Why are you so quiet?
- Thread starter user12053
- Start date
When people say I am quiet it doesn't bother me; I basically agree with their assessment (which is true). I now understand that not talking or interacting is viewed by some as being stuck up or snobish. I'd rather be viewed as quiet. I think part of feeling better is accepting who you are. It is a paradox but the more you accept yourself as being quiet the LESS quiet you will tend to be.
I've had this problem on occasion- like in high school and at certain jobs I had I think people just thought I was a snob- when the total opposite was actually true. I was kind of a nerd in high school- very smart, so that combined with being quiet probably had some people thinking I was a snob. Then at this one job I had, I hated it, and I was severely depressed at the time, so I kept calling in or not showing up, so I finally quit, and when I showed up to get my final paycheck the manager reamed me out and called me a snob- I was too upset to respond, but my jaw was on the floor when she started talking to me like that, then I was almost in tears because I felt so misunderstood and didn't know how to communicate and speak up for myself. I think that one reason I stay so quiet is because I lack assertiveness, and I either feel like I have nothing worth saying, or that people won't care about my opinion, or think my viewpoint is stupid. I know I shouldn't care what people think, but I've been like this for so long, I just don't know how to break out of my shell. I want to be more social, but I feel that if I try to be more social, it will be obvious how socially inept I am.
Emmmmy
Well-known member
Yeh, that must of hurt, I felt your pain reading that ..... I think it's a common thing to get misdiagnosed as a snob - has happened to me a fair number of times, so unfair!
I don't have a set way of responding, but I remember a particular time when this lad I worked with said 'are you always this quiet' (really loud for everyone to hear) and I just said 'yeh' and somehow managed it in a resigned but confident tone, and we talked ok after that.
I found him to be fairly dull and insensitive though - but people who ask questions like 'why are you quiet' usually are, I imagine IMO.
NormanBates
Well-known member
story time
When I worked that year at the school as janitor there was this old man who worked there named Mr. Luna.
Of course as we all know during down time at a job it's customary to shoot the breeze in the company of the other workers.
Well there was always lots of break time in the library because the library was dark at night and for some reason that's where everyone took their break.
I was in the library because that was my area.
The first couple of weeks, I would sit with them and talk like a normal person and the atmosphere was quite relaxed.
But as usual, I get tired of talking and by now they all know that I'm an alright guy.
So the first night that my social phobia reared its ugly head just happen to be during the middle of break time.
I just ran out of stuff to talk about is all. I couldn't keep up with these older people. Especially Mr. Luna because he talks a whole lot. (And takes breaks a whole lot. My nickname for him was Father Breaktime.)
Anyway, during that particular break time when I faltered, Mr. Luna just looked over at me and asked "What's wrong with him? Is he sick? Why is he like that?"
But Doris (the other woman who cleaned the library) usually had my back. She was always good about coming to my aid in situations like that. (She has kids who are my age.)
Every time somebody said something about my quietness or aloofness, she'd always just say "He don't say much."
LOL ... I love that phrase. It's just so ... dignifying.
When I worked that year at the school as janitor there was this old man who worked there named Mr. Luna.
Of course as we all know during down time at a job it's customary to shoot the breeze in the company of the other workers.
Well there was always lots of break time in the library because the library was dark at night and for some reason that's where everyone took their break.
I was in the library because that was my area.
The first couple of weeks, I would sit with them and talk like a normal person and the atmosphere was quite relaxed.
But as usual, I get tired of talking and by now they all know that I'm an alright guy.
So the first night that my social phobia reared its ugly head just happen to be during the middle of break time.
I just ran out of stuff to talk about is all. I couldn't keep up with these older people. Especially Mr. Luna because he talks a whole lot. (And takes breaks a whole lot. My nickname for him was Father Breaktime.)
Anyway, during that particular break time when I faltered, Mr. Luna just looked over at me and asked "What's wrong with him? Is he sick? Why is he like that?"
But Doris (the other woman who cleaned the library) usually had my back. She was always good about coming to my aid in situations like that. (She has kids who are my age.)
Every time somebody said something about my quietness or aloofness, she'd always just say "He don't say much."
LOL ... I love that phrase. It's just so ... dignifying.
Off The Wall
Well-known member
i usually say .. "um i dunno". lol i don't really know.. i would like a smartass comment to say back to someone though? just so they hate me alittle more.. haha
i get asked it all the time, that or they talk about it and i hear them talkin about it which makes me more quiet lol
what are you suppose to say when someone asks you though? i guess i could be totally honest.. and say um because i have an anxiety disorder and i feel like i'm about to spew all over you????.. could go down well?.. perhaps not..
i get asked it all the time, that or they talk about it and i hear them talkin about it which makes me more quiet lol
what are you suppose to say when someone asks you though? i guess i could be totally honest.. and say um because i have an anxiety disorder and i feel like i'm about to spew all over you????.. could go down well?.. perhaps not..
Off The Wall
Well-known member
ok actually i just thought about it. thats so bloody rude to ask that question?
why are you so quiet?
um f*** off why are you so nosey? you don't ask them why they are so loud/annoying whatever they are... it's pretty rude
people suck.
why are you so quiet?
um f*** off why are you so nosey? you don't ask them why they are so loud/annoying whatever they are... it's pretty rude
people suck.
Argamemnon
Well-known member
The problem with that is that people will probably stop talking to you.
Argamemnon
Well-known member
LOL!!! I feel like saying that sometimes, but then I think about the consequences and refrain.
Wonderland
Dayum, I didn't know everyone hated this so much. I must be like the only person who like either doesn't care at all, or maybe even likes it a little bit when someone asks me. It's the attention ;(. All I say is "I don't know", but still.
Dayum, I didn't know everyone hated this so much. I must be like the only person who like either doesn't care at all, or maybe even likes it a little bit when someone asks me. It's the attention ;(. All I say is "I don't know", but still.
freestylemonster
Banned
I say it's because I have social anxiety, they usually don't know what it is though...
lettypagb
Well-known member
to tell the truth when somebody asked me that i said : because i have social phobia and i'm on meds , and i tell the whole history , how sick is that ,uhn? then the person say something like : you r pretty and you look normal , and blah blah ,then i say but you dont get it .