The fury of a scorned woman/teenage girl

[MaliceInWickedland]

Before I begin my onslaught of brokenhearted nonsense, I want to apologize in advance to everyone who even bothers to read this knowing that I'm going to sound like a complete and utterly brackish drama queen who came here just to spew all this negativity on a site where people already have problems of their own and don't need to hear this cliché BS for the millionth time.

And now, prepare for the emotional wrath of a pathetically lovesick 17 year old girl:

So, long story short, I just found out that my last boyfriend, who I've known for 6 years and thought to be the "religious goody two-shoed gentleman" of the school is nothing but a sex crazed fiend who has been going around telling his guy friends that he scored with me when we did nothing more than kiss a few times on the two simple dates we had that I had to initiate because he never offered to go anywhere with me during that measely month in which we were together.

Sounds like just another stereotypical teenage sob story right? And I know what you're all thinking: "Dating isn't the most important thing in life" or "You don't need a boyfriend to be happy" - yeah yeah I've already heard those a kajillion times by now. I'm just a hormonal and oversensitive teenager who overanalyzes things and is taking this opportunity to let out some pent up rage. Go ahead and laugh all you want at how pathetic I am. I'm so immersed in my own self-loathing right now that I really don't give a flying zebra anymore about what people think of me on this site.

There I was all those four years of high school, jealously watching the couples around campus holding hands, laughing together over silly little nothings, kissing so lovingly and passionately, all while wishing I could experience something like that and for what? To get f***** up the a** again by Cupid's poisoned arrow for the millionth time? Hahaha yeah, smart girl Malice, really smart. Way to tattoo "vulnerable virgin" on your forehead and carry a huge neon sign that reads "I'm a human doormat. Come step all over me!!"

How stupid and careless was I to once again confide my trust and love in a guy after all the crap I've already dealt with from cocky playboys to straight up psychopaths? You think I'd learn by now but I just don't seem to get it. I don't want to say that "there's no such thing as love" because deep down I still want to believe that it exists somewhere out there in the far away fields of Hopeville, but right now I truly believe that those cutesy little fairytale romances are nonexistent, or at least existent to those fortunate human beings out there with millions of 4-leafed clovers growing out of their a***s.

Right now my hopefully temporary belief is that I will never meet a guy with pure intentions who will actually love me for who I am and want to be with me because they enjoy being with me and not because they just want to see how far they can go with me and then brag to his friends about things that never transpired between us just to glorify himself, or simply just want to get into my pants for the ecstatic thrill of it all.

If there is a male human being out there like this then please, for the love of God and all things good and gracious in this world, put a crown on him with big fat diamonds all over and surround him with roses and an orchestra of holy unicorns singing "Alleluia" out of their rainbow-s******* a******s. Seriously.

I'm so tired of this BS. I'm tired of being played like a loose-strung cello. I'm tired of feeling like a plaything to guys. Above all, I'm tired of letting my anxiety and extremely low self-esteem corrode my life to a point where I'll give in to the simplest signs of attention and affection from guys and think they're the ones who will bring me happiness, only for them to do the complete opposite in the end and leave me crying like a 3 year old lost at a beach crowded by summer's blazing heat.

Anyway, ridiculous rant over.

Goodnight everyone (or good day to those of you in different time zones).

Oh, and to those few of you who still have any fragment of hope left for losers like me who can't stand simple roadblocks like this in life: God bless you, seriously, because at this rate I have no idea how anyone can pull that off in the slightest. Thanks for hearing me out.

 

[MrJones]

I know I'm not the right one to talk about these things, but I think it's not good to lose all hope due to bad experiences. There are a lot of bad/mean/stupid/whateveryouwanttocallit people out there, but I believe (only believe, not know) that there are good people too.

I'm sorry you had to suffer all that, but maybe with time you'll met someone better, who knows. I hope so.

 

[twiggle]

Firstly, you're not at all pathetic for feeling the way you do. Eurgh. It's hard isn't it... realising somebody isn't the person you thought they were - particularly in a way such as this.

I think its true sometimes that love brings out both the best and the worst in people... and for your ex... obviously it brings out his worst.

Yes, of course people will tell you that you don't need a boyfriend to be happy. It's true though, you don't... but, I know it can be very hard to believe that when it seems as though everybody else is all loved up and happy. But, are they really? You've seen for yourself how people like this guy end up being somebody totally different to the person they make themselves out to be. Never take anybody at surface value. A lot of couples can appear loved up on the outside, but a lot of them probably don't have the easiest of relationships and there's a good chance that they'll be bickering behind closed doors.

Edit: I've just noticed that you're 17. I personally think that it's around the age of consent that often brings out the worst in people when it comes to relationships. To me, it seems as though everybody is just desperate to lose their virginity so that they can show off about it. Lots of people want to be first to do so, or the most experienced at doing so. This guy is obviously just insecure and has fallen into this trap. Which in my book, makes him a bit of a loser!

*Sighs* I think a lot of people generally act in a way that they want others to think they are, rather than who they actually are.

You'll get through this!! Just stick to doing the things you enjoy and enjoying your life. The more enjoyment you can get from other things, the less you'll worry about not being in a relationship.

And do you write at all? I really like your creative style... you should make something of your talent if you aren't doing so already

 

[Dead_on_Arrival]

Just think of it this way.

Pretty much 99% of teenage boys are practicing for the future. They are perfecting their mating dance so someday when their brains migrate back to their craniums they can find someone they love and settle down with a family. This, however, is unfortunate for the teenage girls they step all over for the practicing of their male ego building. Only the girls who care about themselves will not allow themselves to be treat this way. But there are those who are loose and just like the rampant males, can't wait to get laid. These are the ones who will pretty much be left with bastard kids as single mums and relying on the rest of society to bail them out.
I guess what i am saying is don't be to hasty to find love, love will find it's way to you. Don't give in to teenage hormonal temptation because it is what is classed as a social neccesity by your peers. Your white knight will come around one day. My wife (who has SA, deep depression and panic attacks) didn't find me until she was 28. She already had a 10 year old son and was one of those people in school who gave in to pressure. We have now been married 9 years and have a nine year old daughter born through a love of each other.

I will hold out hope for you. You are not a loser. You are unique, one of a kind, like no other. Have faith in yourself because there is always someone who has faith in you.

 

[Warrior Poet]

Just think of it this way.

Pretty much 99% of teenage boys are practicing for the future. They are perfecting their mating dance so someday when their brains migrate back to their craniums they can find someone they love and settle down with a family. This, however, is unfortunate for the teenage girls they step all over for the practicing of their male ego building. Only the girls who care about themselves will not allow themselves to be treat this way. But there are those who are loose and just like the rampant males, can't wait to get laid. These are the ones who will pretty much be left with bastard kids as single mums and relying on the rest of society to bail them out.
I guess what i am saying is don't be to hasty to find love, love will find it's way to you. Don't give in to teenage hormonal temptation because it is what is classed as a social neccesity by your peers. Your white knight will come around one day. My wife (who has SA, deep depression and panic attacks) didn't find me until she was 28. She already had a 10 year old son and was one of those people in school who gave in to pressure. We have now been married 9 years and have a nine year old daughter born through a love of each other.

I will hold out hope for you. You are not a loser. You are unique, one of a kind, like no other. Have faith in yourself because there is always someone who has faith in you.

This is dead on, dont give in to teenage hormonal temptation. He is right about teenage boys bragging and rambling random nonsense to there peers just to increase there ego and social status among those walls society calls school. (More like a prison) Your white knight will come for you, just wait.

 

[Warrior Poet]

I Suggest you read this Ego - The False Center it may help you get over this current situation your in, but i warn you its quite a long read. I highly recommend it.

 

[Phoenixx]

Sorry to hear all that happened, Malice. Some guys can be real idiots, and they'll go around saying anything just to build their ego. I've been around my brother's friends long enough, I know most of what they say and talk about. Of course this doesn't apply to all guys though. I've met a few really nice guys who would never dream of doing anything like this to a girl.

I know what you mean about watching all those couples. All through high school I was jealous of what I saw, and I wanted that to be me too. Well, I still don't have a boyfriend, yes I still get jealous seeing other couples, and I still yearn to have someone I can be comfortable around and who will love me for who I am. But (I don't mean to get all cheesy here; And I think this is mostly just my positivity talking for now) something tells me it'll eventually happen, that my fear of being single forever won't last, and I just have to wait.

You're not stupid for putting trust into a guy. That's one thing relationships are built on, trust. What that guy did to you was stupid... And, like I said, typical for some guys. But the stupid thing that he did shouldn't keep you from putting your trust into other guys (or even other people for that matter). I'm sure you'll meet more than a few nice guys in the future. Just be patient.

 

[Rembrandt Broam]

Sorry your former bf turned out to be such a sleaze Malice ::, but that was a beautifully written rant.

 

[goodways]

So, Malice, do you know what I gathered from your post? That you are highly intelligent and a complex thinker, for you to have written with such emotion and forcefulness. I'm an English teacher, and I know a good writer when I see one. I think you have a much better handle on yourself than most people your age, and if you can actually express your feelings in a consistent and interesting way, well, that is a skill you should not ignore. Most 17 year olds could not even attempt to explain their feelings the way you have, so you should be proud that you can recognize idiocy when you see it.

Sure, you may not have all the answers, but if you can figure out some of the right questions, then you're already ahead of the curve. The world of our teenage years is very small; there is much left out there to experience. You may NOT meet the right guy (hell, how could I realistically say that to you in a place like this, where so many of us never found the right person?), but you will meet a better guy, and that might just be good enough. Who knows?

 

[mmmm]

Oh, poor Malice. I hope you don't mind that your post brought a smile to my face. You see, the same thing happened to me when I was your age. I was in my first year of university, which was my first co-ed experience (wowee!! boys!!). Except that the loser who was spreading poison about me was never even my boyfriend. We had been at one or two of the same parties. Full stop. My saving grace was a rock solid alibi and witnesses, so I can't even imagine what you're going through without that fallback. Anyway, my point is, I saw that R. Sole a few months ago. In a magnificent twist, he was wearing the exact same shirt he used to wear on campus (in 2002), except that it was full of holes. Seriously, I got the feeling he was afraid to bath in case his five remaining hairs fell out in the shower. I usually think bald guys look cool but alas, there is always an exception. You probably aren't too interested in the flashbacks of a 27 year-old geriatric but the next time you see that slimeball, I want you to picture him in a dirty old version of whatever he is wearing and looking not quite so hot as he does now. Who knows? It might actually come true for you, too.

 

[Clark Kent]

Sad to hear your story, Malice.

And I think it is perfectly fine to rant about it as much as you like.....it is after all much better to let it out then to just bottle it up inside

And what can I say....the world can be a really,really hard, cold and unforgiving place to be(I know) and people will disappoint you all the time. but does that mean that it is better to just close up your heart once and for all and just give up on people all together?

You will inevitably meet your share of "toads" and people who have no sense of honesty or loyalty(I become disillusionised every time). But do not let their dishonesty lead you to close up your heart and become cold.

You are a caring and nice person with a good heart and that is wonderful qualities any nice worthy boy would treasure

 

[Panther]

What were the psychopaths like?

 

[WeirdyMcGee]

Teenage boys (and *ahem* sorry... 'some' older men as well) are stupid.
Just sayin'


I was with my ex all through highschool.
We were together for more than a year before we had sex and for some reason, he was surprised to find out that I was a virgin.
Why was he surprised?
There were 4 guys in his gym class whom I hadn't even met before- telling him that they 'scored' with me.

You'll always get that, too.
A guy wants to impress his friends- he'll point to a random girl and tell them he 'did' her.
oooooo! good for you! -___-

anyway... you're allowed to be upset about this but it's another life lesson, I suppose.
There are good guys out there but it'll take alot of effort to sniff one out. haha
The only thing you can do is continue to hold your head high because you aren't the 'average modern teenager' and you need to be proud of yourself for that!

...anyway- I think you're awesome Malice.
Hang in there!

 

[ScaredToBreathe]

first of all, i'd like to say that even though your post was kinda long, it was amusing to read. i must say you are a very good writer. well done. ::

now, as for your rant about boys, boys are stupid. (sorry guys). even the smartest guy out there is a bit stupid, at least emotionally. especially in their teenage year, they're horny and immature and bursting with hormones and unexplained feelings and want all the girls to want them, and even if nothing ever happens with a girl they still like to exagerate and brag. later they start to settle down and realize what an idiot they were when they were young.

that isn't true for all boys, but you gotta admit it's pretty common, at least in the eyes of a girl. but i do believe, eventually, you'll find a boy (or boy will find you) that truely cares about you and respects you and loves you for who you are. it's not impossible, it's happened before. I'm sure you know that all boys aren't that bad and some bad experiences are just a few bad memories, and that's all in the past.

 

[Deus_Ex_Lemur]

GREAT READ you're a very amusing and talented writer! Not that I take pleasure over your angst... but you're just 17 and... not pathetic, we're ALL pathetic frankly when it comes to love - there's surely more of the male of the species out for sex esp during these ages and through 20s (heck every age)... but there do exist guys looking for more. You're not alone with these feelings; and heck guys can relate too. I mean... in a different way... but guys have been scorned too... and lemurs ::

Just don't close up and shut down your heart. LIFE is about risk, and love is the riskiest thing you can do. Or "love" or potential for it. "It is better to have loved and lost, then never to have lovvvved at allll" and that cliche rubbish. But it's rubbish that tastes good, like oreoes and ice cream.

You'll mature and grow wiser you're still young and discovering things! Each experience/encounter just make you SSSSTRONGER not weaker! You have really good sensibility about yourself and introspective. You'll be fine! So good to write it all out! =D

(And it's okay to be a woman scorned! Just don't go boiling pp's bunny's! )

 

[IGotSeoul]

Do you write often? I haven't enjoyed reading so much in ages. Incredibly brilliant, wickedly hilarious stuff.

If there is a male human being out there like this then please, for the love of God and all things good and gracious in this world, put a crown on him with big fat diamonds all over and surround him with roses and an orchestra of holy unicorns singing "Alleluia" out of their rainbow-s******* a******s. Seriously.

I'm still dying of laughter.

 

[Summoning]

I don't have much advice to give you, since I'm a young adult/teenager without much experience on this field. The only thing that I can say for sure is there are good people out there and you will most certainly find a guy who really cares for you.

Just remember:

(The Earth Is Not A Cold Dead Place)

 

[HeadFace]

I agree with Seoul, you're really good with words!
Back to the main issue here...
A lot of high schoolers are just like that. They'll do anything to be accepted and feel better about themselves. Even the ladies that are whores. They want to feel sexy and desired, they'll do anything for attention, just like the guys from school.
There was this one guy I'd walk home with, who'd brag about all the chicks who are on his dick and everything, and then, the whole 3 - 4 years I've known him? I've never actually seen him talk to a female, besides his grandma. Really. I don't evne think he's gotten his first kiss yet.
Ignorance and immaturity is rapant, throughout school.
But trust me, you are way more than them. You actually are concious about what you are doing, and you actually think about things. You actually care about yourself, and care about respect. You still think about everything the youth of today has forgotten about. As clliche as it may sound; that's worth a lot. I don't find the idea of you being innocent or nice stupid at all. They're great qualities, in my opinion.
You deserve a lot better! That guy that said he scored with you? He said it because he's insecure about himself, and wanted to prove himself to his friends.
But you don't conform to that kind of thing. I think that's great.

 

[Kat]

Yeah, don’t let it harden your heart. Use this time wisely and keep in mind the brain keeps maturing until the age of 24, so to have the rationale that you have at your age is exceptional. It is just going to seem like you’re going to have to deal with a lot of crap before anything worth while can be reaped.

 

[MaliceInWickedland]

Thanks for all the support guys. I've been feeling like crap the last few days but I feel a lot better after having read all of your kind replies. Oh man... I feel so embarrassed after reading through what I said. I had no idea that these sort of things were capable of coming from my mouth Well.. keyboard ::

Oh and for those of you wondering: Yes, I am an aspiring writer. I'm actually working on a novel right now. I'm surprised you guys find this thread of mine "amusing". I find it more terrifying and embarrassing than anything else ::

Well I'm going to shut up now before I start rambling again.. so thanks again everyone! I really do appreciate your support and consideration for hopeless dorks like me