Men's Dating and Relationship Experiences

[Honda]

I thought of opening a thread about discussing our experiences dating women.. Telling how it went, how we screwed up, why we didnt get it, how it work perfectly fine, etc..

 

[megalon]

I've only been on one date in my life. The girl sent the first message on a dating site. We chatted a few times and then she suggested we do the dinner and a movie thing. I was able to keep my anxiety in check and it actually went pretty well. The problem however, is that I was not attracted to this girl, and I knew that from the start. My thinking was that she would be immediately disappointed after meeting me. I would be the one who wasn't good enough. I would be the only one at risk of being hurt, which is fine with me. Something unexpected happened though. She liked me... a lot, even after meeting me. I used to believe that fairytale stuff about how it's only what is on the inside that counts. I have since changed my mind. I'm not shallow, but I think if there's no physical attraction at all, there's no chance of a relationship. I guess I don't really have a point to this story, but it feels better to get it off my chest. I really felt very terrible about having to reject this girl. I was fine thinking that I would be the one rejected. I didn't think she would be the one getting hurt.

 

[dyingtolive]

one particularly lady was really kind to me, and I fell in love with in a big way. I thought if she said no, she would be nice about it, but it didn't happen that way, and I was devastated.

That was ten years ago, and it has contributed greatly to my current anxiety issues. .

whoa, wht happened if u dont mind me asking? was this the last?

Well me, maybe i had a bad experience at about 13.. and it pretty much scarred me for life.. i guess more Common though..

 

[dyingtolive]

Hello Dyingtolive, the kindness was taken away and replaced with suspicion and avoidance. Her friends gossiped about me and that was the most hurtful.

I overheard them say " I can't believe he is hitting on her."

I loved her, they were deep, real feelings, it wasn't a cheap attempt to pick up someone, that it was what I think 'hitting on' someone is.

I finished up writing her a letter saying sorry for annoying her, and telling her that her kindness meant a lot to me, and wishing her the best, and she wrote a really nice reply to me, saying she always thought fondly of me.

After that my anxiety started to develop and I could no longer talk to her or be near her, I didn't want to annoy her, didn't want to feel that horrible feeling of hurt and fear. Since then my anxiety has deteriorated so much that I can't talk to anyone, for fear of feeling this kind of rejection again.

I feared that in the office I had a earned a reputation as being shallow, and this shattered me inside. I don't have the confidence to be approach people even on a frienship level, and this hurts me inside so much. I got angry and withdrew from the people in the office.

Not long after, I had a whole series of panic attacks, and was seriously unwell for a few years with anxiety, depression, fatigue and knee pain. I started avoiding places like newsagents, supermarkets, chemists, restuarants. My anxiety was noticeable and some people around town started to notice and talk about it. I developed a repuatation with some of the runners and triathlestes around town, people I'd never spoken to were calling me names, people mumbled at me as I walked down the mall. I just wasn't to become anonymous

I had a break down last July and that is when I joined this site. I told everyone that I ran with that I suffered from anxiety, because running wasn't something I was willing to lose from my life. The people were really good about it, and I have some days where I think everything will be allright, and other times the old fears resurface.

I've improved through my running, and have lived some great days lately, but my anxiety still causes problems.

Basically I fear giving people the impression I am hitting on them, because the fear of ten years resurfaces again and again. To be judged as shallow is just about the worst fear I can feel. Now I am trying to rebuild my confidence of being able to talk to people without fear.

Sorry for the rant, it turned into a novella.

damn, sorry to hear about that Kiwong.. Do you think the mumbles and reputation thing is partly overactive imagination or is it REAL?

i can relate with you, actually, and i think we share the same fears. I feel like where i live, everyone is watching. Like you mentioned with the running circles, everywhere u go, people talk. everyone seems to know each other. It mustve been hard that you were workmates. And i find this feeling frustrating too, i just want to be anonymous, but everywhere i go, even groceries, stores, just walking down the street, the same people.

It seems unfair that you you didn't even do anything wrong, yet it can develop a bad reputation. with me though i think that these feelings i know are all in my head.. Its actually what prevents me from going more out in public. I do feel the same way where im ashamed to make friends & that any "coming on" or even a hint of it is embarassing. it sucks how something can lead to a chain reaction where the problems have nothing anymore to do with the original stimulus. But, how could u develop a reputation just 4 that? was she really really hot or popular? u must be a legend then! if it spilled over to even other social groups

 

[dyingtolive]

thats exactly how i feel. i acted crazy and stuff as a teenager u know. but i didnt do anything 'really wrong'. i just felt that, people whisper. acquaintances and strangers. I had to stop running becoz i was so tuned in to people and that they notice me or remark about anything about me. My BDD doesnt help either though. I want to be invisible. Even going out in public, hanging out with friends. Most people on this site wanna make new friends IRL, I avoid friends and the people IRL. I also sometimes am paranoid that people are out to get me. Lol. i think Guilt, from my parents, but thats another story, anyway, thats on a bad day i guess!

 

[dyingtolive]

yeah i guess the connections are just hit and miss really right. just batting average or field goal %. but its nice to connect every now and then.. just to remind ourselves what it feels like, and to remind our subconscious to keep seeking it or keep being open to it the next time we makea choice to jump in in a situation..

thinking about last post, i guess its really trauma huh. they say the best thing to do is to rebound right away so ur mind isn't able to create the trauma so it doesnt become full blown PTSD. fix it b4 it sinks in. easier said than done, but i guess its atleast something that is proven to work just like legwork.

 

[Toomuchfear]

Hey. My first relationship was with a girl in Wales, I was visiting relatives and I was 16.

I was so excited when I met Jade. I had been a social loner for years and years...and this girl suddenly spoke to me and wanted to go out with met. I phoned and texted her, I was so excited I'd look outside my window in case she came past. I was no stalker, but I finally felt accepted. It was such a rich, happy feeling. Someone wanted me and she was quite attractive. We only met up 4 times or so, and kissed.

Needless to say, it didn't last 5 minutes. I came back to England where I lived, but in the end the long distance relationship didn't work. I wrote on my wrist how many days it was until I could see her again.
The distance coupled with the fact she went out with anyone and more than one person at a time confused the hell out of me. She sent me a texts like 'I've met this really cool guy" and later on "Don't want to see you again...ever." I had my heart ripped into a thousand different pieces, she probably had no idea how I felt.

Obviously I don't have this mindset anymore, but it was a very strange time.

 

[simpsons2007]

I've only had one gf I was 18 she was 16 she was the first one I slept with and the only one. I met her 12yrs ago through a friend (back when I had friends before they all ditched me) we hit it of and started dating straight away and fell in love.

4yrs after dating she asked me to move in with her at her mums which I did just to be able to spend more time with her as we lived 30miles apart. 1yr after moving in with her and her mum gf got pregnant and we moved out of her mums into our own place where she gave birth to a lovely little girl (who's now 5yrs). When we had our own place and daughter came along I had to work extra hrs to pay bills and get food 5days a week 40hrs-60hrs worked sometimes more.

Then about 2yrs ago I had a brake down and because of my brake down my SA got worse had really bad anxiety about being outside and just couldn't cope so the doc signed me off and I've not been able to worked since. Then about 3months ago I found out that the woman I loved and I thought she loved me was cheating and sleeping with another guy.

We were together for 12yrs. I blame myself for what has happened if I didn't have a brake down maybe she wouldn't of gone else where. Now I stuck living in the same house as my EX and its killing me inside knowing every time she goes out she's seeing him. I can't move out as I've no money no job and now where to go.

 

[simpsons2007]

Thank you firewalk for your kind words. Not sure if I will be able to trust anyone again but I'll try not to give up hope on that. I can't get any closure at the moment while I'm still stuck in the same house as her. But as soon as I can get some money together I will be out of there and hopefully move on.

 

[JamesSmith]

I went on dates with the same girl, my former g/f. It went okay, we had a few problems like how she didn't want to have sex and I did, and she was outgoing and I wasn't. She was a nice girl, and I guess it was nice to get a girlfriend and enjoy time with her. I used to think of it as a start, but I've been single for 7 years now so I'm starting to think that was the beginning and end of my dating life. Who knows, maybe things will change.

 

[Newtype]

I've only had one gf I was 18 she was 16 she was the first one I slept with and the only one. I met her 12yrs ago through a friend (back when I had friends before they all ditched me) we hit it of and started dating straight away and fell in love.

4yrs after dating she asked me to move in with her at her mums which I did just to be able to spend more time with her as we lived 30miles apart. 1yr after moving in with her and her mum gf got pregnant and we moved out of her mums into our own place where she gave birth to a lovely little girl (who's now 5yrs). When we had our own place and daughter came along I had to work extra hrs to pay bills and get food 5days a week 40hrs-60hrs worked sometimes more.

Then about 2yrs ago I had a brake down and because of my brake down my SA got worse had really bad anxiety about being outside and just couldn't cope so the doc signed me off and I've not been able to worked since. Then about 3months ago I found out that the woman I loved and I thought she loved me was cheating and sleeping with another guy.

We were together for 12yrs. I blame myself for what has happened if I didn't have a brake down maybe she wouldn't of gone else where. Now I stuck living in the same house as my EX and its killing me inside knowing every time she goes out she's seeing him. I can't move out as I've no money no job and now where to go.

Man, don't blame yourself. She got selfish and she hurt you and her daughter.

As for me, I've never had a gf or even been on date, so I don't have any story of my own. Just this one girl that I liked a lot, until she told me what she was going to do with her bf in the shower...

 

[Aussie_Lad]

Only had one real "date". If memory serves me correctly, we met on Facebook. The date actually went quite well, we chatted for quite some time over coffee and then went our own way. She had some children and was looking for a serious relationship. After the date, she contacted me via Facebook and asked me whether we should proceed further. At that stage it looked like I might have been moving away from the area, and I knew a long distance relationship wouldn't work out so I let her down lightly and she was okay with that. Then my plans fell through, but I decided that I probably wasn't ready for the sort of relationship that she was looking for so decided not to get in touch again.

 

[AGR]

I dont have any experience,only when I was really young and got taken advantage of,that doesnt count,I have never said I liked someone to them,I feel I am not good enough for them because I dont look normal,I have one girl who I find really cute,she works at the supermarket but I dont know what to say dont have the courage,she probably has a boyfriend or something,so cute as her most guys would be all over,no chance for me,well thats my "experience".

 

[Honda]

I went out with a girl last Wednesday... I left an impression on her and she liked me... I actually played my seduction part well on her, cuz we met in salsa classes several times.. Went to a bar where theres a dance night to see her, it was her idea to go there and i agreed...

So all is going well but i felt like i bored her in the end or that she's player and cannot make up her mind... I went for a smoke outside and then i see a guy slip by her and start chatting and he pick off her phone dialed apparently his number..

I tired to cock-block him but no use she seems stuck into him and im left like an idiot standing.. I felt, its time to pack up and go since it seems like a loss. I told her i got work tomorrow and i have a long drive home as i live in the next town. Next day i deleted her contact and now i want to find other girls... Will hit salsa classes soon you can seduce women there but unfortunately there are far better dancers and better/more confident men there... Will keep trying my best.. I got my life, my future and girls are secondary..

Good thing is she got my sex drive engaged again, now i want to go and get more women... But im still finding it hard to control myself and play the game right, i guess training and experience does it..

 

[Metal_isthe_Answer]

My 1 experience was perfectly fine while it lasted, we had similar tastes, especially in music, I enjoyed conversations with her and spending time with her, but, I was really bothered by the age difference which was 6 years.
Not too big to most people, the problem was that I was almost 24 and she just turned 18 and was still in high school, I called the whole thing off but with this person being the only one to ever show interest in me I still think about it.