PugofCrydee
You want to know how I got these scars?
God I hate tradesman coming into my place to do work..
Post your random thoughts/feelings etc
- Thread starter Remus
- Start date
Miserum
Well-known member
Does "tradesman" have a specific meaning in Australia? Or do you really just hate carpenters and electricians?
PugofCrydee
You want to know how I got these scars?
Tradie's are anyone with a 'Trade' such as , sparkies (electricians), plumbers, builders etcDoes "tradesman" have a specific meaning in Australia? Or do you really just hate carpenters and electricians?
PugofCrydee
You want to know how I got these scars?
Yea I'm not good at it either..I hate waiting on people.
vj288
not actually Fiona Apple
I was going through some things and came across a middle school yearbook and decided to thumb through it for fun...and it was not fun. Just every row had a person I hadn't thought of in a long time, and some specific awkward instance from 15 years ago along with it. It was middle school, so of course I had a ton of those moments, and it was the onset of most mental illnesses you could label me with as well, so as a whole it wasn't great.
But I know every moment was not complete awful and cringeworthy. And even many that were, chopping them up to awkward puberty years should be enough to draw a smile rather than wanting to yell from discomfort.
I've been noticing this a lot with myself lately. I don't know if there is a formal name for it or not, but in my head I have been calling it anxiety-PTSD. It's not really from trauma exactly, so perhaps PAD (post anxiety disorder) is a fairer name. I'll think back to something in the past and have these intense, acute feelings of discomfort. Often times I think I feel a stronger discomfort now than I did at the time of whatever I am remembering. I've always done this, but not as frequently or intensely I think. I try not to escape from these moments and let them run their courses and work to a solution, but it is feeling like all of the moments are like this now. It feels like I can't look to the past without it being a negative experience anymore. Logically I know that is not the case, but emotionally that is all I can evoke.
I wonder if its just present stress and anxiety manifesting itself in my memories of the past. I've been denying it in a lot of ways I think. I almost never leave the house alone, but tell myself its because I don't have time or money or anywhere to go, when it's I really don't want to run into people. I attribute things to laziness or tiredness which could more deeply be rooted to a desire to avoid having to come across people. It could be that.
Or it could be that by not coming across people I am not allowing myself the opportunity to have positive interactions. Only few, awkward interactions that I use as a template to remember all interactions. I don't remember the highs of the past because I do not have any recent experiences to draw similar emotions from. Or maybe its a combination. Or neither. Or nothing is different. I just need to get out more probably. And sleep. And smile.
But I know every moment was not complete awful and cringeworthy. And even many that were, chopping them up to awkward puberty years should be enough to draw a smile rather than wanting to yell from discomfort.
I've been noticing this a lot with myself lately. I don't know if there is a formal name for it or not, but in my head I have been calling it anxiety-PTSD. It's not really from trauma exactly, so perhaps PAD (post anxiety disorder) is a fairer name. I'll think back to something in the past and have these intense, acute feelings of discomfort. Often times I think I feel a stronger discomfort now than I did at the time of whatever I am remembering. I've always done this, but not as frequently or intensely I think. I try not to escape from these moments and let them run their courses and work to a solution, but it is feeling like all of the moments are like this now. It feels like I can't look to the past without it being a negative experience anymore. Logically I know that is not the case, but emotionally that is all I can evoke.
I wonder if its just present stress and anxiety manifesting itself in my memories of the past. I've been denying it in a lot of ways I think. I almost never leave the house alone, but tell myself its because I don't have time or money or anywhere to go, when it's I really don't want to run into people. I attribute things to laziness or tiredness which could more deeply be rooted to a desire to avoid having to come across people. It could be that.
Or it could be that by not coming across people I am not allowing myself the opportunity to have positive interactions. Only few, awkward interactions that I use as a template to remember all interactions. I don't remember the highs of the past because I do not have any recent experiences to draw similar emotions from. Or maybe its a combination. Or neither. Or nothing is different. I just need to get out more probably. And sleep. And smile.
Phoenixx
Well-known member
I get like this sometimes. It hurts thinking about the past. I used to feel such discomfort. I still sometimes do, but I think what has helped is what you said, letting it run its course. But not trying to solve it like a problem. Because the problem that was then, if you look it at that way, has already happened and there's nothing you can do. I have emphasized that to myself a lot -- that there's nothing I can do about it to change it. But what I can do is learn from it. I have learned that my mother being abusive was because she, too, was hurting. Her only way to temporarily relieve her own pain was to take it out on other people, or in this case me. It doesn't make it right, but it does make me understand. The results of what happened back then have shaped me to who I am now. It sucks, but it is what it is. I have come to understand that while some people can indeed be jerks, there are plenty that are not. It's just a matter of finding those people, which is incredibly difficult given our situation and much easier said than done.
This. I find that I seem to reminisce about the worst if I have a lot of stress about something else I'm currently avoiding. While I have improved with my social anxiety, I still cannot leave the house by myself for very long. The emotional distress is so overwhelming. I went grocery shopping completely by myself the other day. I haven't gone anywhere without my partner in so long, I almost forgot how anxious I get on my own. It definitely made me realize how much I use my husband as a crutch when going out, or his absence as an excuse not to go out, and that just makes me feel bad. It's something I'm definitely going to work on once I'm settled with moving.
vj288
not actually Fiona Apple
Everything you said makes sense, and a lot of it echoes ideas given in an blog post about Emotional Flashbacks that a friend shared with me that I found particularly fitting to my experience. It sounds like you work through the childhood grief with a mature, adult mindset which is one solution outlined.
For me, I found two concepts stood out to me most. The first was DEAR - Drop Everything And Reflect. Going from trigger, to thoughts and feelings, to asking why is something I feel will help tool me to addresses the flashes better moving forward. I think sometimes running the course will be best (which the article also suggests) but diving in and addressing things in a productive and healthy manner will be better than just accepting this discomfort as the status quo.
The second, which I eluded to a little in my own post, was the idea of more positive experiences leading to a "more accurate picture of reality" as the article says. It's actually more a disclaimer than a solution, but it's stated with the assumption of positive steps being made by the reader so assuming a person isn't doing that, doing so would help.
Partners as crutches sneak up I feel, at least it has for me. It's like having a safety net you don't notice is there until you try functioning without it. I first really noticed when there was a concert last month no one was available to go with, so I just didn't go. The tickets were cheap (like, $15 cheap) and it was a band I had been waiting to come to a city near me for the last half decade. I know deep down the only reason I didn't go was because I would've been uncomfortable alone. It's something I know I need to start addressing again. I don't even need to be comfortable in situations, just comfortable with discomfort. That I know I can do.
Pacific_Loner
Pirate from the North Pole
I remember telling someone to stop trying to drag me into the past because it's a f*cking mine field and I meant exactly that. It's ok to dig up the past if the purpose is to fix an actual issue that you have in the present because of something that happened in the past. Other than that, I'd rather keep it buried. There is people I just don't want to see or speak to because they were part of an unpleasant past, and it's not even because they were part of the unpleasantness. Maybe they don't even know I was unhappy at the time. They were just present in my life at that moment and if I see them again the pain and the shame comes back and it's not worth it. My solution was to bury the bad memories under layers and layers of good memories and never dig up the crap ever again. Fortunately I found the ways and the means to do that. I don't know if some would call it denial but it seems to work for me and I feel at peace with myself.
(Not sure if what I said is relevant in this conversation, I'm a bit lazy in my reading today)
vj288
not actually Fiona Apple
I found it relevant, with your solution in particular being so. I'm glad it has worked for you. Despite the sound logic, I can't always convince myself that it would work out that way, so its nice to hear. Perhaps figuring out how to create happy memories is what my focus should be on. It's interesting, I originally typed moments instead of memories, but its not that my moments are particularly unhappy but that they're rather unmemorable. Or is it that I don't take the steps to properly remember the correct moments? It's definitely something I am try to focus on lately.
PugofCrydee
You want to know how I got these scars?
SoScared
Well-known member
Its odd when you are sat in a room full of people when your struggling with depression and having suicidal thoughts. I'm learning that it is best just to get out asap. Having conversations does not work but you soon start talking about how you are feeling and its just the wrong place/time to have those sorts of conversations. Nothing is ever forgotten.
Phoenixx
Well-known member
I went out today to help pick up a family member who recently had surgery. A male nurse came in the room to help check her out and get a wheelchair to take her down to the exit. He was seriously attractive, and made me wonder if I wasn't married but was still the same person I am now, if I'd ever be able to talk to guys like him or ask them out.
I never dated anyone besides my now husband, and I'm also a different person now than I used to be. Or kind of anyway. I have found a lot of confidence in the last 6 years. I can talk and carry a conversation loads better, and I'm no longer afraid of speaking my mind where it counts, but of course I'm not perfect. I'm still timid and I cannot *start* a conversation with people I don't know. I just sometimes wonder if present me were single how I would fare dating.
I never dated anyone besides my now husband, and I'm also a different person now than I used to be. Or kind of anyway. I have found a lot of confidence in the last 6 years. I can talk and carry a conversation loads better, and I'm no longer afraid of speaking my mind where it counts, but of course I'm not perfect. I'm still timid and I cannot *start* a conversation with people I don't know. I just sometimes wonder if present me were single how I would fare dating.
Phoenixx
Well-known member
To think one of my life goals will be completed this weekend, feels surreal to me. There's an inkling of self-deprecation at the back of my mind that wants to say I don't deserve this. That this is just pure privilege that I didn't work for and one of the only reasons I have it is out of pure cold hard luck. I know that's not exactly true, but it's there. I don't want to ignore it because if I do it'll just keep nagging at me like it has all week. Maybe a part of me doesn't deserve it. I do believe I (we) got lucky, no doubt there. And while I didn't work for it at this point, job-wise and financially, I (and we) DID put in a lot of work to make it happen. I endured 5 years of school and crappy jobs to make it happen, and I've achieved other life goals along the way. I worked hard for every single one. This goal in particular is something I've been yearning for a very long time and now it's finally happening. It's hard to believe.
Pacific_Loner
Pirate from the North Pole
The fact that it's recurrent is intriguing to me
PugofCrydee
You want to know how I got these scars?
I have learn't that I AM social, just in a different way.
Pubs, clubs, BBQ's where people sit /stand around with drink in hand.. well put me in that type of social gathering and even before I get there I'm wanting to escape.
But in a more structured environment, where people have something to look at like a concert, a sporting event, even a classroom or the workplace and I am very social.
I have never truly understood why. People seem to like me, I'm getting a lot of great feedback from where I'm currently working and people are always laughing and smiling with me. It feels great.
But Xmas is just around the corner.. that means invitations to Xmas functions etc.
Pubs, clubs, BBQ's where people sit /stand around with drink in hand.. well put me in that type of social gathering and even before I get there I'm wanting to escape.
But in a more structured environment, where people have something to look at like a concert, a sporting event, even a classroom or the workplace and I am very social.
I have never truly understood why. People seem to like me, I'm getting a lot of great feedback from where I'm currently working and people are always laughing and smiling with me. It feels great.
But Xmas is just around the corner.. that means invitations to Xmas functions etc.
Miserum
Well-known member
Maybe because there's more pressure on you for you to speak and keep a conversation going in the former situation?
In the latter scenarios you have a common topic to discuss so it's easier to make conversation, and generally you don't have to keep it going for long because there is always something to observe or something to work on.
Glad you're doing well at work man. Try not to think too hard about situations that have yet to happen.