Personal issues stopping you from having a relationship other than SA or being shy

[da_illest101]

It's not that I don't want to be in a relationship, but I'm really scared of hurting someone else due to my problems.

I'm a porn addict and visit a few porn addiction help forums for over a year and the stories I read about how some people neglect their gf / wives over porn are quite something that I ended up relating to. I simply don't see how I can be any different then those guys. I'm the type of person who get tired of things fast and need something new all the time. I know that I'll eventually get bored.

Finding another addict would be a solution, but those are very rare and plus I'm trying to get rid of the habit not to make it worse.

What are yours?

 

[MarionBerry]

I want a relationship so badly.

Besides my social and panic issues the thing that's stopping me is I still love my ex-bf. He's my best friend now, really my only friend since I moved to Oregon and I feel like if I found a new bf I would neglect the ex-bf. I know an intimate relationship with him would not work because we are sexually incompatible. A part of me still thinks maybe we could be together again, maybe an open relationship would work, when it really wouldn't be cool with me for him to sleep with other girls.

He's the only person who has stuck by me through my ongoing mental issues and I feel a deep attachment to him for that.

 

[da_illest101]

I want a relationship so badly.

Besides my social and panic issues the thing that's stopping me is I still love my ex-bf. He's my best friend now, really my only friend since I moved to Oregon and I feel like if I found a new bf I would neglect the ex-bf. I know an intimate relationship with him would not work because we are sexually incompatible. A part of me still thinks maybe we could be together again, maybe an open relationship would work, when it really wouldn't be cool with me for him to sleep with other girls.

He's the only person who has stuck by me through my ongoing mental issues and I feel a deep attachment to him for that.

Sorry to hear that, I had the opposite problems with some girls, we were sexually compatible, but mentally and personality wise it was a disaster

 

[this_portrait]

My last relationship caused me to retreat further into my shell and become a little less trusting of the guys I date, which in turn makes it even harder for me to open up to them more on a physical level. I don't think it's as bad as it was a few months ago, but it's something I'm still trying to get over. These issues of mine make it really tempting to sabotage any potential relationship early on so I don't have to worry about all the issues that come with getting closer to a person.

But, I think I'll get over it completely, eventually.

 

[recluse]

Well other than feeling that i am ugly, worthless, boring, and unable to talk to women i enjoy my hobbies too much so i feel that i would be neglecting the woman.

 

[Hellhound]

Well other than feeling that i am ugly, worthless, boring, and unable to talk to women

I am not sure how you are at the moment of talking to girls so I can't judge, but I am pretty sure you are not ugly, boring or worthless

 

[Bustn Justin]

My SA makes it hard for me to be in a relationship since I feel so different from ohter people.

As well I don't want to burden other people with my problems. So when I do go hang with some buddies I drink to be the fun person they want me to be.

 

[lyricalliaisons]

Something that keeps me from being in a relationship other than SA and my other mental issues is body issues and lack of experience issues. I'm 30 years old and have never been in a relationship before. I've never even been kissed, muchless anything else. I have severe weight issues, too, which make me uncomfortable and worried about sex. How am I ever going to have sex when my body is like this? Who would find it attractive? I'm pretty, but have a terrible body. When I was 21-22 I lost over 200lbs and kept it off for 5+ years. Then, I was left with tons of loose skin, so even after losing weight, I still looked very bad with no clothes on. I've lost 50 lbs within the last five months or so and hope to get back to the weight I was before I gained again, but I know that I'll be stuck with loose skin again and still look bad. So, there's really nothing I can do about my body.

Those are the things that keep me afraid of relationships: my lack of experience, and my body.

 

[coyote]

i'm afraid to get too close to anyone

not so much because of social anxiety,

but because of how painful it was to lose others in the past

i really don't want to go through that again

 

[Hellhound]

i'm afraid to get too close to anyone

not so much because of social anxiety,

but because of how painful it was to lose others in the past

i really don't want to go through that again

But just because you've lost others in the past, it doesn't mean it will happen again. If you don't risk it, you might miss many chances.

I understand how you feel, though. Easier said than done :/

 

[Silatuyok]

I'm one of those crazy women who should never knowingly enter into a relationship. But I think I've messed up enough relationships that I've finally gotten it right. Sometimes it just takes practice.

 

[MarionBerry]

Something that keeps me from being in a relationship other than SA and my other mental issues is body issues and lack of experience issues. I'm 30 years old and have never been in a relationship before. I've never even been kissed, muchless anything else.

Those are the things that keep me afraid of relationships: my lack of experience, and my body.

If it makes you feel any better, I have a friend who had similar issues (and more!) and made it to 32 before she had a boyfriend. And the wait turned out to be worth it cuz he's a really great understanding dude. Don't give up! It'll happen for you.

 

[cowboyup]

a few years back, I was deep (no pun intended) into BDSM.
That, I can say, held me back because my pain tolerance was getting more and more and finally led me to a therapist. The therapist told me that it is just as addicting as drugs/alcohol, or any other addictive thing out there. At the time it did hold me back from experiencing any kind of normal relationship with anyone, whether it was friends or love.

Now that I also have SA/panic attacks/depression .... where the BDSM was holding me back and I am now not into that, my SA has taken its place. I try to push myself a little at a time because I know that if I don't, I will be totally stuck in my house, my room, not socializing or even going to the store.

 

[WeirdyMcGee]

i'm afraid to get too close to anyone

not so much because of social anxiety,

but because of how painful it was to lose others in the past

i really don't want to go through that again

Same here.

I'm still going through alot of pain and I don't really have an easy time trusting anyone-- and after what I've been through; I don't want to trust anyone romantically ever again because it's so hard when they break that trust.
And if someone you loved for so long- who said they would be with you forever, could do it so easily; anyone could.

I've been through this wheel of emotions and betrayal so many times in my short life that it's really hard to believe that anyone could be any different from what I've already experienced.

 

[cowboyup]

Same here.

I'm still going through alot of pain and I don't really have an easy time trusting anyone-- and after what I've been through; I don't want to trust anyone romantically ever again because it's so hard when they break that trust.
And if someone you loved for so long- who said they would be with you forever, could do it so easily; anyone could.

I've been through this wheel of emotions and betrayal so many times in my short life that it's really hard to believe that anyone could be any different from what I've already experienced.

^yes, trust issues are a huge problem with me as well. It's a pain that doesn't dissolve overnight and being able to trust another person is difficult, if not impossible for me at least.

 

[DevC]

It's not that I don't want to be in a relationship, but I'm really scared of hurting someone else due to my problems.

I'm a porn addict and visit a few porn addiction help forums for over a year and the stories I read about how some people neglect their gf / wives over porn are quite something that I ended up relating to. I simply don't see how I can be any different then those guys. I'm the type of person who get tired of things fast and need something new all the time. I know that I'll eventually get bored.

Finding another addict would be a solution, but those are very rare and plus I'm trying to get rid of the habit not to make it worse.

What are yours?

This, but not with porn, more with cars and such.

 

[Bubo]

I have major trust issues that keep me from being completely comfortable around people I'm emotionally attached to. I also need lots of alone time to be comfortable and I worry that having a boyfriend would end with me ignoring him too much and/or him feeling unwanted.

In the last relationship I was in, I worried my girlfriend sick (literally sick) and broke her heart when I broke up with her. I don't want to hurt anyone like that ever again, and I'm scared that I can't really love people. I worry that I might be aromantic. That's not to say being aromantic is wrong or bad, but I do deeply desire a romantic relationship and the thought of not being able to have that saddens me.

Add abandonment issues onto that and yeah. :/ Relationships just ain't for me.

 

[AGR]

Well:
I feel that I am not symetrical and that is the biggest problem,also I kinda dont like my body,when I am thin its ok.
After what I have seen happen with other people I cant really trust anyone.
Dont have any friends,dont have much experience with anything.

I actually had a lot of chances in the past,now not so much,I got people saying that I am good looking why I dont have a girlfriend,why I dont go have fun with girls becaus its what young people do.
I really,really want to try it out,I want to do it now,not when I am 50 years old,there is a girl I kinda like now,she lives two towns from here,but all those reasons stop me,I only managed to post on her blog a bit.

 

[MikeyC]

As others have mentioned: heartbreak. The least rewarding feeling ever.

I feel I would be an awful boyfriend and I have to be reassured a lot, which is not good.

 

[Duzmiu]

il'd love a relationship even if it was only friendship, but its been 2 years now since ive dated or been out with "friends"....im still hung up on my ex-gf, i think about her all the time but i dont know why, i cant even remember what she looks like anymore but she is always on my mind.
nowadays i dont trust anyone enough to let them close to me anymore, my past experiences have taught me that people cant be trusted no matter who they are and how close you are with them. every so called "friend", girlfriend even some family members have betrayed my trust so its hard to find trust in anyone.