Just wondering, did you always have SA/SP?

[UnOccupied]

For me, the answers NO.

Ok, i was always shy, but when i was younger, i could pretty much talk to anyone, without thinking anything was wrong with me. I used to talk on the phone for hours on end when i was younger to pretty girls. They all used to like me too, it is so strange how it all just went away.

I almost feel like i am still the same person i was, im just overly critical of myself now. Whereas when i was younger, i was shy, but didn't really think negatively of it. Now, when i am shy, or theyr'es a pause in a conversation, i get so overwhelmed, and think there must be something totally wrong with me.

How do you feel about this?

 

[Pacific_Loner]

Yessss, I always did. I don't remember not being like this. I don't know what it would be like.

 

[A friend]

I don't know if I always had it or not. But I'm guessing that was always the case. I've always had the shyness thing, and the anxiety. It is not a happy thing to experience...

 

[Taciturn]

For as long as I can remember, I have had it. Even when I was like 3. We would would baby vidoes of us all and while my cousins would play, I would be in the corner not making a sound and looking miserable. :: Ah well.

I think for those who did not have SA when they were very young, I guess it's because as you get older, you perceive more and lose your frivolity. I siuppose that's obvious though.

 

[lurknomore]

I know I've always been shy, but I'm not sure that the anxiety really kicked in until fourth grade when my family moved and I started at a new school... the avoidance/distancing may have always been there, I'm not really sure.

 

[Phoenixx]

Ok, i was always shy, but when i was younger, i could pretty much talk to anyone, without thinking anything was wrong with me.

^ I was the same exact way when I was younger. I always did my own thing, without focusing so much on what everyone else thought. For me, SA started around 13 or so when I started to get teased and bullied. I still get teased now, but not as bad. However my SA has progressively gotten worse because of this. :/

 

[Kristina223]

Noo. When I was younger, I was just shy. Shy, but had lots of friends. 'Till 8th grade, I was the "popular" one in our class. But when I started high school, everything changed. I was shy, yes, but was still able to socialize quite normally. ::

 

[Stepan]

Yes, always...
I dont know when it went so horribly wrong, maybe it was the bullying at primary school, death of my brother, or my not-really-warm-loving mum who raised me...
I actually dont understand people who are posting here saying their SA started couple years ago or something, and before that they were completely normal...
I have always been like this, not much friends, not much to say...

 

[UnOccupied]

Hey guys and girls, thanks a lot for the replies. It is good to get others perspective on a matter like this.


I was very interested in your response Kristina:

Noo. When I was younger, I was just shy. Shy, but had lots of friends. 'Till 8th grade, I was the "popular" one in our class. But when I started high school, everything changed. I was shy, yes, but was still able to socialize quite normally. ::

I was the same way when i was younger. I was quite popular, lots of friends, girls, guys, good at sports, the whole works. I think my dads personality really started to take a hold of me, and things just got worse after i was in the 10th grade.

Would you mind sharing some more of your experiences with going from being social to being socially anxious? For instance, life experiences, causes of the root anxiety, etc.

Thanks again all for replying, i hope to hear more responses!

 

[Tiercel]

I was always shy and quiet, but my SA didn't start until I was out of high school for 3 years.

I was shy, quiet, and long-haired. And I showed up at the start of junior year as far as my classmates were concerned. Oh, and I was 2-3 years older than them and obviously not an idiot. It was rough, especially after my younger brother graduated a year ahead of me.

For the first 3 months of my senior year I sat alone at lunch time. Then one of my female classmates took pity on me and asked me to sit with her. Although she once wiped ranch dressing on my face, I sat at that table until the end of June....

And evened the score with a handful of cake at the National Honor Society picnic.

After that it's really just been all downhill, unfortunately. Except maybe for the time I split my tights during a swordfight at a gay pirate party. But that was to be expected....

 

[Minty]

Yes. I thought it was absolutely normal until I learned about SA. I thought everyone felt the way I did but they just had better attitudes towards socializing. I didn't realize my fear responses were abnormal. My mom always said I was a quiet baby and when I was older, I would run into my room and sometimes hide in the closet when strangers came to visit.

I've just always been very scared of people.

It would be a neat experience to not have SA for one day, just to compare, because I honestly can't fathom what it would be like.

 

[Kristina223]

Would you mind sharing some more of your experiences with going from being social to being socially anxious? For instance, life experiences, causes of the root anxiety, etc.

Well, as I've already said, I was able to socialize very well within our class. We were forced to socialize and I did that very well. So, around 8th grade, "just the class" wasn't enough anymore. People started to go out to clubs, bars ... and that's where I kind of failed. My 3 best friends were able to talk with complete strangers without any problems, but I wasn't. In class it was different, we knew we will have to spend a lot of time together, but here ... they were strangers who had nothing to do with you. And if you approached them, that meant that you must like them ... why else would you pick them? So the first few times in clubs I just sat there while my friends were making-out with guys they met the same night. And after some time, I quit going with them. I just didn't want to experience that "sitting-quietly-in-a-corner-while-everybody's-making-out" feeling again. I was still a good friend with all of my classmates, but that was all. And then, high school came ... complete strangers. I closed up and didn't even try to socialize. I knew we will have to spend a lot of time together, but I just couldn't do anything. I was afraid of rejection (even though rejection never happened to me before, because I never tried). I guess my "club experiences" just messed me up by that time ...

(I apologize for any possible mistakes, I'm not that great at English)

 

[Chriiss]

I have a pretty similar experience to Kristina.
I was quite sociable up until about 14 but as soon as puberty and girls came about I pretty much crawled under a rock. I was scared to go to partys for that fear of all mates pulling girls while I sat watching. Also my friends made other friends and I just sat back and stayed quiet and eventually there not really friends anymore. The fear of rejection by my school mates made me Quiet.

 

[Feathers]

Well, as I've already said, I was able to socialize very well within our class. We were forced to socialize and I did that very well. So, around 8th grade, "just the class" wasn't enough anymore. People started to go out to clubs, bars ... and that's where I kind of failed. My 3 best friends were able to talk with complete strangers without any problems, but I wasn't. In class it was different, we knew we will have to spend a lot of time together, but here ... they were strangers who had nothing to do with you. And if you approached them, that meant that you must like them ... why else would you pick them? So the first few times in clubs I just sat there while my friends were making-out with guys they met the same night. And after some time, I quit going with them. I just didn't want to experience that "sitting-quietly-in-a-corner-while-everybody's-making-out" feeling again. I was still good friend with all of my classmates, but that was all. And then, high school came ... complete strangers. I closed up and didn't even try to socialize. I knew we will have to spend a lot of time together, but I just couldn't do anything. I was afraid of rejection (even though rejection never happened to me before, because I never tried). I guess my "club experiences" just messed me up by that time ...

(I apologize for any possible mistakes, I'm not that great at English)

oh gosh, Kristina, you really had some bad experiences...? They just left you alone, all of them?? When we went out with friends at university (or even before, in high school), we usually made sure there were a bunch of us, and at least some stayed together, even if a few drifted apart..
It just means you are a girl with morals and principles, I guess...?
It really depends what kind of people you go to clubs/dancing with...
Know that even if you had bad club experiences, some people are different... Hope you will find the strength to open up to people again, and find good reliable people to have fun with...

Oh, and I didn't always have SA either. Was said to be a 'lively' kid, who had no problem talking to complete strangers.

 

[takethislife]

I'm not so sure. I think I've always been more introverted but i kinda didn't realise it until 7.-8. grade. I definitely realised it in high school.

 

[Looking_in105]

I've always had it. Always nervous in social situations, avoiding social events like the plague. Always had a nervous feeling in my stomach. : (

However thankfully there a quite a few things I can now do fairly easily than before i.e. eating in public.

I feel my SA gets worse when people keep pointing out/telling me how shy and nervous I am....

 

[panicsurvivor]

I don't have SA, SP. I have been diagnosed with Agoraphobia, Panic anxiety disorder, and three shrinks have told me that I am a sociopath. As for my anxiety issues...... no. I had my first panic attack when I was 19 or 20. Until that happened. I was never afraid of anything. I know that may sound hard to believe, but it is true. If you hid behind something and jumped out and suprised me you would startle me, but I would not be afraid. Truth be told I was actually incredibly conceited and arrogant. Sometimes, not all the time, but sometimes, I actually am glad I ended up having panic attacks, because I think that I needed something to knock me down from the place that I was. I suppose everything happens for a reason. I guess?

 

[Minty]

I'm not so sure. I think I've always been more introverted but i kinda didn't realise it until 7.-8. grade. I definitely realised it in high school.

Introversion is not a disorder; it's a personality trait. You can be extroverted and suffer from SA/SP.

All of my immediate family members are introverted (some even more than me) and none of them have social anxiety.

 

[UnOccupied]

It seems like MOST of us weren't born with social anxiety. I mean, its not like we were conceived, and the doctor said, ok, this kid...he/she def. needs to have SA, they deserve it...HAHA, what a joke! We all just learned these stupid self conscious habits. I don't know about you guys, but now that i am in the process of, and almost at the point of overcoming SA, i realize it is something that CAN be managed and dealt with. The trickiest part is that the feelings of SA are SO strong that we believe them as the truth. They are so far from it! For me, its weird...its like i get nervous about being nervous. Like, i'm nervous about people thinking i'm anxious and scared of what they think of me. Just because i feel anxious this happens, its so irrational and dumb. I just hope you all realize you can overcome this, you just need some willpower and find out what works for you.

The biggest help for me has been realizing that i focus 100% of my thoughts ALL DAY on anxiety, and making sure i appear normal to everyone else. Now, i would say i focus about 40% of my thoughts on anxiety, maybe even 30%, doesn't matter.

Don't know what else to say, im just frustrated that i can't communicate exactly how dumb and fake social anxiety is to you all, and i want you all to feel this power and energy i feel about my life now that i know who's in control. Good day to you all!

 

[Predacon]

I would say yes to some degree. Though its hard to remember as a child if it was just shyness or if it was definitely SA.