Life Ramblings

Phoenixx

Well-known member
Did you experience childhood anxiety
Honestly not much. Not as a young kid anyways. I was afraid and anxious around other adults and those in authority and still am. Not entirely sure why. I didn't start experiencing social anxiety and general anxiety until my pre-teens/teens.
 

neurotic-to-the-bone

Active member
If you don't mind me asking, what symptoms do you have with PMDD? What supplements are you taking?

About 10 years ago I was on supplementation for nutritional deficiencies and digestive issues I was having. I was seeing a nutritionist at the time, but they helped address everything, including my menstrual issues. Some of my menstrual issues were linked to my deficiencies, like my irregular periods and excruciating cramping on my heavy days, and those got resolved fixing my diet and filling in the nutritional gaps. My periods are regular and I don't get excruciating abdominal cramping anymore. But it didn't solve the problem of PMDD as I still struggle with the anxiety, racing thoughts, headaches, breast swelling (hey they look nice, but jesus they hurt! :LOL: ๐Ÿ˜ญ), and the anger and grumpiness. Which is why I'm seeking medication finally. I've always been kind of sensitive to medications so I'm a little scared about taking an SSRI given all the possible side effects that could occur.


Took my first dose this morning about an hour ago. So far I have a slight headache coming on and feel a little drowsy, but I've also been fairly tired this week because of Mr. Phoenixx's schedule change and I've been busy. Hope this is all I get from taking it.

Don't mind you asking at all. Here they are:

  • I get really irritable, like the slightest thing will annoy me, things I'm normally able to shake off.
  • I get much more anxious and my mind starts racing. I can't relax and feel the need to constantly be productive or useful in some way.
  • Trouble sleeping
  • Feeling overwhelmed and close to tears for things that I don't normally do
  • Lacking energy
I might be missing some even. But yeah, an ordeal for sure. It's definitely worth trying to get help. I wanted to try supplements first because like you I'm a bit worried about side effects when it comes to psychopharmaceuticals. The supplements I'm taking are called Woho by Elexir Pharma but I think they are only available in Sweden for now. I'm sure there must be similar ones elsewhere though.
 

Phoenixx

Well-known member
Don't mind you asking at all. Here they are:

  • I get really irritable, like the slightest thing will annoy me, things I'm normally able to shake off.
  • I get much more anxious and my mind starts racing. I can't relax and feel the need to constantly be productive or useful in some way.
  • Trouble sleeping
  • Feeling overwhelmed and close to tears for things that I don't normally do
  • Lacking energy
I might be missing some even. But yeah, an ordeal for sure. It's definitely worth trying to get help. I wanted to try supplements first because like you I'm a bit worried about side effects when it comes to psychopharmaceuticals. The supplements I'm taking are called Woho by Elexir Pharma but I think they are only available in Sweden for now. I'm sure there must be similar ones elsewhere though.
Those are all my symptoms too, especially the restlessness. I'm glad you found supplements that help you. I did take a look at them -- thank you Google translate lol -- and yes, I believe we have similar ones here too. I have looked into other supplements in the past for this, but never jumped on them to try because supplementation can be really expensive depending on what you're buying.
 

Phoenixx

Well-known member
The weekend went pretty well, although it flew by. I'm gong to try to enjoy my last day off at home today the best I can, even though I do have to go to the store to pick up weekly groceries.

Yesterday was Mr. Phoenixx's birthday and we had a get-together here with his family -- about 14 people total. I was surprised his sister came, but I was glad because I at least got to see all the boys. I may not like his sister, but I do love the kids. They're goofy and adorable, fun to watch, and I don't get to see them very often.

His grandma, his mom, and his uncle talked to me for a little bit yesterday. More his grandma than anyone else. I'm becoming more okay with this with every gathering now. At least I know her conversations and feelings are genuine. The friendliness from his father was just a facade for a few years I guess. I just still find it pretty astonishing from someone who bitches about people not being nice is now one of the most ignorant men I know. Still doesn't say hi to me, even at my own house, only thanked my husband for the food yesterday even though I did 75% of the work. I'm trying to not let it get to me. Sad little boys act like that. Not men. I just wish my husband would say something, but he won't. Confrontations don't exist in his family. Just passive-aggressiveness in the form of fake kindness.

Despite that, anxiety-wise it wasn't too bad. I was expecting to be a bit of a mess, even with the Prozac, but I was pretty okay. I'm finding myself not being too bothered by things that normally bother me in the moment. But the feeling is still there, but like a whisper in the back of my mind. If that makes sense.

Everyone left after a few hours, but his brother stuck around with our oldest nephew. We recently discovered a nature preserve only 5 mins from our house that we didn't know was there, so we actually took a nice evening walk through there along with Willow, where we all got bit up to hell by all the mosquitoes lol. It was a cool place though, and a cool little secret that I don't know if even many of the locals know about. Once we got back Mr. Phoenixx helped his brother work on his truck while the nephew and I went inside and played on the Switch because his world is all about video games at the moment lol. He actually picked out Pokemon Quest on his own and I was teaching him how to play that. I was surprised he liked that so well. Maybe he'll turn into a Pokemon Nerd like me. :) And if he does, I won't be sorry for teaching him everything I know. ๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜„ I did try to get him to do other things besides sit on a game the rest of the night, but that's really all he wanted to do. That or watch Minecraft videos on his dad's phone. At this point I was too tired to even pull him away from a screen, so I gave up and just watched a movie by myself. I was relieved once they left. I don't know how people parent, I really don't. After just watching and kind of playing with 4 kids all day I was exhausted. Hell, even Willow was exhausted and that's not easy to do as she's always full of boundless energy. She's a good babysitter haha. She watched all those kids yesterday, followed them everywhere, and played with them the whole day. Just further confirmation of me not wanting kids.


Side Note: Day 3 of Prozac. It's been working fairly well so far. Like I mentioned, the feelings of anxiety or irritability are still there, but moreso like a whisper at the back of my head. My thoughts are becoming more stable and quiet. I do feel the medication completely wore off by 5am the next morning though, as that's when I'm still waking up with racing thoughts and a headache. I've been waking up with headaches since starting it, but they're not too excruciating. Just annoying. The headaches come and go and last about an hour or two before I take my next dose, then they go away. This morning I have a little bit of nausea, but we'll see how long that lasts. So far those are the only things I'm experiencing as far as side effects go.
 

Phoenixx

Well-known member
It's been 9 days of taking Prozac regularly. It's been good, it's been bad, but it's mostly been good.

The good: I don't care. I'm finding myself not caring about things I normally would be freaking out about. For example, I made a couple dumb mistakes at work this week. (This is also a bad side effect I'll elaborate more in a bit) Just simple stupid mistakes. Like I accidentally entered 4 whole rows of data under the wrong tab in an Excel worksheet and I didn't even catch it until right before the end of my shift. Normally, I would've been internally cursing myself wondering how I could be so stupid and how detrimental it would've been for the next person to notice and have to fix my mistakes If I didn't catch it. But instead my thought process was, "Oh crap. That doesn't belong there." *fixes mistake* "I don't know how I went the whole day without catching that, but it's fixed now." *moves on to next task*

Mr. Phoenixx has been so busy with work this week he's barely talked to me. Normally I'd be pretty upset about this and my anxiety would kick in and my brain would start cycling with all the bad thoughts: that he suddenly hates me, doesn't love me anymore, only cares about his job, etc. etc. This week I haven't even cared. I've missed him, sure. But I'm able to accept that it's just work. That's it. Just work. Just business. Nothing more.

I have also been talking to my coworkers more. I was starting to do this prior to medication, as I am feeling much more comfortable at work now that I've been there almost 6 months now. But talking with them always left my heart racing or myself wondering what I should say next, regardless of feeling comfortable in my position. Now I'm able to talk to them without feeling so nervous.

Overall I feel pretty chill most of the time and not so frustrated and anxious.


The bad: The fatigue is brutal. Ugh, all I want to do is sleep. I slept for almost 9 hours last night and I feel like I could sleep more. I can't stop yawning because of this either. I find myself wanting to just camp out on the couch most of the day until it's time to go to work, because I feel like that's all I have the energy for. I'm also making little mistakes and missing little details at work because I'm so tired. The fatigue and yawning comes and goes throughout the day. When I don't get enough sleep and take the med, I get wicked tension headaches. I also keep getting wicked tension headaches in the afternoon with a pounding heartbeat. Yesterday I started eating more salty foods and immediately noticed a difference. SSRIs are apparently known for depleting sodium, but seems to only be a concern in elderly. But I personally have always had issues keeping up on my minerals, and sodium too (I also naturally have lower blood pressure than most which I think is a sign) -- and having gaps in my diet from food allergies and intolerances doesn't help either -- so I've made it routine to start taking multimineral supplements and increase my sodium intake with this too.

I've also found myself drinking a ton more water. Not sure if I consider this a bad thing, as it's always good to hydrate. But I just wasn't expecting to get a dry mouth with this.

I'm gong to give this another week to see if the fatigue improves. If it doesn't I'm going to have to call my doctor to see what we can do differently. Maybe take it at night instead of in the AM?
 

vj288

not actually Fiona Apple
It's been 9 days of taking Prozac regularly. It's been good, it's been bad, but it's mostly been good.

The good: I don't care. I'm finding myself not caring about things I normally would be freaking out about. For example, I made a couple dumb mistakes at work this week. (This is also a bad side effect I'll elaborate more in a bit) Just simple stupid mistakes. Like I accidentally entered 4 whole rows of data under the wrong tab in an Excel worksheet and I didn't even catch it until right before the end of my shift. Normally, I would've been internally cursing myself wondering how I could be so stupid and how detrimental it would've been for the next person to notice and have to fix my mistakes If I didn't catch it. But instead my thought process was, "Oh crap. That doesn't belong there." *fixes mistake* "I don't know how I went the whole day without catching that, but it's fixed now." *moves on to next task*

Mr. Phoenixx has been so busy with work this week he's barely talked to me. Normally I'd be pretty upset about this and my anxiety would kick in and my brain would start cycling with all the bad thoughts: that he suddenly hates me, doesn't love me anymore, only cares about his job, etc. etc. This week I haven't even cared. I've missed him, sure. But I'm able to accept that it's just work. That's it. Just work. Just business. Nothing more.

I have also been talking to my coworkers more. I was starting to do this prior to medication, as I am feeling much more comfortable at work now that I've been there almost 6 months now. But talking with them always left my heart racing or myself wondering what I should say next, regardless of feeling comfortable in my position. Now I'm able to talk to them without feeling so nervous.

Overall I feel pretty chill most of the time and not so frustrated and anxious.


The bad: The fatigue is brutal. Ugh, all I want to do is sleep. I slept for almost 9 hours last night and I feel like I could sleep more. I can't stop yawning because of this either. I find myself wanting to just camp out on the couch most of the day until it's time to go to work, because I feel like that's all I have the energy for. I'm also making little mistakes and missing little details at work because I'm so tired. The fatigue and yawning comes and goes throughout the day. When I don't get enough sleep and take the med, I get wicked tension headaches. I also keep getting wicked tension headaches in the afternoon with a pounding heartbeat. Yesterday I started eating more salty foods and immediately noticed a difference. SSRIs are apparently known for depleting sodium, but seems to only be a concern in elderly. But I personally have always had issues keeping up on my minerals, and sodium too (I also naturally have lower blood pressure than most which I think is a sign) -- and having gaps in my diet from food allergies and intolerances doesn't help either -- so I've made it routine to start taking multimineral supplements and increase my sodium intake with this too.

I've also found myself drinking a ton more water. Not sure if I consider this a bad thing, as it's always good to hydrate. But I just wasn't expecting to get a dry mouth with this.

I'm gong to give this another week to see if the fatigue improves. If it doesn't I'm going to have to call my doctor to see what we can do differently. Maybe take it at night instead of in the AM?
I took Prozac years ago, and had the same reaction in regards to sleep. When I started it I would take it in the morning, go to class, and come home to take a nap basically every day. The suggestion I received was to take it at night, and while I wasn't napping midday anymore, I was still sleeping 10-12 hours per night. If your schedule allows it that's not necessarily a bad thing, but it got to me after a while.
 

Phoenixx

Well-known member
I took Prozac years ago, and had the same reaction in regards to sleep. When I started it I would take it in the morning, go to class, and come home to take a nap basically every day. The suggestion I received was to take it at night, and while I wasn't napping midday anymore, I was still sleeping 10-12 hours per night. If your schedule allows it that's not necessarily a bad thing, but it got to me after a while.
Are you taking anything for your anxiety now? I'm hoping I can push through this fatigue because when I'm not feeling tired I feel really good with it. It's so relieving not having mood swings or racing thoughts or being on edge all the time.
 

Phoenixx

Well-known member
Day 18 of taking Prozac. So far so good! The fatigue is starting to even itself out. I'm tired, but not like I was previously. I don't feel the urge to take naps frequently or sleep in as long. Granted, I am starting to sleep in 30 - 60 mins. longer in the mornings, but I wake up feeling fairly okay. The tension headaches still come and go but aren't as painful as they were. The yawning is still there but also not as frequent. Still drinking a lot of water throughout the day though, but I'm fine with that.

A few times this week I was back to waking up at 5am again with anxiety. Not racing thoughts prior to medication, but still "issues" cycling through my head. These things I'm putting on the backburner are obviously bothering me, so I really should take the time at that hour to just make a note in my phone to actually address later and maybe it'll help me fall back asleep faster.

Motivation has still been hard, but now that I'm not feeling so fatigued, I'm hoping my motivation will start to come back and I can actually get some basic errands done that have been piling up around the house.

I did manage to finally finish up some online shopping that's been pestering me all week. My doggo's birthday is coming up and I've been nagging myself to get her something special for finally reaching adulthood, even though she still acts like a puppy some days haha. She'll be outfitted with a nice new collar and I have a couple new types of toys coming in for her. She likes variety so I think she'll like these toys I picked out.

I wish my cat got as excited about gift receiving on her birthday. She just turned 7 last week, hard to believe it's been that long since I took her home from the shelter as a little kitten. I got her some catnip bubbles which she just looked at out of vague interest, but then walked away. (The dog really liked them though!) :LOL: I also got her a window sill perch that she actually does enjoy. So hey, I did something right haha. She's such a finicky queen of a cat. Likes cheap things, but they also have to be quality, and gimmicks aren't really her thing. Cheap simple cat toys like springs and fuzzy mice, big empty boxes, plush blankets, and good quality tuna/seafood flavored wet foods are her favorite things. But she already has those things everyday, so I try to do different. Sometimes I win, sometimes I get *that look*. :rolleyes:๐Ÿ˜„
 

PugofCrydee

You want to know how I got these scars?
Day 18 of taking Prozac. So far so good! The fatigue is starting to even itself out. I'm tired, but not like I was previously. I don't feel the urge to take naps frequently or sleep in as long. Granted, I am starting to sleep in 30 - 60 mins. longer in the mornings, but I wake up feeling fairly okay. The tension headaches still come and go but aren't as painful as they were. The yawning is still there but also not as frequent. Still drinking a lot of water throughout the day though, but I'm fine with that.

A few times this week I was back to waking up at 5am again with anxiety. Not racing thoughts prior to medication, but still "issues" cycling through my head. These things I'm putting on the backburner are obviously bothering me, so I really should take the time at that hour to just make a note in my phone to actually address later and maybe it'll help me fall back asleep faster.

Motivation has still been hard, but now that I'm not feeling so fatigued, I'm hoping my motivation will start to come back and I can actually get some basic errands done that have been piling up around the house.

I did manage to finally finish up some online shopping that's been pestering me all week. My doggo's birthday is coming up and I've been nagging myself to get her something special for finally reaching adulthood, even though she still acts like a puppy some days haha. She'll be outfitted with a nice new collar and I have a couple new types of toys coming in for her. She likes variety so I think she'll like these toys I picked out.

I wish my cat got as excited about gift receiving on her birthday. She just turned 7 last week, hard to believe it's been that long since I took her home from the shelter as a little kitten. I got her some catnip bubbles which she just looked at out of vague interest, but then walked away. (The dog really liked them though!) :LOL: I also got her a window sill perch that she actually does enjoy. So hey, I did something right haha. She's such a finicky queen of a cat. Likes cheap things, but they also have to be quality, and gimmicks aren't really her thing. Cheap simple cat toys like springs and fuzzy mice, big empty boxes, plush blankets, and good quality tuna/seafood flavored wet foods are her favorite things. But she already has those things everyday, so I try to do different. Sometimes I win, sometimes I get *that look*. :rolleyes:๐Ÿ˜„
Glad to hear you're having some success with your treatment. In regards to your cat and the big empty boxes, this is so true, what is it with empty boxes and cats?? ๐Ÿ˜‚ Young kids are the same, give them a present and they play with the box! ๐Ÿ˜†
 

Phoenixx

Well-known member
Glad to hear you're having some success with your treatment. In regards to your cat and the big empty boxes, this is so true, what is it with empty boxes and cats?? ๐Ÿ˜‚ Young kids are the same, give them a present and they play with the box! ๐Ÿ˜†
I really don't know. I know not all cats like boxes either. Sterling doesn't care for them, and the cat I had before him, she really didn't like them and I don't know why. Venus, my oldest, loves boxes and the bigger the better for her lol.

I remember playing in big boxes and totes as a kid too. I don't know why I did either besides crawling around on the floor with it over me. ๐Ÿ˜‚ Guess I thought I was a turtle or something.
 

PugofCrydee

You want to know how I got these scars?
I remember once my mum bought a new fridge and I had the box afterwards.My friends went and got these other huge boxes (I don't know why they also had huge boxes) and we set them all up at the local park. We must have had like 15 refrigerator and washing machine sized boxes.. was an awesome afternoon ๐Ÿ˜‚
 

vj288

not actually Fiona Apple
Are you taking anything for your anxiety now? I'm hoping I can push through this fatigue because when I'm not feeling tired I feel really good with it. It's so relieving not having mood swings or racing thoughts or being on edge all the time.
I'm not on anything at the moment. It sounds like the meds are getting better for you though, that's great!
 

Phoenixx

Well-known member
One week before my menstrual cycle is supposed to start. This is coming up to the real test of taking this Prozac. So far I have been really surprised by very little PMS/PMDD symptoms this week. I haven't had any heart palpitations, anger, feelings of dread or over-exhaustion. I have had a couple headaches this week, but nothing excruciating. I've craved chocolate and salty foods as I normally do during this time, so I've been treating myself to cookies and such while still being mindful of healthy foods during the day. I had one day of the blahs and feeling depressed so far this week, and had a few days of anxiety with racing thoughts at 5am and having trouble getting back to sleep. Because of that my fatigue came back in spurts where I needed to take a nap in the mid-morning before work but then I felt good afterwards. On my anxious days I felt uncomfortable at work and didn't want to talk to anyone, but I mustered through and forced myself to at least attempt conversations with some people at work. Overall, I'm really glad this medication has been making such a difference. While I don't feel happier, I feel content. I feel I can motivate myself to get all the things done finally. I feel I can keep getting those things done without having to "take a break" to distract myself because my brain won't quit. I no longer feel exhausted because of my well-being, I just feel tired some days because I'm *actually* physically tired. Not mentally tired, not feeling burned out on the inside.

Since last Wednesday I've done all my usual errands around the house and grocery shopping, plus I managed to get my one flower bed completely cleaned out of weeds and dead stalks, pruned my hibiscus bush and one of the blueberry bushes, and cleared out half of the large flower bed outside the bedroom window. (I would've done the whole thing, but the bugs were really bad since we're back to being warm and humid again, so I stopped early.) On top of that I had 4 hours of overtime at work and managed to still get some some online clothes shopping done and slowly work my way through the end of Dragon Quest Builders 2 (which I'm still working on and hopefully can finish soon).

I think this is the most activity I've done in a work week in a long time. Not since spring or beginning of summer. I know "normal" people can do all these things and then some on an average basis, but I'm really freaking proud of myself for all I've gotten done.

I also think combining this medication with the supplements I'm taking has been helping a ton too. I am taking calcium/magnesium + zinc, fish oil, and B-vitamin complex supplements with the Prozac in the morning. I started tracking my macro- and micro-nutrient intakes again too, so I can see where I could be improving with my diet and what other gaps I have to fill.

It's kind of sad that I went to college for nutrition, have dealt with food and nutrition my whole life because I have had to and wanted to, but yet I have fallen off this wagon more times than I can count, and then I wonder why I'm so depressed and anxious all the time. I mean, nutrition isn't and wasn't ever the sole cure for my conditions, but it helps a lot. I guess a part of me feels like I'm some sort of fraud when I can't even follow what I've studied and preached for so long. But at the same time I refuse to kick myself because depression and anxiety, especially combined, is such a sick cycle to get trapped in that you lose all sight of your health entirely anyways. I just hope I can continue to keep this up and not fall off the wagon again.

My brother has also been improving his health, much to my surprise. He quit drinking 2 weeks ago and unfortunately has had some pretty bad side effects he's pushing through. (I knew he liked his beer and hard ciders but I really didn't realize how much of an actual alcoholic he was) He has been eating home cooked meals with actual vegetables and whole grains and has started to take Vitamin D to try to help his depression. He even started aromatherapy at night to help him sleep. (Whaaaat?? Who the hell is this person???) He's considering an antidepressant, but wants to do all these changes first. Pretty sure he's still chewing and he's definitely still eating out quite a bit as pizza is his favorite and never grows tired of it. But hell, gotta give him credit for making all those changes in such a short time! Holy shit! I still wonder what caused him to change, as he has always been stuck in his ways. But alas, that's his business. I am actually happy for him though. I don't think I've ever said that before honestly. I like to think maybe he'll be less ignorant or bitter now too, but hey baby steps. I actually decided to take a shot in the dark yesterday and ask him for help with a possible future house project. I fully expected him to say no or not even answer my text, but he actually texted me back questions about what I needed help with and didn't talk down to me when I couldn't answer a question as I really am not the smartest with house stuffs.

I have tomorrow off from work too, so I'm hoping to keep the ball rolling with getting things done. It's almost weird to me to be doing so much without feeling mentally exhausted, but I'm enjoying it a lot. :)
 

Phoenixx

Well-known member
It's been a long week. Have had a lot going on in a short period of time. I had to take my cat to the vet on Monday. For the past 3 - 4 weeks now she's been having sneezing and coughing fits. I originally thought it was from a caught hairball when it first started, but after no improvement with hairball gel I figured she must have a cold of some sort. Turns out she has a double ear infection that has been backing up into her sinuses. It was a nasty hot, wet, humid summer, and it's still lingering even into fall, so I suspect that's what caused the infection to flare to begin with. If it was a simple kitty cold, 1) she would've been over it by now, and 2) Sterling would've been sick too. He's been fine, thankfully. So my troublemaker got "tortured" at the vet with antibiotics and medicine shoved in both ears. She fought on that last procedure. I always feel bad for the techs and vets that have to handle her. I wish she wasn't such a fighter, and I wish she liked other people or at least was a little nicer. But even with her fighting, the vet said she did well lol. She's had worse experiences with her unfortunately, but I think me finally being allowed in the room and holding her while the vet got set up helped calm her down ever so slightly.

She's been doing a lot better since then. She still has some sneezing and coughing, but no where near like she was doing. Her eyes are brighter now and she's back to being her curious self with me, always wanting to be in the middle of whatever I'm doing. She has to go back to the vet in 2 weeks for a follow up. That appointment shouldn't be so bad lol.

After going to the vet on Monday, I had to work 12 hours and didn't get home til 3am. That was a long freaking day. It wiped me out all day Tuesday, which I thankfully had off. Just sucks too though because I literally got nothing done that I wanted to do.

I also haven't seen Mr. Phoenixx much in a few weeks as the end-of-season work has his company scrambling to tie up loose ends. He's worked 6 days a week for 3 weeks in a row. Of course the one Saturday (tomorrow) he doesn't have to work I have to go in early and work another 12-hr shift. Ah well. At least next week will be much easier. I have no overtime, no 12 hr shifts, and I get my 3-day weekend with him.

Next weekend we're going to visit with friends. We haven't seen each other in over a year, and now that we're all vaccinated and no one is sick, we can finally hang out again. My one friend just bought a new house last month, so we'll all be staying there and having dinner. I'm happy for her and I'm so excited to see them. While we're gone my mom is coming to pet sit for us. It's only for one night so I'm not too worried about anything happening. I just hope Willow isn't too rambunctious with my mom.

Yesterday I got my hair cut after another whole year of not cutting it. It really needed it and it feels so good! While I was in town I went to my parents' house to visit since I hadn't been there in a few months and my mom wanted to make lunch. I actually saw my dad and he talked with me for a little bit. He seemed to be in a good mood and he actually seemed happy to see me for once. We chatted for a good half hour before he had to leave for work. I continued to hang out there for a couple hours before I had to leave too. Overall it was an actual decent visit to my parents. No one parent bitching about the other, no one talking over the other person or interrupting, no one complaining about anything whatsoever. Too bad all those visits couldn't be that way.
 

Phoenixx

Well-known member
Had a really lovely 3 day weekend that I've needed for a while. Unfortunately Friday wasn't the most ideal of circumstances though, as Mr. Phoenixx and I had to go to the calling hours for his sister-in-law's grandfather who passed last week. While we were in town we stopped to see his parents too, and of course we saw our beagle who's had quite the rough month apparently. She went to the vet a couple weeks back after my mother-in-law found a tick on her despite being medicated and she started showing symptoms of not feeling so good. Tested positive for anaplasmas, so she's been on another round of antibiotics because of that. They checked her heart again which they found that the left side is only working 40% now, basically fully confirming that she now has heart failure, so they put her on another heart medication for that -- so she's up to 2 heart medications now a day. We're a little annoyed his parents never contacted us to tell us what was going on, and they're refusing us to pay them for her medical bills now, even though that was the agreement made last year when they took her in for us. We know money is tight for them, but I really wish they would swallow their pride once in a while and let us help them financially.

Honestly I'm not too surprised by her diagnosis though. I was expecting this at some point, ever since she got diagnosed with her heart murmur a few years back. She will be 16 in January. 16 years for a beagle is actually past their average lifespan. She's lived a long life, and while she has had a handful of issues, I think she's lived a pretty darn good life thus far too. I can only hope that when it is her time, she will pass peacefully in her sleep and not wind up sick or suffering from anything else.

Saturday we drove 2 hours north to visit some friends and we stayed at their place for the weekend. Ended up celebrating all 3 holidays in one weekend without really planning it lol. We originally got together to have an early "friendsgiving" since we hadn't seen each other in over a year. I brought gifts along because I wanted to, but they also did the same which was cool. So that was like a little Christmas for all of us. My friend also bought pumpkins for us to carve and we did that yesterday, so there's Halloween. We stayed at their house the entire time, didn't go anywhere because the weather was cold and rainy, but I didn't mind. I really liked spending time in their new place and it's lit a small fire under my rear to get back to working on our place.
 

Phoenixx

Well-known member
I've been learning a new job at work and honestly I'm really hating it. It's a different tech position and I'm really only learning it for coverage on my shift when needed, so hopefully I don't have to work it too often. I'm finding this particular tech job to be like a "gofer" job. Do this, do that, go here, go there -- all piddly work with no true testing or data entry and no being in one spot for very long. There's a couple random tests on some samples you do, but it's all cross-checking. It's not even true testing, imo. You have a set of results you're expecting to get and if you don't get anything similar to those numbers, then it's out of your hands and you have to submit paperwork to the foreperson for the next day. You run and grab other samples for the IP tech to test, and you calibrate meters for other departments as well as some simple calibrations for other equipment in the main lab. Then do random cleaning, cover breaks for the person in the other lab, sanitize equipment for other departments, make any needed testing solutions for the main lab, etc. Like I said, all piddly work. And the work is random every single day so it's been making training a little difficult. Nothing is all that consistent. Plus the woman who's training me is pretty terrible. Don't get me wrong, I really enjoy working with her, but she's just not a good trainer. She's all over the place with her teaching, starting one thing and then interrupting that task with something else, and she can't explain the *why* to anything I'm doing. Just how to do it. I need consistency to learn. I need a reason behind what I'm doing, otherwise it's pointless to me. I also need some freaking peace and quiet too. She and the other worker are always blabbing, the radio is always on, and because the one piece of equipment down to the other lab is currently out of service, all production operators need to come into the lab to use our equipment to run their samples on, so there's that activity going on too. People constantly in and out. It's so distracting I'm finding myself getting really overwhelmed.

I also got a little pissed off last night too. A high priority sample came in for testing which needs to be divided up into multiple smaller samples and microtabs placed in only certain bags. It's rare I do this particular procedure as it's almost always on third shift and not on second. I couldn't remember which bags needed the microtabs so I asked my trainer. She said, "All but third party." So that's what I did and placed the one we needed in the warming bath prior to testing. The other coworker (the one I was having issues with at the beginning of summer, but has otherwise been somewhat okay to work with even though I still do not like her) went to run it and said right off the bat, "We can't use this. You're not supposed to put tabs in here." I looked at my trainer and I asked her that I thought she said all but third party. "No we don't put tabs in the sample bag either." In the back of my mind I knew this but I second guessed myself in the moment trying to remember everything else and that's why I had asked. So then it was a whole ordeal with this girl about how we can't run the sample and didn't know what to do. My trainer just calmly told her to grab the third party and split half of it off, no big deal. She later apologized to me and said, "Sorry I confused you about that." That really didn't make me feel better. Sorry you confused me? No, you flat out told me wrong and you didn't admit to your mistake and I felt you made me look like an idiot. Lesson learned, I'm not going to even bother asking questions anymore. I think today I will tell her to sit back and let me go through the motions myself. I have a much easier time trying to figure things out myself and put the pieces together than getting ran all over hell being told to do this then that.

This is why I rarely ask for help. Because it's easier for me to figure it out myself and make my own mistakes and correct myself rather than have someone tell me wrong and make me look dumb. ๐Ÿ˜‘
 

Phoenixx

Well-known member
I very stupidly started opening old wounds today. I don't know why I do this to myself. I feel dumb, frustrated, pissed off.

So I downloaded the FB app back to my phone this week because I needed to make a post to get rid of a drake I have. I have one too many and he needs to go. It was easier to do it this way through my phone than trying to use the website because desktop and mobile web FB is absolute garbage. Anywho, instead of getting rid of the app immediately like I should have, I kept it on my phone since I haven't been on in a while. Curiosity got the best of me and I looked at my old workplace's social media page.

Out of the education materials and website links they shared, they shared a post about mold illness and how sometimes it can even have bad reactions in people with allergies and whatnot. Are you fucking serious? Never listened to me when I worked there, never looked into the issue that I told you what it was, gaslighted me into blaming it on my own household when it wasn't the case, and I spent over 4 months seeking answers and then got reprimanded when I didn't follow *YOUR* protocol because I knew it wasn't right. AND NOW you're posting about this issue?

I don't know the context, maybe everyone else eventually got sick too, and now they came around to what the hell I was talking about 1 1/2 years ago. A part of me hopes that's the case, sadly enough. I hope they did suffer like I did. I feel like I want some sort of revenge so badly for how I was treated I just can't get past it. I'm not a person to seek revenge. It's a waste of time, imo. I'm usually one to let karma sort these things out. And maybe karma is still coming. I don't know.

Another thing that also really made me mad is that I saw this past summer they started offering courses in meal planning, nutrition label analysis, and help with grocery shopping for those with new diets due to medical reasons and have to avoid certain ingredients. I brought up these exact ideas (these ideas weren't even changed in the slightest) nearly 2 years ago, right before the pandemic, right before I got sick, wanting to implement this to the public and have it be my own program. My ideas were recorded and I was told we'd revisit them. The pandemic would've been a perfect time to implement ONLINE COURSES OF THIS. I received no other updates regarding them, then I got sick, then I got laid off, and I didn't get asked about how I was feeling, how anything was going, or told any news what was happening with work. I was told to basically stay home and collect unemployment. This is why I ended up quitting too. Not just because I couldn't physically go back and work there, but I also was just tossed aside like I didn't matter and that I feel I wasted 5 years of my life trying to build professional relationships and a career I thought I wanted.

That's the keyword too: thought. At one point in my life, I think I would've done this as a career, but since I've grown I'm glad I didn't go that direction. I really can't handle the therapeutic side to that field. I suck at it, to put it bluntly. I'm just not a very empathetic person, or rather I cannot convey that easily at all. I may feel it on the inside, but I cannot express it well at all. I also get tired of talking to people constantly on a daily basis. I can't stand working right next to a boss, or a narcissistic one at that. I cannot stand being watched or micromanaged. I like to be able to breathe and do my own thing.

I know I'm frustrated, but one thing I know they can't do as well is execute any of these ideas properly. They may have the talking down, but not the execution or the science. I know where my skills lie and I don't know anyone else my age in my now previous field that can develop recipes for specific conditions and have them come out just as well like I can. I don't know anyone else that understands the chemistry involved and how ingredients react with one another and what to expect when you change those things. I have over 12 years of my own personal experience doing that, plus over 3 years food manufacturing experience. Analyzing nutrition and ingredient labels is more than just looking at numbers and big words. (And don't even come at it from the "if you can't pronounce it don't eat it" BS perspective. God I hate that.) You have to understand where those percentages come from, how ingredients are labeled certain ways, and just because it doesn't have big bold letters at the bottom for allergens doesn't mean it doesn't contain allergens. (That is sketchy as hell too) Understanding FDA labeling requirements (IMO) is essential to teaching why it's presented the way it is and how the general public can read that. I'm no expert at any of these things, but I have a shit ton more education and experience on any of these things than they do combined, even though I'm half the age of them.

Alas, I shouldn't be mad. Let them take those ideas. I wasn't using them anyway. Besides, if they fail, it'll be their own doing. *shrug*

Side note: I know those ideas aren't necessarily unique or new to the nutrition field. Some clinics do offer some of those things in one form or another, especially the nutrition label analysis and meal planning. One thing a lot of clinics don't offer, or at least in my area and surrounding areas, are one-on-one shopping guides for those newly diagnosed with diet changes based on medical conditions. Most newly diagnosed patients/clients have to do the work themselves. It's incredibly helpful to have a partner to help you shop as it can be really overwhelming making general diet changes. That's one of the major ideas I came up with and wanted to implement when I worked there. It just really pisses me off to see them doing that now, after I already left, and not even changing this idea in the slightest. They literally are using it exactly how I stated it would go. Meet up with said client, bring informational materials and a small grocery list, and guide them through the store and explain how certain products differ from what they're used to and how they can be substituted. For example, newly diagnosed diabetic needs to change to sugar substitutes -- show them options and explain how they can use them and what they can expect with cooking or baking with said ingredients too. Most of this is covered when a client or patient gets nutritional counseling at a center or clinic, but it's one thing to be talked to and shown words on paper than it is to actually be shown and guided. That is the most major thing I wanted to implement and focus on when I worked there. Believe me when I say they would've never came up with any of these ideas if I hadn't brought it up. They're not that creative or smart really. It also makes me mad because they are very much a money-first business. They make it sound like they're not, but they very much are. Money first, client's health second.
 
Last edited:

theoutsider

Well-known member
I very stupidly started opening old wounds today. I don't know why I do this to myself. I feel dumb, frustrated, pissed off.

So I downloaded the FB app back to my phone this week because I needed to make a post to get rid of a drake I have. I have one too many and he needs to go. It was easier to do it this way through my phone than trying to use the website because desktop and mobile web FB is absolute garbage. Anywho, instead of getting rid of the app immediately like I should have, I kept it on my phone since I haven't been on in a while. Curiosity got the best of me and I looked at my old workplace's social media page.

Out of the education materials and website links they shared, they shared a post about mold illness and how sometimes it can even have bad reactions in people with allergies and whatnot. Are you fucking serious? Never listened to me when I worked there, never looked into the issue that I told you what it was, gaslighted me into blaming it on my own household when it wasn't the case, and I spent over 4 months seeking answers and then got reprimanded when I didn't follow *YOUR* protocol because I knew it wasn't right. AND NOW you're posting about this issue?

I don't know the context, maybe everyone else eventually got sick too, and now they came around to what the hell I was talking about 1 1/2 years ago. A part of me hopes that's the case, sadly enough. I hope they did suffer like I did. I feel like I want some sort of revenge so badly for how I was treated I just can't get past it. I'm not a person to seek revenge. It's a waste of time, imo. I'm usually one to let karma sort these things out. And maybe karma is still coming. I don't know.

Another thing that also really made me mad is that I saw this past summer they started offering courses in meal planning, nutrition label analysis, and help with grocery shopping for those with new diets due to medical reasons and have to avoid certain ingredients. I brought up these exact ideas (these ideas weren't even changed in the slightest) nearly 2 years ago, right before the pandemic, right before I got sick, wanting to implement this to the public and have it be my own program. My ideas were recorded and I was told we'd revisit them. The pandemic would've been a perfect time to implement ONLINE COURSES OF THIS. I received no other updates regarding them, then I got sick, then I got laid off, and I didn't get asked about how I was feeling, how anything was going, or told any news what was happening with work. I was told to basically stay home and collect unemployment. This is why I ended up quitting too. Not just because I couldn't physically go back and work there, but I also was just tossed aside like I didn't matter and that I feel I wasted 5 years of my life trying to build professional relationships and a career I thought I wanted.

That's the keyword too: thought. At one point in my life, I think I would've done this as a career, but since I've grown I'm glad I didn't go that direction. I really can't handle the therapeutic side to that field. I suck at it, to put it bluntly. I'm just not a very empathetic person, or rather I cannot convey that easily at all. I may feel it on the inside, but I cannot express it well at all. I also get tired of talking to people constantly on a daily basis. I can't stand working right next to a boss, or a narcissistic one at that. I cannot stand being watched or micromanaged. I like to be able to breathe and do my own thing.

I know I'm frustrated, but one thing I know they can't do as well is execute any of these ideas properly. They may have the talking down, but not the execution or the science. I know where my skills lie and I don't know anyone else my age in my now previous field that can develop recipes for specific conditions and have them come out just as well like I can. I don't know anyone else that understands the chemistry involved and how ingredients react with one another and what to expect when you change those things. I have over 12 years of my own personal experience doing that, plus over 3 years food manufacturing experience. Analyzing nutrition and ingredient labels is more than just looking at numbers and big words. (And don't even come at it from the "if you can't pronounce it don't eat it" BS perspective. God I hate that.) You have to understand where those percentages come from, how ingredients are labeled certain ways, and just because it doesn't have big bold letters at the bottom for allergens doesn't mean it doesn't contain allergens. (That is sketchy as hell too) Understanding FDA labeling requirements (IMO) is essential to teaching why it's presented the way it is and how the general public can read that. I'm no expert at any of these things, but I have a shit ton more education and experience on any of these things than they do combined, even though I'm half the age of them.

Alas, I shouldn't be mad. Let them take those ideas. I wasn't using them anyway. Besides, if they fail, it'll be their own doing. *shrug*

Side note: I know those ideas aren't necessarily unique or new to the nutrition field. Some clinics do offer some of those things in one form or another, especially the nutrition label analysis and meal planning. One thing a lot of clinics don't offer, or at least in my area and surrounding areas, are one-on-one shopping guides for those newly diagnosed with diet changes based on medical conditions. Most newly diagnosed patients/clients have to do the work themselves. It's incredibly helpful to have a partner to help you shop as it can be really overwhelming making general diet changes. That's one of the major ideas I came up with and wanted to implement when I worked there. It just really pisses me off to see them doing that now, after I already left, and not even changing this idea in the slightest. They literally are using it exactly how I stated it would go. Meet up with said client, bring informational materials and a small grocery list, and guide them through the store and explain how certain products differ from what they're used to and how they can be substituted. For example, newly diagnosed diabetic needs to change to sugar substitutes -- show them options and explain how they can use them and what they can expect with cooking or baking with said ingredients too. Most of this is covered when a client or patient gets nutritional counseling at a center or clinic, but it's one thing to be talked to and shown words on paper than it is to actually be shown and guided. That is the most major thing I wanted to implement and focus on when I worked there. Believe me when I say they would've never came up with any of these ideas if I hadn't brought it up. They're not that creative or smart really. It also makes me mad because they are very much a money-first business. They make it sound like they're not, but they very much are. Money first, client's health second.
Since it's on their FB page, I'd make a post thanking them for finally taking YOUR ideas seriously and implementing them. Maybe you can give exact dates when you proposed them or a pretty close approximation. This would be purely for your satisfaction as I'm sure whoever at the company reads your post would deny they didn't listen to you and only moved on the ideas after you'd left and they probably wouldn't think you'd see it. This is just a way of you letting them know you saw what they did there and that it didn't go unnoticed. After all, what are they going to do? They can't write you up or otherwise reprimand you. You've already left.
 
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