TreeBones
Well-known member
I don't really know exactly what this post is going to be about but I guess I feel like venting and rambling on.
Today was not the best day, I was actually contemplating suicide, and all because a girl started talking to me (she's sort of new at school).
I didn't want to look her in the eye, I couldn't think of words to say that wouldn't make me look like I was literally mentally challenged, I kept trying to end the conversation and she would come up with something new to say. I just tried to end it ASAP and put my headphones in so it seemed like I couldn't hear her all day. We weren't even talking for 10 minutes and it ruined my day. mg:.. it was exhausting.
I don't blame her, I'm the one with the problem. I was thinking the rest of the day how can I live a life like this? I'm not so sure that it's all because of anxiety or if I'm just really really unsocial. I wonder if other people with social anxiety want friends or not?
I was also thinking that If I can barely hold a conversation with someone for no longer that a few minutes, how am I going to get through this big meet up thing coming up with an old best friend that I haven't seen in a few years. A lot has changed and I don't like falling below peoples expectations of who they're thinking I am. I use to be more fun and funny, and less socially challenged and serious.
if I believed that there wouldn't be any consequences to committing suicide I'm 99% sure I'd be dead. I read this thing once a while back about how you can't kill yourself because the cosmos have some super thought out "plan" for your life and that if you die other people who's life you were supposed to "touch" will be cosmically f***** or something like that but I can't possibly think of anyone in the future or even present for that matter for which that would apply. I don't see myself making any connections really. I don't even think I can "connect " with anyone anymore.
Right now I wish I could live in my own little bubble for a while with my favorite movies and lots of junk food.
Today was not the best day, I was actually contemplating suicide, and all because a girl started talking to me (she's sort of new at school).
I didn't want to look her in the eye, I couldn't think of words to say that wouldn't make me look like I was literally mentally challenged, I kept trying to end the conversation and she would come up with something new to say. I just tried to end it ASAP and put my headphones in so it seemed like I couldn't hear her all day. We weren't even talking for 10 minutes and it ruined my day. mg:.. it was exhausting.
I don't blame her, I'm the one with the problem. I was thinking the rest of the day how can I live a life like this? I'm not so sure that it's all because of anxiety or if I'm just really really unsocial. I wonder if other people with social anxiety want friends or not?
I was also thinking that If I can barely hold a conversation with someone for no longer that a few minutes, how am I going to get through this big meet up thing coming up with an old best friend that I haven't seen in a few years. A lot has changed and I don't like falling below peoples expectations of who they're thinking I am. I use to be more fun and funny, and less socially challenged and serious.
if I believed that there wouldn't be any consequences to committing suicide I'm 99% sure I'd be dead. I read this thing once a while back about how you can't kill yourself because the cosmos have some super thought out "plan" for your life and that if you die other people who's life you were supposed to "touch" will be cosmically f***** or something like that but I can't possibly think of anyone in the future or even present for that matter for which that would apply. I don't see myself making any connections really. I don't even think I can "connect " with anyone anymore.
Right now I wish I could live in my own little bubble for a while with my favorite movies and lots of junk food.