I very stupidly started opening old wounds today. I don't know why I do this to myself. I feel dumb, frustrated, pissed off.
So I downloaded the FB app back to my phone this week because I needed to make a post to get rid of a drake I have. I have one too many and he needs to go. It was easier to do it this way through my phone than trying to use the website because desktop and mobile web FB is absolute garbage. Anywho, instead of getting rid of the app immediately like I should have, I kept it on my phone since I haven't been on in a while. Curiosity got the best of me and I looked at my old workplace's social media page.
Out of the education materials and website links they shared, they shared a post about mold illness and how sometimes it can even have bad reactions in people with allergies and whatnot. Are you fucking serious? Never listened to me when I worked there, never looked into the issue that I told you what it was, gaslighted me into blaming it on my own household when it wasn't the case, and I spent over 4 months seeking answers and then got reprimanded when I didn't follow *YOUR* protocol because I knew it wasn't right. AND NOW you're posting about this issue?
I don't know the context, maybe everyone else eventually got sick too, and now they came around to what the hell I was talking about 1 1/2 years ago. A part of me hopes that's the case, sadly enough. I hope they did suffer like I did. I feel like I want some sort of revenge so badly for how I was treated I just can't get past it. I'm not a person to seek revenge. It's a waste of time, imo. I'm usually one to let karma sort these things out. And maybe karma is still coming. I don't know.
Another thing that also really made me mad is that I saw this past summer they started offering courses in meal planning, nutrition label analysis, and help with grocery shopping for those with new diets due to medical reasons and have to avoid certain ingredients. I brought up these exact ideas (these ideas weren't even changed in the slightest) nearly 2 years ago, right before the pandemic, right before I got sick, wanting to implement this to the public and have it be my own program. My ideas were recorded and I was told we'd revisit them. The pandemic would've been a perfect time to implement ONLINE COURSES OF THIS. I received no other updates regarding them, then I got sick, then I got laid off, and I didn't get asked about how I was feeling, how anything was going, or told any news what was happening with work. I was told to basically stay home and collect unemployment. This is why I ended up quitting too. Not just because I couldn't physically go back and work there, but I also was just tossed aside like I didn't matter and that I feel I wasted 5 years of my life trying to build professional relationships and a career I thought I wanted.
That's the keyword too: thought. At one point in my life, I think I would've done this as a career, but since I've grown I'm glad I didn't go that direction. I really can't handle the therapeutic side to that field. I suck at it, to put it bluntly. I'm just not a very empathetic person, or rather I cannot convey that easily at all. I may feel it on the inside, but I cannot express it well at all. I also get tired of talking to people constantly on a daily basis. I can't stand working right next to a boss, or a narcissistic one at that. I cannot stand being watched or micromanaged. I like to be able to breathe and do my own thing.
I know I'm frustrated, but one thing I know they can't do as well is execute any of these ideas properly. They may have the talking down, but not the execution or the science. I know where my skills lie and I don't know anyone else my age in my now previous field that can develop recipes for specific conditions and have them come out just as well like I can. I don't know anyone else that understands the chemistry involved and how ingredients react with one another and what to expect when you change those things. I have over 12 years of my own personal experience doing that, plus over 3 years food manufacturing experience. Analyzing nutrition and ingredient labels is more than just looking at numbers and big words. (And don't even come at it from the "if you can't pronounce it don't eat it" BS perspective. God I hate that.) You have to understand where those percentages come from, how ingredients are labeled certain ways, and just because it doesn't have big bold letters at the bottom for allergens doesn't mean it doesn't contain allergens. (That is sketchy as hell too) Understanding FDA labeling requirements (IMO) is essential to teaching why it's presented the way it is and how the general public can read that. I'm no expert at any of these things, but I have a shit ton more education and experience on any of these things than they do combined, even though I'm half the age of them.
Alas, I shouldn't be mad. Let them take those ideas. I wasn't using them anyway. Besides, if they fail, it'll be their own doing. *shrug*
Side note: I know those ideas aren't necessarily unique or new to the nutrition field. Some clinics do offer some of those things in one form or another, especially the nutrition label analysis and meal planning. One thing a lot of clinics don't offer, or at least in my area and surrounding areas, are one-on-one shopping guides for those newly diagnosed with diet changes based on medical conditions. Most newly diagnosed patients/clients have to do the work themselves. It's incredibly helpful to have a partner to help you shop as it can be really overwhelming making general diet changes. That's one of the major ideas I came up with and wanted to implement when I worked there. It just really pisses me off to see them doing that now, after I already left, and not even changing this idea in the slightest. They literally are using it exactly how I stated it would go. Meet up with said client, bring informational materials and a small grocery list, and guide them through the store and explain how certain products differ from what they're used to and how they can be substituted. For example, newly diagnosed diabetic needs to change to sugar substitutes -- show them options and explain how they can use them and what they can expect with cooking or baking with said ingredients too. Most of this is covered when a client or patient gets nutritional counseling at a center or clinic, but it's one thing to be talked to and shown words on paper than it is to actually be shown and guided. That is the most major thing I wanted to implement and focus on when I worked there. Believe me when I say they would've never came up with any of these ideas if I hadn't brought it up. They're not that creative or smart really. It also makes me mad because they are very much a money-first business. They make it sound like they're not, but they very much are. Money first, client's health second.
), and the anger and grumpiness. Which is why I'm seeking medication finally. I've always been kind of sensitive to medications so I'm a little scared about taking an SSRI given all the possible side effects that could occur.
I did try to get him to do other things besides sit on a game the rest of the night, but that's really all he wanted to do. That or watch Minecraft videos on his dad's phone. At this point I was too tired to even pull him away from a screen, so I gave up and just watched a movie by myself. I was relieved once they left. I don't know how people parent, I really don't. After just watching and kind of playing with 4 kids all day I was exhausted. Hell, even Willow was exhausted and that's not easy to do as she's always full of boundless energy. She's a good babysitter haha. She watched all those kids yesterday, followed them everywhere, and played with them the whole day. Just further confirmation of me not wanting kids.
Young kids are the same, give them a present and they play with the box! 
