My Life Today

[neardeath]

I went to the NAMI meeting last night. It was the monthly larger group, and it was my first time there. An holistic doctor spoke about homeopathic treatments and Chinese medicine for mental illness. Too bad insurance doesn't cover her services because she says she's having great luck with acupuncture.

Wow, I have really turned on my "getting out" power this week! I am desperate for some relief from all of this and I thank God I can still find it somewhere inside to take action.

I drove to the top of the "mountain" after dark to stargaze. The gibbous moon rose and ruined that opportunity, but I can confirm that the town was without UFO's between 11PM and 1AM! I saw a couple of satellites, but who's to say they weren't UFO's disguised as satellites? I love the endless trail of light from the moon over the water. Superior is such an amazing lake.

Today, eh? I might just get to the grocery store! Either that, or see if MikeyC has any pizza and ice cream left.

Planetarium tonight.

Oh, and my son starts at Sun Country on Monday, so guess who is getting flight benefits? I am so excited!

We are heading east next month to get my grandson. I haven't seen him in three years. I am extremely anxious about that. He's a young man now, 11-1/2! I feel so inadequate, and I never know what to talk about, even with my own grandson. I am just going to be honest with him and explain my illness. He is amazingly loving so we should be okay together, thanks to him . . .

I have to say, starting this thread has been extremely helpful for me. I feel more able to go places by stating here that I'm going to do it. Yesterday was amazing, and today I feel a renewed energy.

I'm including a couple photos from yesterday.

 

[MikeyC]

Wow, I have really turned on my "getting out" power this week! I am desperate for some relief from all of this and I thank God I can still find it somewhere inside to take action.

I'm happy that you're doing this. Getting out there and actually doing things is a great thing to achieve.

I drove to the top of the "mountain" after dark to stargaze. The gibbous moon rose and ruined that opportunity, but I can confirm that the town was without UFO's between 11PM and 1AM! I saw a couple of satellites, but who's to say they weren't UFO's disguised as satellites? I love the endless trail of light from the moon over the water. Superior is such an amazing lake.

If you chose a spot where there was nobody around, I can only imagine how serene that would've been.

Today, eh? I might just get to the grocery store! Either that, or see if MikeyC has any pizza and ice cream left.

I have ice cream, but I ate my leftover pizza for breakfast this morning, sorry.

 

[neardeath]

Thanks for all your support, MikeyC!

 

[neardeath]

The renewed energy I mentioned is fading again. I have not yet been to the grocery store. All that's in my fridge are condiments. Today is the day to take care of household chores and go to the big, scary grocery store. I'm on my last roll of TP, so this is getting serious.

My head is telling me to go back to bed.

 

[springk]

You can do it. I must say you are making progress , you are trying and thats what matters.
I have not read all your posts but you are brave in sharing your thoughts and plans, just believe in yourself. I know its not easy but you have to do it.
Again if you dont feel like going try to postpone it till you feel comfortable and ready.
(but before you run out of all the food)

good luck!
you sure can beat your anxiety.

 

[neardeath]

You can do it. I must say you are making progress , you are trying and thats what matters.
I have not read all your posts but you are brave in sharing your thoughts and plans, just believe in yourself. I know its not easy but you have to do it.
Again if you dont feel like going try to postpone it till you feel comfortable and ready.
(but before you run out of all the food)

good luck!
you sure can beat your anxiety.

It feels like sharing makes me more accountable to myself. Thanks, SpringK

 

[neardeath]

Great that you're getting out, I hope you're really proud of yourself. Massive accomplishment.

Hi - thanks! It's life or death. It's my duty to try.

 

[neardeath]

Groceries - check. That took forever for me to get to and it's ridiculous. Self-care, nutrition, exercise are never easily managed because of the high anxiety. I'm working on it. Should have stopped for a six-pack! LOL

 

[MikeyC]

Seriously, mate, take a bow. You overcame your fears and you went to the store. That's a great accomplishment.

The thing with anxiety is that it's not a smooth improve. You'll improve, then get worse a bit, then improve some more, and so on. Plus anxiety affects different parts of our lives in different ways, so while you're improving on going out under the stars, going to the grocery store is still problematic. The more you do it, the better you'll be, though.

Running out of toilet paper is reason enough to go. That would be my worst nightmare having no wiping material!

 

[neardeath]

Seriously, mate, take a bow. You overcame your fears and you went to the store. That's a great accomplishment.

The thing with anxiety is that it's not a smooth improve. You'll improve, then get worse a bit, then improve some more, and so on. Plus anxiety affects different parts of our lives in different ways, so while you're improving on going out under the stars, going to the grocery store is still problematic. The more you do it, the better you'll be, though.

Running out of toilet paper is reason enough to go. That would be my worst nightmare having no wiping material!

Thanks MikeyC. I agree with the rocky road recovery thing, because for me, I can go full-force for awhile, forging ahead because I am sick of living near death, on the fringe, longing for a tour through the cosmos, but then I always fall on my face for awhile and become totally isolated again.

I don't have much to say today. << This is what I feel like. Air conditioner is supposed to be delivered, and not a moment too soon. It finally got hot in my place and isn't even cooling off at night. I guess, it's the end of June. Temperatures, though, can range anywhere from 35F to 95F this time of year, because of the gigantic, cold lake. AC is a mental-health must in my life. I panic in the heat.

So, no expectations today. Wait for UPS.

 

[neardeath]

My AC is in and working well. One stressor out of the way.

I'm experiencing a fair amount of anxiety today, even though my mood is better. I watched "12 to the Moon" (again!) on Club MST3k in order to laugh hysterically and release some tension.

There are good events happening in town this weekend, but I haven't convinced myself to attend anything yet. I wish I wanted to.

It only took me a year, but I got the new strings on my little guitar. I took out the sheet music and the stand today. I'm hoping to learn another easy classical piece. It's the only instrument I have left in my possession.

I think I'm just lonely today. There are things I should mention, but I'm not up to it.

The photo is Bart, my kitty cat.

 

[neardeath]

I need a photo tutorial for this forum! Sometimes things don't work, sometimes they do. I feel computer illiterate.

 

[neardeath]

I didn't even leave home to take these two. Shot them right out my dirty high-rise window. Hope you like them. I played around with the photo editor which give them the postcard coloring.

 

[MikeyC]

I think I'm just lonely today.

This is a devastating feeling. I hope you're alright. I'm glad to hear you're getting better with things.

EDIT: I don't know what you're doing wrong with the photos, though.

 

[neardeath]

This is a devastating feeling. I hope you're alright. I'm glad to hear you're getting better with things.

EDIT: I don't know what you're doing wrong with the photos, though.

Thanks, Mikey. I'm okay. I went to a "bonfire" which turned out to be burning wet wood out of her lawn and her shredding materials. I didn't stay long, LOL.

Could you see the photos on this thread?

 

[BlueDays]

Could you see the photos on this thread?

I could not see the photos in this thread or the other one, neardeath :sad:

 

[MikeyC]

Thanks, Mikey. I'm okay. I went to a "bonfire" which turned out to be burning wet wood out of her lawn and her shredding materials. I didn't stay long, LOL.

Could you see the photos on this thread?

Well, it's something!

I can't see any of your photos.

 

[Hoppy]

I can see all of your pictures. You are doing something right.

 

[neardeath]

I'm not doing well. Wish I could sleep around the clock, because unconscious is where I want to be.

That's weird that one person can see the photos and two others cannot?

 

[neardeath]

I can see all of your pictures, too. Cute kitty! And I love the shots from your window. Neat.

Thank you!

Well, I am cleaned up and going to church. I usually never miss it. I haven't been there for a month, due to my depression.

Depression feels like an elephant foot on my brain. Thoughts aren't flowing like they were a few days ago. :kickingmyself:

Why is it that after you brush a cat, fur continues to release for another 6-8 hours? :question:

My brother is borrowing me his 15 pound gargantuan binoculars with a tripod. I will be right in Bob Dylan's face with those. I'll be able to see what people are doing on their sailboats. I'll be able to see into the next county! (Hey, I can see Russia from here!) Stargazing, too. Wait for the ISS to pass over. I'd better check the schedule. See? The lake and astronomy get me excited ever time!:bigsmile: