Post your random thoughts/feelings etc

BlackPuma

BlackPuma

1
I'm not so proud of myself right now. But frankly people don't give me a choice but lie sometimes. They're so caught up by themselves that they barely see me as a separate person. Let alone see the effort I put into progress everyday. It's just ignored and labeled as ''the thing you should've done all along, there's nothing special about that''.

I needed to call in sick to work today, and I needed someone else to do it because someone else used up all the credits on my phone again. So I call my mom, since she's the only one with a working phone. The first thing she does is make me feel like she doesn't believe there's anything wrong. And actually emphasizing how often I call in sick. Like I don't ****ing know that already, and feel ashamed because of it. I panicked and actually yelled at her. I told her I had a bad stomach ache, which isn't true.

I'm just so tired of everyone doing that. I don't need people making me feel guilty about taking a step backwards sometimes.

I could seriously use a break from everything right now. Everyone is just fishing for more and more of my time, more and more of my attention. I just barely consciously experience my personal time without being an insignificant blur.

Times like these I just want out.
 
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MikeyC

MikeyC

Well-known member
blackpuma said:
I'm not so proud of myself right now. But frankly people don't give me a choice but lie sometimes. They're so caught up by themselves that they barely see me as a separate person. Let alone see the effort I put into progress everyday. It's just ignored and labeled as ''the thing you should've done all along, there's nothing special about that''.

I needed to call in sick to work today, and I needed someone else to do it because someone else used up all the credits on my phone again. So I call my mom, since she's the only one with a working phone. The first thing she does is make me feel like she doesn't believe there's anything wrong. That's just one example of many. I'm so tired of everyone doing that.

I could seriously use a break from everything right now. Everyone is just fishing for more and more of my time, more and more of my attention. I just barely consciously experience my personal time without being an insignificant blur.

Times like these I just want out.
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There are people in my life who believe there's nothing wrong with me, and I'm with you in that it can be infuriating when they don't understand. Depression? "Stop being depressed. Just stop." If I could toggle a switch, I would just do it!

But I'm sorry you're all stressed out, Puma. Have you spoken to your mother about what you're feeling? Maybe she says there's nothing wrong because she doesn't see the extent of your emotions. Is she approachable? That would help a lot if you could open up to her.

We here see the progress...but it would be a lot better if the people around you saw it, too. Having little support can be upsetting, particularly if you're really trying.

If you need the day off work, definitely do it. Regroup yourself for a day before going back to the grind. It will work more than you think.

Good luck. :)
 
BlackPuma

BlackPuma

1
MikeyC said:
There are people in my life who believe there's nothing wrong with me, and I'm with you in that it can be infuriating when they don't understand. Depression? "Stop being depressed. Just stop." If I could toggle a switch, I would just do it!
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Yes, that exactly. The not understanding bit I can understand, but the way people approach it when you've often vocally expressed that you're struggling is what baffles me. Like they know you better you do yourself.

MikeyC said:
But I'm sorry you're all stressed out, Puma. Have you spoken to your mother about what you're feeling? Maybe she says there's nothing wrong because she doesn't see the extent of your emotions. Is she approachable? That would help a lot if you could open up to her.
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I don't think it would do much. She knows how bad the situation is, but doesn't want to recognize the severity. Meaning that she'll often expect way, way too much of me. I'd say she's even pushy.

MikeyC said:
We here see the progress...but it would be a lot better if the people around you saw it, too. Having little support can be upsetting, particularly if you're really trying.
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Aw, thank you, Mikey. This part I found really sweet. :3

MikeyC said:
If you need the day off work, definitely do it. Regroup yourself for a day before going back to the grind. It will work more than you think.

Good luck. :)
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And I totally will. I've recently had talk with one of my supervisors, and he said that he'd be okay if instead of starting at 9am, I could start at 10am (and then just leave an hour later).

I think I'm gonna go for that. It'll give me more of a mental buffer to prepare myself in. :3
 
MrJones

MrJones

Well-known member
PipsMcClawski said:
They were saying on the news this morning that those who spend too much time on it were beginning to suffer from what they called facebook envy. Which is where they start comparing their life to others and causes them depression. Other symptoms are increased reclusiveness. The doctors were saying that in moderation its ok but online friendships shouldn't be used as a replacement for actual face to face relationships. Which as you know is a problem for people like us. Its the same concept as a pornography addiction, substituting actual intimacy for the digital. I know im a FB addict but im gonna try and cut back.
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I'm already a depressed recluse with no actual face to face relationships and I can't see a change in the future.

Anyway, if now I know barely nothing about people's lives and I already compare myself to them, I wonder what would happen if I know all what happens in everyone's lives...
 
MrJones

MrJones

Well-known member
PipsMcClawski said:
It may not be as bad depending on who you add as a friend. I have a lot of contacts that dont have SA so Im always seeing them at parties and getting into relationships which tends to bring me down. A lot of people I just unsubscribed from so I wouldnt have to see it. My mentality is that if there was a party, and Im not invited, then I dont care to know about it, the show offs. But you can just make one and only add a small group of people if you want.
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Bad thing is that one of the reasons I want it is because people from uni talk about everything on facebook and have different groups for different subjects I'd need to be part of... which means seeing every week tons of comments about the crazy college party.... sounds funny ::p:
 
this_portrait

this_portrait

Well-known member
I don't quite know how I feel right now, aside from tired. Feels like I'm just devoid of any emotion whatsoever. Maybe that's a good thing, considering how I've felt for days/weeks now, but I guess I'd prefer to feel happy.
 
twiggle

twiggle

Well-known member
The ability to unsubscribe from people who post a status about every single thing they do is possibly the best of all the changes FB made. Why do people think anybody wants to read/know about everywhere they go?
I can imagine that too much of it causes FB envy. I've felt bad in the past after spending too much time on it. Overall I still see it as a good thing but it's having less and less significance on me.
 
MrJones

MrJones

Well-known member
And can you change your name and data or delete it all and create a new account? Just in case that I make and then freak out and leave but then I want to try again (yeah, I know I'm weird XD)

Btw I think I'd feel bad for unsibsribing people, I feel bad for the tiniest things >.<
 
coyote

coyote

Well-known member
Ms Cloud said:
But you can delete everything, change your name to John Smith, and walk away. Unless they've taken away the name change option?
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well, yeah, i suppose you can do that

kinda like witness protection

(keeping with the mafia analogy)
 
superfluouslyme

superfluouslyme

1
You can deactivate you FB account so that no one can see you or any of your photos, etc. I've had mine on this setting for a long time now. You can go back if you want and everything will still be there. I just Google searched my name and my profile doesn't show up. (Though apparently I live in four different towns at once, started a family tree that I have no recollection of making, and am a 30 year old online Rummikub player. :confused: God bless technology.)
 
coyote

coyote

Well-known member
superfluouslyme said:
You can deactivate you FB account so that no one can see you or any of your photos, etc. I've had mine on this setting for a long time now. You can go back if you want and everything will still be there. I just Google searched my name and my profile doesn't show up. (Though apparently I live in four different towns at once, started a family tree that I have no recollection of making, and am a 30 year old online Rummikub player. :confused: )
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oh, i added that last part ::eek::
 
twiggle

twiggle

Well-known member
MrJones said:
Btw I think I'd feel bad for unsibsribing people, I feel bad for the tiniest things >.<
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Unsubscribing isn't unfriending. People don't know if you've unsubscribed to them. It just means that FB won't put their stories in your newsfeed.
 
JCVA

JCVA

Well-known member
Woke up somewhat full of energy but I feel that energy is gone. Im out of focus and it is only 2 hours since waking up. =(
 
Tiercel

Tiercel

Well-known member
We're playing tonight at 6.

I've been avoiding my friends since late August.

I will not bail again. My paladin really needs the XP.
 
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