I have turned my life around and so can you

[emre43]

I have added a few new tips to the OP which I will also post below:

Every time you are about to challenge yourself ask yourself 'What is the worst that could happen?' Say it out aloud if there is no-one around. Also, if you are stressing about speaking to somebody (boy/girl you like; interview, etc.) practice in a mirror beforehand. Look yourself straight in the eyes and say what you would like to say to that person with conviction. Another good thing to do in a mirror is again to look yourself in the eyes and say things like 'I like me' or 'I am important'.

 

[Bronson99]

I have edited the word cocky due to popular demand. I simply meant that I am more willing to speak highly of myself than I used to. No offence was meant.

Seems like I took you a bit literally there.. just goes to show miscommunication is very common on the net.

That aside, though, I can understand why you would say thinking and acting like you're important is helpful. Indeed, that's what society preaches and it certainly appears to me that most people express the trait in some way. I'd be lying to say it's not advantageous.

But personally, I disagree. Let's just say I don't subscribe to the "Mainstream Bible".. I've seen too many shallow, materialistic people in my time, to make me want to step foot on that path. I don't believe I should market myself like a product, inflate my better traits and pretend I'm the best thing since sliced bread. And it would be nice if fewer people subscribed to this model, but I guess corporate culture is too ingrained to the society for that to happen.

However I would also say having low confidence is not helpful, either. So it's a toss-up.

 

[Bronson99]

Congrats! I also thought modesty was a virtue, even lived by it. Not sure anymore though, because modesty doesn't bring me anywhere. It's like sitting on the sidelines and not doing anything. People in society respect those who are not afraid to brag about themselves and their achievements.

Well I would say a society which puts filthy, arrogant braggarts on a pedestal is not a healthy society.. but go ahead and become that which you don't respect, nobody is stopping you.

 

[emre43]

Well I would say a society which puts filthy, arrogant braggarts on a pedestal is not a healthy society.. but go ahead and become that which you don't respect, nobody is stopping you.

Believe me, I felt the same way as you three years ago. But most people are lovely people, unfortunately I couldn't see this. I guess I felt jealous of people that had so much more than me. Now I respect them just as mch as I do any other person.

 

[Srijita52]

Believe me, I felt the same way as you three years ago. But most people are lovely people, unfortunately I couldn't see this. I guess I felt jealous of people that had so much more than me. Now I respect them just as mch as I do any other person.

I do agree with this. Although I've just started working on my issues, I think most people are pretty decent people, they have their limitations of course but overall they're not as bad. Of course I'd have a different opinion on a bad day, on my part it does have something to do with jealousy (they get accepted for who they are, I don't, they have people who care about them while I'm lonely). Plus when we're upset our mind generally focuses more on negative things, not saying there isn't any truth in them but mostly things aren't that black and white.

 

[emre43]

I do agree with this. Although I've just started working on my issues, I think most people are pretty decent people, they have their limitations of course but overall they're not as bad. Of course I'd have a different opinion on a bad day, on my part it does have something to do with jealousy (they get accepted for who they are, I don't, they have people who care about them while I'm lonely). Plus when we're upset our mind generally focuses more on negative things, not saying there isn't any truth in them but mostly things aren't that black and white.

Agreed. I met someone at work, who three years ago I would have dismissed as being an arrogant and the type of person that I wouldn't want to know. Just because she was happy and had lots of friends. When I got to know her I found out that she was one of their nicest people that I have ever had the pleasure to meet and we have become great friends. People with SA (myself included), have this thing about not wanting to be judged negatively. But you will find that we judge other far more harshly than they judge us, based on very limited evidence - most of them we don't even know. Other people are more curious towards us than judgmental.

 

[Kiwong]

It seems to me that I have to fight for happiness, it is one of the rarest emotions. And because I have had had to fight for it, I enjoy those rare moments of happiness even more.

 

[Rawz]

Congrats man! The app you're working on sounds interesting. Unfortunately I don't currently have a smartphone.

 

[Dark_Angel]

great post emre I'm glad you could go that far and win ur fears, this is a great example for all of us keep rocking =) and merry xmas

 

[Kiwong]

In many ways I have turned my life around, but I still have anxiety, and life can be hard. It will always be hard, and I need to never give up on the battle.

 

[emre43]

In many ways I have turned my life around, but I still have anxiety, and life can be hard. It will always be hard, and I need to never give up on the battle.

I used to say the same thing, but life won't always be hard and a battle my friend if you keep things up. Keep attacking the areas that make you anxious until they don't anymore. In psychology it is known as flooding, it worked for me and I am no longer anxious about anything and nothing depresses me. I am on top of the world and I can't see anything knocking me off. It is the smallest thing and it might sound a bit cliché, but if you don't believe you can change, things won't change.

 

[MikeyC]

Just noticed this thread. Well done, emre. I hope things continue to go well for you.

 

[Kiwong]

I used to say the same thing, but life won't always be hard and a battle my friend if you keep things up. Keep attacking the areas that make you anxious until they don't anymore. In psychology it is known as flooding, it worked for me and I am no longer anxious about anything and nothing depresses me. I am on top of the world and I can't see anything knocking me off. It is the smallest thing and it might sound a bit cliché, but if you don't believe you can change, things won't change.

I guess I have a different perspective, life will be sometimes be a battle, and sometimes not. Working through and winning against the challenges and hardships that a life inevitably throws up is what gives me a sense of achievement.

I'm 51, and I have experienced enough of life to know that life will throw stuff at you, that you don't see coming that can be both good and bad. It's the way you deal with it that counts.

I have changed, and achieved a lot of the things I dreamed. I suspect I will always feel some anxiety and sadness, it is a part of being human.

 

[emre43]

I guess I have a different perspective, life will be sometimes be a battle, and sometimes not. Working through and winning against the challenges and hardships that a life inevitably throws up is what gives me a sense of achievement.

I'm 51, and I have experienced enough of life to know that life will throw stuff at you, that you don't see coming that can be both good and bad. It's the way you deal with it that counts.

I have changed, and achieved a lot of the things I dreamed. I suspect I will always feel some anxiety and sadness, it is a part of being human.

Seems we do have a different perspective. I do not see any reason to allow life to be a battle. I am only going to live it once, so why should I waste it fighting a struggle? I'm going to enjoy every last second of every single day from hereon after (is that one word or not?).

 

[sorrow1]

Congrats man,

When I was at my worst I used to read similar posts but never really believed it was possible. But like you it happened.

For me the worst thing I did was dwell on my problems and do nothing but run away and deceive myself for 13 years. I looked at the world as if it was everyone elses fault and that they were the ones with the problem. I convinced myself I did not enjoy so******ing and that other people were horrible when in reality they just didn't know how to react around me, they didn't mean to make me feel bad they just didn't understand. It was all in my head and I was being over paranoid which was a product of my fear. I did want to so******e because I wasn't happy sat at home with no friends or job but I let fear control and destroy my life.
Eventually I had had enough and wanted to change.

The way I did that was through lots of exposure. I started to throw myself into social situations and slowly improved my skills and in that my confidence grew. I took little steps and realised it's just like any other skill and you need to practise and practise. I learned to appreciate the little successes no matter what they were as every little victory is progress.
I had many failures along the way but I learned not to dwell on them and take them so much to heart and accepted that I am going to fail from time to time. The cost of failure is perhaps more brutal than failing at say riding a bike but with willpower and help from others I had the strength to look at those failings and build on them.

I think it's important to face our fears as its the only way we can beat them but its equally important to not take on too much at once. I wanted to be cured overnight but that just doesn't happen it takes a long time and a lot of effort but it can be done.

 

[Kiwong]

Seems we do have a different perspective. I do not see any reason to allow life to be a battle. I am only going to live it once, so why should I waste it fighting a struggle? I'm going to enjoy every last second of every single day from hereon after (is that one word or not?).

Good luck. You're positive mindset will be helpful.

My experience of life is this:

With every moment of happiness, discovery, healing, achievement in life there will be inevitably times in life when we experience, sadness, grief, loss, illness, disappointment.

It is really easy to say you will enjoy every moment of life, but there will be times you have to fight, there will be times you have to challenge and rise above adversity. And what you discover about yourself in those moments can be the defining ones in a life.

It is the battles that I fought and won that made me change, and those are the moments in my life I am proudest of. When life threw the worse shit possible at me, I fought and won and transformed myself.

 

[emre43]

Just noticed this thread. Well done, emre. I hope things continue to go well for you.

Thanks Mikey

 

[emre43]

Good luck. You're positive mindset will be helpful.

My experience of life is this:

With every moment of happiness, discovery, healing, achievement in life there will be inevitably times in life when we experience, sadness, grief, loss, illness, disappointment.

It is really easy to say you will enjoy every moment of life, but there will be times you have to fight, there will be times you have to challenge and rise above adversity. And what you discover about yourself in those moments can be the defining ones in a life.

It is the battles that I fought and won that made me change, and those are the moments in my life I am proudest of. When life threw the worse shit possible at me, I fought and won and transformed myself.

It is how you face these challenges though. You can think "Oh not another obstacle, I don't have the energy to face it" or you can embrace it and just take it as a part of life. I do not see problems as problems I see them as inevitable parts of life that were always going to happen. I won't experience sadness or grief again. I will experience loss, but I will use it as an opportunity to celebrate that person's life, which is what I am sure they would rather I do. I might experience illness, but why should that prevent me from enjoying life? Disappointment is one you just have to get over, definitely not a battle. To be honest, I would be disappointed if I lived life any other way.

 

[hidwell]

If I can do it then anyone can! :thumbdown:

 

[Kiwong]

It is how you face these challenges though. You can think "Oh not another obstacle, I don't have the energy to face it" or you can embrace it and just take it as a part of life. I do not see problems as problems I see them as inevitable parts of life that were always going to happen. I won't experience sadness or grief again. I will experience loss, but I will use it as an opportunity to celebrate that person's life, which is what I am sure they would rather I do. I might experience illness, but why should that prevent me from enjoying life? Disappointment is one you just have to get over, definitely not a battle. To be honest, I would be disappointed if I lived life any other way.

I think we are on the same page, and singing from the same hymn book. Life is full of challenges and it is how we respond to them that defines us. You seem to be saying the same thing.

Never feeling grief or sadness? I can't imagine that myself. My mother died horribly of breast cancer. It was a nightmare, to see someone I loved in such pain. Of course I now celebrate her life, but at the time it was horrific. I can't imagine living through that and it not being devastating.

Illness not preventing the enjoyment of life? Some illnesses are debilitating, and they can greatly diminish the ability to enjoy life. I suffered illness like that, but I fought it, recovered from it and transformed myself.

I have never given up trying, I always have the energy to keep fighting.

To be honest I don't need anyone telling me to believe in the ability to change, because I already have changed.