Please excuse me if I've got the wrong impression here.Background
Hello? Hello? Hello?!
Yes, I'm here. You can engage me in conversation or do you expect me to keep my ears open and come out like a peeping Tom to join in, and subsequently be ignored anyway because I'm different to you or don't have the same social background
And it's damn embarrassing for managers to join in with cringe worthy results with the gang, and completely ignore me at the same time.
Well, I'm not going to engage with you if you can't extend the courtesy to say a hi, or a how are you
Please excuse me if I've got the wrong impression here.
It's one of my most huge'st.. biggest.. massiv'est.. ginormous'est hates I have. People excluding others when they are all in the same room. It's just so rude and petty.
Well saidJust because I forgave you didn't mean I was giving any of you the green light to go back to the way things were before. Sorry, I'll never let my guards down around you people again just so that you can feel comfortable enough to repeat the performance. You're not friends, you're ex associates who I used to associate with. Now a simple, pleasant, "Hello, how's it going?" is all I can manage and remain sincere. I refuse to be fake and pretend to be interested beyond that. Oh, you're offended that I don't greet you like old friends now? Sorry, you lost that privilege a long time ago. Let that be a lesson in how you treat others in the future. You can go ahead and label me as the bad guy. Your opinions don't matter to me, never did.
You know a conversation? It can be two way ya know. It doesn't always have to be me initiating how your weekend/holiday was, how did this event go etc. You - yes, you - can start up a conversation even though I'm ten years away in a nearby office. Try it, it's nice. I'll appreciate it but you know you all, I'm not going to show my face to people who don't want to engage. If that alienates me even more to the office, then so be it. Tired of trying to be conversationalist with people who either don't want to, or can't be bothered to do the same in return.
I have a confession. I am a terrible person. I know one colleague who is suffering from CA. That person is a part of my HS clique but we are not really close. She’s struggling financially due to medical finances and I’ve always contributed for her funds. I also give her words of strength and encouragement about her illness. Basically, I am showing the support that she needs. We don’t have deep connection though so it is quite superficial. Like if we will be alone in one room, it will be awkward.
Having said that, my show of support are all genuine but what makes me terrible is that deep inside I don’t really like her. I don’t hate her but I find her a bit annoying even back then.
And now because of her CA, and people giving her more attention than before, she is becoming self absorbed online.
I don’t mind her tiktok dances or her frequent update about her condition but I get irked whenever she posts about inviting our group for food trips. I understand that food is her comfort. She is obese and she’s always been obsessed with food. And maybe it’s her goal to enjoy life to the fullest now that she doesnt have much time. But I still can’t help but see her as a greedy person conveniently taking advantage of her illness to free load on food.
This reminds me back in HS we were in a buffet party and I jokingly said ‘I’m so starving I’m gonna finish this tray’ and in a pissed tone she said to me ‘Yeah I can see you’ll gonna empty that tray’ (which is an exxageration because there’s so many food on the table and I’m only getting a moderate amount of second helping. Obviously by her tone she was not happy that there will be none left for her-considering she already had her own fill as well). I’m not holding any grudges. I am just saying that She Can Be That Greedy.
I feel guilty thinking this way to a sick person. To add more to my confession, I secretly blame her illness to her eating lifestyle so everytime she posts about foodtrips I’m like ‘WTF, your obsession with food is the cause of your effin demise and now you’re using your illness to pamper you with more effin food’
And now I notice other self absorb things she does like whenever she posts quotes about ‘unrequited love’ or very narcissistic ‘it’s your loss’ quote or ‘slut shaming even skinny shaming‘ stuff via tiktok. There’s one person who gave a ‘laugh’ react to her tiktok dance and she kind of ranted on her timeline obviously getting offended with it.
So there I said it. I am a terrible person and although I genuinely sympathise her, I feel I’m still a fake person. She always post on her FB how lucky she is for having her HS friends but tbh I can’t consider myself as her friend. I care enough in superficial terms but not as a real friend. You can crucify me now.