Post your random thoughts/feelings etc

[this_portrait]

What would I do if it turned out you hated me?

Nothing, I guess. What could I do? All I could do is hope your mind finds peace someday and move on.

Most important, I wouldn’t be able to hate you in return.

/inner thoughts tonight

 

[accidentprone]

Agh, I don't want winter break to end... No way in hell am I prepared for next semester. I won't be able to come home and see my family until after two months of pure hell.

 

[GraybeardGhost]

Could it be time for a haircut? And a shave? :question:

 

[nodejesque]

Getting that electric blanket for Christmas has been a lifesaver. I haven't slept so well in ages.

Gah. I love my electric blanket! They truly are lifesavers. Now they even sell an electric matress cover, but im scared that i would cook myself if i surrounded myself with so much heat.

Glad you are sleeping well

 

[GraybeardGhost]

It's much too early to feel this horrid.

I need help—a lot of help—but whom do I ask, and how? Reach out to a "friend"? They have their own things going on, so why should they take time out for me? Sure, I could wave some money under their noses, but would they then still be friends or something else? Contact an agency or someone from craigslist? Sketchy. How would I know who's coming to the door? Is that an okay stranger knocking or some other kind? How do I know I won't get ripped off or worse? How do I know my greeting won't be met with horror or pity? I can't very well answer the door with a bag over my head, can I? People seem to be uncomfortable with that kind of thing.

I really don't know what to do. All around me it's piling up—the garbage, the filth—and helpless, I'm sinking deeper and deeper each day into the muck. I don't know what to do or how to do it. I need help. I need help to get help, but to whom do I turn for that? Seven billion people on this stinking rock, and I'm all alone. I guess I need help with that, too.

 

[this_portrait]

I got laid off today. I'm not as upset about it as I would be if I was in a more dire financial situation, but there's this new aura of sadness looming over me on top of my depression and anxiety. As much as my (now former) employer drove me up the wall, I ended up getting attached while working there for over 2 years.

 

[Megaten]

Not sure why I cant talk to my mother about anything without her wanting to turn it into a debate. Its like she wont let me tell her anything. The stupid thing is I cant actively disagree with anyone without it either ruining my mood or making me feel guilty about something. Not sure what Id be guilty of though.

 

[BlueDays]

Not sure why I cant talk to my mother about anything without her wanting to turn it into a debate. Its like she wont let me tell her anything. The stupid thing is I cant actively disagree with anyone without it either ruining my mood or making me feel guilty about something. Not sure what Id be guilty of though.

That sucks that you have that situation with your mother, Megaten. :sad:

I had that exact same situation with my older sister. I have cut her out of my life now though, sadly that would not be a simple thing for you to do, seeing as it is your mother.

Do you think it could be a defence mechanism your mother uses for her own benefit?
If what you are saying is not "right" than she is not required to do anything to assist or advise you on it. If she can prove what you are telling her is not legitimate, than there is no onus on her to deal with it?

 

[GraybeardGhost]

I signed up on Care.com yesterday, in hopes of finding some kind of housekeeper/gofer/PA type person to help dig me out of my hole, but I balked when they stuck out their paws for dough before letting me even look around. $10-$15 an hour for able assistance and getting shit done is fine by me, but $25-$50 a month just to consider the possibilities seems a bit much. That's a worse ripoff than Sam's Club. I may have to reconsider, though, if things continue to go downhill.

 

[BlueDays]

Nothing is really fun anymore.. Endless obligation without reward and the ocasional short lived break seems all there is now. Even doing as much as hoping makes me want to shout into a pillow.

^That is a perfect description of my life!
It is truly sad to read that you are now experiencing that in your life, Puma :sad: I hope a change in the wind may bring something along in your life that can alter your life in a positive way.

 

[BlueDays]

It's much too early to feel this horrid.

I need help—a lot of help—but whom do I ask, and how? Reach out to a "friend"? They have their own things going on, so why should they take time out for me? Sure, I could wave some money under their noses, but would they then still be friends or something else? Contact an agency or someone from craigslist? Sketchy. How would I know who's coming to the door? Is that an okay stranger knocking or some other kind? How do I know I won't get ripped off or worse? How do I know my greeting won't be met with horror or pity? I can't very well answer the door with a bag over my head, can I? People seem to be uncomfortable with that kind of thing.

I really don't know what to do. All around me it's piling up—the garbage, the filth—and helpless, I'm sinking deeper and deeper each day into the muck. I don't know what to do or how to do it. I need help. I need help to get help, but to whom do I turn for that? Seven billion people on this stinking rock, and I'm all alone. I guess I need help with that, too.

Forgive me if I am being too presumptuous, but would paying one of your "friends" some money to compensate their time helping you out of the physical dilemma you are in at the moment, and putting up with that "friend" maybe becoming something "other" than just a friend, be worth it to save yourself from drowning in your desperate situation you are in right now?
Just a thought, sorry if I am way off the mark.

 

[GraybeardGhost]

Forgive me if I am being too presumptuous, but would paying one of your "friends" some money to compensate their time helping you out of the physical dilemma you are in at the moment, and putting up with that "friend" maybe becoming something "other" than just a friend, be worth it to save yourself from drowning in your desperate situation you are in right now?
Just a thought, sorry if I am way off the mark.

Presumptuous? Not at all. I value your input, Blue, and you're absolutely right.

That's something I've actually thought about quite a lot. There's one person in particular whom I've thought about asking (we've tossed the idea around a couple of times in the past, though mostly as a joke), and I'm pretty sure she could use the extra scratch, but I still have reservations.

What if I can't get up the nerve to ask? What if she says no? What if we try it and it doesn't work out? What if I can't handle having someone looking in all my dark corners and rummaging through my stuff? We're not talking about a date or anything here, but my home is an expression and extension of myself, and that makes this a pretty darn intimate proposition.

I'm a guy with a lot of secrets, a lot of shame. There's a lot I feel the need to hide, even from my nearest and dearest. Letting someone—anyone—in is going to be a challenge.

 

[Megaten]

That sucks that you have that situation with your mother, Megaten. :sad:

I had that exact same situation with my older sister. I have cut her out of my life now though, sadly that would not be a simple thing for you to do, seeing as it is your mother.

Do you think it could be a defence mechanism your mother uses for her own benefit?
If what you are saying is not "right" than she is not required to do anything to assist or advise you on it. If she can prove what you are telling her is not legitimate, than there is no onus on her to deal with it?

I dont know what the deal is. She just likes to debate with me over everything, even when I wasnt looking for one or even if its on a topic she literally knows nothing about. Like what Im studying or how someone close to me is when shes never really talked to them. Its extremely annoying because we'll go in circles and I end up wasting hours of my free time until I just say screw it and walk away.

 

[nodejesque]

I may be moving to Canada. Feeling excited and apprehensive.

 

[Kiwong]

Hey Greybeard Ghost, I went through a similar struggle in 2014. I got my sister to help, I helped her out with another matter, so it was her way of returning the favour. We sorted heaps and threw a lot of stuff out, I'm not a hoarder, but I was living in clutter and mess. My sisters got people in to help, a cleaner, a handyman, an electrician, they were all good at their job, and they didn't judge.

At least in Australia there are organisations set up to help people in this situation, I'm not sure what there is in your area? They might have contacts with people who do this all the time, that won't judge and have experience in improving the situation of those who are struggling.

 

[SoScared]

^What about voluntary organisations. Maybe the local church. There are lots of people/organisations who want to give. You'd be doing them a favour but you do have to initially reach out to them.

 

[Kiwong]

Hope your impending move works out favourably for you, Nodejesque.

 

[Graeme1988]

My local hospital are stingy f**kers. Blocking both eBay and YouTube. It's not like I'd viewing anything inappropriate on either website. Just watching music videos and live concerts to pass the time, and check to & see if that buyer got that acoustic guitar I sold him, before going in for my surgery. Maybe relist a few things that I have ended for sale on my account, is that so unfair? :idontknow: :question:

 

[Graeme1988]

Oh, well looks like it's the BBC iPlayer catch-up service, Vimeo or sweet eff all for me.

On the plus side I can watch that BBC Hogmanay 2015/2016 concert I never stayed up to watch on New Year's Eve.

 

[Catalyst]

I hate where I live. People are way too ****ing social here. Even the people who allegedly have social phobia are a bunch extroverted, pretentious ****ers.