place often, is widely used, or is well known: The term also implies coarseness or a lack of distinction: My wallet was stolen by a common thief.
Ordinary describes something usual that is indistinguishable from others, sometimes derogatorily: A ballpoint pen is adequate for ordinary purposes. The critic gave the ordinary performance a mediocre review.
Vulgar describes association with the great mass of people and often connotes lack of refinement: "He [Shakespeare] was not something sacred and aloof from the vulgar herd of men" (William Hazlitt) - Derogatory considered by the speaker to be low-class, vulgar, or coarse a common accent
- common - having no special distinction or quality; widely known or commonly encountered; average or ordinary or usual; "the common man"; "a common sailor"
- common - of low or inferior quality or value
- common - lacking refinement or cultivation or taste; "he had coarse manners but a first-rate mind"; "behavior that branded him as common"; "an untutored and uncouth human being"; "an uncouth soldier--a real tough guy"; "appealing to the vulgar taste for violence"
TooShyShy
Well-known member
Maybe its not mistrust..maybe its just being inexperienced and afraid of the unknown..unchartered territory..love can be scary but it also can be thrilling
My question is, how can you go through life not knowing what it is to love and be loved; physically, emotionally, etc. Can you live with the ''what if...?'' Especially if she is showing you that she likes you (or at least did tell you in the past) don't you owe it to yourself to take a chance if she is there waiting for you?????
Short story.....
The shyguy i have posted about drove past my home 2 Saturdays ago..well he was almost there until i pulled out of my driveway and caught him and of course he was shocked..and i am sure embarrassed..we both slowed down when we realized, looked at one another and then drove off. I couldn't believe it was him!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So when we got into work Monday...i just smiled at him and said hello to let him know i wasn't bothered atll..i actually liked it to be honest with you..he eventually got over it but he was MORTIFIED ALL DAY MONDAY he actually looked frightened everytime he saw me...WHY????
What's the big deal..why can't i know HE LIKES ME?????
My question is, how can you go through life not knowing what it is to love and be loved; physically, emotionally, etc. Can you live with the ''what if...?'' Especially if she is showing you that she likes you (or at least did tell you in the past) don't you owe it to yourself to take a chance if she is there waiting for you?????
Short story.....
The shyguy i have posted about drove past my home 2 Saturdays ago..well he was almost there until i pulled out of my driveway and caught him
and of course he was shocked..and i am sure embarrassed..we both slowed down when we realized, looked at one another and then drove off. I couldn't believe it was him!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!So when we got into work Monday...i just smiled at him and said hello to let him know i wasn't bothered atll..i actually liked it to be honest with you..he eventually got over it but he was MORTIFIED ALL DAY MONDAY he actually looked frightened everytime he saw me...WHY????
What's the big deal..why can't i know HE LIKES ME?????
I think it's the fear and embarrassment of letting her know how you feel, her making a move on you and then people totally scared and unsure as what to do or approach the situation.
E.g. if she's going to kiss you what do you do, where do you put your hands, do you close your eyes? The other fear is that having little or no contact with females, something as innocent as a quick kiss is likely to excite the male (erection), which is something serious to worry about such as does she think there's something wrong with me, will she think that my only aim is to sleep with her when actually I want a serious relationship, will I be able to hide it from anyone else about, is it going to get in the way?
E.g. if she's going to kiss you what do you do, where do you put your hands, do you close your eyes? The other fear is that having little or no contact with females, something as innocent as a quick kiss is likely to excite the male (erection), which is something serious to worry about such as does she think there's something wrong with me, will she think that my only aim is to sleep with her when actually I want a serious relationship, will I be able to hide it from anyone else about, is it going to get in the way?
skins
1
Tooshyshy: you are soo frustrating!! you are always asking advice on this matter but yet you never seem to follow any of it and so the situation remains unchanged *sigh*
refer back to my post in that its probably a very frustrating and anxiety provoking situation for him...he senses there is some sort of chemisty between you, and wants to act on it but can't or is affraid to due to his shyness...for once i just want to see you post 'well i sat down with him today and got things out in the open once and for all' lol...please do us all a favour, air things out in private at the work christmas party or somthing after drinking some 'truth syrum' or the like...some very good advice on here is all i will say.
refer back to my post in that its probably a very frustrating and anxiety provoking situation for him...he senses there is some sort of chemisty between you, and wants to act on it but can't or is affraid to due to his shyness...for once i just want to see you post 'well i sat down with him today and got things out in the open once and for all' lol...please do us all a favour, air things out in private at the work christmas party or somthing after drinking some 'truth syrum' or the like...some very good advice on here is all i will say.
I don't think you understand skins. If TooShyShy will try and sit this man down, he's likely to refuse or run away if he has romantic feelings towards her. And I thin TooShyShy really likes him, so is not going to give up. TooShyShy can do her best but the man may make any excuse to get out of what he perceives to be awkward situations. I do.
skins
1
if this is the case then he's just not ready for a relationship, and she shouldn't persue it....don't get me wrong i was that shy once but, but i forced myself to face my fears head on in order to have a relationship with a girl a liked..it was hard at first but was eventually able to break through a barrier and be comfortable around that person, it takes time, hard work and commmitment..if he's not at the stage where he's even willing to try that then he should be just left alone IMO...its just not worth the drama and frustration to both ppl
goldenholds
Well-known member
To Tooshyshy,
I have behaved like your crush, and this is what I would wish someone do for me:
Ignore the anxiousness and scare the living daylights right out of him.
Talk to him, phone him, email him, text him, ask him out, send him gifts, touch him, hug him, tell him how you feel...whatever you wish to do to him.
Then wait. Wait for him to get over it and come around. It may take hours, days or even weeks. Just wait. And if he offers any complaints to you whatever, just ask him how many times he has driven by your house and tell him to hurry up and stop being anxious already.
When he comes around, scare the crap out of him again. And again. And again. And again. Until either you don't love him anymore or you pass from this earth.
I have behaved like your crush, and this is what I would wish someone do for me:
Ignore the anxiousness and scare the living daylights right out of him.
Talk to him, phone him, email him, text him, ask him out, send him gifts, touch him, hug him, tell him how you feel...whatever you wish to do to him.
Then wait. Wait for him to get over it and come around. It may take hours, days or even weeks. Just wait. And if he offers any complaints to you whatever, just ask him how many times he has driven by your house and tell him to hurry up and stop being anxious already.
When he comes around, scare the crap out of him again. And again. And again. And again. Until either you don't love him anymore or you pass from this earth.
LookingForward
Well-known member
assumption of rejection...
R3K
Well-known member
But what if she feels the same way? How do you ever know?
And doesn't it hurt more when she then stops trying, bcuz she feels you've rejected her..and possibly finds someone else?
Its a rollercoaster ride that gets you (and her) no where
This is why social anxiety disorder sucks. You can try to treat it, adapt to it, fight it--whatever, but these situations are still going to happen. Your situation might just be a huge tragedy in the making. it does hurt more when a dude realizes a girl stops trying because she feels he's rejected her due to his social impetence. makes his life a living hell, destroys his confidence (what little he had). that's the reality of all love-shy men, it just basically sucks all day long, every day.
like Goldenholds was saying, you're just gonna have to bombard him with affection and flirtation and all kinds of obvious signs that you want him and wait for him to come around... question is: is this how you want any "relationship" with him to be defined? and it is possible this tactic might not work.
(sorry for the negative post :
: btw)