"The cost of shyness"

[sahxox]

The Cost of Shyness | Psychology Today

 

[Silatuyok]

Interesting article. I particularly liked this bit:

These stars are not introverts, a term often confused with shyness. Introverts have the conversational skills and self esteem necessary for interacting successfully with others but prefer to be alone. Shy people want very much to be with others but lack the social skills and self-esteem.

Even so, I was a bit confused by the part about researching shy infants. More recent studies I have read indicate that it is, in fact, introverted infants who have these physiological differences (e.g., hypersensitivity to external stimuli), not merely the shy ones. So it seems that the author himself might be a little confused as to the distinction that he tries to make between shy people and introverts. It is the introverts who are wired differently, not shy people.
A good recent read that gives more information on this is the book Quiet.

 

[Feathers]

Interesting article.

they used to call shyness 'the social disease' ?? uh-uhh

It can be annoying but to talk about 'crippling effects' - huh?

I don't like some of the over-generalizations rerivate shyness, it can be different for different people or in different situations

The research with infants seems a bit confusing, yeah - wouldn't one even expect extroverts to be loudly protesting any changes or such?

Interesting about blame-assignment.

'Shyness is un-American.' lol

 

[jaim38]

Very interesting article. I agree that tech is sheltering a lot of us from social interaction. But the part about "shy extroverts" is confusing me a bit.

The only consistent and significant variable that could predict success (among students who were admittedly bright to start with) was verbal fluency--exactly what the typically tongue-tied shy person can't muster. The verbally fluent are able to sell themselves, their services, and their companies--all critical skills for running a corporation; think of Lee Iacocca. Shy people are probably those behind the scenes designing the cars, programs, and computers--impressive feats, but they don't pay as much as CEO.

Without a circle of close friends or relatives, people are more vulnerable to risk. Lacking the opportunity to share feelings and fears with others, isolated people allow them to fester or escalate. What's more, they are prone to paranoia; there's no one around to correct their faulty thinking, no checks and balances on their beliefs. We all need someone to tell us when our thinking is ridiculous, that there is no Mafia in suburban Ohio, that no one is out to get you, that you've just hit a spate of bad luck.

If technology is ushering in a culture of shyness, it is also the perfect medium for the shy. The Internet and World Wide Web are conduits for the shy to interact with others; electronic communication removes many of the barriers that inhibit the shy.

Agreed.

 

[coyote]

We all need someone to tell us when our thinking is ridiculous.

Whenever I try to do this here, people get mad at me. :idontknow:

 

[DepravedFurball]

Whenever I try to do this here, people get mad at me. :idontknow:

I learned very early on not to let my true thoughts about a woman's style of dress be known.

Only after getting slapped or kicked a dozen times.

But you've always got to choose the proper words, right? Especially in a forum, and despite the easy access to emotes...

 

[Kiwong]

I freakin hate parties. Nothing to do with shyness.

 

[hidwell]

Shyness is a way of protecting ourselves from the obnoxious extroverts who try to manipulate us.

 

[SilentBird]

The cost of my kind of shyness is a lifetime of being unfulfilled - socially, romantically, occupationally, spiritually, creatively, intellectually, emotionally.

 

[Kiwong]

I'm not married with 6 kids? Mmmmmm.......thank you shyness

 

[SilentBird]

I'm not married with 6 kids? Mmmmmm.......thank you shyness

"The rewards of shyness" :bigsmile:

 

[DepravedFurball]

There's benefits and detriments to being an extrovert, just as there are for being an introvert.

I see loud, expressive people as annoying. They see me as a judgemental elitist.

I envy their families and the ease in which they can insert themselves into any situation. They look at my life and wish that they could have a calm and relaxing atmosphere surrounding themselves.


Grass is always greener on the other side. Just remember that cows constantly sh*t where they eat.

 

[Kiwong]

"The rewards of shyness" :bigsmile:

:thumbup: You know it

 

[Gieky]

Where are all these shy mythical creatures they speak of? I don't know any shy people in person. I actually feel like the number of shy people is decreasing.

 

[Bronson99]

These stars are not introverts, a term often confused with shyness. Introverts have the conversational skills and self esteem necessary for interacting successfully with others but prefer to be alone. Shy people want very much to be with others but lack the social skills and self-esteem.

It is not so black and white. IMHO you can't easily say someone is shy but not introverted, and vice versa. I personally think most cases of shyness and introversion overlap with each other.

 

[Capsaicin]

I'm actually pretty glad it's getting more articles. It's much better than being something whispered about in dark corridors and online message boards;

Shyness is a way of protecting ourselves from the obnoxious extroverts who try to manipulate us.

Sorry, had no idea that's what I do to people. Thanks for informing me how half or more of the population works. :idontknow:

 

[sorrow1]

It always amazes me what a broad spectrum this subject is. So many factors seem to contribute who we are and we seem to label them as absolutes.

I look at my parents:

First there is my father. Some would describe him as introverted. He likes his own company, doesn't have any friends, gets nervous in social situations and avoids them at all costs. rarely keeps any contact with myself or other family but despite this he is happy and content with his lot in life.

My mother on the other hand is quite extroverted. demands attention all the time, can talk the hind legs off a donkey, Is very confident in social situations and the life and soul of most parties, lot's of friends but she has battled depression for a lot of years.

In my life I have exhibited a combination of all of my parents traits. I have battled between introversion and extroversion countless times, shyness and confidence in many different situations and happiness and despair in so many different circumstances.

There is not one contributing cause or cure all and that is what makes diagnosing, understanding and fixing this so frickin hard lol.

 

[coyote]

I've found that understanding and appeasement rather than trying to expose flawed thinking elicits better responses. It is all a matter of personal and subjective standards about what "ridiculous thinking" actually is.

Working in psychiatric units and with substance abuse/dependency addicts teaches you that no one is can truly be right about anything - especially within the field of psychopathology and behaviour. There are far too many factors to consider that constitutes what is normal and what is 'abnormal' - especially in respect to cultural and social norms. The DSM work group acknowledges that there are many paradigms all influencing (and thus dictating treatment and diagnosis) what is deemed as a disorder - so much so, that no one can come to a true consensus about any kind of 'mental illness' that can truly be agreed upon - however because there is a need for treatment, there are standards set - albeit loosely. A one size fits all approach can't work because everyone is different. Just a few thoughts on why some people might not react positively to advice.

yeah, but...

the difference is that i KNOW that I'M right - it's the rest of the world that needs to question THEIR thinking

every single thought that enters MY head is 100% accurate... without question!

at least that's what my assistant, Hubert, tells me

:thumbup:

 

[bsammy]

sorrow1-i agree, simply saying one is shy rather than introverted can be difficult as it usually isnt accurate..throw in social anxiety which is different from shyness and introversion and you have even more confusion..at my core im deeply introverted, i dont talk to people unless there is a good reason, this goes for family, friends, whoever..this has been mistaken for shyness or being 'stuck up' by neighbors and peers too..thing is though, i do value my time and id rather not waste it making 'chit chat'..what also complicates things is i can also be shy at times but ive pretty much gotten over that..social anxiety still exists for me although its severity comes and goes..

its quite difficult to decipher which is which..i usually shun most social events not necessarily out of social anxiety or shyness but just no need to go and socialize..i have no desire to go and socialize for the most part..

 

[laure15]

I'm not married with 6 kids? Mmmmmm.......thank you shyness

This goes beyond shyness. People have different lifestyle preferences and different levels of contraceptive awareness. I know some non-shy people who stay single and don't have kids.