Post your random thoughts/feelings etc

BlackPuma

BlackPuma

1
PugofCrydee said:
Do you know what? I came to a realization today. An epiphany of sorts. I came to the realization that I actually don't wan't or need to be social in order to 'fit in with society'. I don't need or even WANT to change me, my habits or anything about myself to get better at socializing.

I don't want, or need it.
I now know I'M DONE WITH THAT BS.

I don't want friends that I have to please. If it takes me being 'fake' or pretending to be someone I'm not just to have people to hang out with once in a while.. well, screw that. And screw them.

I was at work today, at times I have a lot of time to think while I work. Today was one of those days. I got to thinking about how I felt at yesterdays xmas work party/bbq and the people that where there, and how I had to 'fake it' just to sort of.. fit in. And how uncomfortable I was doing it.
Then this morning as I was driving to work, I dreamed of living a life where I could just go to work, come home and not have to deal with any.. 'fake'ness'. It was such a powerful feeling, like it was drawing me inwards, calling me.. that feeling.

Then I was at work, thinking of the same thing. I once again thought of the bbq.. the people there. I had a realization.

I DO want friends.
I DO want friends... But I don't wan't 'sheep', or generic fake's who I have to change for. I thought of my friends on SPW. These are the sort of friends I could live comfortably with being around from time to time. Not having to be in each others pockets, but I would happily be there for them, and ideally they would be there for me.

It's funny. I had a job where I was earning good money but wasn't happy and never really knew what was going to make me happy. But now I know.

So... my goal is to keep working towards my ideal employment (if and when I get it I'll definitely let you guys know) and when I get it, I'm going to move into a secluded but nice, house. I'm going to set it up with all the things I want. And.. I'm going to travel. Now, my current employment doesn't allow me to do that. But if I get my goal employment.. I'll be travelling a lot! Which is my passion.

I'd love to meet some of you guys on my travels one day, even if it's just for a coffee.
Click to expand...

That's a good attitude to have regarding friends. You shouldn't have to walk on eggshells for the people you call friends. On the contrary, it should be people around whom you can feel like you can let your walls down. ..They should also be proper pains in the ass, as any friend is, but not in a way that triggers anxiety.
 
lily

lily

Well-known member
lily said:
I don't know if it's called faking it for me but i've altered my title or text online just to have it more interesting and i've faked being fun starting a thread. i've seen how other people do it and it then becomes me usually but i'd never go any further than that. just being open back to you.

question-how come you guys have # 1's under your name LOL! now that's funny! but it's ok!! it's just a bit wierd on a forum but at least it's exactly centered! lol
Click to expand...
Actually i found that I'm not faking it, i just like my title and text to look nicer and more entertaining so I've done that.
 
Graeme1988

Graeme1988

Hie yer hence from me heath!
lily said:
question-how come you guys have # 1's under your name LOL! now that's funny! but it's ok!! it's just a bit wierd on a forum but at least it's exactly centered! lol
Click to expand...

Remember, before the site upgrade, some of us had quotes or titles written below our avatars on here? The recent software update appears to have gotten rid of those.
 
S

Sarah_M

1
And now, I’m in a quandary...

The guy I like likes me back, but hasn’t said it officially (I know because he very slyly was writing me a schedule and at the end of tomorrow, penciled in going to the movies together). He is everything I want in terms of intelligence (he is highly intelligent), humor, openness, gentleness, musical taste etc., but I can feel myself pulling away because that’s what I do when people try to get close to me. I am certainly not perfect, not even a little, but I am now unsure about this. He told me yesterday that he’s autistic (VERY high functioning) and doesn’t drive and lacks a lot of experience in terms of relationships. Not to mention, he won’t tell me his age and I have a budding suspicion it’s because I am at least 6-7 years older.

I am at the age where every possible partner needs to come with a potential to be “the one”. I don’t just want to dismiss him for faults that I had at his age, but I feel like I need someone who has already over come it. Tomorrow night isn’t a date, at least not that I know of, but maybe we can be friends. I need a friend. Or maybe I can help him be less inexperienced in some way? I don’t know. Fuck.
 
PugofCrydee

PugofCrydee

You want to know how I got these scars?
Sarah_M said:
And now, I’m in a quandary...

The guy I like likes me back, but hasn’t said it officially (I know because he very slyly was writing me a schedule and at the end of tomorrow, penciled in going to the movies together). He is everything I want in terms of intelligence (he is highly intelligent), humor, openness, gentleness, musical taste etc., but I can feel myself pulling away because that’s what I do when people try to get close to me. I am certainly not perfect, not even a little, but I am now unsure about this. He told me yesterday that he’s autistic (VERY high functioning) and doesn’t drive and lacks a lot of experience in terms of relationships. Not to mention, he won’t tell me his age and I have a budding suspicion it’s because I am at least 6-7 years older.

I am at the age where every possible partner needs to come with a potential to be “the one”. I don’t just want to dismiss him for faults that I had at his age, but I feel like I need someone who has already over come it. Tomorrow night isn’t a date, at least not that I know of, but maybe we can be friends. I need a friend. Or maybe I can help him be less inexperienced in some way? I don’t know. Fuck.
Click to expand...
I think you need someone who's going to be open and honest from the start. Not telling you his age raises a red flag for me. Not because of his age, more the fact he chooses to not be open about it. Withholding something basic like that from you.
I can't help but need honesty in a relationship.
Just my thoughts.
 
lily

lily

Well-known member
Graeme1988 said:
Remember, before the site upgrade, some of us had quotes or titles written below our avatars on here? The recent software update appears to have gotten rid of those.
Click to expand...
i know, it's ok i'm used to it now, i just don't know what 1 means.
 
Last edited:
Pacific_Loner

Pacific_Loner

Pirate from the North Pole
Sarah_M said:
And now, I’m in a quandary...

The guy I like likes me back, but hasn’t said it officially (I know because he very slyly was writing me a schedule and at the end of tomorrow, penciled in going to the movies together). He is everything I want in terms of intelligence (he is highly intelligent), humor, openness, gentleness, musical taste etc., but I can feel myself pulling away because that’s what I do when people try to get close to me. I am certainly not perfect, not even a little, but I am now unsure about this. He told me yesterday that he’s autistic (VERY high functioning) and doesn’t drive and lacks a lot of experience in terms of relationships. Not to mention, he won’t tell me his age and I have a budding suspicion it’s because I am at least 6-7 years older.

I am at the age where every possible partner needs to come with a potential to be “the one”. I don’t just want to dismiss him for faults that I had at his age, but I feel like I need someone who has already over come it. Tomorrow night isn’t a date, at least not that I know of, but maybe we can be friends. I need a friend. Or maybe I can help him be less inexperienced in some way? I don’t know. Fuck.
Click to expand...

Sometimes when everything seems too complicated, it's better to let go of the steering wheel and just wait to see what happens
 
LoyalXenite

LoyalXenite

Well-known member
About to start writing out xmas cards. Im doing a xmas card exchange again this year, plus sending out some custom cards (with my dogs on the front of the cards, because I got a voucher for it) to loved ones. I like doing them because I write them with ink and quill and seal them with wax stamps :LOL:. Anyone want a card ;):LOL:
 
PugofCrydee

PugofCrydee

You want to know how I got these scars?
LoyalXenite said:
About to start writing out xmas cards. Im doing a xmas card exchange again this year, plus sending out some custom cards (with my dogs on the front of the cards, because I got a voucher for it) to loved ones. I like doing them because I write them with ink and quill and seal them with wax stamps :LOL:. Anyone want a card ;):LOL:
Click to expand...
*raises hand*
Yes please! :)
 
S

Sarah_M

1
I hate how I try so hard not to be desperate, but am so lonely, end up being desperate anyway. Have you heard of the book “Are You My Mother?” By Dr. Seuss? I feel like that’s me, but with “the one”. This situation with the guy I liked at school definitely isn’t going to work out, nor are we a good match. I just jumped the gun and got too excited. He asked me to see a movie tonight and I said yes. I didn’t think it was a date until he paid for our tickets and showed up with a hair cut and wearing cologne. He’s such a nice, good, intelligent person, but he annoyed me almost the whole time. Aside from that he finally revealed his age; he’s 19. So yeah, after that I was definitely like “nope”. He told me he had feelings for me tonight and I had to friend zone him because we are nearly a decade apart. Maybe I should just stay single because I don’t really know what I want anymore.
 
LoyalXenite

LoyalXenite

Well-known member
Sarah_M said:
Have you heard of the book “Are You My Mother?” By Dr. Seuss?
Click to expand...

No but I certainly hope it isnt like the are you my mummy Doctor Who episode coz that would traumatize the kids ;)

On a more serious note, that does suck that it didnt work out with the guy, I hope things look up for you soon
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top