So, I took my placement test and all my scores were perfect except math - I totally bombed math. I will need to study my *** off and retake it so I don't end up having to take unnecessary classes
In school, i was ridiculously good at maths, so good that i'd barely need to try/study & i'd get top marks, usually >90% & often 100%. And on top of that, i loved doing maths! :shyness: :bigsmile:
But it's not all good, as like most geniuses, my personal life was (& still is) a complete mess. :sad:
So um I, like, no allowed ma privacy? Eh? That how it works, does? Every moment of my day must be logged and memorised so my mum knows what I'm up to when she's away. Yet my mum and older sisters tell me f**k all.
Phone calls everyday for the past 2 days. Sometimes twice in the same day.
Are all dysfunctional people this... needy? I'm not like that and ah wus f**kin' raised by one. :idontknow: Why not just go the whole hog n' mount a wireless webcam above ma bedroom curtins, then huv constant live feed stream on Facebook. Then they never miss a wank, will they?
Dysfunctional families should come with a f**kin' health warning. :kickingmyself:
Still stand by this remark. Cuz it's bloody true! :veryangry: No wonder folk from these kinda family backgrounds tend to end up with substance abuse problems. Och well, back to the booze... :brindis:
Nearly 6am. Why am I still awake? Oh yeah, I'm dwelling upon my mum's childish, petty overreaction yesterday. And tryinv to make sense of it. :thumbdown: :omg: 😕
I opened up to someone and told that I loved them. With combined money, resources and mental strength it would've be the an ideal solution to finally leave this Hell and get perhaps a single day of a life where I don't regret getting up and sink mentally. Would've been..
This week I've been turned down no less than three times by the person that would indirectly saved my life. He tried to justify being with me, but in the end he just didn't care for the same way nor wanted to leave his family behind. Funny considering that's all I'm trying to do.
It's a low moment and not the kick I needed right now. I'm growing weaker every year, and the sentiment that I'm going to die here taunts me.
Sober. Even though I know it's a good thing, a real accomplishment, somehow I can't look at that word and not see it as a synonym for boring. What if I had done things differently? Could I have been having a good old drunken time all these years? Where—and who, and what—would I be now if I had chosen another path? Would I be as isolated, as lonely as I am? Would I be sick, broke, incarcerated, or dead? Better or worse? Happy or sad?
I don't regret my decision to push away the booze and other stuff, but sometimes I wonder about the friends I've lost and the social opportunities I've missed. Would I do it again if I knew things would turn out this way? :idontknow:
Sober. Even though I know it's a good thing, a real accomplishment, somehow I can't look at that word and not see it as a synonym for boring. What if I had done things differently? Could I have been having a good old drunken time all these years? Where—and who, and what—would I be now if I had chosen another path? Would I be as isolated, as lonely as I am? Would I be sick, broke, incarcerated, or dead? Better or worse? Happy or sad?
I don't regret my decision to push away the booze and other stuff, but sometimes I wonder about the friends I've lost and the social opportunities I've missed. Would I do it again if I knew things would turn out this way? :idontknow:
Oh, I know what ye mean - boring, no fun, uptight. Sorry, not rubbing it, I get the same said about me when I don't drink. But well done, nonetheless, on being 15 year sober. :thumbup: :applause:
Oh, I know what ye mean - boring, no fun, uptight. Sorry, not rubbing it, I get the same said about me when I don't drink. But well done, nonetheless, on being 15 year sober. :thumbup: :applause:
Thanks, Graeme. 🙂
. . .
Had a dream about a boat: piloting a shiny cabin cruiser out of the harbor to a little sandy island studded with pines. I felt such freedom there at the helm.
I opened up to someone and told that I loved them. With combined money, resources and mental strength it would've be the an ideal solution to finally leave this Hell and get perhaps a single day of a life where I don't regret getting up and sink mentally. Would've been..
This week I've been turned down no less than three times by the person that would indirectly saved my life. He tried to justify being with me, but in the end he just didn't care for the same way nor wanted to leave his family behind. Funny considering that's all I'm trying to do.
It's a low moment and not the kick I needed right now. I'm growing weaker every year, and the sentiment that I'm going to die here taunts me.
Unrequited love is the worst, Puma. I'm sorry things didn't work out between the two of you.
Had a dream about a boat: piloting a shiny cabin cruiser out of the harbor to a little sandy island studded with pines. I felt such freedom there at the helm.
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