My Life Today
- Thread starter neardeath
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neardeath
Well-known member
Thank you, Anomie. Things are going very well. They now have short periods of togetherness followed by long periods of privacy and rest. I moved the new guy to my bedroom, and plan to try to spend tonight with open doors! :question:
Here is the only usable photo I have so far. It's hard to snap a good shot of a new, exhausted shelter pet!
Focusing on pets sure does take my mind off my grief and depression. I went to church today, but was not comfortable at all talking afterwards. I feel less depressed but it does nothing for the SA. Sometimes I sneak in late and leave early on purpose. God understands.
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neardeath
Well-known member
I fulfilled a lifelong dream, to paddle on the Park Point beach of Lake Superior on a calm day. Even if I never socialize with anyone, I love the outdoors and I love this town more every time I venture out.
Between being on the water and my cats, I am in a much better mood this week. The pressure seems to be off, somehow.
Here is a photo of me on the big lake with an old saltie in the background.
Between being on the water and my cats, I am in a much better mood this week. The pressure seems to be off, somehow.
Here is a photo of me on the big lake with an old saltie in the background.
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neardeath
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Wow, my new cats are getting along amazingly well. I feel rather abandoned, as they are up all night, and yesterday they slept TEN hours right after I woke up! The new guy had a name change from Buzz to Beacon. They are playing and doing things together already, and I just brought him home on Friday. My first cat, Bart, seems to really be enjoying himself, but I miss him following me around the house all day.
There is some paperwork I have to do. I call it the red tape of life. There is a lot of it right now.
I have a birthday next month and can actually start collecting a small pension. I'm just going to take it early, even though it will be less. Who knows how long I'll be on this planet? I'm sure not going to wait.
It sure will come in handy at this point. I'm so broke from all the traveling and activities done with the grandson. Also, October 1 I should have flight benefits from my son's new job, so I hope to travel around a bit. Perfect timing.
I hope I can make a dent in the red tape today.
There is some paperwork I have to do. I call it the red tape of life. There is a lot of it right now.
I have a birthday next month and can actually start collecting a small pension. I'm just going to take it early, even though it will be less. Who knows how long I'll be on this planet? I'm sure not going to wait.
It sure will come in handy at this point. I'm so broke from all the traveling and activities done with the grandson. Also, October 1 I should have flight benefits from my son's new job, so I hope to travel around a bit. Perfect timing.
I hope I can make a dent in the red tape today.
neardeath
Well-known member
I did not get the paperwork done.
I just found out I lost about 13 pounds in the past two months. I'm taking it slow and it's working.
So, I avoid people's invitations as long as possible, most of the time, but then a time comes when I have to say yes. I am going now to visit someone. I wish I enjoyed people more, but there are very few I am comfortable with. Hate that.
I think I'm feeling better than I'm "doing," if that makes any sense. The kitties are sure good company and they make me smile and laugh.
I just found out I lost about 13 pounds in the past two months. I'm taking it slow and it's working.
So, I avoid people's invitations as long as possible, most of the time, but then a time comes when I have to say yes. I am going now to visit someone. I wish I enjoyed people more, but there are very few I am comfortable with. Hate that.
I think I'm feeling better than I'm "doing," if that makes any sense. The kitties are sure good company and they make me smile and laugh.
neardeath
Well-known member
Yesterday was a nightmare. I'm having a hard time saying no to someone. I helped her all day in her yard and home. I was gone ten hours. I felt like a hostage, but I know that is my own fault.
I hate yard work. It's overrated. That's why I chucked all my belongings and got a small apartment, to make life simpler. It's just that her family is coming next week for a reunion and her place is a first class pig pen. I can't even stand being there.
She is a little bit manipulative, and I am a people pleaser, so that's why this is happening. It's 50% my fault.
I came home mad at myself and exhausted.
Also feeling like WTF am I doing here in the forum. I have to put my computer in the hands of a good friend when I die. Better put it in the will.
I'm tackling the red tape today, baby steps, and I will either cycle or float, or both! Sorry for the rant. People just make me stupid.
I hate yard work. It's overrated. That's why I chucked all my belongings and got a small apartment, to make life simpler. It's just that her family is coming next week for a reunion and her place is a first class pig pen. I can't even stand being there.
She is a little bit manipulative, and I am a people pleaser, so that's why this is happening. It's 50% my fault.
I came home mad at myself and exhausted.
Also feeling like WTF am I doing here in the forum. I have to put my computer in the hands of a good friend when I die. Better put it in the will.
I'm tackling the red tape today, baby steps, and I will either cycle or float, or both! Sorry for the rant. People just make me stupid.
neardeath
Well-known member
I made some "business" calls and got things rolling. Did not get out for anything today, even though it was a beautiful day. The SA/depression sure stops me in my tracks a lot, even though I really want to get out.
On the upside, the cats were awake much longer today, they actually ate what I fed them, and got some playtime in. I hope they sleep better because I need some undisturbed time for once this week. I think there's a good chance.
My deceased partner's daughter called and they will be in town next weekend. I'll get to see Jean's three little granddaughters again. It's hard to see them, yet wonderful. I wish she was here to see how beautiful they are becoming. It's Pride next weekend, but I think I'd rather hike some North Shore trails with them. The girls aren't babies anymore and they are SO full of energy. They are 5, 6, and 8!
Even though the illness has me by the throat, it was an okay day and I completed a few tasks in spite of myself. Isn't it amazing how many tasks are required each day just to keep one human being going?
I think that writing this journal for myself is beneficial, because it makes me try to look at the bright side each day. Sure, I could stay in my darkness because it's what I do best, but with no real help from professionals, I have to do this on my own. If anything I say helps anyone at all, it's just a bonus, because it's helping me see the flip side.
On the upside, the cats were awake much longer today, they actually ate what I fed them, and got some playtime in. I hope they sleep better because I need some undisturbed time for once this week. I think there's a good chance.
My deceased partner's daughter called and they will be in town next weekend. I'll get to see Jean's three little granddaughters again. It's hard to see them, yet wonderful. I wish she was here to see how beautiful they are becoming. It's Pride next weekend, but I think I'd rather hike some North Shore trails with them. The girls aren't babies anymore and they are SO full of energy. They are 5, 6, and 8!
Even though the illness has me by the throat, it was an okay day and I completed a few tasks in spite of myself. Isn't it amazing how many tasks are required each day just to keep one human being going?
I think that writing this journal for myself is beneficial, because it makes me try to look at the bright side each day. Sure, I could stay in my darkness because it's what I do best, but with no real help from professionals, I have to do this on my own. If anything I say helps anyone at all, it's just a bonus, because it's helping me see the flip side.
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neardeath
Well-known member
Odo
Banned
I like that you're interested in getting out and kayaking and stuff... you don't sound particularly nuts to me-- more like you could use a friend who is also a calming influence, which I can definitely relate to.
Unfortunately, we can't always be choosy about who we spend our time with... it's hard to meet good people even without SA. I don't know what the answer is but I think you have to just be patient and keep trying.