Started crying after asking for a job...

[Dark angel]

Ok, So I asked my brother to see if he could check around jobs where employees were needed. He did and told me to go to a certain store to give my resume. Because I was very occupied with stuff from the university I couldn't go, when he told me to and also I needed to prepare myself because this kind of things makes me really nervous and I have to be certain of what I'm going to do and be mentally prepared. I went a week later and I was very eager and determined to do it, to break out of my shell and went to this place. Once in front of the store I was inside my car and I started to panic and I was saying to myself "what if they think I'm stupid" or " what if I'm not qualified enough or capable to get this done". Once I got myself a bit together I got inside the store and spoke to one of the employees and she told me to speak with the manager and so I did. I went to where he was and all of the sudden I got nervous speaking to him and behaved like a freakin' robot! He ask me some things and all I could say was "yes" or "no". He told me that they had all the employees that they needed because when the store opened they hired all the staff but that he was gonna keep my resume just in case. I got out of the store feeling like I made fool out of myself because I didn't behave quite properly. I call my brother and told him what the manager said and he asked me that "why I didn't go the same day that he told me to?" I felt bad because even when I had a lot of things from school I could've made some time to go to the store a little earlier and not a week after. All of the sudden I started to cry after I hang up with him because I wonder if my life is gonna be like this forever. Am I ever going to have a job and be able to support myself? Am I always going to be this kind of nervous reck when speaking to someone of authority? Because it really sucks! It makes me feel suicidal, and I don't want to go back that road. Also, Am I stupid for crying?

 

[Section_31]

Awww dark, *hug* your not stupid at all, for crying, or feeling the way you do. not one bit. never think it. S/A Is a very intense emotional thing, of course your naturally going to feel upset!.

My wife has gone through this so much herself, and its so difficult.

Have you considered maybe talking to your doctor about it?. He/she may be able to give you somthing to keep you calm enough to get through an event like this. My wife had to do that for a few job interviews.

People who dont have S/A wont be able to fully understand what we go through. I for one commend you and think you were really brave going in. Alot of us couldnt have done that.

Dont be so hard on yourself, and dont give up!!

 

[Shyangel]

Man, Darkangel. I totally know how you feel. Everything you stated is the reason I've never had a job. I also have that terrible fear of never breaking out of my shell enough to get one and support myself like I want so SO badly. I've went into stores and asked if they were hiring and that was miserable enough for me. I've had nervous break downs the moment I walked out of the store and ect, so, no. I definitely don't think crying was dumb. I'm more then sure you have the wits and capabilities to figure this out and land yourself a good job same day. Just keep working at it. I believe in you.

 

[luck254]

Am I ever going to have a job and be able to support myself? Am I always going to be this kind of nervous reck when speaking to someone of authority? Because it really sucks! It makes me feel suicidal, and I don't want to go back that road. Also, Am I stupid for crying?

Hi angel, registered lurker here
As a former SA sufferer i can asure you that you will be able to get a job in any field you want but first i have to ask you, are you on meds? Because they did a miracle for me since the first time i took them.
Second, do all of your friends and family know that you suffer from SA? It wasn't easy for a 16 year old boy (im 19 now) to come out of the s.a closet and tell my loved ones that i was not the normal boy they thought i was and couldn't expect me to behave like a normal guy would. (i didn't have that much friends at that time:: but i told my family) making that step is hard to do but hey if they love you they have to accept you the way you are.
Currently i have a girlfriend and a few friends and was able to get out of that black hole that almost made me kill myself with medication and a dose of confidence.
Speaking to figures of authority isn't easy even when you are an average guy/girl but s.a obviously makes it harder, if you don't wanna feel that sensation again i would recomend you to wait until you are midly healed and feeling confident enough to face the interviewer.
This pretty much sums up my social life today:

Good luck!!!

 

[LazyHermitCrab]

Aww it's okay. I did lots and lots of terrible interviews until i got a job. You can do it.

 

[zav943]

Dark, I kid you not, I sent out no less than 100 applications before I got my job. The first few interviews were tough. I stammered, said things that made no sense, choked, gasped for breath, sweated...all manners of messed up things happened to me.

Eventually, I got an amazing job.

I like to think that if I can do it, anyone can. You just need to persevere.

I am telling you this: You WILL get a job. Don't think it won't happen, as I did. It WILL happen. It's not a matter of if, it's a matter of when.

 

[Dark angel]

hahahahaha!!! Love the pinguin, how cute! To answer to your questions luck254, I haven't told my family because I don't know how to say it to them! It is quite difficult because, it is a personality disorder. When you have a physical illness is easier because is a tangible situation that they can probably understand but when it is a mental thing is another story. I once try to sort of tell my brother because he was wondering why I didn't go out with friends or didn't go out so much. I told him that for me socializing it wasn't the same thing as for him(he is very sociable and knows a bunch of people,very different from me in that aspect) I told him that if he google social anxiety he would probably get a better picture of who I am and why am I like this. But he didn't understand or took it very seriously. I don't blame him because it is something that it can strike as different or new to anyone. But how do I sit down precisely and tell them, what is SA? How it makes me feel? What it makes me think? How it makes me act? All that stuff.
As for the meds, I'm on medication for depression but not for SA.

 

[luck254]

hahahahaha!!! Love the pinguin, how cute! To answer to your questions luck254, I haven't told my family because I don't know how to say it to them! It is quite difficult because, it is a personality disorder. When you have a physical illness is easier because is a tangible situation that they can probably understand but when it is a mental thing is another story. I once try to sort of tell my brother because he was wondering why I didn't go out with friends or didn't go out so much. I told him that for me socializing it wasn't the same thing as for him(he is very sociable and knows a bunch of people,very different from me in that aspect) I told him that if he google social anxiety he would probably get a better picture of who I am and why am I like this. But he didn't understand or took it very seriously. I don't blame him because it is something that it can strike as different or new to anyone. But how do I sit down precisely and tell them, what is SA? How it makes me feel? What it makes me think? How it makes me act? All that stuff.
As for the meds, I'm on medication for depression but not for SA.

As i stated before that was the first step on my road to recovery, it may seem difficult and could get you some bad comentaries but it is worth of it, seriously.. if you open yourself with confidence and tell them what are you going through you things will be getting easier for you.
In my case i got bad comentaries and even jokes in family meetings specially because of lies and stories about me being socially successful i used to tell them to not appear as a loner or a weirdo in their eyes. Eventually they accepted the fact that i was going through really hard times and understood my case and gave me their support. (It was getting harder and harder to keep up those lies about social experiences i never had.)
With your friends try to be careful about who you open yourself with, i recommend you to do it with old friends specially those who know you since childhood.
My experience was that keep telling them lies was getting harder than telling them the whole truth.
Do not expect to feel worse to tell them

 

[MikeyC]

Getting a job is difficult, even if it's as easy as going to see them. I have that same trouble, because you're supposed to act confident and in control, neither of which I actually am. I hope you can find something else, Dark Angel.

 

[Hoppy]

An observation from my side to all job seekers.

Me being on the top of the heap so to speak and responsible for handing out jobs and looking for employees at present.

At the lower rungs of employment ( not talking about engineers or techical people here, but entry level staff) the turnover is high. I don't know about your area, but in South Africa the average time at a company is about 9 months, and it is almost impossible to fire anybody here.

Any manager who has to employ staff in a small company is constantly looking for new people. Saying he will keep your resume on file: He is probably expected by law to do it. Your chances of getting a job is almost like winning the lottery. He probably needs someone now, and he will choose the best out of what is offered to him now, and by that I mean today.

Most jobs are anyway filled by networking. Someone who know someone who tells someone about it.

Keep on plugging away at it. Ask everybody you know and also people you don't know if they know about possible jobs.(yes, I know you've got social phobia, it isn't easy, a friendly girl behind a till maybe)

If you have applied for 100 jobs and didn't get it, 100 other people got jobs, someday it will be your turn.

And do make some effort at your appearance. I talked to a job-seeking woman recently whose teeth were so dirty my mouth felt icky just looking at her.

Or just ignore me, everybody else does.

 

[Dark angel]

Thank you for your advice Hoppy. I'm going to keep on trying and see what I can find. Hopefully I'll get better at this someday but sometimes the fear wins me over and get paralyzed and prefer to do nothing. It is not a nice feeling :: but I guess you're right. I really appreciate the support from all of you guys. Is nice to have someone who I can relate with.

 

[Gray Lantern]

Hang in there. As you mentioned, having such issues can be especially difficult as it's not something apparent to others (like physical issues you pointed out).

 

[divethruhaze]

Lot's of people breakdown and cry for all sorts of reasons, so it's ok to cry... I guess.
And congrats for having the guts to go speak to the manager and look for a job. Baby steps.