The Big Fat Holiday Rant Thread..

Lavinialuna

Well-known member
#1
I thought it was a good time to create a place for us all to vent some holiday frustrations and how our social anxiety effects our ability to cope with the added stressors found around the holiday season.
 

Lavinialuna

Well-known member
#2
I have been struggling with holiday stress already. My situation is frustrating and I need to vent.
My in laws are hoarders (the really unsanitary kind) and so I have always had all the holidays at our house. In the beginning it wasn't a big deal. I only had a couple kids and was healthy, but as the past 15 years have progressed I have had a total of 5 kids, got lupus and suffer with some pretty sever social anxiety. I am burnt out on holidays. Not only is it physically challenging but financially challenging. We have to clean our whole house, do all the planning, all the shopping, all the cooking, and then the family eats and runs (not before taking leftovers, of course) leaving us with the mess. Then we are up late cleaning it all up. It's frustrating. Since we can't hold any get togethers at the in laws house, it all falls on us. We do every holiday (Thanksgiving, Christmas, Easter, Mother's day, Father's day, every birthday, everything.) I put a lot of thought into each party, and a lot of baking and decorating, trying to make everyone's holidays special- often for little to no thanks.
Hubby's sister is finally almost 30 and has a house of her own. We asked her to take a little of the burden off our shoulders by doing a holiday. She refused. I am bitter, I admit it. I feel taken advantage of. I feel like the hired help because they are all visiting in the living room while I slave in the kitchen, and by the time we have eaten and I have a moment to sit down and relax, have a conversation, they run out the door. It's not fun anymore.
I have always loved holidays, but this is making me dread them, and I don't want to let this happen.
I am deciding not to have Thanksgiving this year. They don't know yet. We are going to wait for them to ask, as I am sure they are just expecting to be told when to show up, but not this year. Not going to happen. I feel a little guilty because the little kids deserve to have a traditional holiday with grandparents and I hate to let them down, but the older kids are all in my court as they are stuck helping with cleaning and cooking too, so they are okay with not hosting. We will still have it, just us and the kids, but no other family members. casual and on our own schedule.
Christmas is going to be different too. The last few years I have missed so much because I spend 3/4 my time in the kitchen. I have been so exhausted and stressed that I haven't been able to make it to church (which is important to me.) I won't let it happen this year. This year we will start new traditions. We will open presents slowly over hot chocolate, and share in our small family dinner. Christmas will be ours alone. We will host an evening party the weekend before Christmas, appetizers only. Each person will be responsible for bringing 2 appetizers and we will eat on paper plates. That is it. No sit down dinner.
I have some anxiety surrounding them being upset when they find out, but it has to be done. I think I am more hurt than anything. If I was appreciated, cherished, respected by offers to help- perhaps it wouldn't hurt my feelings so much and giving so much of myself wouldn't seem like such a burden, but it is.
My side of the family isn't any better. I put my foot down with them last year. I had a huge Thanksgiving and when I didn't offer to host Christmas, we just didn't have it. No one else wants to share in the responsibility for keeping family traditions, so F--- it. I will make my own family traditions. It hasn't been the same since my parents divorced 10 years ago anyway. My Dad lives in a different state, haven't seen him in over a year, and my mom ALWAYS chooses to spend the holidays with the boyfriend's (whomever she is currently dating's) family, abandoning my sister, brother and I to try to try to keep the family together. Oh well, I guess I should just let the family dissolve because I am the only one willing to put in an effort to get together. Maybe there is nothing there worth saving.
These jobs usually fall on the shoulders of the matriarchs, the grandmothers who have time to bake cookies and enough quiet to plan parties, not mother's in the throws of child rearing, play dates, sports, homework and laundry.
Okay, I actually feel a little better after typing that out, but I'm still hurt. Feeling unappreciated and unimportant.
I am not going to let this kill my love of the holidays, and maybe after a year without any parties someone will buck up and take a little responsibility? If not, oh well. With social anxiety it's just easier not to do it at all anyway.
 
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AriAbs

Active member
#4
I have basically given the finger to the holidays. I'm just making a small meal for my parents. Everyone is broke. My two uncles are ill and my grandmother expects me to pay her taxes. She thinks that my neurological disorder is a joke. In other words, she wants me to get a job to pay for her smoking and drinking habits too.
 

Lavinialuna

Well-known member
#5
I have basically given the finger to the holidays. I'm just making a small meal for my parents. Everyone is broke. My two uncles are ill and my grandmother expects me to pay her taxes. She thinks that my neurological disorder is a joke. In other words, she wants me to get a job to pay for her smoking and drinking habits too.
Sorry you're dealing with that. How does she figure you should be on the hook for her taxes? Family can be the biggest pain in the butt.
We finally told the in laws not to come, and so it will just be us and the kids for Thanksgiving.
 
#6
The holidays I can live with, but most of my siblings have their and their kids birthdays around this time of year. Which means there's like forty-five-thousand birthdays to visit, which I do really dislike.

Well, it's not that I mind being there, because it's special to them. But there's SO MANY of them in succession. It's a little taxing.
 
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Missing

Well-known member
#7
I hate all holidays. xD It's just awkwardly standing there, unable to relate to anyone, and having to answer the same questions over and over with a fake smile and teeth grinding. The best part of family gatherings is leaving. :D

I'm doing my best this year to skip out as much as I can. I'm not sure I can handle it this year.
 
#8
Missing said:
The best part of family gatherings is leaving.
I couldn't have said it better. I absolutely agree with you. I hate holidays, specially Christmas. I struggle with family dinners, family gatherings, family... everything :giggle: And I really, really hate giving presents because I neve know what to give.
 

Hoppy

Well-known member
#11
Every Christmas families all around the world come together in a spirit of love and acceptance, enjoying the company and having fun.

And if you believe that you also believe Santa Claus is going to come down the chimney with presents.

I had exactly one Christmas I had fond memories of. My father had a knee operation and was in bed and I spend the day cleaning out my bedroom.

I am already freaking out for this one.
 
#12
This Thanksgiving is most likely not going to be very stressful for me. I'm just going to be visiting my older sister with my mom. I don't even think we're going out to dinner to celebrate, thank goodness. We've agreed that we'll probably just stay at her place and order pizza.

Christmas is what's going to be tough to get through. My mom said we're going to Texarkana, where most of her side of the family lives, to attend a big "fun" Christmas celebration at my grandma's house. As of now I'm thinking of this time counting down to it as "The Nightmare Before Christmas". The last conversation I had with my grandma included my mom, and they were digging into me over the phone because they discovered that I don't read the Bible. My mom and grandma are both very devoted to Christianity, and ever since they discovered that I believe differently, they've both been openly critical about the situation. My mom has backed off a little on the issue, but there are still times when she'll bring it up and hound me about it, which are tense moments to say the least. I have nothing against people who are Christian, I just wish that they could accept how I believe, and that they'd understand that it hurts when they get down on me for it.

Aside from that messy situation, I'm also not looking forward to going because I always feel tense when it comes to family get-togethers. I end up a nervous, fidgeting, faint-speaking wreck, and overall, I always feel more like I'm an outsider looking in on their celebration, wishing that I could let loose and have a good time, instead of wanting to run and lock myself in a room alone. In a soundproof room without all of the Christmas songs that my grandma likes blasting from her radio nonstop at these get-togethers.
 

Lavinialuna

Well-known member
#13
Tomorrow is Thanksgiving and it will just me, hubby and the kids (which I am glad about) but there is a little piece of me that is sad that there wont' be more. Not like when I was kids and we all came together at my grandmas. I guess I should just be happy that I have my memories, some people don't even have those.
Today is my dad's birthday. Haven't seen him in over a year. It's sad that even talking to him causes me to freak out. I wish I could get a grip and stop getting so tense when having to talk to people.
Hope you all have a fantastic stress free Thanksgiving. I'll be back to "Christmas rant" before too long ;)
 

nicole1

Well-known member
#14
I just want to spend my holiday alone. I'm not really fond of this side of the family and my sister has been a total b****... So, I would like to avoid at all cost. Hopefully, my quick visit will go as planned and I can come home and get back to my book and maybe head to the track.

Why does the holidays feel so forced??? I love the holidays; it's people that mess it up for me. Without being around people, I'm completely happy. With the exception of my parents and younger brother and his family.
 

Lavinialuna

Well-known member
#15
I just want to spend my holiday alone. I'm not really fond of this side of the family and my sister has been a total b****... So, I would like to avoid at all cost. Hopefully, my quick visit will go as planned and I can come home and get back to my book and maybe head to the track.

Why does the holidays feel so forced??? I love the holidays; it's people that mess it up for me. Without being around people, I'm completely happy. With the exception of my parents and younger brother and his family.
I agree, it seems the family I am always obligated to see are not the family members I actually wish I was spending time with :thumbdown:
 

AriAbs

Active member
#16
Sorry you're dealing with that. How does she figure you should be on the hook for her taxes? Family can be the biggest pain in the butt.
We finally told the in laws not to come, and so it will just be us and the kids for Thanksgiving.
She has this entitled mentally. Been catered to for forever. Use to be a show girl.
 
#17
Aw, Gawd! No' again... Iz it awright if ah spend Chrimbo an' New Year oan a mountain away fae people, aye? Alone! Away fae the people make me feel inferior.

Ah'm always emotionally black-mailed intae celebratin' the holiday, jist tae keep those around me happy. But that why ah'm here, tae make others happy, innit? Oh, whit joy...!

"Dae it fur yer sister, c'mon..."

The uncomfortable silence that come over everyone as "...the one wi' anti-social tendencies" - that'd be me - entries the room. Suddenly there's a tension in room, like a fart in an crowded elevator.

Then the awkward, forced conversations start...

"So, whit huv you bin up tae...?"​
"No' much..."​
Another question get asked of me which get a disinterested "Uh-huh" reply, then "Aye..."​

Ah eat ma Christmas dinner in silence coz ah've got nuthin' tae say tae ma family. Pretendin' we aw git along, while in reality, ah cannae stand being around them for most than an minute.

Ah'd rather jist avoid them at aw costs, tae be honest.

Thankfully, ma mum'll say summit stoopid an' make me genuinely laugh. Because she's unaware of why she's funny and those are usually the funniest people because they're no' tryin' tae be funny.

Then ah've got humour ma oldest sister an' pretend tae laugh at her jokes, that are - excuse the expletive here - utter shite! But ah've got tae laugh because if ah say summit critical ah'll git in trouble.

After a few minute ah finish ma dinner an' bugger off back tae ma room.

Ah mean, it's fine when ye spend time wi' folk whom ye really an' enjoy being around. Even better if yer family love one another. Christmas can be a happy occasion fur all.
 

IntheLabyrinth

Well-known member
#19
Sorry you're dealing with that. How does she figure you should be on the hook for her taxes? Family can be the biggest pain in the butt.
We finally told the in laws not to come, and so it will just be us and the kids for Thanksgiving.
People, and especially family, can be so damn ungrateful and lazy! Canceling sounds like the smart move. Even the greatest magician needs an assistant, and with five children, more like a handful of assistants. Feeling guilty even though you shouldn't is much better than being resentful and completely exhausted! Maybe they'll realize their mistake, apologize, and try to be help and be appreciative next year. Have you or your husband explained how unappreciated and stressed out it makes you feel?
 

IntheLabyrinth

Well-known member
#20
I hate all holidays. xD It's just awkwardly standing there, unable to relate to anyone, and having to answer the same questions over and over with a fake smile and teeth grinding. The best part of family gatherings is leaving. :D

I'm doing my best this year to skip out as much as I can. I'm not sure I can handle it this year.
I completely agree! Luckily for me, I only see family on Christmas. However, I have to pretend like I am so excited and love the holidays when guests at the hotel I work at ask. I wish I could just be honest, and tell them I am too lonely and afraid to be able to thankful and enjoy this "most wonderful time of the year." And as I am typing this, a little girl just spilled orange juice right in front of the front desk, and the father didn't even say a word as I cleaned up the mess. Unappreciative and inconsiderate people like that a**hole make me hate having to fake infinitely more.
 
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