what is stopping u from overcoming SA??

alex7

alex7

Well-known member
I'm 24 and ive had SA for about 10 years now..maybe longer. I think it all started when i was bullied and i guess i lost trust in everyone.

Anyways, i stand here 10 years later and wonder why i havent learned to trust anyone. It's as if im standing on the edge of a pool, waiting to jump in, but i wont let myself do it.

i dont want to be like this for the rest of my life. I dont wanna fear having lunch with my dad tomorrow. I dont wanna fear running into my classmate at the gym. I'm so sick of it and its driving me INSANE!

What is stopping you guys from overcoming SA?
 
Elenwen

Elenwen

1
I am stopping myself. My social phobia is so bad that I know that there's no way I'll be able to overcome it on my own--I need therapy. And I'm terribly afraid of going to therapy for a number of reasons.

1) I don't have insurance and can't afford it.
2) I'd have to call to make the appointment.
3) I'm AFRAID of changing my life! Right now, except for having no social life, I like my life, and changing it scares me a lot. I'm afraid that therapy would make me regress, though I really can't regress much further than I already have, and I'm afraid that therapy would put me in situations that I wouldn't be able to handle, and I'm afraid of being held accountable if I don't try to change.
4) Finally, I've had social anxiety for as long as I can remember, I literally cannot imagine myself without it.
 
alex7

alex7

Well-known member
Elenwen said:
I am stopping myself. My social phobia is so bad that I know that there's no way I'll be able to overcome it on my own--I need therapy. And I'm terribly afraid of going to therapy for a number of reasons.

1) I don't have insurance and can't afford it.
2) I'd have to call to make the appointment.
3) I'm AFRAID of changing my life! Right now, except for having no social life, I like my life, and changing it scares me a lot. I'm afraid that therapy would make me regress, though I really can't regress much further than I already have, and I'm afraid that therapy would put me in situations that I wouldn't be able to handle, and I'm afraid of being held accountable if I don't try to change.
4) Finally, I've had social anxiety for as long as I can remember, I literally cannot imagine myself without it.
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maybe im a dreamer, but i always believed that to cure the mind can only be done from within. I dont believe in therapy.

Hey but if u like your life then thats really all that matters. I dont mind SA, but i do mind that SA makes me unhappy.
 
Jim_Bergerac

Jim_Bergerac

1
alex7 said:
I'm 24 and ive had SA for about 10 years now..maybe longer. I think it all started when i was bullied and i guess i lost trust in everyone.

Anyways, i stand here 10 years later and wonder why i havent learned to trust anyone. It's as if im standing on the edge of a pool, waiting to jump in, but i wont let myself do it.

i dont want to be like this for the rest of my life. I dont wanna fear having lunch with my dad tomorrow. I dont wanna fear running into my classmate at the gym. I'm so sick of it and its driving me INSANE!

What is stopping you guys from overcoming SA?
Click to expand...

I can really relate to all that you say. I too was bullied and always was receiving put downs, called names, ridiculed, etc for how I looked and a speech impediment. I used to think to myself surely there is no one on Earth who gets more put downs than me, it was just every single day for years. I was so confident before all that bullying and now I find myself having so little confidence, always feel so self conscious and anxious.

What is stopping me? Well for starters I am so motivated and determined to overcome this but I just cannot find the answer. I worked on aiming to be the absolute best I can be and that did help me a lot but I was still so self conscious and felt inadequate and unworthy. I have worked on trying to no longer be hurt by the negative judgements I feared. I have worked on trying to believe I am not being judged negatively any more as an adult. I have worked on believing I am so different now and all those put downs are no longer relevant or applicable. I have worked on believing my flaws/imperfections are no big deal - the same imperfections on others mean nothing and no one is perfect. I have worked on thinking about all the positive experiences and comments on how I looked and how I am and women I have been with. And now I am working on trying to develop positive beliefs on how I look and how I talk, really trying to boost my confidence in these parts of myself that I have been so self conscious of. I am not really overcoming it though. I feel like there is an answer to solve this and I just need to change my beliefs and way that I think but I just cannot seem to solve the puzzle. I will never give up because you like you say I want to overcome this and not live my life held back and struggling so much. If I can solve this and be confident I will be absolutely amazing. I just want to be myself but the self conscious worrying, the anxiety and the fear of negative judgements just cripple me all the time.

Alex, what was it you were bullied about? What sort of judgements do you fear?
 
E

Emily_G

Well-known member
alex7 said:
I'm 24 and ive had SA for about 10 years now..maybe longer. I think it all started when i was bullied and i guess i lost trust in everyone.

Anyways, i stand here 10 years later and wonder why i havent learned to trust anyone. It's as if im standing on the edge of a pool, waiting to jump in, but i wont let myself do it.

i dont want to be like this for the rest of my life. I dont wanna fear having lunch with my dad tomorrow. I dont wanna fear running into my classmate at the gym. I'm so sick of it and its driving me INSANE!

What is stopping you guys from overcoming SA?
Click to expand...

I feel the same way, it's frustrating. I go to a stuttering support group, some of the members there I think have truely accepted their problem and are okay with it. Others have not, and that discourages me...when I am 50 will I still get nervous and avoid people because of my speech?
 
lyricalliaisons

lyricalliaisons

Well-known member
What's stopping me is that I don't know how to do it. If I knew, I'd no longer have SA. But I've been this way my whole life & I don't know how to be any other way. Just exposing myself to situations that scare me doesn't help. It just makes me more scared. So I have no idea how this is ever going to stop ruling my life. The fact that I also have agoraphobia makes it even worse. I'm too afraid to leave the house most of the time, muchless try to be around people.
 
dooby-duck

dooby-duck

Well-known member
I suppose years ago I thought I would just magically get over it as I got older. That never happened, and I think it is fear that is stopping me moving forward.
 
redski

redski

1
dooby-duck said:
I suppose years ago I thought I would just magically get over it as I got older. That never happened, and I think it is fear that is stopping me moving forward.
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I was the same. I thought I would just grow out of it eventually.
Her I am 29 still battling it.
 
veggiebasket

veggiebasket

1
FEAR! :eek:

I kind of feel like if I overcome it, then it would basically alter my entire core and what makes me who I am. I try to imagine my life without SA, and i just think, "what the hell, that's not me!" I actually enjoy my time alone most of the time, and I can't imagine having to keep up with hoards of friends.

Also, in all my past efforts to make a serious change, i just ultimately failed and ended up worse than before...People scare me too much!
 
recluse

recluse

Well-known member
I can relate to that veggie. I kind of feel social anxiety is a part of who i am and that somehow i will become a douche if i became confident. I also like my own company and i could not handle having tons of friends. All i want is to not be so nervous around people.
 
Jim_Bergerac

Jim_Bergerac

1
veggiebasket said:
FEAR! :eek:

I kind of feel like if I overcome it, then it would basically alter my entire core and what makes me who I am. I try to imagine my life without SA, and i just think, "what the hell, that's not me!" I actually enjoy my time alone most of the time, and I can't imagine having to keep up with hoards of friends.

Also, in all my past efforts to make a serious change, i just ultimately failed and ended up worse than before...People scare me too much!
Click to expand...

What an interesting answer.
 
mrb

mrb

Well-known member
hmmm for me personaly im 45 iv had it all my life , so if i havent got rid of it now then im never going to get rid of it , but you know what i have learnt to live with it , so sa come on do your worst , give me panic attacks , paranioa , throw what ever you like at me sa , you havent broken me in 45 years , so you might as well shove off and find someone else to grind down sa ... hmmm actually ... im starting to sound like a lunatic here ... ill um just shut up shall i :)
 
yohannes

yohannes

Well-known member
Like you I was bullied in school for a very long time. I was also bullied in a work placed. The bullying started when I was I think about 14 and it continued until I was 23. The bullying totally broke me us a person. My confident was gone and I became extremely self conscious. Now at the age of 25 soon to be 26 I still feel like the old me.

I had taken some good step I did 12 week group cbt it has help. I also was on medication. They both had help to a certain point, but I still have most the difficulty I had before.

I don't think I can overcome it rather reduce it. Everyone will have SA at certain point in their life, so I know I can't get rid of it rather reduce it. I working on it men
 
K

Krista

Well-known member
Myself. I can only make my situation better. I'm what holds me back. It's getting there though, slowly but surely :)
 
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