Last night's dream:
I was in a game like "Doom 2", but it was real life... Although it looked more like some snow and ice levels in the "Tomb Raider" games... I had to collect a red key to progress. As I went to grab the key a lion jumped out and attacked me. I had to fight it off with my bare hands. The main part of the fight I remember is the lion biting my arm and it being very painful. I escaped from the area with the lion and decided I felt confident enough to return to my secondary school... I walked in and felt good to be there, I was actually enjoying seeing all the corridors and looking at the changes which had taken place since I was last there. I then realised everyone who used to be there had come back - we had a final school day to complete, even though it's been 10 years for them (and 12 for me) since we left the school. It was strange to see everyone as adults, especially the boys, many of which had grown beards.
During the day it was announced that everyone would be going to a theme park for lunch... I declined to go as I suddenly became obsessed with cleaning one of the corridors and a couple of classrooms. I had to move every piece of furniture and remove every last bit of grime. I became frustrated as I kept finding bits I'd missed.
As I was cleaning my old art/form tutor came up to me holding the severed and decayed hands of Roger Federer and Andy Murray (the two Men's singles tennis finalists from this year's Wimbledon Championship), there was apparently an auction for their hands and she was trying to convince me to place a bid on Roger's... I eventually agreed to place a low bid (and was thankful I didn't win).
After I'd finished cleaning I went into the playground where chairs and tables had been laid out. Everyone was going to have a farewell meal. There were bowls of fruit and plates of bread and cakes, rice and salad, and lots more besides, all laid out on a centre table. The outer tables were rectangular and all placed around the centre table in a large rectangle so that everyone was facing each other... There were no seats left for me, except at a round table on its own. I sat there feeling left out and wouldn't touch the food.
After that I was swimming in a large pool, an online friend who I had to sever contact with was also there. She kept saying things to me about how ugly I was, telling me I needed plastic surgery. I said to her "See, this is why I can't be friends with you any longer. You've changed so much, you never would have been so nasty before."
That was about all of the dream... Phew(!)
Meaning:
If I battle against something difficult I will gain more confidence... A lot of my problems go back to school days. I want to "clean away" the problems and feel good about school, like a lot of people do, instead of looking back with hatred. Unfortunately this is difficult and frustrating... One of the main things about seeing people as adults (not counting people I've seen on Facebook, since I have seen them as adults) is that they had all changed and seemed so much nicer - perhaps many of the problems at school were more to do with my outlook?
Goodness only knows what the auction for the severed hands was about!
Not wanting to go to the theme park again is just about the way I would avoid situations because of the negative feelings. The meal outside shows my feelings about how well I fit in... The first phrase which occurred to me was "trying to put a square peg in a round hole.."
As for the swimming pool and the online friend.. She did change and become nasty, though not in those ways, so it's a mixture of that with my own insecurities about looks coming forward.