Horatio
Well-known member
Besides Remus I can't recognize anyone here, if you do remember me please say hello. I'd love to hear how everyone is doing. This is my first time back to this site after 4 years or so.
I was kind of hoping that I'd see some friendly faces here but it looks like most have left so I'm hoping that means they have improved to the point of not needing this site.
Thought I'd share what I've been up to in the past few years in case anyone has gone through something similar. I suffered from severe depression and social anxiety through my teens and early 20's. At the age of 23 or so I discovered alcohol and thought I'd left all this nonsense behind.
I partied hard, worked hard, played hard, had a very successful career, even met a couple of girls along the way (which is something I never thought was possible). The highlight of my life was living on a tropical island for three months with a well paid job and parties every other night. The kind that went through to dawn and you'd wake up to the sound of the surf.
Eventually the partying turned into me sitting at a bar on my own and I was increasingly aware of the depression and anxiety coming back. All it took was a run of bad luck and I was sliding downhill. I was mugged, ridiculed by police when asked for assistance and taken advantage of by the people I lived with. After a few very bad drunken depressive bouts (including one infamous night when I announced that I "was taking the next train out of this ****ing town" and woke up 4 hours later on the lines) I realized that I had to stop drinking. It was no longer the carefree fun that it used to be.
That was well over a year ago now. Since then my depression, anxiety and self confidence have continued to plummet. My friends stopped inviting me out partying after my continually declining, since then many have left town and I haven't made new friends to replace them. I've been back on meds for a couple of years now and started seeing a specialist 3 months ago.
All this has really taken its toll on me. I used to be rather carefree and opinionated, but now I've withdrawn more and more. I've put on weight, I sleep all the time thanks to the meds, my drive at work has decreased to the point where I won't be surprised if I lose my job or quit my career altogether. My personal life is in absolute tatters and its been three years since I've even been on a date.
I'm disillusioned, depressed and lonely. I look back on the past with no regrets, I had so much fun I don't think I would've played my cards any other way. I really did go out with all guns blazing and had a hell of a fun time in the process. I'm sad that those days are gone and frustrated that I've ended up back where I am now.
When the doc suggested that while I'm on the waiting list to see a specialist that maybe I should search the internet to see if there were any support groups I did have to chuckle.
As I said before, it is probably a good thing that the people I used to know here have moved on to better places. It is weird to be back, all the same topics, all the same kind of posts, just everyone else has moved on. I just wish I was the same young Horatio that I was when I used to be active here. He took a while to realize it but he had a lot going for him back then. But now I'm just turning into a sad lonely old man.
I was kind of hoping that I'd see some friendly faces here but it looks like most have left so I'm hoping that means they have improved to the point of not needing this site.
Thought I'd share what I've been up to in the past few years in case anyone has gone through something similar. I suffered from severe depression and social anxiety through my teens and early 20's. At the age of 23 or so I discovered alcohol and thought I'd left all this nonsense behind.
I partied hard, worked hard, played hard, had a very successful career, even met a couple of girls along the way (which is something I never thought was possible). The highlight of my life was living on a tropical island for three months with a well paid job and parties every other night. The kind that went through to dawn and you'd wake up to the sound of the surf.
Eventually the partying turned into me sitting at a bar on my own and I was increasingly aware of the depression and anxiety coming back. All it took was a run of bad luck and I was sliding downhill. I was mugged, ridiculed by police when asked for assistance and taken advantage of by the people I lived with. After a few very bad drunken depressive bouts (including one infamous night when I announced that I "was taking the next train out of this ****ing town" and woke up 4 hours later on the lines) I realized that I had to stop drinking. It was no longer the carefree fun that it used to be.
That was well over a year ago now. Since then my depression, anxiety and self confidence have continued to plummet. My friends stopped inviting me out partying after my continually declining, since then many have left town and I haven't made new friends to replace them. I've been back on meds for a couple of years now and started seeing a specialist 3 months ago.
All this has really taken its toll on me. I used to be rather carefree and opinionated, but now I've withdrawn more and more. I've put on weight, I sleep all the time thanks to the meds, my drive at work has decreased to the point where I won't be surprised if I lose my job or quit my career altogether. My personal life is in absolute tatters and its been three years since I've even been on a date.
I'm disillusioned, depressed and lonely. I look back on the past with no regrets, I had so much fun I don't think I would've played my cards any other way. I really did go out with all guns blazing and had a hell of a fun time in the process. I'm sad that those days are gone and frustrated that I've ended up back where I am now.
When the doc suggested that while I'm on the waiting list to see a specialist that maybe I should search the internet to see if there were any support groups I did have to chuckle.
As I said before, it is probably a good thing that the people I used to know here have moved on to better places. It is weird to be back, all the same topics, all the same kind of posts, just everyone else has moved on. I just wish I was the same young Horatio that I was when I used to be active here. He took a while to realize it but he had a lot going for him back then. But now I'm just turning into a sad lonely old man.
