Not smiling=Depressed

FriendlyShadow

Well-known member
#1
I remember one time I was at a restaurant with a blank expression on my face, and then this waitress came over, apparently my face hinted to her I was in sad mode. But I was minding my own buisness, then when she would always come to my table she would ask "Oh, hun cheer up. Don't be sad." "Aww why do you look so sad hun, come on smile." It was to the effing point where I wish to have said "Could you please worry about your own work instead of my stupid looking face." Of course I would never say that no matter how much I can tolerate, but what the hell is wrong with not smiling? Does a person have to be all smiles and laughing 24/7 to indicate they aren't depressed? I wasn't depressed at in that restaurant, I just had a blank expression on my face. It wasn't like I was sulking and laying my head on my hand while eating my food slowly. I mean why does having a blank expression have to be because someone is sad or you practically need the nerve to tell them to smile when obviously they don't need to be told like a child. I can smile whenever I feel like it, so don't come up to me and tell me how I should feel. Maybe since I look thin stick and have dark circles, maybe that's what causes people to think I looked like I had a bad day or something. That's like going up to people who are smiling and you ask them why they're all happy, why are you all laughing. I wish some people knew when to learn that some things do not need to be told or mentioned of what's already there.
 

SmileMore

Well-known member
#2
I get that all the time. "Cheer up" or "she never smiles". I really don't understand why people single me out because i never see other people walking around with a stupid grin on their face.
 

Diend

Well-known member
#3
One time i was at sam ash and this man asks me if everything was okay. I wasnt okay. I was somewhat sad. I have a naturally sad default expression. The corners of my eyes slant downwards like my mom's and the corner of my lips slant downward as well like my dad's. in addition to being a neurotic person, i worried about having a social group in high school and nowadays in college, i am worrying about graduating. So yes, i am sad. I accepted the fact that i wasnt going to have a lot of friends and good friends at that in life and i think it was reflected in my facial expression.
 

jaim38

Well-known member
#4
When I don't smile, it doesn't necessarily mean I am sad. I could be anxious or angry. Moreover, I just don't smile naturally, it's the default expression I have on my face. It's just the way I am. I think it's important to be yourself. Back when I was pre-health, I used to force myself to smile especially when volunteering at the hospital. Even when I didn't feel happy, I smiled. I felt so stupid. I even had patients call me stupid, maybe because they think I'm too nice or something. Now I realize I should just be me. I shouldn't change myself to fit somebody else's definition of normal.
 
#5
I rarely smile, the natural look on my face is a smirk. I think 99% of people associate smiles with happiness and when they see someone not smiling they automatically assume the person is mad/sad. It does get old when people bring it up all the time.
 

Flanscho

Well-known member
#6
Well, there is a big difference between looking serious and sad. Most people look quite serious most of the time. You probably looked sad instead of serious, so she wanted to be friendly. I don't see the problem there.

I also think it's odd that currently, the two most recent threads are about:
"people don't care about SA people" and
"stop caring about me and whether I look sad or not"
 
#7
You looked sad and she cared about you. Don't need to think about things like "Could you please worry about your own work instead of my stupid looking face" to say. When you see others smiling it makes you feel happy, when you see someone with a sad face, it makes you wonder why.
 
#8
I get that all the time. "Cheer up" or "she never smiles". I really don't understand why people single me out because i never see other people walking around with a stupid grin on their face.
Yea. My face has a tendency to look "sad" or "mad" when i'm really not, and "just smile" or "smile" is one of the things that really just pisses me off.
 
#9
My mom used to ask me everyday it felt like if "everything was ok." I was very far from ok, but I didn't feel like I was showing it, I wanted to hide it really. One day I looked in the mirror at what felt like my "normal" or "neutral" face, and realized it was a very unhappy looking face, not a face I felt like I was making.

At least for me, I think my face has a default setting, so when I may feel fine, my face may not reflect that. I had to go out of my way for a long time to smile a lot in my free time to change that default setting from "miserably sad" to "slightly happy." I'm not sure if it has something to do with muscle memory or whatever, but how we feel and how we look don't always line up, making people's reactions to us seem confusing at times. It helps to looks in the mirror and identify the feeling you have while making certain faces or expressions. It did for me at least.
 
#10
You looked sad and she cared about you. Don't need to think about things like "Could you please worry about your own work instead of my stupid looking face" to say. When you see others smiling it makes you feel happy, when you see someone with a sad face, it makes you wonder why.
Not so sure about the "she cared about you" part. As you just said, people like others to smile because it makes them feel happier than a sad face. So it's not really that they care about you, it's more that they don't want you to ruin their day with your sad face. Sure, some do care. But the waitress who keeps telling you to cheer up? It's just annoying really. I look sad when I'm tired, it's just my face, and having to put on a happy face while eating to make sure I'm not bothering the waitress would be enough of a reason for me to leave, lol.
 

Hellhound

Super Moderator
#11
Well, there is a big difference between looking serious and sad. Most people look quite serious most of the time. You probably looked sad instead of serious, so she wanted to be friendly. I don't see the problem there.

I also think it's odd that currently, the two most recent threads are about:
"people don't care about SA people" and
"stop caring about me and whether I look sad or not"
This is rather ironic. Do you guys want people to care or not? Suit yourselves.

Stop throwing a tantrum when they don't tell you what you want to hear, the way you want to hear it. Be glad that someone took their time to give a damn about you, a complete stranger, which is rare now a days. Some other person could have ignored you completely.

"Could you please worry about your own work instead of my stupid looking face."
Ungrateful and rude. If I took the time to ask how you were and you told me that, I would never ever talk to you again, even if you were genuinely depressed.
 

FriendlyShadow

Well-known member
#13
Hellhound, I realize I did sound harsh there about what I said and again I would never say that no matter how much i can tolerate with putting up with that. However, I do set the line between being kind and trying to persistently treat others as if they are children. As if a person needs to be told to smile, needs to be told they aren't talking enough, needs to be told they should dress this way, ect. I mean, even when you are on a bad day, and you constantly have to hear you have to smile, cheer up, I think he/she lacks consideration of how that person feels. Maybe the person doesn't want to smile. You shouldn't tell them how they should be feeling, whether if they're sad, angry, worried, or any mood they express their in. I know the lady was probably concerned why I "supposedly" looked sad and I know she didn't mean harm. But I think a simple "Is everything alright, honey, can I get you anything?" Would've been the better way to ask me if I'm ok and that wouldn't have been a problem, not "Oh come on hun smile, don't be sad." Better yet, you keep your comments to yourself. Even if I was sad, why do need to(especially it being constantly) be reminded I should feel happy. Like I should feel something that I can't. So I don't understand what's the point of saying cheer up to a person if they're not going to feel it anyways. If you're going to cheer up a person at least you can do it politely and ask Is everything okay. If a person was happy and laughing and I'm depressed and go up to them and ask "Why are you happy, I don't get it why can't you be sad like me." I bet he/she would've been as angry too. I get most people I see are happy these days, that's good and all and I have nothing against that at all. I do think if a person, sad or not, I think that person doesn't need to feel more bad about themselves because other people want them to mirror their moods.
 
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FriendlyShadow

Well-known member
#14
If I took the time to ask how you were and you told me that, I would never ever talk to you again, even if you were genuinely depressed.[/QUOTE]


No, no, no. I wouldn't get mad at you because you asked me how I was. Those two subjects are irrelevant apart from each other. You asking me how I am is not the same as you teasing with me like a little infant. It's great when people care I never said there was anything wrong with that, but to tease me out of embarassment(whether you wanted to intend on it or not) just for the sake of doing so is wrong. Of course I would respond to you I was okay or if I'm not because it's not you continuously making unneeded judgements about me or appearance wise. I'm saying people who need to tell people how they should feel even if they can't feel it. I don't think people understand that the others person who they are speaking to is going through issues(possibly severe) they have going through them. I don't think it's necessary to tell them You need to be happy regardless if they have problems or not. If people are going to give a d*mn about you they should at least know you are a human being and no other than that. What the waitress did instead of just asking is everything all right, continued making comments about me being unhappy. And it wasn't just once. You don't need to take all your time making a person feel bad because they aren't typically in good moods. Saying Cheer up, don't be sad, you think the person is really going to feel that way because you couldn't stop pointing it out? You want them to pretend to feel something they can't feel? I'd say, honestly, if a person is in depression or is sad/looks sad, the better way to show politeness and that you have manners to ask Is everything okay. You don't need to tell a person to cheer up just because you're in a good mood.
 
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FriendlyShadow

Well-known member
#15
Well, there is a big difference between looking serious and sad. Most people look quite serious most of the time. You probably looked sad instead of serious, so she wanted to be friendly. I don't see the problem there.



Flanshco, yes I understand she was trying to be friendly and help me, though I don't agree with how she handled my situation. Maybe my expression did specify the wrong way it showed her so she got that impression. I think there's a difference between helping someone and making someone feel in a state of embarrasment. She could've asked me just is everything alright, but she did the opposite of that by trying to escalate her comments against me. That was the problem.
 

FriendlyShadow

Well-known member
#16
You looked sad and she cared about you. Don't need to think about things like "Could you please worry about your own work instead of my stupid looking face" to say. When you see others smiling it makes you feel happy, when you see someone with a sad face, it makes you wonder why.
I think a few of you have misunderstood my post. I understand she was trying to be helpful and trying to take her time to try and make me feel good, YET she did it completely wrong. When you make thoughtless comments towards people who apparently have problems of their own(or even if they aren't), you are not in charge of their feelings. You don't know what's going on in their minds or life. I'm sorry if this thread offended some of you, I just get sick and tired of feeling how I should feel because others aren't in a mood that I'm stuck in. So what if I don't smile? What's wrong with wearing a blank face around anywhere? A person doesn't need to be happy all the time just because you feel that way. If a person is going through issues even, that's even worse when you try and say cheer up, smile. You were practically busy trying to create careless comments towards the person while you don't even know what issues they're really going through. That to me is inconvenient. What you did was make the person feel even more uncomfortable then they already are or maybe aren't.

When you see others smiling it makes you feel happy, when you see someone with a sad face, it makes you wonder why.[/QUOTE]

Maybe it does make people wonder why a person would be sad, but that's not the same as having to embarrass them by saying be happy. Be happy? Really? Even if a person is going through rough times, the best advice you give is be happy? I don't go up to a person even if they do look like their sad and comment how depressed they look and tease with them and say be happy. That to me sounds rude because all you've done was creating discomfort, doesn't sound like help at all. Sorry if some may disagree, but I find this type of behavior unacceptable.
 

anomicdeer

Well-known member
#17
I know exactly how you feel. I hate when people say that to me. I even mentioned to my dad one time I told him it's just a straight face.

It doesn't even look like other are smiling all the time so I don't know why others say it to me. I'm sure if I was smiling people would say stupid mess about me smiling. It has happened before! It pisses me off.

I don't have a problem with some smiling or not smiling. I don't assume they are happy or sad if they do or not. I just see THEM.
 

FriendlyShadow

Well-known member
#18
Exactly, just because a person isn't all in smiles and joy, doesn't mean they're depressed(for some at least.) It just means they aren't smiling. Period. There's no need to make them discomforted with teasing remarks, people should know better than that.
 

xDreamseller

Well-known member
#19
I too generally have a blank expression, no matter how happy/sad I may actually be.

If people do ask, I generally reply with something like "Oh, I was just thinking" or say that I must have zoned out. I find that if you use the "thinking" reply, you can actually kick off some interesting conversations, depending on what you say you were thinking about.

One time though, I had a customer say to me "You always look so happy working in here". Best day at work I'd ever had :D
 
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