What does being hugged feel like??

[Articulate]

Dear SocialPhobia community

I'm 24 and I've joined this site principally because I'm looking for some kind of help in making the first small steps towards maybe one say having some friends or a partner, or just having a first kiss/hug and holding hands.

I'm, for some reason, especially focused lately on having my first hug. I don't know why I'm fixated on it?:idontknow: Can anyone here whose experienced being hugged express in words what it feels like to them? Was it: friendly/from a parent or romantic? Did it alleviate alot of your Social Phobia at the time?

 

[kilojoule]

Have you never been hugged before?not even by a parent?

 

[hardy]

I wish i could tell...i sometimes wish to be cuddled by a loving person...may be i don't deserve it right now.

 

[Articulate]

Have you never been hugged before?not even by a parent?

I 'believe' or think I was hugged in infancy (I mean when your so young you don't have memory of it). I know I must have been held in someone's arms when a baby, though as a family we took few pictures. However, I was never hugged from a time I can remember i.e from about the age 5/6 upwards. So no my parents didn't hug me. I don't know if this had any knock on effect later on in life. I've never had any friends or contact with girls so it just hasn't happened yet.

 

[kilojoule]

<Aw hugs all round> Im sorry you haven't ever had this experience

 

[MNM322]

i hate being hugged. i feel trapped. never been hugged by someone i truly love though so maybe thats different, idk

 

[surewhynot]

I hate when friends (usually female) hug me, it's so awkward.. though hugging someone you like is a whole different story.

 

[jaim38]

When I was a child, I used to give people bear hugs a lot. I remember hugging my best friend for long periods of time. But as I grew up, I feel embarrassed to hug people so I dropped the habit.

 

[Articulate]

I don't know why I'm suddenly so fixated on this issue. I didn't think about it for nearly a year, and now suddenly it's right there in the middle of my thinking. I find myself very keenly watching any couple if they are embracing, and also my students when their parents hug them.

 

[TheTemp]

oh dear...

 

[MikeyC]

I 'believe' or think I was hugged in infancy (I mean when your so young you don't have memory of it). I know I must have been held in someone's arms when a baby, though as a family we took few pictures. However, I was never hugged from a time I can remember i.e from about the age 5/6 upwards. So no my parents didn't hug me. I don't know if this had any knock on effect later on in life. I've never had any friends or contact with girls so it just hasn't happened yet.

If a young child is not touched/hugged, they die, so you must've been. That is actually quite sad that you haven't been hugged in the last 2 decades.

I really like being hugged. Doesn't happen much.

 

[crazycatlady27]

i am a hugger hater off humans but i hug and cuddle all my animals, and i know i am too old but a teddy never hurt anyone, maybe you should get a pet a lap cat maybe ?

 

[Articulate]

If a young child is not touched/hugged, they die, so you must've been. That is actually quite sad that you haven't been hugged in the last 2 decades.

I really like being hugged. Doesn't happen much.

Yes I can see pictures of me being held in people's arms so that counts as hugging. I don't know why my parents never hugged me. I saw my mum hug my sister once when she was really upset about something, and my brother when an adult would sometimes embrace my mother when he was high or drunk or something.

Do you think it's possible for it to have a negative effect on a person? I mean is it actually damaging for a child/teenager not to be hugged? I mean what I'm afraid is that I've had such a lack of certain basic love that I wont ever be able to really get out of this hole.:sad:

 

[Articulate]

i am a hugger hater off humans but i hug and cuddle all my animals, and i know i am too old but a teddy never hurt anyone, maybe you should get a pet a lap cat maybe ?

I think I'd feel a bit stupid hugging a teddy bear. However, I did get a labrador six years ago he's my best friend. I definately give him what could be described as hugs. I actually think he's been quite important to me in providing me with some affection.

 

[laure15]

Do you think it's possible for it to have a negative effect on a person? I mean is it actually damaging for a child/teenager not to be hugged? I mean what I'm afraid is that I've had such a lack of certain basic love that I wont ever be able to really get out of this hole.

I think I read a study where a few scientists research the effects of warmth and intimacy on animals (I think it was monkeys). The baby monkeys who were hugged and breastfed grew bigger and healthier than the ones who were not. They even did a placebo on a few baby monkeys; instead of a having a real mother monkey breastfeed the babies, they used a machine and the babies would suck on the machine instead. The machine also emitted warmth. These babies grew up bigger than the other babies who were denied such intimacy.

 

[truffleshuffle]

i hate being hugged. i feel trapped. never been hugged by someone i truly love though so maybe thats different, idk

I am not to comfortable about being hugged my self. I am not sure about someone I truly love either though. To me I always feel awkward about being hugged. It may be that we were never a trully hugging type family or showing that much affection.

 

[surewhynot]

I think I read a study where a few scientists research the effects of warmth and intimacy on animals (I think it was monkeys). The baby monkeys who were hugged and breastfed grew bigger and healthier than the ones who were not. They even did a placebo on a few baby monkeys; instead of a having a real mother monkey breastfeed the babies, they used a machine and the babies would suck on the machine instead. The machine also emitted warmth. These babies grew up bigger than the other babies who were denied such intimacy.

There you go ::

We talked about this study in school. Monkeys who did not have access to the comfort of a warm mother all developped mental disorders, with no exception.

Harry Harlow Monkey Experiment Contact Comfort - YouTube

 

[Articulate]

I think I read a study where a few scientists research the effects of warmth and intimacy on animals (I think it was monkeys). The baby monkeys who were hugged and breastfed grew bigger and healthier than the ones who were not. They even did a placebo on a few baby monkeys; instead of a having a real mother monkey breastfeed the babies, they used a machine and the babies would suck on the machine instead. The machine also emitted warmth. These babies grew up bigger than the other babies who were denied such intimacy.

That sounds very interesting. I taught a family once and their children would make a point of hugging their mother in a warm embrace the second they got home everyday. That looked very emotionally healthy to me. I admired it, but was envious.

 

[Articulate]

I am not to comfortable about being hugged my self. I am not sure about someone I truly love either though. To me I always feel awkward about being hugged. It may be that we were never a trully hugging type family or showing that much affection.

I think that matters the issue of how affectionate or not your family is. However, from my experiences in education I've seen that the kids whose parents are really genuinely effectionate and tactile often have alot more confidence and alot better self perception. I think if I ever do get my first hug I would like it to be for a reasonable amount of time, and hopefully not feel too akward. Though that's asking alot I know. I'm naturally very aversive to touch now, and fearful of it. And I HATE THAT! It drives me crazy.

 

[Flanscho]

I loooooove hugs and hugging. Luckily, my closer friends like it too. There are lots of different hugs of course. I hug about all female friends I meet, but only a few of the male ones (with the other males I shake hands or just say "hi"). We hug when we meet and when we leave each other.

With some friends, I have long intense hugs. Like, not just for a second, but where you embrace each other, to show that you care, that it's not a formality, but that you do that because you want to and are happy to meet that person.
Others I hug tightly too, but only for a few seconds. And others, I just hug as a more closer form of shaking hands.

I like it. I love hugging and cuddling.