the big 3oh

[doubleM]

im 29 now and in less than a month i will turn 30.:: i have this fear of getting old. i guess some people would say 30 is not old, but to me its 10 years from 40. 40 scares the hell outta me.
my age has begun to bother me in recent years. i dont feel old or look my age at all, its just that stupid crap keeps happening...like my hair is thinning. everyday i have to look at it in the mirror and it depresses me more. i cant bear to lose it cuz i think it would make me look old. i cant stand fat old bald people.
then theres the struggle to lose weight. when you get older you get fatter. its like i cant drop any or ill lose some and get stuck.
theres other annoying things that have come up. its so depressing. whats the point of living past your youth? you just get old fat and lose your hair. its like everything goes downhill. i just dont want that.
then theres the emotional toll of having SA and wishing you had been better with people, and the feeling youve wasted your life. my teenage years were mostly spent alone at home. i developed this awful anxiety and depression at 18 and ive struggled with it ever since. most of my 20s i struggled thru job after job, unable to get along with people, and finding out what the real world was like. then beginning to really hate myself. i wish i could go back but i cant.


//mid-life crisis rant.

 

[HH]

I know how you feel doubleM. I'll be turning 31 soon. I did have a slight crisis this time last year as I was still living at home, thankfully I've now got my own place (but now I'm piss poor : (

Anyway....losing your hair, don't worry there is stuff out there to help with that, and regarding getting fat, unfortunately it just means eating less of the stuff you like and exercising more. Getting old really does suck balls

 

[kihira]

The thirties are great, I wish I was thirty something again, you start to feel like an actual adult. The forties are fine, once you get over the shock...

Make an effort to keep healthy and fit, buzz cut thinning hair and explore the wonders of ear and nose hair.

As looks fade the inner world enriches to compensate. It becomes less about what you see in the mirror and more about what you see in other people and the world around you.

 

[replica]

Wow HH, your story is very similar to mine. Turning 30 (early this year) made me take action on few things which I would normally procrastinate on. I too will be moving into a new place hopefully in a couple of months time but will also be forever in debt lol. But I think it would be good for me. I started to get involved in regular exercise and even forcing myself to get active in fun runs and age group races. You can call it a mid life crisis but I think it has done me some good - like a good kick in the back side.

 

[fitftw]

you guys make the 30s seem like the age to be. I kind of like being/looking 26.

Since I was a teenager I always said to myself that I don't want to live past about 60.

 

[coyote]

I'm 46

Johnny Depp is 47

 

[NathanielWingatePeaslee]

Abe Vigoda is 89, and still not dead!

 

[DespairSoul]

I'm 46

Johnny Depp is 47

But Johny look a lot younger as he is. If u look younger as u are then atleast is some positivity about the age there. He look at 35 the most haha

 

[Tuco]

then theres the emotional toll of having SA and wishing you had been better with people, and the feeling youve wasted your life. my teenage years were mostly spent alone at home. i developed this awful anxiety and depression at 18 and ive struggled with it ever since. most of my 20s i struggled thru job after job, unable to get along with people, and finding out what the real world was like. then beginning to really hate myself. i wish i could go back but i cant.

I know exactly how you feel, I wasted my teen years, and now my twenties are almost over (I'll be 29 soon) and I wasted those years as well. The fact that I have always been lonely didn't use to bother me that much, but now that I am approaching 30, it causes me a great deal of pain.

 

[kihira]

But Johny look a lot younger as he is. If u look younger as u are then atleast is some positivity about the age there. He look at 35 the most haha

That's all the piratey make-up

 

[dooby-duck]

I felt the worst on my 29th birthday. It was looking back at wasted years that got to me the most and the realisation that I was being left behind. 30th wasn't so bad, like a new chunk of life beginning. I'm 31 now and have been able to progress a bit this year in quite few areas.

 

[HH]

Turning 30 was a big kick up the arse for me. About 2 weeks before I turned the big three zero I started looking for a house (managed to find a house very quickly-which I wasn't expecting at all)...... yes I'm now skint and don't have much money for luxuries but having your own place is great, makes you feel very grown up and responsible (in a good way). It also gets rid of the embarrassment when someone asks you about your living arrangements (I used to avoid that question like the plague).

I think its all about progressing when you're ready and comfortable, not when other people are on your case about it. Hopefully next year I'll progress in my job.....one step at a time

 

[MollyBeGood]

I have really been struggling with accepting growing older lately. So much of it for me is everything I have worked for the last decade and a half is all in the crapper and I have to start over, which might seem exciting on a good day but its down right daunting most days. when your over 30 and have nothing to show for it life looses it's sparkle.
I try to be thankful daily for what I have but I am not a materialistic person, so i don't really HAVE much at all. I am too hard on myself, this definitely is making my life seem worse than it is, with age comes wisdom and you have to know there are some things you will never be able to change and also that some things are completely out of your control...grrr.
Changes get more difficult to make as you get older too cuz ur more stubborn, jaded and less likely to have the positive pollyanna attitude you had when you were younger, not that I ever really had that.
I am thankful I have one person in this whole world who loves and understands me and that's what makes my life worth living.
But getting older sucks. period.
isn't 40 the new 30? lol
I am thankful too that I don't look my age and can pull off late mid to late 20's and nobody knows, so it's not all bad for now.

 

[Feathers]

Well, a lot of people experience 'big crisis' around the age of 30... There are even books written about it!! (Haven't read any, but it's interesting to look'em up on Amazon! )

You look at your life and go see what you like, what you don't... On a smaller scale, this can happen around every birthday or New Year's.. (At least for me.)
This can be a miserable time, but can also be a time of opportunities for growth and change. Maybe time to reassess what works, what not, what could be improved...

I really like old people. Those 60 or over, or even 80+... They are so full of life wisdom, and experiences from a different time... They are beautiful too, though in a different way... (and they will usually deny it, comparing themselves with a younger version of self, but they really are..) Very warm and authentic, most often...

They say, 'Wrinkles are God's make-up' and I really like this saying...
(I don't like the wrinkles so much lol, I used to look really much younger too, until the last few years, I think the eco worries made me look not-so-young, but hey. Those wrinkles were earnt. ) I am sometimes shocked when I see the pictures from last year or so - I feel so young, he he!!
I've seen a University professor transform into a younger version of herself around 50 or so, though!!

If you keep getting more weight, that can actually be a good thing - your skin will stay young & wrinkle-free!! (So that was kind of a plan for me, to keep getting a tiny bit more weight as I get older, he he..) Many people look good with a bit of 'cushion' and not skinny like 'skeletons'!!

About the hair - I've written about this before - some guys with little or no hair can be really SEXY!! There's stuff you can do to maintain or increase hair health & vitality - nutrition, hair care.. Learning to relax and be as stress-free as possible.. (Easier said than done, I know, just know that stress can worsen hair health too, so why worry??) Highly recommend 'Step by step' anti-SA program too, even the handout is inspiring - the negative thoughts are LIES, intended to stop you!! Have you tried it yet?

Even if you were lonely, you've gotten experience from your jobs etc and can probably help other young people not make the same mistakes you did?

I feel some of my youth has been 'wasted' too, that's why I want to help other people to find meaning in their life when they are young already.. and create cool volunteering eco opportunities for socializing and getting to know each other etc.

Sometimes, people who were lonely become 'experts' in many interesting things... I bet you can be an expert in many things too...

I had a 'crisis' around 25, and around '30' too (even wrote a song about it!) Maybe you can turn pain into creativity too? Write a story or article...? Thirties can really be an AWESOME time - Whoopi Goldberg said so too - that 'life doesn't even really start before 36'??!!
Some people say 'thirties are the new twenties' he he..
Malady really wrote it well!! - Wooow, Phocas, you're 40+? I didn't see this coming, thought you were thirtysomething too!!
And even some people in their fifities look very young and are full of vitality and energy!!

Whatever your age is, it is best to enjoy it as you are now... And make the best of this age now...

 

[MollyBeGood]

Great post Feathers kind words for us struggling....

I love old people too, just don't want to be one LoL

I like what Woopie says, too.
very cool.

 

[Feathers]

ha ha, mountaingirl, well, what's the alternative? and do you like that?

There's the story of a guy who didn't like the idea of getting old - but then disliked the alternative even more...

I have struggled with it too, and sometimes still do... So I've researched this a bit
I think people who age gracefully have a lot going for them...
Personally I'm against any kind of cosmetic surgery unless really really necessary, eg maybe for health reasons or after injuries/burns..
Mostly people can totally change after they develop their inner charisma... and change the attitude/view of things... Body-mind are connected... A lot can be done...

Maybe it helps that I was never a 'stunning' beauty... and so I never identified too much with the outside.. (I've been called 'beautiful' before, but never really considered myself particularly so, except at a certain fun age around my twenties..) Fashion and the way you dress can help a lot too.. (there are tips & tricks etc.)

Well, it's more difficult I guess for people say 25 - 45 maybe, especially women, so many choices... it's 'the biological clock' ticking for some women, wondering whether to make any 'difficult decisions' job-wise, career-wise, money-wise, with regard to partner and maybe kids... if they have kids and career, it can be stressful too... I remember how stressed out my mom was, when we were younger.. (Okay, she's stressed out even now, sometimes.. maybe she just likes to be stressed out? hm! more likely, she has lived all her life near a chemical factory too, and then had a stressful/responsible job.. and is married to my dad, lol!!) It can be stressful to have no kids and no jobs too.. So, what to pick? There's a cool poem about this too.. Maybe stuff for another thread, hmm? (Has there been one on this yet?)

Ohh, I want to be a 'Granny'!! (Not necessarily anyone's 'physical' granny, but, you know.. Kinda fun & zany elderly lady, he he...)

There's this poem that was in our English coursebooks:

Warning
by Jenny Joseph

WHEN I AM AN OLD WOMAN I SHALL WEAR PURPLE
With a red hat which doesn't go, and doesn't suit me.
And I shall spend my pension on brandy and summer gloves
And satin sandals, and say we've no money for butter.
I shall sit down on the pavement when I'm tired
And gobble up samples in shops and press alarm bells
And run my stick along the public railings
And make up for the sobriety of my youth.
I shall go out in my slippers in the rain
And pick the flowers in other people's gardens
And learn to spit

You can wear terrible shirts and grow more fat
And eat three pounds of sausages at a go
Or only bread and pickle for a week
And hoard pens and pencils and beermats and things in boxes

But now we must have clothes that keep us dry
And pay our rent and not swear in the street
And set a good example for the children.
We must have friends to dinner and read the papers.

But maybe I ought to practice a little now?
So people who know me are not too shocked and surprised
When suddenly I am old, and start to wear purple.

Taken from the book
When I Am An Old Woman I Shall Wear Purple
Editd by Sandra Martz
Papier Mache Press--Watsonville, California 1987
***

So be warned!!

 

[Feathers]

Xylia, I felt older at 16 than I do now... So this may change too...

I really like your attitude of staying healthy & active - this is really important, yup!! You're very inspiring!!

 

[MollyBeGood]

I get the most inspiration to keep on living even though getting older is the s*** from people in their 70's and 80's who have a good outlook. Where are they? I miss them. Like some old rancher I used to know who loves his land and his life and has a face like leather and a heart of gold.

I hope I can be like that, i really do.Yep I am struggling atm...

Also, old married couples are really great, the ones that are really still love each other it's beautiful and somewhat rare anymore

Great poem Feathers! You're so sweet. Lots of wisdom

I will read it again lol

 

[Hastings & Main]

All you can do is focus on right now and getting a better mindset over your SA (start today! right now!) so your 20/20 hindsight doesn't blind your future.

Stay young by drinking lots of water and curbing any cynicism, find releases for stress or sideline stress from your life, and the hair? NO combover. NO compensation-ponytail. YES to buzzcut/shave. (You should see all the late-20's guys in my neighborhood w/shaved heads. Some days it's like a scene outta THX 1138)

Keep fat at bay w/stomache crunches and waving goodbye to McDonalds. I've seen as many thin men in their 70's as fat ones.

And as said better before me, this time-bubble around 30 is a crisis for a whole lot of people. After 31 and a bit, you settle back down, until you hit 36 and realize you can't get up from a crouch w/o one hand on your knee.

 

[DespairSoul]

Well, a lot of people experience 'big crisis' around the age of 30... There are even books written about it!! (Haven't read any, but it's interesting to look'em up on Amazon! )

You look at your life and go see what you like, what you don't... On a smaller scale, this can happen around every birthday or New Year's.. (At least for me.)
This can be a miserable time, but can also be a time of opportunities for growth and change. Maybe time to reassess what works, what not, what could be improved...

I really like old people. Those 60 or over, or even 80+... They are so full of life wisdom, and experiences from a different time... They are beautiful too, though in a different way... (and they will usually deny it, comparing themselves with a younger version of self, but they really are..) Very warm and authentic, most often...

They say, 'Wrinkles are God's make-up' and I really like this saying...
(I don't like the wrinkles so much lol, I used to look really much younger too, until the last few years, I think the eco worries made me look not-so-young, but hey. Those wrinkles were earnt. ) I am sometimes shocked when I see the pictures from last year or so - I feel so young, he he!!
I've seen a University professor transform into a younger version of herself around 50 or so, though!!

If you keep getting more weight, that can actually be a good thing - your skin will stay young & wrinkle-free!! (So that was kind of a plan for me, to keep getting a tiny bit more weight as I get older, he he..) Many people look good with a bit of 'cushion' and not skinny like 'skeletons'!!

About the hair - I've written about this before - some guys with little or no hair can be really SEXY!! There's stuff you can do to maintain or increase hair health & vitality - nutrition, hair care.. Learning to relax and be as stress-free as possible.. (Easier said than done, I know, just know that stress can worsen hair health too, so why worry??) Highly recommend 'Step by step' anti-SA program too, even the handout is inspiring - the negative thoughts are LIES, intended to stop you!! Have you tried it yet?

Even if you were lonely, you've gotten experience from your jobs etc and can probably help other young people not make the same mistakes you did?

I feel some of my youth has been 'wasted' too, that's why I want to help other people to find meaning in their life when they are young already.. and create cool volunteering eco opportunities for socializing and getting to know each other etc.

Sometimes, people who were lonely become 'experts' in many interesting things... I bet you can be an expert in many things too...

I had a 'crisis' around 25, and around '30' too (even wrote a song about it!) Maybe you can turn pain into creativity too? Write a story or article...? Thirties can really be an AWESOME time - Whoopi Goldberg said so too - that 'life doesn't even really start before 36'??!!
Some people say 'thirties are the new twenties' he he..
Malady really wrote it well!! - Wooow, Phocas, you're 40+? I didn't see this coming, thought you were thirtysomething too!!
And even some people in their fifities look very young and are full of vitality and energy!!

Whatever your age is, it is best to enjoy it as you are now... And make the best of this age now...

I love your post Feathers, u are so true. I also love old people they are very wisdom and i somehow see them as very cute also with appearance. By myself i dont wanna become old, i think no one really wants it but is no choice. Wrinkles are to me sexy only on manns but some womans also can somehow look still the same and i dont know how they do this magic,propably nature didnt play with them so bad.Some womans at 50 can look very good and nothing changed so much if she were 30. Is a lot of lucky ones here. I think is also genetic think not only living healthy,because i was seeing a lot of people what live healthy and they have a lot of wrinkles,and they were sick. Also some woman what was smoking like fabric and she lived 120 years woah.