Post your random thoughts/feelings etc

[Phoenixx]

At 3am this morning I found myself reading this article and decided if I still feel agitated later in the morning, I'll do this exercise of writing a letter. I have been feeling pent up guilt, sorrow, and anger off and on for months now, and since I stopped seeing my therapist it has only gotten worse. I think this is why I've been having such bad dreams at night lately, and then being woke up with anxiety and/or anger too. So I did it. I wrote a letter. 2 hours and 5 pages. I didn't realize how much more baggage I was carrying, despite talking to friends and family over what had happened at my last job and how it affected me more than I thought it did.

I mean, I got really sick. Like, almost hospitalization sick. I didn't even realize it until looking back. I was in no shape to even be driving, and at one point that's why I was only working half days, but still. I was still showing up to work and struggling and my boss at the time only made things worse. Instead of helping she just further stressed me out which only added to being sick. She had no idea how to handle me, so she only did what she thought was feasible and probably treated me like shit to the point where she hoped I left. But I'm glad I left, and I'm glad I'm finally getting this out. My neck physically hurts from sitting there typing so much. But now I'm going to get off the computer and actually get out of the house for once this week. I already feel better and I think the sunshine and fresh air will help.

 

[Graeme1988]

Death stare by Lauren Mayberry? Worth it. But yeah, just be thankful she didn't punt that phone out of your hand like that video showed.

Could've been worse. Imagine if Lauren did an old school tribute to Axl Rose of Guns N' Roses and dived into the crowd to rip the phone outta yer hand.

So jelly you got to see CHVRCHES though. What a show that was, I bet! I'm one of those uncultured weirdos who has never been to a concert, but then again the thought of those crowds has me sick to my stomach. So just listening to all the music is good enough for me.

Uncultured weirdo? That's a pretty harsh putdown of yourself, Phoenixx. While I get what you mean regarding the crowds, you are kinda missing out if haven't seen one of, or your all-time favourite band live in concert. Just saying... that's an experience that remains with you for years after the fact.

 

[Graeme1988]

At 3am this morning I found myself reading this article and decided if I still feel agitated later in the morning, I'll do this exercise of writing a letter.

Damn! Why didn't I do that when my cousin just suddenly stopped talking to me outta the blue the day after my 16th birthday?
It really would've spared me the years I spent tormenting myself over why he just cut me outta his life and blaming myself for it.

 

[Phoenixx]

Damn! Why didn't I do that when my cousin just suddenly stopped talking to me outta the blue the day after my 16th birthday?
It really would've spared me the years I spent tormenting myself over why he just cut me outta his life and blaming myself for it.

It's a great exercise and I'm glad I stumbled across it. It's nice because you allow yourself to say everything you want to say and feel, but you don't send it (obviously). And then to keep yourself from going back and rereading it, and thus opening wounds that are trying to heal, you delete it (or throw it out if you wrote it by hand). I typed mine all up on Google docs and then deleted the file.

 

[FountainandFairfax]

Thank goodness for coffee. Hazelnut creamer, too.

 

[Phoenixx]

Uncultured weirdo? That's a pretty harsh putdown of yourself, Phoenixx.

(Thought I replied to this and didn't)

Nah, not harsh at all because I didn't find it insulting to myself. I find as the older I get the more I resonate with living under a rock and avoiding as many people as possible. But if the opportunity presented itself I would totally go to a concert, as long as I was with someone else and tickets were cheap.

 

[Phoenixx]

Thank goodness for coffee. Hazelnut creamer, too.

You sound like my mother. Hazelnut is her favorite too. I personally hate coffee and so do my intestines. Herbal and decaffeinated teas are my go-to.

 

[FountainandFairfax]

I personally hate coffee and so do my intestines.

Weirdest placement of a smiley face, ever.

 

[vj288]

Death stare by Lauren Mayberry? Worth it. But yeah, just be thankful she didn't punt that phone out of your hand like that video showed.
So jelly you got to see CHVRCHES though. What a show that was, I bet! I'm one of those uncultured weirdos who has never been to a concert, but then again the thought of those crowds has me sick to my stomach. So just listening to all the music is good enough for me.

It was great! Before I even went though I sort of decided I was going to have fun. I just thought to myself "Great seats, band I really like at the moment and who are possibly in their prime, and me nearing that age where fully embracing a concert will get harder to do, let's go all out!" It was something I wish I could more easily replicate in every aspect of my life, because for about 2 hours I just was unburdened by anything. I didn't care what the guy next to me thought of my stupid jumping up and down, or what the people in front of me thought of my off-key singing along. I didn't care what *I* thought of any of that stuff either. I just really let loose and did whatever I wanted to enjoy the show truly and properly (without thinking much about what that requires.)

When I went to my first concert I remember it was a big deal. It was it a big step in pushing my boundaries at the time. And after seeing Fiona Apple (who was obviously my first concert experience ) it opened the floodgates for me. I could keep going after that, making myself more comfortable with the whole process. And in addition, I'm able to see (and $upport) all these artists I've listened to on repeat for years which is cool in of itself.

And concerts come in all different shapes and sizes too. Anna Nalick for example, who I've seen 4 times (and would see every week if possible ) I love going to see because it's very much my normal speed. It's a small venue usually, you sit down the whole time, and just listen to her perfectly sing her songs and talk about whatever is on her mind. Last time one of the musicians didn't know the cords to a song someone suggested and she just did it acappella.

There's nothing wrong with just listening the music from your iPod of course, but in my experience concerts can be beneficial in more ways than one if you give them a chance!

Could've been worse. Imagine if Lauren did an old school tribute to Axl Rose of Guns N' Roses and dived into the crowd to rip the phone outta yer hand.

While I would be absolutely mortified, I may also be a little as well if that happened.

 

[FountainandFairfax]

The basket for my coffee maker has gone MIA.

Is this the universe telling me to get a Keurig? Or did I drop it yesterday and have a certain Boston TERROR grab it, drag it back to his kennel and chew it all to shit?

I say the two are one in the same. All winds blow to the whim of the great coffee cup in the sky.

 

[Phoenixx]

The basket for my coffee maker has gone MIA.

Is this the universe telling me to get a Keurig? Or did I drop it yesterday and have a certain Boston TERROR grab it, drag it back to his kennel and chew it all to shit?

I say your little terror knows how much you want a Keurig and was just helping you get one step closer towards buying one.

 

[FountainandFairfax]

I say your little terror knows how much you want a Keurig and was just helping you get one step closer towards buying one.

I just got one!

I have to go to my mom's later, she didn't like the Starbucks k-cups she bought, so she's gonna let me have them.

 

[Phoenixx]

I am nothing but a piece of shit. No one wants me for anything. Not for work, not to hang out, not to talk to, nothing. No one is ever open to help me either, which is why I never ask. Because when I do, no one is there. I hate relying on people. Wish I could be 100% independent away from everyone. I hate the person I'm turning into this year, but I feel like there's nothing I can do to change that. I have tried so freaking hard to see things more positively, to still chase new opportunities when I see them, and every single time it ends in disappointment. So what's the point?

Had a great Saturday after a shit week. Then back to being shitty yesterday. It's always this cycle and I'm sick of it. Top that with a week of cruddy sleep thanks to nightmares every night (with only one night of decent-ish sleep) and I feel like a wreck. I'm ready to just pack up everything and leave.

 

[FountainandFairfax]

It was humid as crap when I walked Gus this morning.

No more.

I'm tired of dodging crackheads in wet shoes while trying to keep my dog from running into traffic.

No, I can't "help" you, your car is nicer than mine.

 

[Miserum]

dodging crackheads in wet shoes

Sounds like a good cardio/obstacle course workout. I think the Marines do a similar workout.

 

[Miserum]

I am nothing but a piece of shit.

Nahhh. You're an alright gal.

 

[FountainandFairfax]

Sounds like a good cardio/obstacle course workout. I think the Marines do a similar workout.

The jarhead crackhead course.

 

[Miserum]

The jarhead crackhead course.

People have died running that course. It's no joke.

 

[SilentAndShy]

I wish there was someone who could truly understand my anxiety issues. My wife, has listened as I've tried to explain all the reasons why we don't do things compared to other couples and how we raise our children, yet I think deep down she still feels I've got to do it without fail. Sometimes having someone who experiences similiar problems can provide more encouragement perhaps, idk,

 

[FountainandFairfax]

I wish there was someone who could truly understand my anxiety issues. My wife, has listened as I've tried to explain all the reasons why we don't do things compared to other couples and how we raise our children, yet I think deep down she still feels I've got to do it without fail. Sometimes having someone who experiences similiar problems can provide more encouragement perhaps, idk,

Yeah, you always have to be the world-champion guy with social phobia. You're not allowed to have bad days or fail them because they're already "putting up with so much" from you.

What a joke.