what does it mean to care?

[philly2bits]

I'll be blunt. I don't care about 99% of you. Your first thought may very well be "what a douchebag" but it shouldn't be. By not caring about you I do not mean I wish you harm, or if you were bleeding on the street I would not help. What I mean is I have no emotions toward you at all.

This complete lack of ability to emotionally connect with people is perhaps my biggest problem. To be human is to connect with others, on some level, in some way. It is a huge part of what it means to be a person to, for better or worse, develop some connection that drives us forward.

What does it mean then when a person can not for the life of them muster an emotion in response to another. To hear stories of love found or fortunes gained. Of victory and defeat, of joy and sorrow, all as if it were listening to a weather report? A soulless series of facts that may or may hold their interest, but none the less is devoid of any substance. Can a person living in such a horrible shade of gray truly feel human?

 

[punklove]

I'm sorry you feel so empty I can relate.

 

[Kingdave]

its nice that you dont care about anyone, now all you have to do is do something with your life and youve reached success.

 

[Sial Axetder]

Yes, sir. Been there. Actually I may be on to something. Someone pointed out or maybe just made me think about it.

Avoiding feeling.

I am also aware depression can interfere. I am not a respectable source for this, however.

To answer your final question: No.

 

[kihira]

I'll be blunt. I don't care about 99% of you. Your first thought may very well be "what a douchebag" but it shouldn't be. By not caring about you I do not mean I wish you harm, or if you were bleeding on the street I would not help. What I mean is I have no emotions toward you at all.

This complete lack of ability to emotionally connect with people is perhaps my biggest problem. To be human is to connect with others, on some level, in some way. It is a huge part of what it means to be a person to, for better or worse, develop some connection that drives us forward.

What does it mean then when a person can not for the life of them muster an emotion in response to another. To hear stories of love found or fortunes gained. Of victory and defeat, of joy and sorrow, all as if it were listening to a weather report? A soulless series of facts that may or may hold their interest, but none the less is devoid of any substance. Can a person living in such a horrible shade of gray truly feel human?

philly, it would be impractical to have emotional connections with everyone here. I certainly don't with most, it would be only a small percentage. You state (I think?) that you care about 1%? That's at least one person! Connecting with others as happens here is new to me, I'm learning to reveal myself and to feel with an open heart. This is hard for me off line. The bonds I'm making are of varying and changing strengths; I know already that some will last my lifetime, but they have all taken steps of faith to establish and evolve. I've also learned here that I feel in preference to think; thinking too much can stop stuff from happening. As a mod you get an overview of the goings-on and you need to keep objective to some degree. Perhaps this is contributing somehow?

 

[joyce]

i think its good that your honest

 

[AutonomousAutomaton]

Do you have Asperger's or Autism? Those folks can't feel empathy for people or something.

 

[philly2bits]

Yes, sir. Been there. Actually I may be on to something. Someone pointed out or maybe just made me think about it.

Avoiding feeling.

I am also aware depression can interfere. I am not a respectable source for this, however. .

I've wondered sometimes if my Avpd has become so bad I am now avoiding emotions now too in addition to situations. I suppose an emotion avoided is the same as an emotion never born.

philly, it would be impractical to have emotional connections with everyone here. I certainly don't with most, it would be only a small percentage. You state (I think?) that you care about 1%? That's at least one person! Connecting with others as happens here is new to me, I'm learning to reveal myself and to feel with an open heart. This is hard for me off line. The bonds I'm making are of varying and changing strengths; I know already that some will last my lifetime, but they have all taken steps of faith to establish and evolve. I've also learned here that I feel in preference to think; thinking too much can stop stuff from happening. As a mod you get an overview of the goings-on and you need to keep objective to some degree. Perhaps this is contributing somehow?

I'm not talking only about this site or online in general. I know it's impractical to connect with everyone. I don't want that and probably couldn't stand it if I did. But take your post here for example. It took thought and preparation. It took something inside you to even bother enough to write a reply to me. On some level you are trying to help. It doesn't take a connection to that does it? You did it because you simply felt something. I can honestly say if you had been the OP of this thread I would not have felt a thing. Call it heartlessness or whatever but it's true.

Do you have Asperger's or Autism? Those folks can't feel empathy for people or something.

No, it's neither of them. I had trouble in school as a kid and was put through a whole bunch of tests to see why. Autism was ruled out.

 

[kihira]

I think I'm understanding more. What emotions do you think you are ok with, that you believe you have as normal? and are there others that you can say "yes, I care about them"?

 

[coyote]

maybe if I gave you a big ol' hug...

 

[Cynic]

I'll be blunt. I don't care about 99% of you. Your first thought may very well be "what a douchebag" but it shouldn't be.

I don't think you're being a douchebag at all. What I find worse is those who pretend to care but only do so for personal gain.

Can a person living in such a horrible shade of gray truly feel human?

Being in a similar position, I would guess no.

 

[norman_shey]

They say you have to care about yourself first. Since I don't, I think it's hard to really extend that to others either.

I read a lot on these forums because some of you can just express things I've felt so much more clearly than I'm usually able to.

 

[Feathers]

Philly,
I am reading this topic. What it means to care is sometimes misery, it is sometimes very powerful and painful, I don't always like it either...

I was thinking about maybe Asperger's or such too, in your case, or some people just block emotions.. There was a time where I didn't feel much either, or didn't let myself show emotions (especially if they seemed, uhm, inappropriate for the particular situation or such). I sometimes suspected Asperger's in my own case too, could see some traits..

Sometimes people may have faced bad things in their youth, and may have gotten overwhelmed with emotions, and may block all emotions as a result.
There was a guy at the dorm who said he couldn't feel anything before, and then living with a whole bunch of girls kinda opened him up to emotions...

Just hanging around with someone can 'open you up', or love can do this to some people.. It's generally more expected of girls to be caring anyway, men can get away with being 'manly', in some cultures it's even expected of them to be so...

My dad doesn't like people to show negative emotions: it's okay to smile, but if we criticise even someone unrelated, he doesn't like it.. What has your family been like? (You don't have to answer, just know it can be a factor) My mum is very critical and worried a lot, if I fell and hurt myself, she became upset, so I learnt to hide these feelings.. It took a while to unlearn this and 'unblock' myself.. And when I came back home lol, it wasn't welcome. My parents didn't know how to deal with my strong feelings, a lot of the time.. They're both quite sensitive too, and have had some anxiety in their lives too.. They're happy if I'm happy, sometimes - and sometimes Dad wasn't happy with that even.. So, hm, too much info? sorry.. Just thought it might help you understand..

So it depends on your environment. Sometimes 'not feeling' is a survival skill.
It can be very helpful in some professions too. For example imagine surgeons who'd feel a lot for their patients, could they operate? (I couldn't!! )

I'm free online to say what I want to say, to be 'me', not burdened with other people's expectations of me (so much), to interact with interesting new people.. I really like getting to know new people, and getting new insights.. I want to help if I can, because there wasn't really anyone around to help me when I was a teenage girl.. Okay, there were some sorta friends, and they were sorta helpful, they didn't have much clue or psychological insight either though... I've read many books since, and while I still think I know so little, even that can be helpful sometimes..

I've sometimes worried during the day/night about what some people wrote or said.. (in RL or online) I just wanted to make'em feel better or cheer them up ha ha.. they are real people on the other side too, you know..

I like exploring emotions, my own and other people's.. I learn a lot that way.. about myself too, and about others.. I see the world differently then..

Sometimes, it feels really good to connect with someone, in RL and online.. I don't think it's possible to connect so much without the feelings.. They're like 'glue' maybe ha ha.. magical bonds between people.. I just like laughing (and being silly/creative together) and being around people that I've helped cheer up, it feels magical.. so maybe that explains some of it?

 

[Cynicalloner]

I know what you mean OP I sometimes find it hard to even care about people that are close to me I wish I didn't have this feeling or rather this lack of feeling but it's there and It's probably a part of AVPD I guess. It would be worse if you pretended to care though like so many people I'm glad you can admit your lack of emotion though more people should be honest with these things.

 

[Kiwong]

Anxiety is a selfish disease, it sucks so much out of you, there isn't muh left to think about other people. In any case, people by nature are pragmatic, territorial even, altruism is not a natural state for them.

 

[JamesSmith]

I'll be blunt. I don't care about 99% of you. Your first thought may very well be "what a douchebag" but it shouldn't be. By not caring about you I do not mean I wish you harm, or if you were bleeding on the street I would not help. What I mean is I have no emotions toward you at all.

This complete lack of ability to emotionally connect with people is perhaps my biggest problem. To be human is to connect with others, on some level, in some way. It is a huge part of what it means to be a person to, for better or worse, develop some connection that drives us forward.

What does it mean then when a person can not for the life of them muster an emotion in response to another. To hear stories of love found or fortunes gained. Of victory and defeat, of joy and sorrow, all as if it were listening to a weather report? A soulless series of facts that may or may hold their interest, but none the less is devoid of any substance. Can a person living in such a horrible shade of gray truly feel human?

You don't care about anyone because you don't truly know anyone here. How many of us have you met in person? Probably zero. I don't blame you for not caring about us, that makes sense.

I don't believe for one second that you can't connect with people. For everyone on this site that is above grade school which I'm assuming everyone is, they've had at least someone they've connected with at some time. You can connect with people because you've done it before. I realize that it may seem like you can't connect with anyone because your SAD is more powerful than it once was, and I'm in the same boat with you from that standpoint. It's tough, believe me I know, but it is possible.

I don't know if it's possible to not feel human, but I believe the feeling many people feel on here is emptiness inside, because I do feel that emptiness from time to time. The lack of connecting with people makes us feel incomplete as humans, but we still are human.

 

[Johno]

I understand where you are coming from......... Fortunately I have a wonderful family that does care for me as much as I care for them...As for the rest of society I am not sure............ Most people seem nice but I don't think they would get me (is how I mostly feel about the human race)...I shall persist though......... To care means to love and feel as a human being.... Sociopaths just don't get that..... Love makes the world go around......... I can vouch for that..........

 

[Deus_Ex_Lemur]

Anxiety is a selfish disease, it sucks so much out of you, there isn't muh left to think about other people. In any case, people by nature are pragmatic, territorial even, altruism is not a natural state for them.

Agreed. Anxiety first, on a physical level, is releasing chemicals that were meant for survival. It can be unhealthy and literally energy draining. Esp us with anxiety literally 24/7. It's a selfish disease/condition. Regardless of what type of anxiety it is.

 

[Confuseddd]

I think its safe to say thats normal not to feel much real connection with people here. I think the people who feel they have a genuine real close connection with others here are some what lying to themselves.. I don't feel any emotion towards any one other then that of empathy for the situations similar to mine.... But philly...
I do not know any of you and I do not pretend to know any of you. You are all just words on a screen until/if we ever were to meet. You should be asking yourself about how it is in real life your connections with other people, and if you desire to make a real connection but can't, I would say thats different from not being able to feel emotion. Maybe just so disconnected that you forget what it feels like sometimes?
All just speculation never the less though...

 

[eek]

it's all about furthering genes... you care for others because consciously or unconsciously you think they will further your chances of passing on your genes.