Och aye the noo

#1
Hullo, there lads n' lassies! Or "Ach, aye, the noo"! Ye awright? Guid! Well, this is ma first ever thread on here. So, sorry if am a wee bit nervous n' that. Huv'nae a clue whit am gonnae talk aboot? :idontknow: Ma life? Awright, then. Here we f**kin' go...!!

Let's Paint This Forum Tartan! F**k yes!

Oh, a wee word of warnin' afore we go any further. What wi' me being Scottish, ah swear A LOT (as if ye cannae tell). So, yer offended by that sorta vulgar language, then... F**k off now! (Only jokin') And ah will be writin' maist o' this thread in ma auld, native, muther tounge - the Scots dialect. Makin' it aw the mair difficult tae understand.

Right. So settle doon. Get yer favourite alcoholic drink, a kilt, some heroin, and start watchin' Braveheart wi' the subtitles on - it's funnier that way. Follow that wi' the movie adaptation of Irvine Welsh's Trainspotting. And enjoy... Or brace yersel'? Cause this will'nae be a linear, followin' post. Oh! And ladies, resist the urge tae start strummin' yer invisible banjo, awright? If y'know what ah mean...? ;) Aye, ah know, the Scottish accent is sexy as f**k... apparently? Well, more so, if yer no' Scottish.

But, anyway, ah digress...


Where should we begin? The start... Why not! It'd make mair sense, won't it, eh?

So, ah was born to mixed race parentage (Scottish muther; Kenyan father) on March 31st 1988, in the Cresswell Maternity Wing of the Dumfries and Galloway Royal Infirmary in Dumfries. Ah was born 2 and a half months premature. Ah nearly died during ma own birth. And weighted only 1 pound; 9 ounces (less than a bag o' sugar).

Ah was then transfer from Dumfries to the Queen Mother's Hospital in Glasgow, as ah hud bleeding on brain and need a shunt to relieve the fluid. As a result of that, ah've got a scar that resembles the number 4 on the back o' ma head, on the right-hand side. Don't "Awww...." or start gettin' f**kin' teary-eyed on me now! I was at the Queen Mother's Hospital for about a month and a half before being transfered back to Cresswell in Dumfries. Ah hud tae attend the Outpatients department there.

And when ah finally weighted around 5 pounds; 5 ounces in late June 1988, ah was sent home to live with ma mum and older sister, in Lockerbie. Ma oldest sister didnae live wi' us. And ma dad pretty much walked oot upon hearin' ah hud a physical disability. At least, that's why ah think he was'nae around durin' ma childhood.

We lived at Broomhouse Court, intitially, before movin' house on June 3rd 1993, to Victoria Park - which was an area closer the town centre. Went to nursery in Lochmaben, a town just 4 miles from the town where ah was raised and live. Basically, it's the town that you driving through when yer goin' to Dumfries. But ah don't recall much of ma time at Lochmaben Nursery. Ah also started attending Lockerbie Primary School after the summer of 1993.

When ah was a year old, ah found out ah hud cerebral palsy, which led to walking difficulties. When ah was 3 years old I started attending the physio therapy department at the Royal Hospital for Sick Children in Edinbugh, had to get fitted for walking splints to help with ma cerebral palsy. Had to attend every year to get fitted for new splints, what with me gettin' taller and outgrowing the old pair.

The car journeys up to the Royal Hospital in Edinburgh were f**kin' hellish, though. Depending the time of the hospital appointment, ah'd usually huv tae be up early, like by 7am and ready to leave by 8am. Unless the appointment was in the afternoon. Ma oldest sister would drove me n' ma mum back n' forth to each of these hospital visits. And when ah say hellish, ah mean it...

Takin' the A701 road above Devil's Beeftub - which is a deep, dramatic hollow in the hills north of the Scottish town of Moffat. The view was beautiful, pretty spectular.



But the road was f**kin' terrible! It'd just twisted and turn, a sweeping corner every few minutes. It was like a rally car driving track. Believe me, it was vomit inducing, at times. Ma mum would bring along some ginger-nut biscuits, and eat them in her attempt tae stave off travel sickness. Hahahaha! Whilist am in the front passenger seat tryin' no' tae be sick over the front car window.

Though, the great thing aboot attend the Royal Hospital for Sick Children was that ah got tae skip school for half the day, occassionally. If ma appointment was in the morning and I was back by mid-day, ah just walk intae my primary school class: "Sorry, am late, miss. Hud an appointment at the Royal Hospital in Edinburgh. Here's the letter." Then ah whip oot the actual confirmation letter ah got from the hospital a few days earlier, sayin' ah had an appointment at whatever time it was. Sometimes it was early morning, like 10 o'clock, other times it was usually 1:30pm or later. Afternoon appointments did mean ah was only at school for a few hours, until the first school interval.

Oh! And when ah was born, my mum recalls one of the doctors sayin' to her that:

"Well... he's got a wee bit of brain. But, there's a chance yer son won't be able to walk or talk" F**kin' proved those cunts wrong, eh?!

Right... ah think ah'll, eh, leave it there fur now. Enough o' ma wee, mad, mental, lingustic ramblings. But ah hope ye enjoy readin' them. And if ye want tae hear more, let me know. Because ah've got quite a few other humourous stories from ma school days and beyond. If yer interested in hearin' them?

Ah guess, the only thing left to say is... Cheers! :brindis:
 
#4
:applause:
Looking forward to hearing more of the story!
Ach, Graeme, ye kilt-wearin', haggis-chompin', caber-tossin' wildman! Yer off to a good start!
Aww... f**k! :shyness: That's what ah like tae hear. :perfect: Thanks. Am well chuffed - (that means really happy wi' masel') - so ah um.

Though, ah was'nae expectin' a response fae youse lot that quickly.

Ah just hope ma storytellin' abilities lives up tae yer expectations? Since am fae a culture known fur great storytellers. Failin' that, ah just start firing off the cruel-humoured one-liners, Scottish insults, and offensive jokes - Scottish folk do quite well, anaw.

Awright, am offski. Later folks. :greeting:
 
#7
awesome thread is awesome
^ Really...?! Well, f**k a Pot Noddle! :shyness: But then, ye couldnae expect anythin' less given the thread's title & writin' in ma sweary, Scotch dialect, could ye, really? Because that's just awesome in itself, innit? Speakin' o' Scotch, got any whiskey? Am only jokin'... Hard tae believe, but, am actually sober when writin' in ma accent.

Oh! And look... it's Stevie Wonder!
:cool: :sarcastic: ("Stevie! Stevie! Hi, am over here, pal!")

Thanks for sharing your story Jimmy.
Ach! It's nae bother, pal.

"See you, Jimmy...?" :veryangry:

Oh! There's mair tae the story, by the way. Am just gettin' started...
 

ImNotMyIllness

Well-known member
#8
I didn't know you have cerebral palsy. That certainly makes life difficult. Your thread is off to a great start! Keep writing, it's very cathartic. Although, judging by some other threads, members don't always comment on every post. I think a lot of that has to do with the day and time it's posted. So, don't get discouraged. You have a great story to tell. And, I (like everyone else here) enjoy reading about other people's struggles because it helps me understand my own and gives me comfort that I'm not the only one struggling and inspiration that I need to toughen up as most of you have it even harder than I do. I'm humbled knowing this!
You'll a cool guy. :thumbup:
 
#9
I didn't know you have cerebral palsy. That certainly makes life difficult.
Yep, it does! But comedy helps when ah get down n' depressed about it. :bigsmile:

Your thread is off to a great start!
So ah've been told... Off tae a flyin' start, ah see. Way-hay!!

Keep writing, it's very cathartic.
Aye, but then, so is swearin'. BLEEP!!

Although, judging by some other threads, members don't always comment on every post. I think a lot of that has to do with the day and time it's posted. So, don't get discouraged. You have a great story to tell. And, I (like everyone else here) enjoy reading about other people's struggles because it helps me understand my own and gives me comfort that I'm not the only one struggling and inspiration that I need to toughen up as most of you have it even harder than I do. I'm humbled knowing this!
You're a cool guy. :thumbup:
Thanks fur the, eh, words of encouragement. :) Though, I am the exact opposite of "cool", in ma opinion. :ironicsmile:
 
#11
Very enjoyable read Graeme! Please keep this thread going.:)
Awright, since ye asked nicely. :thumbup: Might huv a bit uh diffi-culty understandin' the dialect, though. Or are huv you lot got use tae me talkin' like ah've hud a few too many pints?

Nae worries, though. Ah'll back on it tomorrow. Like a lonely housewife on a washing machine. Sorry, that's just terribly offensive, innit? And yet so hilariously funny. :ironicsmile: Got a few more hysterically funny, true stories to tell. Beyond those, ah don't really know... Offensive jokes or harsh Scottish insults? Scottish folk are quite inventive when it comes to insults. Want me tae tone doon the mair profane language? Aye? No? Mibbe? Get tae fu... Away n' shag yersel'?
 
#14
Yeah!!! I will be back here when I have more time!!


I am so busy...

Great job!!!
Aye, um, thanks. In yer ain time darlin', am no' done wi' ma stories, anyway. :thumbup:

And it was a certain somebody on here gave the suggestion of this thread. Y'know who ye are. ;) And thus inspiration tae go back intae ma past and reflect. All the while recallin' some hilarious, hysterically funny and a few difficult & heartbreakin' moments. (But don't worry, it's more black comedy than bleak comedy).

Am just rifling through - sorry, goin' through - some of ma auld primary & secondary school photos at the moment. Tryin' tae recall some hysterically funny stories from those days. And some old family photos.

Anyway, ah'd best be off...
 
#15
I enjoy the way you talk-type on the board. :)
Ah enjoy thinkin' you lot dinnae understaun a word o' what am sayin'. And yer lookin' at the screen wi' an expression, not too disimiliar tae this: :eek: Lookin' like stuffed dog that's just been shown a card trick. Scratchin' yer heids, aw the while thinkin': "Huh?! Eh?! What the fu...? :confused: Is that even a real language?" :ironicsmile:
 

MollyBeGood

Well-known member
#16
I'm back. Wow what a story of your childhood, my goodness you have been through so much! Obviously you're one hell of a fighter...humbled by your courage.

I am so glad you did the thread! I will check back often. I love that photo, too! Reminds me of the roads in Colorado :)

Take care now *hugs*
 
#17
I'm back. Wow what a story of your childhood, my goodness you have been through so much! Obviously you're one hell of a fighter...humbled by your courage.
Ah know, ah was there. :ironicsmile: Thanks, though.

Nae surrender!!

I am so glad you did the thread! I will check back often. I love that photo, too! Reminds me of the roads in Colorado :)

Take care now *hugs*
Really? Are the roads in Colorado just terrifyin'? D'ye say a pray afore ye get in yer car n' put yer seatbelt on? Ah know me, ma mum and oldest sister did, somewhat jokingly. :praying: Then, we'd lock the car doors moment we shut 'em. A slight feelin' of terror as ye turn off the motorway, and ontae a long, winding road for a few miles. A barrier and "Drive Carefully" sign the only things that separatin' every vehicle on the Beeftub road fae fleein' doon a steep hillside. And muther crunchin' hur way through ginger-nut biscuits.

Ah remember that ah would always stared oot the passenger seat window, at the hills to ma left-hand side on the drive up to Edinburgh. And on the drive back fae Edinburgh, on the other side of the road where yer closer to the barrier. Me, slightly terrified, thinkin' tae masel': "Am glad am no' drivin' - thank God. What a view... Ha! Look at that - there's a farm doon, there"

Ah! The memories...
 
#19
Keep on going, and I'll keep on enjoying reading what you write. Loving it!
That's whit ah like tae hear. :thumbup:

F**kety-bye. For now, anway, am just tryin' tae remember some of the hysterically funny stories fae ma school years. Just found a few photos fae ma school years... Ah huv'nae changed much since ah wuz 5 years old. Ah'll post 'em soon. When ah remember some of the stuff that happened durin' ma school years. And ah don't just mean stuff that happened tae me, either. That's great thing aboot an observer rather than instigator.

Because this is aw true, by-the-way.
 
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