so i've fallen in love with someone...

[knowledgeofself]

and its reminded me why I am so useless with my emotions and how I am so emotionally volatile. I kind of fell for this girl because we share so much in common in terms of views and opinions and stuff, i've never met her, i've been talking with her over the web, she's pretty much perfect, I have spoken to a lot of people through forums but never met someone who I get along with so well. but every single time I am waiting for her message when it takes too long I start immediately worrying. I go over everything negative she could be thinking about me.
I couldn't sleep the other day when she didn't reply, I felt sick in my stomach, my pulse and heart was all disrupted and I felt like crying, I was depressed along with feeling angry. I wanted to hit the bottle. I go through this every time someone who I love doesn't respond to me as quickly or diligently as I am with them. it reminded me of when I was 17 and I loved a girl who didn't feel the same way, or my ex girlfriend a few years later. I feel like I can't ever have a loving relationship with someone because all this pain I put myself through is too much to bear.

 

[dottie]

you are dependent, not in love.

 

[Gadfly]

i've never met her, i've been talking with her over the web, she's pretty much perfect, I have spoken to a lot of people through forums but never met someone who I get along with so well.

This is delusional.

 

[Pacific_Loner]

You are dependent and delusional. lol.
Seriously, when it happens to you, can you try and be conscious that this is irrational and pointless, close your computer, try to calm yourself doing something else (play video games?) and let go? I know it's hard, but it's doable.

 

[bcsr]

Wow people throw out the word love so quickly. This is certainly not love.

 

[AGR]

but who decides what is love or what is not?
I worked with a women who married a guy exchanging letters and videos vhs back in the day,she lived on the other side of the world and he here,dont let people tell you thats impossible.

 

[Gadfly]

You're encouraging his pathology. This isn't about romance, it's about his anxiety and unrealistic expectations. People can connect in a variety of ways, but it's not real until they meet and if someone gets this overwrought prior to any actual contact, this is not something to pursue.

 

[Arthur_Dent]

Does she know you like her so much? If not just admit to her that you like her as more than a friend, do not stay expecting for her to develop feelings or to express feeling you assume she may have. Clear up things with her before getting even more attached and grow hopes in something you don't know yet what it is. Have also in mind how likely would be for you two to meet in person in the near future.

Just don't expect for a miracle to happen and she out of the blue telling you what you want to hear. Be sincere and explain how you feel, if she doesn't correspond better to know now than later, if she does, explain her your insecurities and work them up with her, keep always a good open communication and good luck.

 

[knowledgeofself]

Does she know you like her so much? If not just admit to her that you like her as more than a friend, do not stay expecting for her to develop feelings or to express feeling you assume she may have. Clear up things with her before getting even more attached and grow hopes in something you don't know yet what it is. Have also in mind how likely would be for you two to meet in person in the near future.

Just don't expect for a miracle to happen and she out of the blue telling you what you want to hear. Be sincere and explain how you feel, if she doesn't correspond better to know now than later, if she does, explain her your insecurities and work them up with her, keep always a good open communication and good luck.

I dunno if I want to say that to her though, I don't want to scare her off or potentially ruin anything. I said the same thing to my ex girlfriend ,I wanted to be honest with her about what I was feeling ,I did that and everything went wrong and we broke up, I tried to stay friends with her for years but the feelings never went away. I had to stop being friends before I could start to heal. I am recognizing the same feelings are starting with this other girl.

 

[MikeyC]

you are dependent, not in love.

As much as I hate to admit it, this is correct. Does she live near you? Is there opportunity to meet, even if she does live far away?

 

[knowledgeofself]

dependent personality disorder? I just read up on this, I do seek out strong people because I relate to them well. but I have a desire to be self reliant in life, if I didn't have social anxiety my work history would be a lot better and I would have my own place etc.
I wouldn't say i'm totally submissive to people, I suppose I can be at times. when I become conscious that I am I sometimes become irritable because I feel frustrated at not being able to take control. is dpd a condition where people are generally uncomfortable with it and wish to change themselves?

Does she live near you? Is there opportunity to meet, even if she does live far away?

she doesn't live near me, she lives in another part of the country. I wouldn't mind visiting her but I need to get the courage and money. i'd also like to see how things are still going with her in a couple of months before taking a trip.

 

[MikeyC]

she doesn't live near me, she lives in another part of the country. I wouldn't mind visiting her but I need to get the courage and money. i'd also like to see how things are still going with her in a couple of months before taking a trip.

I'm a fan of giving it a couple of months before you decide to visit. Money is also usually a stumbling block. Despite everything, I hope it works out. :thumbup:

 

[knowledgeofself]

I'm a fan of giving it a couple of months before you decide to visit. Money is also usually a stumbling block. Despite everything, I hope it works out. :thumbup:

thanks mate

 

[Hellhound]

I can assure you she's not perfect. You are having unrealistic expectations.

Just because you both have things in common, it doesn't mean she can't screw up. There will be things you won't like about her, and there will be things she won't like about you. That's how friends, and more than friends, work.

It's not fair for her to have you worrying sick all the time because she didn't reply to you immediately. Work on your anxiety before telling her that you might have feelings for her.

I agree with Dottie, though. You sound more dependent than in love.

 

[jaim38]

I used to be in the same situation. In the past, I used to depend on a guy for emotional support. Whenever I have feelings and thoughts that I want to let out, I would call him and talk for a long time (30 min and over). If he didn't pick up my call for whatever reason, I get kind of upset and start talking to myself, but I didn't feel any better because I don't have feedback from another person. Sometimes, I think he got tired of talking to me because he wouldn't pick up my call even though I called him many times.

I realized that I was a burden to him, but I really had no one to talk to. My parents don't understand me and I was afraid to tell my friends my problems (because I feel pressure to look good in their eyes, don't want to scare them off with my insanity). Over time, I realize that this guy probably expects something in return, because I think he has feelings for me.

After I found SPW, I stopped calling this guy. I don't want to mislead him or give him the impression that I like him. Thank god for SPW and similar anxiety support forums.

 

[Nanita]

This stuff happens.. Attraction, falling for someone, feeling a connection... It can be quite beautiful. Just don´t let yourself get too vulnerable I guess ?

 

[A Many Splendored Thing]

That is love but your head is getting in the way.

I've been in the same situation, and I still feel something there for her(We haven't talked in awhile). Not the insane amount I used to, and I'd say this would be a good level to be at.

You're too much in love. That doesn't end well for anybody. It's a mixture of strong love and anxiety that tears at you. You cannot live like that.

Treat love like a drug. It has its positive and negative. Live with the thought that she wants to be with you or you won't be with her in the end. And love is always risky.

P.S. Don't overdose.

 

[JohnDee]

As others have said you sound like you are obsessed, this is not the same as bein in love (which you could be). Be careful, stalking begins sort of like this albeit it doesn't have to be physichal.