Is it harder for girls to go unnoticed?
- Thread starter Livemylife
- Start date
Like you said, people will stare at those who are different. And yeah, maybe even more than they stare at someone who is so hot. I mean I'm sure anyone with some sort of visible disorder or even someone in a wheelchair could attest to getting a large amount of staring...And yes the stares can be negative if the difference is deemed "ugly." This is especially apparent among children who not only gawk but will go up to the person and tease or flat out ask "what's wrong with you." There is speculation as to what adults are thinking because adults know how to bullshit. Ask them why they're staring and they'll say they have no idea what you're talking about. Tell someone else you're being stared at and it's "maybe they find you attractive."mg:
I think people are just generally curious. People notice differences. I don't think they mean anything by it. Some differences we have control over,how we dress, style our hair and others we don't like body shape. But any difference from the 'norm' draws attention
Kiwong
Well-known member
Perhaps it is hardest for those who are sensitive to being noticed, those who perceive themselves to be different, and fear people noticing their weakness, their difference.
I suspect those who are bullied may feel that way. Those who the bullies noticed and persecuted.
Some might have become conditioned to anyone looking at them might be going to be critical. Anyone whispering or mumbling is having a go at them.
For any human being, life is a bit of a Spanish inquisition, everyone judges, everyone gets judged, there are those who handle it better.
I suspect those who are bullied may feel that way. Those who the bullies noticed and persecuted.
Some might have become conditioned to anyone looking at them might be going to be critical. Anyone whispering or mumbling is having a go at them.
For any human being, life is a bit of a Spanish inquisition, everyone judges, everyone gets judged, there are those who handle it better.
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OceanMist
Well-known member
this all depends on what the woman looks like. If a woman is attractive yes it's impossible for her to go unnoticed.
Even if a woman is average looking, guys are constantly looking at her wondering if they would sleep with her.
I would say I'm a pretty nice guy, but I notice girls all the time, even as shy as I am, so i can't imagine other guys. I've had guy friends that talked about sex non-stop too.
I think it mainly has to do with men, guys tend to be the more bold gender with starting conversations and staring at women, stuff like that. That leads to more attention on females in western culture.
I must also say, I can see how a shy girl who is average looking or better would be sick of attention.
Livemylife
Well-known member
This is an odd debate to you....? Must be boring.
You've raised intelligent points Kiwong. I am sensitive to catching someone noticing (ie staring at) me.
I appreciate the articulate and intelligent response.
I think its equal. In my opinion. I get looked at and talked to by people. Women lust after men too. Men compare themselves with other men just like women do i believe. So to answer your original question, no i don't. I realize this isn't a long, articulate reply but this is what i think fits the topic at hand the best.
kihira
1
A few thoughts - I've noticed how men in groups (eg road workers), in particular, will check out women in an obvious, rubberneck way, probably as a masculine signal to their friends and/or I've read that men have less peripheral vision, so will turn their heads to look. I live in a small city and have noticed that people seem to look at each other less in big cities
Argentum
Well-known member
I must be a uniquely hideous woman, because the only ones who talk to me or notice me are women and men my father's age.
And most don't notice at all. I dress modestly, stay out of the foreground, and have nothing about me that would draw attention - good or bad.
And most don't notice at all. I dress modestly, stay out of the foreground, and have nothing about me that would draw attention - good or bad.
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don't look at me
I'm not sure if it's harder for girls to go unnoticed or what exactly makes someone more noticeable. I DO think women in general are more likely to be harassed on the street by men or honked at, or whatever, not to say this kind of thing never happens to men. Men in general seem to be more vocal or intrusive about it. I realllly hate when this happens to me, it's so uncomfortable and anxiety inducing. This might make some women feel they cannot comfortably go outside. I know I feel this way a lot, it's the exact reason why I hate walking places by myself so much. I'm also not sure if this is just because I am hypersensitive of people glancing at or harassing me, and paranoid for assuming their staring has negative connotations. I tend to notice both men and women, quietly of course. I usually take more notice to those I find intriguing.
I'm not sure if it's harder for girls to go unnoticed or what exactly makes someone more noticeable. I DO think women in general are more likely to be harassed on the street by men or honked at, or whatever, not to say this kind of thing never happens to men. Men in general seem to be more vocal or intrusive about it. I realllly hate when this happens to me, it's so uncomfortable and anxiety inducing. This might make some women feel they cannot comfortably go outside. I know I feel this way a lot, it's the exact reason why I hate walking places by myself so much. I'm also not sure if this is just because I am hypersensitive of people glancing at or harassing me, and paranoid for assuming their staring has negative connotations. I tend to notice both men and women, quietly of course. I usually take more notice to those I find intriguing.
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Bronson99
Well-known member
Do you think women don't like it if a guy looks at them and/or tries to make eye contact? (But nothing else, no catcalls, no outright staring or leering.)
I am now more paranoid about everything social, in general..
I reckon that would depend on the individual. A quick eye contact glance (above the neck, obviously) shouldn't be offensive i wouldn't think.
hmm ok I've given this some thought. I think it depends on the kind of 'being noticed' thats happening.
I don't want to be noticed walking down the street. I look at the ground cos I don't want to interact with people, I just want to get where I'm going and be done with it.
But theres definite different types of being noticed and different responses.
Curiosity notice-ness: Someone looking at me makes me uncomfortable and walk a bit faster but ultimately I don't really care if its just curiosity. I look a bit different to the norm and Im used to that. Theres no malice or sleazyness in it and I don't take it personal.
'those' looks notice-ness: K discreet glances are ok. I don't care, I notice guys. Its human nature. Long pervy stares looking you up and down and remarks car honking and wolfwhistling are not ok but I honestly can't remember the last time I saw this in daylight by sober offender..I think that behaviour is dying out. I never see builders do any of that anymore like they used to. I really think social norms are changing for the better. (edit...with some small exceptions. My area is a big melting pot and there are a lot of new cultures to the area, some of which have very different 'norms' about how to approach women and these guys are loud about it...I even heard about a teenage kid walking up to my friend and slapping her a** but I'm not their type and have never been the recipient of their attentions. That boy would lose the use of his hand if he did that to me)
I don't want to be noticed walking down the street. I look at the ground cos I don't want to interact with people, I just want to get where I'm going and be done with it.
But theres definite different types of being noticed and different responses.
Curiosity notice-ness: Someone looking at me makes me uncomfortable and walk a bit faster but ultimately I don't really care if its just curiosity. I look a bit different to the norm and Im used to that. Theres no malice or sleazyness in it and I don't take it personal.
'those' looks notice-ness: K discreet glances are ok. I don't care, I notice guys. Its human nature. Long pervy stares looking you up and down and remarks car honking and wolfwhistling are not ok but I honestly can't remember the last time I saw this in daylight by sober offender..I think that behaviour is dying out. I never see builders do any of that anymore like they used to. I really think social norms are changing for the better. (edit...with some small exceptions. My area is a big melting pot and there are a lot of new cultures to the area, some of which have very different 'norms' about how to approach women and these guys are loud about it...I even heard about a teenage kid walking up to my friend and slapping her a** but I'm not their type and have never been the recipient of their attentions. That boy would lose the use of his hand if he did that to me)
Opaline
1
You know... I wouldn't doubt the likelihood of that. I think it might vary from culture to culture as well, and even regions within countries. I know that where I live (the grubby, "unrefined" part of the city), men of all ages aren't shy about giving you the full-body once-over (or maybe twice-over, or three...). But I find that when I'm in... nicer areas, I don't see that kind of behavior except from immature young guys.
But women do seem to love giving the catty up-and-down eye-rape as well. I HATE that - it strikes me as so bitchy and judgmental, even if that's not the intention. I don't need to be made acutely aware that you're intensely judging my appearance, thanks.
Livemylife
Well-known member
No I appreciate your response. I know for a fact I've read about people with social phobia who lament being ignored or invisible...All men...Not sure how they do it but I'd gladly trade places. I do think there are people who seem to be as picked out as I am. What factors come in to play is still uncertain to me. The first factor I'm examining is gender.
It could be a show or maybe just a "joke." But I've had a guy alone in his car follow me and yell out of his window to me before...So how is that a show.
Ok so what's the difference between them giving you the up and down look versus them looking at you? I'm guessing you're more aware of their judgement? Well I'm aware of people's judgement even when they're not moving their head up and down as they look. And I rather not be aware of ANY staring. When I go out in public, I rather go about my business without thinking of people staring at me. Not everyone stares at me but I do catch them. What's even worse is that some will whip their head the other direction so fast. *shudders* That is not my nature....I can't fathom me doing that in any universe...I had a counselor ask me if I stare at people and the answer was an easy no.
MotherWolff
Banned
To be honest with you guys, I kinda like being the center of attention sometimes especially when all the attention is on someone else because of things like talent.
In fact, I will start to cry if I feel like no one is giving me attention. Everyone of my siblings say I am so spoiled because I am the youngest. I think that's bull stuff cause I am far more mature now.
But most of the time I do not like to be the center of attention. Not from men or women or kids, no one.
In fact, I will start to cry if I feel like no one is giving me attention. Everyone of my siblings say I am so spoiled because I am the youngest. I think that's bull stuff cause I am far more mature now.
But most of the time I do not like to be the center of attention. Not from men or women or kids, no one.
no no no you misunderstand me, I mean women checking out women in that 'how you doin' way are way more forward than men doing the same. I think men are afraid of being caught and labelled pervs. Women are more forward about checking out women. They'll let you catch them.
skins
1
As im sure your well aware men do it tougher in heaps of other aeas in life...in the end does it all even out? Perhaps...but I would hate to even try and figure it for real, depends on the society you live in etc