Why do love-shy men NOT want to show they like/love a woman?

[RolloTomasi]

I can only speak for myself, but I'm pretty dedicated to staying single. I've been in a few relationships; all have ended badly. Sometimes it was my fault, sometimes theirs. But I've had quite enough of it for one lifetime. I'm content with my life as it is and I don't feel that I'm lacking anything.

Perhaps it's more than a little selfish, but I don't want another person intruding on what I have going on. My work takes up a great deal of my time and I like to spend my free time doing what I enjoy(mostly sleeping). A significant other would eat away at what little free time I have.

I've been in the situation of meeting someone interesting and have been infatuated a time or two, but I always remind myself that it's best for me to not get involved or become attached. Although I don't have much in the way of self esteem or self confidence, for me it's not a fear of getting my feelings hurt. I just prefer not to rock the boat. I get to keep my life the way it is and no one ends up hating me a few months later when she stops seeing me as interesting. Just my two cents.

 

[JamesSmith]

A short, simple answer to your question is "fear." The reason guys don't want to show that they like a girl is fear that something bad will happen, in most cases rejection. There are other things to fear such as awkwardness, people talking about how you like her, people laughing at you because they think she's "out of your league," or people laughing at you because they think she isn't good enough for you. There are probably other things people fear that can't think of right now.

Fear is a powerful force. Heck it's the reason we are all in this forum talking about our problems and such.

 

[skins]

But what if she feels the same way? How do you ever know?

And doesn't it hurt more when she then stops trying, bcuz she feels you've rejected her..and possibly finds someone else?

Its a rollercoaster ride that gets you (and her) no where

this is why communication is the key, which ive stressed so many times, but which you just skirt around everytime. saying you have a fear of driving him away is just an excuse, if they honestly have feelings for you then then it will never drive them away.

 

[R3X]

This is why social anxiety disorder sucks. You can try to treat it, adapt to it, fight it--whatever, but these situations are still going to happen. Your situation might just be a huge tragedy in the making. it does hurt more when a dude realizes a girl stops trying because she feels he's rejected her due to his social impetence. makes his life a living hell, destroys his confidence (what little he had). that's the reality of all love-shy men, it just basically sucks all day long, every day.

that's pretty much the summary of my current situation..yes it sucks...A LOT..to point of self-hate which i'm trying my hardest to NOT do..

 

[nzm33443]

Having read some of these posts, I tend to agree. For me, its a fear of rejection and also, a fear of her saying yes. Its a catch 22 for me. So I tend just to not do anything and be miserably lonely. Its ridiculous.

I actually dated someone for the first time last year (I'm 26!). Saw her for a few months and I thought things were going well. She seemed to respond to my bumbling advances. Then she told me the whole time she didnt actually like me "in that way", she just didnt want to hurt my feelings. She just wanted to be "friends". So I spent two months looking like an utter fool. That pretty much destroyed any confidence I had gained in an instant.

 

[Chriiss]

I've found that when I speak to a girl in the past. I know I liked her an she like me but I couldn't physically say that I like her and we just stayed friends. Eventually she moved on , got a boyfriend. I think I blew it but I don't know.

Some boys want to say they love you to a girl but are either scared of committment or are just scared to express there true feelings. I know in my case I wasn't 100% sure that she liked me back so I held back and lost her.

 

[FountainandFairfax]

I've found that when I speak to a girl in the past. I know I liked her an she like me but I couldn't physically say that I like her and we just stayed friends. Eventually she moved on , got a boyfriend. I think I blew it but I don't know.

Some boys want to say they love you to a girl but are either scared of committment or are just scared to express there true feelings. I know in my case I wasn't 100% sure that she liked me back so I held back and lost her.

I’ve done this so many times that I’ve lost count. It seems like there’s a very small window when a girl likes you, and if you don’t girder up your loins and dive through very quick, it slams shut forever. I think they just figure that you’re too weak to be their man.

After all, If you can’t even pounce on something that wants to be pounced on, how could you convince them you’d be a serious provider/lover/protector?

“I want you in my life as a friend.” Ha Ha Ha

Oh man, life is awesome.

 

[R3X]

I’ve done this so many times that I’ve lost count. It seems like there’s a very small window when a girl likes you, and if you don’t girder up your loins and dive through very quick, it slams shut forever. I think they just figure that you’re too weak to be their man.

After all, If you can’t even pounce on something that wants to be pounced on, how could you convince them you’d be a serious provider/lover/protector?

“I want you in my life as a friend.” Ha Ha Ha

Oh man, life is awesome.

*nods head*
I agree....when a girl likes you,she expects you to go for her ASAP but since we have our own **** to deal with,we tend to take things VERY slowly sometimes from months to years because we tend to think "too much"...
and in the end,we fail...and beat ourselves for it...::

 

[alejandro84]

ok well im crap at reading signals anyway so that does not help! People have told me to look for these signals but i end up being totally wrong about it and made to look a complete fool! This adds to my anxiety and now i wont let a woman know i am interested because ive got it wrong so many times. I have a crush on someone i see around but never spoken to she is very quiet and she used to not give any eye contact or said hello to me although she had a boyfriend back then but ive since found out she split up with him and now more recently she started looking at me then looking away really quickly and then looking back in the corner of her eye. she smiles at me a lot but dont know if shes doing that to everyone if you know what i mean. Nobody else knows i like her. Could be reading too much into things again so im not gonna do anything about it lol

 

[R3X]

ok well im crap at reading signals anyway so that does not help! People have told me to look for these signals but i end up being totally wrong about it and made to look a complete fool! This adds to my anxiety and now i wont let a woman know i am interested because ive got it wrong so many times. I have a crush on someone i see around but never spoken to she is very quiet and she used to not give any eye contact or said hello to me although she had a boyfriend back then but ive since found out she split up with him and now more recently she started looking at me then looking away really quickly and then looking back in the corner of her eye. she smiles at me a lot but dont know if shes doing that to everyone if you know what i mean. Nobody else knows i like her. Could be reading too much into things again so im not gonna do anything about it lol

could be a 'sign' man....it's almost exactly what i had with a girl i liked...the girl never smiled before,never said anything but suddenly,she starts doing the opposite for quite some time....but from my exp,dont expect too much....sometimes,there are girls who are just plain flirty...and sometimes they just don't know they are flirting and sometimes they're just being friendly...lol...it's hard to predict so it's best to just talk to her(when she smiles / says hi to you)...maybe you'll find out then...good luck bro!

 

[alejandro84]

could be a 'sign' man....it's almost exactly what i had with a girl i liked...the girl never smiled before,never said anything but suddenly,she starts doing the opposite for quite some time....but from my exp,dont expect too much....sometimes,there are girls who are just plain flirty...and sometimes they just don't know they are flirting and sometimes they're just being friendly...lol...it's hard to predict so it's best to just talk to her(when she smiles / says hi to you)...maybe you'll find out then...good luck bro!

lol but the other day before all the smiling i was looking at her and when she walked by she didnt even look at me but then again i do the same to her sometimes and avoid looking at her even when i like her. And a couple of weeks ago she would walk past me tossing her hair but not looking at me. Ive spoken to other people she talks to in just general conversation but they have not mentioned her at all so shes either not interested or shes keeping it to herself and not told anyone. Ive not told anyone else about liking her either.

 

[R3X]

lol but the other day before all the smiling i was looking at her and when she walked by she didnt even look at me but then again i do the same to her sometimes and avoid looking at her even when i like her. And a couple of weeks ago she would walk past me tossing her hair but not looking at me. Ive spoken to other people she talks to in just general conversation but they have not mentioned her at all so shes either not interested or shes keeping it to herself and not told anyone. Ive not told anyone else about liking her either.

the tossing hair thing irrelevant actually(though some say otherwise),what's important is how she acts once she knows you're around(your presence)...is it any different or she still acts the same? 'cause usually people act differently around someone they like,so try and find that out...could give you a clue on whether she likes you or not...

and you know,the general signs that someone is interested / likes another person are usually the signs you said like :
-looking away really quickly
-looking back in the corner of her eye
-smiles alot (if its SPECIFICALLY to YOU(and not everyone else),then yes,she likes you)

hell,these 3 alone is enough to prove that she is interested...so talk to her...casually,you know, like a colleague or friend or something...yeah,i know it's hard since we're very shy/SA/reserved but talk dude...it won't progress without any verbal contact...i've wasted my time on "guessing" so don't be like me,just talk to her when you've got the chance...

hoped i helped a bit with my VERY limited knowledge/personal exp...

 

[JamesSmith]

It's always because of fear of something. In many cases it's fear of rejection, fear of embarrassment of some kind. It's always the fear of something negative happening after you show that you like her.

 

[Chriiss]

Yee I agree with James.
I know from a rare experience that when I talk to the girl it's not just fear of rejection from the girl. But fear of embarassment from everyone like her friends and then being taunted for asking her out.

 

[TooShyShy]

Could a guy be this way with only ONE GIRL but ok to share things with others; his likes, dislikes, hobbies, etc? Not get too personal with her for fear she may find they are not compatible, alike, etc.?

Would he be so worried of rejection from her and only her he'd arther not share ANYTHING personal with her so she doesn't start to think they are getting close?

 

[EdgeCrusher]

for me its always been a confidence issue. i feel like there is no way that someone like her will be interested in me. i dont know why i do that to myself, i cant help it. thats always where my mind goes. i always find stuff that i think people will see as something wrong with me.

 

[MrShyGuy26]

Fear plays a big part for me coupled with a handful of bad and painful experiences. My family and friends often give me the same old advice, "Just tell her how you feel. What do you have to use?" The problem is that they don't understand (nor will they ever understand) just how much work and energy it takes for me just to be able to walk up to the girl to say, "Hi." So when I finally get to a place where I can actually express my feelings I'm pretty much offering everything I have only to find myself on the receiving end of rejection.

I guess after a few tries I found safety in avoidance. Why go through all the effort just to be rejected?

 

[aidan]

fear. afraid i will be ridiculed, afraid she will not like me the same way if i show my feelings, fear of being rejected or failing. fear of not living up to her expectations. etc.. you get the idea..

 

[AsTimeBurns]

fear. afraid i will be ridiculed, afraid she will not like me the same way if i show my feelings, fear of being rejected or failing. fear of not living up to her expectations. etc.. you get the idea..

 

[doesit]

The amount of times i had situations where you start acting stupid,stutter or just plain sweat in front of a girl in quite ordinary situations,that i simply gave up,even if a girl made a move first id rather show no interest,because how can someone look at a person who doesnt even have confidence in himself.And yes i believe that given some time person can adjust to someone and be comfortable,but given most situations people rather choose to live single life rather then leave their comfort zone and try to get into relationships.So the question is can you blame such person?