What to do, what to do...

[MrJones]

I won't bother explaining, I'll try to make it short.

I'm tired of living, I'm tired of changing and tired of failing, and I just don't know what to do anymore. I'm just very tired of failing to myself and others and I simply don't want to try anymore.

So, I would have an easy, coward and ****ty solution (yeah, not really a solution, it fixes nothing, etc) but by doing it I would hurt other people, which I don't want to, so I want to stay here... but not really.

It's weird, I don't want to die but I don't want to live either. I guess I'm asking how to make it bearable when I just can't find joy in anything or happiness anywhere. I think right now I'm not sad per se, just more like "**** it, I'm stuck in limbo".

I know others feel it too, so I was just wondering what are people doing to just... do something, I don't know, while waiting. I've tried many thing, some of them used to work but nothing seems to now, maybe I can get a few ideas (as well as others, of course).

 

[Lemonheadzuccini]

yeh it is a weird feeling i use my imagination to get away from my problems so in my head im living this alternate life while outside is pure bull so it kinda a form of denial. its a good thing i have a good imagination. I dont want anyone feeling like this i hope you find a way to cope too.

 

[Boby]

Lately I feel the same but when I look deep inside me I find a lot of things that I would like to do,dreams.
I believe everyone has a lot of dreams but they are not courageous enough to pursue them and often they just ignore them.

 

[Phoenixx]

I understand, Jonesy. It's hard, and sometimes I get fed up with trying to put myself out there, trying to stay positive, trying not to succumb to depression or anxiety, and just trying to keep up with life in general. Actually for the last couple weeks I've felt stuck, and recently came out of a rough bought of depression, and it sucks.

BUT things do get better. I know they do, even though I have yet to experience that "better" side myself. You know though, since graduating high school things have been a pinch better for me. It's not a huge change, no, but at least it's something.

Anyway, I guess the true answer you're looking for here is what I do just to get by day by day. Well, when I'm not in school (like now) I mostly just read and play video games and browse the web to distract my mind. A job would be great, but I sadly can't get one. And since cheap apartment hunting is pretty slow right now, doing those things is the best I can do while I wait.

 

[Agent_Violet]

I've been there. That awful vacuum where you feel like you can't move forward and you know you can't go back.Where your human instinct of self preservation is the only thing keeping you alive. you feel like you're in some sort of void...a black hole.

It's a dark place to be stuck in to say the least.

I don't think there's a magic solution to pulling through feeling this way.

The only thing that kept me going was shaming myself into pushing forward...telling myself things like, "i bet that 2 year old dying of cancer i saw on the news the other day would love to trade places with me and live her life."
Then of course talking. Even if you're afraid people are sick of hearing it..just talk. There is ALWAYS SOMETHING POSITIVE to see every day you're alive. Even if it's something as tiny as noticing how pretty the sun looks in the evening...there is ALWAYS something good you can choose to see. The more you notice the beautiful stuff and the more you push to embrace yourself..the further away from the void you'll get.

It isn't hopeless.

 

[Daniel089]

Same as Boby, I feel hopeless too. But I got dreams as well: making friends, being just as cheery, joyful, talkative like the others and getting a girlfriend while its not too late and even if I hardly have "friends", never had girlfriend, and don't feel comfortable among people.
You have to cope with life you won't get another chance if you choose not to live anymore.

 

[Phoenixx]

Then of course talking. Even if you're afraid people are sick of hearing it..just talk. There is ALWAYS SOMETHING POSITIVE to see every day you're alive. Even if it's something as tiny as noticing how pretty the sun looks in the evening...there is ALWAYS something good you can choose to see. The more you notice the beautiful stuff and the more you push to embrace yourself..the further away from the void you'll get.

^ This is great and couldn't agree more.

I'm not sure if you're like me at all, Jones, but when I get really depressed I cut people off. In my life and on here. I keep myself from appearing online from any social website and I isolate myself as much as I can. DON'T DO IT. Talk, talk as much as you can and try to vent as much as you can instead of burying it. I know it's hard, and I know it can be pretty scary, but you feel so, so relieved once you talk to someone. (Just make sure that other person is always willing to hear you out, of course. ) You'd think I would've learned before, but I'm stubborn.

 

[Srijita52]

yeh it is a weird feeling i use my imagination to get away from my problems so in my head im living this alternate life while outside is pure bull so it kinda a form of denial. its a good thing i have a good imagination. I dont want anyone feeling like this i hope you find a way to cope too.

This is exactly what I do. I sometimes get stuck in my head though and its very hard to stop doing it.

This is great and couldn't agree more.

I'm not sure if you're like me at all, Jones, but when I get really depressed I cut people off. In my life and on here. I keep myself from appearing online from any social website and I isolate myself as much as I can. DON'T DO IT. Talk, talk as much as you can and try to vent as much as you can instead of burying it. I know it's hard, and I know it can be pretty scary, but you feel so, so relieved once you talk to someone. (Just make sure that other person is always willing to hear you out, of course. ) You'd think I would've learned before, but I'm stubborn.

I agree, talking is great. I've kep my feelings inside many times that resulted me being seriously depressed. Vent all you want, talk to someone you're comfortable with and let those feelings out.

I've been there. That awful vacuum where you feel like you can't move forward and you know you can't go back.Where your human instinct of self preservation is the only thing keeping you alive. you feel like you're in some sort of void...a black hole.

It's a dark place to be stuck in to say the least.

I don't think there's a magic solution to pulling through feeling this way.

The only thing that kept me going was shaming myself into pushing forward...telling myself things like, "i bet that 2 year old dying of cancer i saw on the news the other day would love to trade places with me and live her life."
Then of course talking. Even if you're afraid people are sick of hearing it..just talk. There is ALWAYS SOMETHING POSITIVE to see every day you're alive. Even if it's something as tiny as noticing how pretty the sun looks in the evening...there is ALWAYS something good you can choose to see. The more you notice the beautiful stuff and the more you push to embrace yourself..the further away from the void you'll get.

It isn't hopeless.

Nice post Agent_V.

 

[MikeyC]

I suffer from depression, defeatism, pessimism, and hopelessness on a daily basis, so I understand what you're going through, Jones. I don't really have an answer for you, but I do have a sympathetic ear for you if you need one.

 

[DeadmanWalking]

Jones, if there's one thing I've learned through my tribulations, it's this: it's not whether or not you'll fail, it's what you do with that failure. If you trip up, learn exactly what tripped you up, then come up with a strategy to beat it. If that strategy fails, then pull back and come up with a new one. You keep fighting this enemy called depression until it goes down. There have been lots of times when I've wanted to quit, wanted to die and end it. But, as you said, people would be hurt by it. So, I decided to fight back. I decided that "here" wasn't where I wanted to be, so I "walked"; just as long as I wasn't staying "there", I was happy. I'd guide myself to where I wanted to be later. So, if I can do it, I know you can. It isn't over Jones, not by a long shot. You're better than this thing. Come on, get up and beat this thing and, remember, you've got friends here to help you through this.

 

[Meggy0001]

yeh it is a weird feeling i use my imagination to get away from my problems so in my head im living this alternate life while outside is pure bull so it kinda a form of denial. its a good thing i have a good imagination. I dont want anyone feeling like this i hope you find a way to cope too.

^^ I totally do this as well

I make up like a completely different life and when I find it really hard in reality I escape into that world and it actually seems to work, I have been like this since I can remember :/ It's like I live more in my imagination rather than the real world. Not really the best idea but it works for me

I also feel exactly the same way as you do and I guess you just have to carry on and be hopeful that one day something might change and stay positive..

 

[MrJones]

Thanks everyone for your replies.

 

[Valhalla]

^

How are you feeling now?

 

[MrJones]

It's a problem that has been there for a very long time and it's taken root inside, my feelings won't change easily.

 

[Kiwong]

Running is the dream inside the nightmare I've been living. Running helps me forget and brings me happiness sometimes just in the briefest of moments

Nature brings me joy too. I feel lucky to have witnessed the amazing things I have.

Those are a couple of things that keep me from getting sucked back into the very dark days I have lived.

It was only necessity, of fighting blind battles without any guarantee of success against panic disorder, knee pain and haemochromatosis that taught me to fight.

Living in pain, and facing my mortality made me realise how much I wanted to live.

I remember slowly getting my physical health back, and how good it felt to be able to go simply to the beach and feel the sand whipped up from a southerly sting my face after being too unwell to go outside for months. The simple joys I took for granted

I fear sinking that low again, and that keeps me fighting.

 

[Valhalla]

It's a problem that has been there for a very long time and it's taken root inside, my feelings won't change easily.

Of course, I hope you weren't offended. My apologies and best wishes that things will turn out better for you.

 

[MikeyC]

You're the man, Jonesy. You're awesome.

 

[KiaKaha]

You're the man, Jonesy. You're awesome.

Agreed.

You are a man who always gives so much and asks for nothing in return. One who is far far far too hard on himself.

If I had a bag of jellybeans and I only had one left. I would debate for quite sometime whether or not I should eat it myself or give it to you...

eventually... (it may take a few hours of intense internal deliberation)

....I would give it to you...because that is how awesome you are.

 

[da_illest101]

I have been like that for the past 9 years, all you can do is keep trying, it might take time but maybe you'll get something out of if

 

[MrJones]

Of course, I hope you weren't offended. My apologies and best wishes that things will turn out better for you.

Nononono, not offended at all, sorry if I sounded rude, I appreciate your post

Thanks again to everyone for the replies! And to KiaKaha for the last jellybean ::

So, it's mostly about avoiding reality and hoping things change for better one day. I've tried all that (including running, belive it or not, as lazy as I am ) for quite a lot of time and nothing worked.