I had this job in high school helping out at an employment office. On the last day they had us come in to put together some mailings, so it was four of us at a table stuffing envelopes. It was nervewracking - the other guy there was almost as quiet as me, the other two were these women about 30, who were pretty outgoing. I'd known them a bit over several months, but I had very little to say, other than laughing at their jokes. My mind was just a blank, I felt so boring and stupid, and really guilty for not talking more. When it was finally over, the other guy left, then the two women. I heard one of them say sarcastically on her way out, "have a good life kid". It just confirmed to me that I was worthless and uninteresting and couldn't talk to people no matter how hard I tried, and I was doomed. I was already worried about how I was going to make it in the workplace, having to talk to people, and this made me even more afraid.
Looking back, it was mostly just anxiety blocking my ability to talk, but I didn't understand that at the time, and thought it was some giant unalterable flaw in my personality, which scared the crap out of me.
p.s. this is a great thread - i think it's really good to talk about these things. it's amazing how much thinking about them can still affect me, which shows that i never really processed them, just tried to bury them as far down as possible. i've never told anyone these things, even a therapist, because they were so unpleasant to think about. but just writing about them, and the feelings they brought up in you, is supposed to be really helpful. there's a book i just got about this called 'opening up', which is about journaling about stuff like this, and based on a lot of research it's apparently really helpful to do.
