Post your random thoughts/feelings etc

PugofCrydee

PugofCrydee

You want to know how I got these scars?
I think I've come to a realization. I'll never fix my S.A.

While I will most likely have better days now and then, S.A will always be there.
 
Miserum

Miserum

Well-known member
PugofCrydee said:
I think I've come to a realization. I'll never fix my S.A.

While I will most likely have better days now and then, S.A will always be there.
Click to expand...
I disagree with you. What have you done to really challenge your social anxiety Pug? Have you put yourself out in the thick of shit consistently and for lengthy duration?

This isn't meant as an attack, though I realize it might sound like it. I just realized that we've never (or not that I can remember) talked about what proactive steps you've taken to thwart your social anxiety. We've talked about me. But we haven't really talked about you.
 
Last edited:
vj288

vj288

not actually Fiona Apple
I tend not to think of anxiety as something that can be cured or fixed, but rather as something that can be maintained and improved. The symptoms that make up a large number of mental disorders are things that effect everyone to some degree, just not to the life disrupting levels it does for people struggling with a disorder.

It's not like the flu where it's this outside source making us sick and if we can expunge it from our system we feel better. Removing anxiety to avoid anxiety attacks would be like trying to remove ones heart to avoid a heart attack. A healthy amount of anxiety lets us know when something is dangerous, or when something is important. It makes us more aware of surroundings and focuses our attention.

I might be wrong but I think anxiety is an important thing, just in much smaller doses than most of us experience. For me I see the goal as not curing myself of anxiety, but trying to maintain it at a healthy level that allows me to function and live a life I want. I am hardly succeeding at that, but it's what I am trying to do.
 
PugofCrydee

PugofCrydee

You want to know how I got these scars?
Miserum said:
I disagree with you. What have you done to really challenge your social anxiety Pug? Have you put yourself out in the thick of shit consistently and for lengthy duration?

This isn't meant as an attack, though I realize it might sound like it. I just realized that we've never (or not that I can remember) talked about what proactive steps you've taken to thwart your social anxiety. We've talked about me. But we haven't really talked about you.
Click to expand...
It's fine mate, I didn't take it as an attack.

You're disagreeing that I've come to a realization? Or you're disagreeing thinking I haven't been proactive in seeking help, self help etc?
Well just to clarify in general, I've definitely put myself 'out in the thick of shit' for many years. I still do at times. But as I get older I'm caring less about trying to fit in as much.
I sought professional help from over half a dozen professionals over a 15 year period. I was committed, and at one point would travel 450 klm's every 2 weeks (at my own expense) for almost 3 years straight to see a particular Psychologist (in the end it was his help that made the biggest difference). I did this after travelling 250 klm's every 2 weeks for 18 months to see a Psychiatrist only to find out in the end that meds affect me negatively and sometimes made the problem much, much worse (one particular time I have written about on SPW before).

I have read self help books, one in particular was quite good and I still implement that book into my thought process to this day. I have exposed myself (not literally lol) to social situations under the umbrella of 'exposure therapy', and through this and the assistance of a wonderful Psychologist,
I one day came to the realization and understanding that yes, while I certainly do have SA, and go through ups and downs, I'm just a different 'cut' to the majority of people.
My Psych at the time told me; ' You've been living in a small sized town for many years, I don't think you really need to 'change' as such. I think at the moment you're a round peg living surrounded by square pegs and nothing but square holes. You just need to find a place where there are some round holes for you to fit in and some more round pegs, like you'.

I still apply the lessons I've learned that do work for me every day, no matter how small they are. One thing I have learned is, there is no blanket solution. Everyone responds differently to any therapy. The last 6 months of my life have been quite tough for me, so I probably whinge a little more than I usually do. Overall, I'm still positive about many things. About a week ago I went out on a date and it went very, very well.
But I've learned certain things don't work for me, such as going out and sitting around drinking listening to everyone talk crap, but in other environments I do quite well.

Anyway, I've rambled on enough. :cool:
 
Miserum

Miserum

Well-known member
LoyalXenite said:
Maybe, but im tired of fighting. I've fought for my whole life and I always end up back in the shit. Whats the point in fighting constantly if things never get better?
Click to expand...
Idk. Maybe you haven't been doing the right things. I sure as fuck haven't done everything right. It's a complicated and individualized matter as we all know!

For example, as an analogy, I could struggle to lose weight for years through fad diets and "belly-fat-targeting-exercise," only to realize five years into my endless weight loss journey that diets don't work for any meaningful length of time and "fat targeting exercises" are myths. Sadly, this example is actually a reality for many people. We can extrapolate endless parallels from it, however, and I think handling anxiety is probably one of them, except a lot more complicated and nuanced.
 
Miserum

Miserum

Well-known member
PugofCrydee said:
It's fine mate, I didn't take it as an attack.

You're disagreeing that I've come to a realization? Or you're disagreeing thinking I haven't been proactive in seeking help, self help etc?
Well just to clarify in general, I've definitely put myself 'out in the thick of shit' for many years. I still do at times. But as I get older I'm caring less about trying to fit in as much.
I sought professional help from over half a dozen professionals over a 15 year period. I was committed, and at one point would travel 450 klm's every 2 weeks (at my own expense) for almost 3 years straight to see a particular Psychologist (in the end it was his help that made the biggest difference). I did this after travelling 250 klm's every 2 weeks for 18 months to see a Psychiatrist only to find out in the end that meds affect me negatively and sometimes made the problem much, much worse (one particular time I have written about on SPW before).

I have read self help books, one in particular was quite good and I still implement that book into my thought process to this day. I have exposed myself (not literally lol) to social situations under the umbrella of 'exposure therapy', and through this and the assistance of a wonderful Psychologist,
I one day came to the realization and understanding that yes, while I certainly do have SA, and go through ups and downs, I'm just a different 'cut' to the majority of people.
My Psych at the time told me; ' You've been living in a small sized town for many years, I don't think you really need to 'change' as such. I think at the moment you're a round peg living surrounded by square pegs and nothing but square holes. You just need to find a place where there are some round holes for you to fit in and some more round pegs, like you'.

I still apply the lessons I've learned that do work for me every day, no matter how small they are. One thing I have learned is, there is no blanket solution. Everyone responds differently to any therapy. The last 6 months of my life have been quite tough for me, so I probably whinge a little more than I usually do. Overall, I'm still positive about many things. About a week ago I went out on a date and it went very, very well.
But I've learned certain things don't work for me, such as going out and sitting around drinking listening to everyone talk crap, but in other environments I do quite well.

Anyway, I've rambled on enough. :cool:
Click to expand...

I was disagreeing with your thought that social anxiety will always be a part of you. Thank you for the history. Actually, you did relay the peg analogy to me through one of our very first post-exchanges, and it's a nice analogy.

You say you have been struggling for the past six months and even admit that the struggle has made you biased against life. I think you're onto something there. It's hard to see the forest for the trees when you're standing right square in the middle of it.

Comparatively, when you aren't struggling, life is quite nice for you, I imagine. Why isn't it possible for life to always be that nice (I don't mean being happy all of the time, just neutral-to-content)? The good life is just hard to imagine when life is sucking hard, but perhaps that is the most opportune time to work on your anxiety.

You say you apply lessons learned every day, which I think is great. But maybe there are even more lessons to be learned, executed, and retained, all leading to and culminating in that good life (or an even better life that exceeds the good life you've previously experienced) you imagine five years down the line?

Also, why does not enjoying drinking with others automatically relegate you to social awkwardness? Why can't it just be something that you don't enjoy? You could sit there, with your drink, being bored or whatever, without having to label yourself as socially awkward. I think plenty of introverts that aren't afflicted with social anxiety would find your lack of motivation to go out and put yourself in that situation, normal.

I'm starting to think that many of the things we find socially awkward, are just socially awkward because they are unconventional, and if they are unconventional, we think other people will find us strange. We give power to the idea that unconventionality is a bad thing, and that going against the grain is a bad thing, too willingly. And then we suffer, on our own accord, because of it.

How many of us on this board are people pleasers?

I feel myself starting to go down the rabbit hole again, so I'll just end this reply here.

Congratulations on a date well done, too. :cool:
 
Last edited:
Miserum

Miserum

Well-known member
vj288 said:
It's not like the flu where it's this outside source making us sick and if we can expunge it from our system we feel better. Removing anxiety to avoid anxiety attacks would be like trying to remove ones heart to avoid a heart attack.
Click to expand...

I think the source of our sickness is our own mind. I think, for many of us, anxiety can be dwindled down to almost nothing by finding the right mindset, the philosophy that truly works for us. I agree that it's a necessary emotion, but I don't think anxiety needs to rule our lives, and I think it can and should be decimated down to rational levels--maintained, as you said.
 
Pacific_Loner

Pacific_Loner

Pirate from the North Pole
PugofCrydee said:
But I've learned certain things don't work for me, such as going out and sitting around drinking listening to everyone talk crap, but in other environments I do quite well.
Click to expand...

My life is better since I came out as a "boring person who doesn't drink alcohol and doesn't like to hang out so if you really need to see me just suggest an activity or something"

Miserum said:
I think plenty of introverts that aren't afflicted with social anxiety would find your lack of motivation to go out and put yourself in that situation, normal.

I'm starting to think that many of the things we find socially awkward, are just socially awkward because they are unconventional, and if they are unconventional, we think other people will find us strange. We give power to the idea that unconventionality is a bad thing, and that going against the grain is a bad thing, too willingly. And then we suffer, on our own accord, because of it.
Click to expand...

Unconventional is bad when you're trying to forge a place for yourself in the conventional world. But forging yourself a place in the unconventional world is way more interesting.
 
Miserum

Miserum

Well-known member
Pacific_Loner said:
But forging yourself a place in the unconventional world is way more interesting.
Click to expand...
And arguably just as hard or harder than trying to fit in!

Probably lots of lonely, bitter nights and, if you're trying to make a living based on that unconventionality... many, many ketchup sandwiches to be eaten.
 
Pacific_Loner

Pacific_Loner

Pirate from the North Pole
Miserum said:
And arguably just as hard or harder than trying to fit in!

Probably lots of lonely, bitter nights and, if you're trying to make a living based on that unconventionality... many, many ketchup sandwiches to be eaten.
Click to expand...

Yup, that's why I went the conventional way to make money as an attempt to finance my unconventional projects
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top