Not smiling=Depressed

[nowherewoman]

This was one of the first threads I noticed when I found this forum because I've always been hurt (probably irrationally, but you can't help how you feel) by people hassling me to smile. I'm glad I'm not the only one who has this problem. It happened to me again just today. I feel like the person is pointing out something that is different about me when I am trying so hard to pass as normal. I actually have been depressed my entire life, but it happens even when I am having a good (for me) day. I know that even in the cases when the person seems to be making fun of you they don't really mean any harm; you can't really know how someone else feels until you've walked in their shoes. However, I don't think anyone has ever given a genuine smile just because some stranger has demanded it. If someone is concerned about my mood, I would rather they say or do something to make me smile rather than actually bringing it up.

 

[SmileMore]

The thing is, most people who point it out and tell you to smile aren't doing it because they're concerned for your welfare. You can't seriously expect me to believe that a complete stranger in the street shouting "cheer up darlin" gives a toss about my mental health. They do it because they think they're clever and like making people feel small.

 

[FriendlyShadow]

This was one of the first threads I noticed when I found this forum because I've always been hurt (probably irrationally, but you can't help how you feel) by people hassling me to smile. I'm glad I'm not the only one who has this problem. It happened to me again just today. I feel like the person is pointing out something that is different about me when I am trying so hard to pass as normal. I actually have been depressed my entire life, but it happens even when I am having a good (for me) day. I know that even in the cases when the person seems to be making fun of you they don't really mean any harm; you can't really know how someone else feels until you've walked in their shoes. However, I don't think anyone has ever given a genuine smile just because some stranger has demanded it. If someone is concerned about my mood, I would rather they say or do something to make me smile rather than actually bringing it up.


I realize what you're saying here though and probably people don't actually intend to harm us, but can't they respect all of us enough to know we actually DO have feelings of our own? I'm actually tired of being normal and trying to fit in with everyone because they're always going to behave how they'll behave and the saddest thing is that I can't do anything to stop them from their inappropriate behavioral ways. I agree with your last statement. If you want me to at least smile, please do so in subtlety. Don't blatantly make it obvious I don't smile because I "needed" to know that.

 

[noosebaum95]

This used to bother the hell out of me in highschool. all of my teachers used to tease me about never smiling. i would be walking down the hallway by myself with a blank expression and one of my teachers would say, " oh, there's erin always smiling", or call me miss happy. really, what is there to smile about when i'm just walking down the hallway or sitting in class? why single me out, i'm sure most other people don't just smile constantly especially when they're in a place they hate.

 

[Effloresce]

I agree, it's annoying.

 

[myheartisastone]

hah, yea. The old "you'd be so much prettier/better looking if you smile" thing.

Said to me a lot. I've just gotten used to going "yea, it's my face"

One time when I was working with my dad, this really old grumpy looking dude comes over and is like, VERY gruffly "smile if you're just going to stand there!"

take note that this was 8am in the morning, I was tired, I didn't feel good, and then this asshole was like "smile" ... also be aware that I didn't know him from adam, nor did he know me, but those were his first words to me.

Sorry creepy old dude, no one owes you a smile.

And you have to wonder about this. One: what's wrong with me not smiling? two: did this old grump think he DESERVED a smile? it's weird.

I understand though -- in pictures, you're usually told to smile so that you'll look happy ... in job interviews, you obviously want to look happy and interested. But when you're alone, no one wants to smile 100% of the time. No one is happy 100% of the time, so no one owes anyone a smile.

 

[myheartisastone]

This is rather ironic. Do you guys want people to care or not? Suit yourselves.

Stop throwing a tantrum when they don't tell you what you want to hear, the way you want to hear it. Be glad that someone took their time to give a damn about you, a complete stranger, which is rare now a days. Some other person could have ignored you completely.



Ungrateful and rude. If I took the time to ask how you were and you told me that, I would never ever talk to you again, even if you were genuinely depressed.

Why are you assuming this waitress cared? maybe she did, maybe she didn't. It's nice if she did. Either way, being embarrassed in a social situation is pretty much what people with SA don't like.

In fact ... I don't think anyone really likes that.

 

[Richey]

She made it worse for you if it was in front of a group, the waitress made it way worse for saying that to you in front of other people which shows lack of good social skills on her part. These are people who don't think before they speak and cause uncomfortable moments without realising it....

Honestly. If I noticed that someone wasn't smiling, i'd just think they aren't smiling. But most people understand that facial expressions don't always indicate actual feelings/emotion at that time. So she should have just piped down or said something nice instead.

It's not caring for her to do that, people who are smug and want to assert conversation for the sake of filling the air with anything will make situations blatantly awkward.

It's more of a reflection on the waitress then it is on you.

Don't worry about it. All you need to know is that facial expressions are normal and don't always reflect your actual mood.

If that happens again, think of a comeback that asserts you are feeling fine, thank you i'm feeling great actually, and then maybe follow up with, can you please top up my water, thanks.

You don't want to give the table the idea that you were feeling depressed, not that you should have to because waiting staff should know better.

Anyone who brings up the fact that you look happy or sad in front of a group is in some way bullying you or humiliating you, they may not realise it, but that's exactly what they are doing.

If they truly cared they'd say "Do you need anything" Or they'd take you aside, away from the group and ask you something.

 

[Richey]

So anyone with half a brain would not unintentionally or intentionally try and make things worse for you, is how I see it.

Showing that they cared would actually be the opposite, asking if you need anything or just leaving you alone, because they don't know what you are feeling or thinking.

People who are so caught up in their own selfishness and ego will makes things awkward for you without even realising it. Like what happened with you at the restaurant.

 

[FriendlyShadow]

This is rather ironic. Do you guys want people to care or not? Suit yourselves.

Stop throwing a tantrum when they don't tell you what you want to hear, the way you want to hear it. Be glad that someone took their time to give a damn about you, a complete stranger, which is rare now a days. Some other person could have ignored you completely.



Ungrateful and rude. If I took the time to ask how you were and you told me that, I would never ever talk to you again, even if you were genuinely depressed.

Ok, Karen.