I just started working somewhere and one of my colleagues is trying really really hard to chat with me I think he finds me attractive. People that try really hard to chat with me I feel a bit like they are trying to pull something out of me that isnt there. In my head I just want to say you know the depression line " cant face the world " well thats why I dont talk really. I want to say: I feel I dont have time to talk to people or I will never get my job done and theyll sack me. I want to say please leave me alone, its nearly all coming to an end. Ive had people in my life where the conversation hasnt needed work its natural, funny, we bounce off each other. Alot of the people ive met have tried with me but something isnt right between us and its hard work.
I feel like you cannot exist in this life if you dont socialise, like its not acceptable. If someone was quiet and didnt speak much I wouldnt hate them for it. I just wanna say to this bloke, youre being really nice now but when I am unable to talk to you and you get fed up youre gonna be an ******* to me. I dont feel like me there.
My boss wanted me to work overtime but I cannot do it. I see my colleagues six days a week as it is. I told my boss a few times I CANT DO OVERTIME, but hes not listening. So I texted him Ive done a lot of harmful stuff to myself because I couldnt face people. I texted him that and still he asked me to do it. People dont understand. Its only after youve harmed yourself that they finally realise what youve been trying to say.
Sorry but it was going around and around in my head.