Twelve things (because I can't count):
1) I live in the past, because the present is a disappointment, and I don't believe I have a future.
2) I used to sing with a semi-professional madrigal choir . . . in a dress.
3) I collect swords, walking sticks, mustache cups, books, musical instruments, medicine bottles, and dust.
4) I am the world's worst housekeeper, and most of the time I don't care.
5) I've been hooked on licorice root for thirty years—not the candy, just the root.
6) I like the candy, too, but that's completely different.
7) I can't abide milk, but I'm very fond of cheese.
8) I eat mixed vegetables from Walmart for breakfast every morning. It's cheap, and I figure it's healthier than the crap most people have.
9) I do not own a toaster.
10) I've been sober for more than ten years, and for good reason, but sometimes I forget why.
11) I can wiggle my eyeballs. Wanna see?
12) I've never been arrested, but that doesn't mean I didn't do it.